User:Rainbowderp01/TDA Aftermath III: Owen or Lose (Transcript)

[Aftermath theme]

Owen: [clenched teeth] We're alive! Woohoo! It's good to be alive!

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Leshawna: [hyperventilating]

[Heather]

Hush little baby, don't you cry

If you do, we'll surely die!

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Leshawna: Y'all, I really think it might be over now. I'm feeling much-- [farts]

Heather: Ugh!

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Owen: Huh? [sniffs] Oh, sweet whipped topping! There's chicken out there! People shouldn't make me hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry!

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[ Theme song ]

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[audience cheers]

Geoff: Yo, everyone! We're back for another totally off-the-hook Total Drama Action Aftermath Show! Ha. Geoff here.

Bridgette: And I'm Bridgette. A ton has happened since we last saw you. TDA has lost some serious heavyweights. Owen...

[cheering]

Geoff: The biggest of all. Owen's gonna leave a huge hole.

Bridgette: As well as Heather and Leshawna, who will be on soon!

[cheering]

Geoff: We've also got our buds from season one and losers from season two. So far, so good?

Bridgette: So far.

Geoff: Bridgette thinks we need to bring more insanity to the show. Uh, I mean profanity.

[smack]

[audience laughs]

Geoff: Okay, okay. More humanity. Bridgette thinks I've gone too over-the-top. But then, so have our ratings!

Bridgette: Ha, okay. I get that this is a reality show and that everyone wants the dirt on what went down, but everyone on TDA, who I'd like to remind Geoff, are our friends, has already taken it up the wing-wang from Chris! Plus, they've lost out on a million bucks! I mean, isn't that brutal enough? They should be able to come here and feel safe to speak their minds.

Geoff: No one goes on a reality show to feel safe, Bridge. This isn't some cushy talk show. Do you have any idea how incredible the lighting is on those shows, man? I mean, who needs to win a million bucks when you look like a million bucks?

Bridgette: Um, I'm not sure everyone would agree with you there.

Geoff: Well, [sighs] our lighting stinks. My dermatologist told me so, and so did my publicist, and my new manager.

[glass breaks]

[audience gasps]

Geoff: Nothing personal, guys! C'mon! Point is, this isn't some touchy feely place where people come to talk about their problems. Well, they can, but I'm not gonna make them feel any better about 'em.

Bridgette: [scoffs] Nice.

Geoff: Hey, I just do what our producers tell me. Can I help it if I take my job seriously? Huh? Maybe you should try.

Bridgette: [gasps]

[everyone else gasps]

Bridgette: Your job is to get the goods from people. How can they be open when they might get hit over the head with a hammer?! Or an anvil?!

Geoff: [chuckles] How sweet is that anvil? Come on! That's the point of the segment. To get the truth! We've got something even better in store for today's show, baby!

Bridgette: You've turned into a bully, you know that? A total Chris clone.

Geoff: [laughs] I'm with you, Bridge. Our show rocks! And we have not one, not two, but three sweet guests tonight. And because they're such great sports, they deserve... something extra.

Bridgette: Owen already broke his jaw and had to eat food through a straw! That's punishment enough.

Geoff: Oh-ho-ho. That's what you think. Before we find out what's in store for my man, Owen, let's see what the dude's been through already. Owen started the season much like he begins every morning.

Bridgette: By eating. A lot.

Geoff: Bummer things didn't end that way.

Bridgette: Owen loved, lost...

Geoff: And had his jaw busted into a million pieces!

Bridgette: Forced to eat his meals through a straw, Owen kept his head held high, even at his low when he was booted off the show.

[audience cheers]

Geoff: Landing himself exactly where he wanted to be -- at the nearest food court. Our first guest has spawned with salmon, danced naked, befriended a coconut, and eaten a toilet seat! Welcome... Owen!

[audience cheers]

Bridgette: Owen, everyone!

[audience cheers]

Intern: You're on.

Owen: All right! Let's do this!

[audience cheers]

Owen: Hi, everybody! [chuckles]

Izzy: Woohoo, hey! Ha ha.

Owen: Hi, Izzy. Hi, Bridgette. Hi, Geoff.

Bridgette: It's so great to have you, Owen.

Geoff: Owen, my man!

Bridgette: Uh, Izzy? Would you care to have a seat?

Izzy: I'm good. Olé!

Bridgette: So, Owen. We were so worried about you. Your busted up jaw? It must've sucked having to eat all of your meals through a straw.

Owen: Chips and soda make a scrumptious blendee. I've been making up for it since.

Izzy: Oh! Owen, you were so sweet to plan something so special! Well, gotta run! [grunts]

Owen: I've said this before, but Izzy really is like the ants that invade your picnic. Eventually, you get bitten by the crazy. [whistles] But hey, that's better than being bitten by a... tiger shark.

Geoff: A tiger shark, huh? Maybe we should try that on the show.

Bridgette: Don't even think about it! You know what happened with the piranhas.

Geoff: Owen can handle whatever we throw at him. Right, dude?

Owen: Mm. This potato salad is delicious. What's in here, walnuts?

Geoff: Which means it's time for a little game I like to call... Truth or Electrocution!

[audience cheers]

[electric jolt]

[splat]

[audience gasps]

Owen: I'm fine right where I am.

Bridgette: You have got to be kidding! A hammer, an anvil, and now an electric chair?! You want to electrocute Owen?!

Geoff: Chill, babe. It's a big chair, but it's low voltage.

Owen: It's okay. I'll do it. I was electrocuted up at the lake once, and it wasn't so bad. I'm very well insulated.

[audience laughs]

Trent: Just tell the truth bro, and you'll be okay!

Owen: Thanks, Trent! Can I take my food?

Geoff: Anything you want, man. Any final requests? Ooh, kidding, Bridge! Uh, kidding.

Bridgette: Uh, this is ridiculous! You don't have to do this, Owen.

Owen: It's okay, Bridgette. I'm going to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

[audience gasps]

Geoff: So... Owen.

Owen: [screams] [voiceover] In the third grade, I cheated on my math exam!

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Owen: [voiceover] In fourth grade, I stole my Uncle Max's toupee and glued it to a goat's bum at the petting zoo!

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