User blog:JohnTDI/Not So Happy Campers Part 1 +JohnTDI

(flies buzzing) Chris: Grizzly Bears, (grizzly bear roars) Chris: Disgusting Camp Food! Grub on Plate: Hey now. Chris: And, each other! Every moment will be caught on one of the hundreds of camera situated all over the camp. Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here right now on... TOTAL..... DRAMA...... ISLAND! (Beth runs up and gives Chris a hug) Beth: It's so incredulous to meet you. (releases him and observes his height) Wow, you're much shorter in real life. Chris: Uh, thanks. Chris: Yo, dawg, this is it. Camp Wawanakwa. DJ: (while moving to the end of the dock) Looked a lot different on the application form. Chris: No, you're staying here, my crib is an air stream with A.C., that away. Gwen: I did NOT sign up for this. Chris: Actually, (holds up large stack of papers) you did. (Gwen takes contract, rips it up and throws it in the water) Chris: The great thing about lawyers is, they make LOTS of copies. Gwen: (turns to leave) I am not staying here. Chris: Cool, I hope you can swim though, 'cuz your ride just left. (the boat has already left the island) Gwen: Jerk! Chris: The Geoffster! Welcome to the island, man. Geoff: Thanks, man. Gwen: If they say "man" one more time, I'm gonna puke. Chris: (aside to the audience, regarding Lindsay) Not too shabby! Lindsay: (sweetly) Hiiii! (walks over to Chris) Okay, you look so familiar! Chris: I'm Chris McLean. (his introduction does not seem to register with a puzzled-looking Lindsay, so he tries to jog her memory) The host...of the show? Lindsay: (thinking she now knows) Oh, that's where I know you from! Chris: (figuring Lindsay still doesn't get it) Uhh... yeah. Duncan: (managing his luggage) I don't like surprises. Chris: Yeah, your parole officer warned me about that, man. He also told me to give him a holler anytime and have you return to "juvie." Duncan: Okay, then. Heather: (offended) Drop dead, you skeeze! (Chris holds up the contract Heather signed)  Chris: You got it. Harold: Yes! That is so much more favorable to my skills. Chris: Thanks, man! I knew I rocked that show. Beth: I saw that. One of the guys dropped his partner on her head. So they got immunity that week. Harold: Lucky! I hope I get dropped on my head. Lindsay: Me, too. Bridgette: I thought we were going to be on a beach. Chris: We are. (a Seagull gets washed into the water, revealing an immensely polluted beach) Bridgette: (sighs) Great. Chris: All right, that makes... (Bridgette bonks him on the head with her board) Ow! Darn it, that hurt! Chris: I'm sure someone did. Noah: Good. Is this where we're staying? Duncan: No, it's your mother's house and we're throwing a party. Noah: Cute. Nice piercings. Original. Do them yourself? Duncan: (grabs Noah's lip and takes out a pin) Yeah, you want one? Noah: Uh, no thanks. Can I have my lip back please? LeShawna: Excuse me? Harold: You're real big... and loud. LeShawna: What did you say to me? Oh no you didn't. You have not seen anything yet, I'll show you big baby! Katie: Oh, my gosh. Sadie, look, it's a summer camp. Sadie: Okay, I always wanted to go to summer camp. EEEEEEEEEEE! Ezekiel: (looks up in the sky to see "what's up") I think I see a bird. (Trent snickers) Chris: Okay, look, dude, I know you don't get out much. Been home schooled your whole life, raised by freaky prairie people, just don't say much and try not to get kicked off too early, okay? Ezekiel: Yes, sir. Gwen: That's just.... wow. Cody: Dude, psyched to be here, man. I see the ladies have already arrived. Alright. (tries to say something to LeShawna but she stops him) LeShawna: Save it, short stuff. Cody: Ow! What's in there, dumbbells? Eva: Yes. Duncan: (to DJ) She's all yours, man. Chris: Owen! Welcome! Owen: (grabs Chris in bear hug) Awesome to be here, man! Yeah! Man, this is just so.... Gwen: Awesome? Owen: Yes, awesome! Whooooo! Are you gonna be on my team? Gwen: (dull excitement) Oh, I sure hope so. Owen: Whooooo! Chris: You about finished? Owen: Sorry, dude. I'm just so psyched! (Courtney comes off the boat and Chris takes her by the hand) Courtney: Thank you. Hi, you must be the other contestants. It's really nice to meet you all. Owen: (shakes Courtney's hand) How's it goin'? I'm Owen. Courtney: It's nice to meet you, Ow...wow! (sees Justin) Justin: (shrugs) I can deal with that. Justin: Thanks, man. Owen: 'Cause they look like they're all worn out. Did you buy them like that? Justin: No, just...had them for a while. Owen: Oh, cool. (to himself) Stupid! Tyler: Ooh! That was bad. (chuckles)
 * Chris: Yo! We're coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario, I'm your host, Chris McLean, dropping season one of the hottest new reality show on television, right now! (moves to Dock of Shame) Here's the deal, 22 campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp. They'll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgment of their fellow campers. Every three days, one team will either win a reward, or watch one of their team members walk down the Dock of Shame, take a ride on the loser boat, ha ha, and leave Total Drama Island, for good! (moves to campfire pit) Their fate will be decided here, at the dramatic campfire ceremonies where each week, all but one camper will receive... a marshmallow. (takes a bite of one marshmallow) In the end, only one will be left standing and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame and a small fortune, which let's face it: they're probably blow in a week. To survive, they'll have to battle... Black flies...
 * Chris: It's time to meet our first eleven campers. We told them they'd all be staying at this five star resort, so if they seem a little T.O'd, that's probably why.
 * Chris: Beth, what's up?
 * DJ: Hey, are you sure you got the right place here? Where's the hot tub at?
 * Gwen: You mean we're staying here?
 * Geoff: Chris McLean! What's up, man? It's an honor to meet you, man.
 * Chris: (introducing Lindsay to the show) Everybody, this is Lindsay! (the scene then cuts to Lindsay's boots and the camera moves up her body to her head, as sultry R&B music plays in the background)
 * Chris: Duncan! Dude!
 * Duncan: (passing by Heather at the dock) Meet you by the campfire, gorgeous!
 * Heather: I'm calling my parents. You cannot make me stay here.
 * Harold: So you mean this show is at a crappy summer camp and not on some big stage or something?
 * Trent: (to Chris) Hey, good to meet you, man. I saw you on that figure skating show. Nice work.
 * Duncan: Nice board. This ain't Malibu, honey.
 * Noah: You got my memo about my life threatening allergies?
 * Harold: I've never seen a girl like you in real life before.
 * Chris: Sadie, Katie, welcome to your new home for eight weeks.
 * Chris: Ezekiel. What's up, man?
 * Chris: Everybody this is John!
 * John: Nice to be here dude, You got like an Internet Cafe around here, I can really use the internet surfing right now....and a coffee.
 * Chris: Um, No! But we do have a bathroom.
 * John: Uh, that's nice to know...(Walks to the end of the dock, rolling his eyes)
 * Chris: Cody. The Codester. The Codemeister!
 * John: Pffft, Show off
 * (Eva drops her bag on Cody's foot, he starts hopping around)
 * Owen: Woohoo! Chris! What's happenin'?! (laughs) This is awesome! Woohoo!!
 * Chris: Here comes Courtney.
 * Chris: Just so you know, we picked you based entirely on your looks.
 * Owen: I like your pants.
 * Izzy: (on the boat) Hi Chris, Hi. (she falls off the boat, bonks her chin off the docks and falls in the water)

Courtney: Guys, she could be seriously hurt. (she pulls Izzy out of the water) Izzy: That felt so... good! Except for hitting my chin. Is this summer camp? That is so cool! Do you have paper mache here? Are we having lunch soon? Owen: That is a good call! Heather: They're not co-ed, are they?
 * John: (laughs) Oh wow, (chuckles) Epic Fail, girl!
 * LeShawna: (while Chris is trying to take the photo) Come on, man, my face is starting to freeze!
 * Duncan: Excuse me, what would the sleeping arrangements be? Because I'd like to request a bunk under her. (points to Heather)
 * Lindsay: Excuse me, Kyle? Can I have the cabin with the lake view since I'm the prettiest?

Chris: Okay, you are, but that's not really how it works here. And it's Chris. Sadie: And I'll break out in hives. It's true. Chris: Not communion, communal. Gwen: It means we shower together. (muttering) Idiot. Lindsay: AHHH! No, c'mon! DJ: It's our first challenge. How hard can it be? (cut to a scene where the campers are on top of a huge cliff) Oh sh-- (censored)
 * John: (says slowly) Yes, you are! (purrs)
 * Katie: I have to live with Sadie or I'll die.
 * Tyler: (to Gwen) At least you don't have to sleep next to him. (points at Duncan who's giving a noogie to a deer)
 * Harold: (after Chris announces the Killer Bass) That's... wicked. It's like... AMAZING.
 * Gwen: (in the Confession cam) Um, okay...so far this sucks.
 * Owen: (in confessional) Hey, everyone, check this out. I have something very important to say. (farts)
 * Lindsay (to Chris, about the washrooms): Communal bathrooms? But I'm not Catholic.
 * Owen: I'm glad we're in our own cabin with just guys. You know what I mean? (Noah and Trent give blank stares) I mean no, I didn't mean it like that! I love chicks. I just don't want to sleep near them. (Stammers) I mean... (runs into cabin)
 * Chef: Listen up. I serve it three times a day and you will eat it three times a day. So grab your tray, get your food and sit your butts down now!
 * Gwen: Okay, I hate to be predictable and complain on the first day, but I think mine just moved. (Chef takes a hammer and smacks her food, which goes flying onto her face and into her hair) Right, okay then.
 * Geoff: Yo, my man, can we order a pizza? (Chef throws a knife at the wall, scaring Geoff) Woah! It's cool, G! Brown slop is cool!
 * Katie: What do you think they'll make us do?