User:Rainbowderp01/Bananas & Cheese (Transcript)

​​​​​​[ Theme song ]

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[kids hum theme song]

[kids laughing]

Chef: Kids! Guess who's coming to our daycare? Today?

Owen: Santa Claus!

Chef: Nope! Better!

Gwen: A funeral director?

Chef: Why would a funeral director--

Harold: Child services?

Chef: What?! No!

Izzy: Is it one of those weird looking bald cats that's always like, [meows]

Harold: Stop that.

Izzy: [hisses]

Chef: Today, we're being visited by the singing celebrity duo, Bananas & Cheese!

Jude: Sweet!

Harold: Amazing!

Owen: [screams]

Chef: Yep. Who wants a Bananas & Cheese hat?

All: Me! Me!

Duncan: What's with all the noise? Some of us are trying to nap. Oh no!

Beth: Yeah!

Jude: Yes!

Duncan: [gasps]

Izzy: Woohoohoo!

Owen: [giggling]

Duncan: Why are you wearing Bananas & Cheese hats?

Gwen: They're coming to do a show. Here. Today. Today. Today. Today. Today. Today. Today.

Duncan: [whimpers] [screams]

Chef: Wow. I think we got ourselves a superfan here! Who wants to check out Bananas & Cheese's latest video?

[Banana & Cheese]

Oh, I got a pony

But he's too bony

He's uncomfortable to ride

He's got four legs

And he likes to eat eggs

With two strips of bacon on the side

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Duncan: Must. Dig. Outta here.

[snap]

Duncan: Darn it!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Duncan: This always works in the movies. Come on, wind! Carry me away from this nightmare!

[thud]

Duncan: Ow. Hey, movies? Thanks for nothing.

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Duncan: [grunts] [screams] This is gonna be bad. [screams]

[thud]

Noah: Did you just fall from the sky?

Duncan: Yes. The world's most sickeningly sweet children singers are gonna be here any minute! They sing about vegetables and puppies. Blech! You two are relatively normal. How are you okay with that?

Noah: The same way I cope with all my disappointment. I just push it way down deep.

Gwen: I'll probably picture them in their underwear. And then I'll get grossed out. I'm more comfortable grossed out.

Duncan: Well, I can't be here. But I can't find a way to get out of here!

Gwen: Then maybe you should try to stop them from coming instead.

Duncan: [gasps] I can't get out, but maybe I can keep them from coming! Gwen! I could hug you!

Gwen: I would hurt you very, very badly.

Duncan: No hug. Got it. I need to make a plan.

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[kids hum spy music montage]

[scribbling]

[squeak]

Duncan: Ah!

Noah: They're just gonna play a few songs, Duncan. I'm sure we'll survive it.

Gwen: Yeah, just pretend it's a nightmare that for some weird reason, you're not enjoying.

Duncan: No one enjoys nightmares! And you two might survive this concert but I won't! Y-You don't understand.

Gwen: Understand what?

Duncan: Nothing! Ha ha! There's nothing to understand. Funny, huh? Boom! [confessional] What they don't understand is that Bananas & Cheese are... geh, t-they're my... Bananas & Cheese are my parents! Okay? There, I said it. When the other kids find out they're my mom and dad, they'll wanna be my friends, and come over for playdates! And sleepovers! They'll eat all my cereal! No way! I will get this concert cancelled! [gasps] [evil chuckle] [real time] I've got a plan to stop the concert! Come on!

Noah: Wow. He really doesn't like Bananas & Cheese.

Gwen: Haven't you heard them? It's like someone balled up rainbows and puppies, drank it, and threw it up all over the stage.

Noah: [shudders] I've been to a concert. No one should be exposed to that much forced happiness. It's just setting us up for disappointment in real life.

Gwen: Word.

Gwen and Noah: Pshh.

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[tuba plays]

Duncan: Gwen, you sure you can lure Chef out of his office?

Gwen: Don't worry. I got it. Now get outta here. I don't want you watching this. [sighs] I'm gonna hate myself tomorrow. Oh, Chef!

Chef: Yes, Gwen? What can I do for-- [gasps] What did you do?

Gwen: I'm stuck in a bucket.

Chef: Huh, let's see here. Maybe we can... [grunting] Nope. [sighs]

Noah: Voice modifier tube. Okay, um... testing. No, ahem. [deepens voice] Testing, Chef! I'm Chef! [normal] Wow, this really works.

Duncan: Perfect. Let's do this.

[dialing]

Cheese: Hello? Cheese speaking.

Noah: [as Chef] Yes, hello. This is Chef, a large adult teacher.

Duncan: Nice touch.

Noah: [as Chef] Sadly, we have to cancel your performance today, so...

Cheese: Oh, no! Why?

Noah: Uh, w-w-w-w-why?

Duncan: Just make something up.

Noah: [as Chef] Um, because... because, um, the entire class came down with the chickenpox. That's right! We're all contagious!

Cheese:Oh, is that all? Banana and I have had chickenpox twice now! We'll be there.

Noah: [as Chef] I mean, cowpox!

Cheese: Had it!

Noah: [as Chef] Pig pox?

Banana and Cheese: Inoculated!

Noah: Fever pox?

Cheese: We're immune!

Noah: Well, see you soon! We tried. Hey, what's the big deal? It's just a cheesy band.

Duncan: Big deal? No big deal! "Big deal". Oh, no big deal. None at all.

[twitch]

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Duncan: Guys, hey. Plan A didn't work, but that doesn't mean we give up! What comes after A?

Gwen: B. B comes after A.

Noah: How do you not know that?

Duncan: Hah! Who cares about the letterbet. I have a new idea!

Noah: Do you mean alphabet?

Duncan: Whatever. Here's the plan! All we need to do is delay bananas and cheese until four, like so.

[splat]

Gwen: Delay them with a dinosaur?

Duncan: Obviously not with an actual dinosaur. No one has learned howto train those yet. Duh! All that matters is that we delay them 'til after pickup time.

Noah: I have an idea. But we're going to need Chef's office again.

Gwen: Why do I get the feeling I'm going to be humiliating myself again? I hate my life.

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Gwen: Chef!

Chef: How does this keep happening?

Noah: I plugged the banana car into a GPS program. Look, that's them there.

Duncan: Cool! Hey, can you hack into the city's traffic light system?

Noah: Ha! Child's play.

Duncan: Then slow 'em down with some red lights!

[horn honks]

Duncan: I said delay them!

Noah: I'm trying! They're too fast! If I could just hack into the--

Duncan: Hello? Police?

Noah: What are you doing?

Duncan: I'd like to report a stolen banana car! Describe it? Sure. It's a car... shaped like a banana.

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[sirens blare]

Officer: License and registration.

Cheese: I told you not to run the red light.

Officer: Are you the Bananas & Cheese?

Banana: Yes, officer. That's us, just on our way to a show.

Officer: I'm afraid I'm gonna have to write you a huge ticket... for being awesome! Could you autograph this for me? My kids just love you guys!

Cheese: That is so wonderful!

Officer: And I won't let you miss a gig on my watch! Follow me.

[zoom]

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Noah: Well, that backfired. Now they have a police escort!

Duncan: This isn't over! They may get here, but they're not getting in!

[drone buzzes]

Duncan: That should stop them! [gasps] Run!

[crash]

Officer: Kids? [panting] It took a lot of sirens and breaking laws, but I got them here. Presenting... Bananas & Cheese!

[all cheering]

Duncan: You've got to be kidding me!

[all cheering]

Chef: Thank you so much for coming. I can't stand your music, but every second you're here, I don't have to talk to the kids! I like that.

Banana: We have a special treat for you today! We're here to play you our new song!

Beth, Izzy, and Owen: [cheer]

Duncan: No, please! Not the new song!

Cheese: The song we're about to sing is about someone very special to us!

Banana: And maybe to all of you, too!

[Banana and Cheese]

He'd fill his diapers to the brim

But we would never get mad at him

He's our little pump-o-kin

But you might know him as--

[horn blowing]

Harold: Quit it! We can't hear the song!

Duncan​​​​​​: Sorry! No can do! Too excited about Bananas & Cheese! I-- oh!

[Banana and Cheese]

We like to tickle his two feet

His green hair looks pretty neat

This is the room that he's in

And you might know him as--

[guitar riff]

[Banana and Cheese]

Ahh!

Beth, Izzy, Jude, and Owen: [cheering]

Duncan: I did it. I actually did it!

Cheese: Mwah! Time to go home, sweetie! Grab your lunch bag and meet us in the car.

[all gasp]

Noah: "Sweetie"?

Gwen: They're your parents? [retches]

Owen: [screams]

[all cheer]

Duncan: Um...

Izzy: Can I come over to your house?

Beth: Can we have a sleepover?!

Owen: What kind of cereal do you have?

Harold: Would it be weird if I held your hand?

Owen: Can your mom tuck me in tonight?

Duncan: Mom, dad, hurry! Get this banana moving! Go, go, go!

Beth, Harold, Izzy, and Owen: [all talking]

Chef: Kids! Kids! Get back here!

[credits]