User:Rainbowderp01/Full Metal Drama (Transcript)

Chris: Last week on Total Drama Action, our competitors took it on the chin as they faced an all-you-can-eat buffet of deadly natural disasters. But it was Owen's own feet that tripped him up. Ouch! Owen's broken jaw means he can't eat anything 'til it's met the business end of a blender. Yep, it's a rough life for Owen. But, the "Your Own Worst Enemy" award clearly goes to Leshawna.

Duncan: You're a total sham!

Chris: Better call the fire department, because liar, liar, Leshawna's pants were seriously on fire. Luckily we had a submarine tank simulator full of water to douse the blaze in a waterlogged event that had all our competitors gasping for air. Sound tough? Get used to it! Because this week, it's all out war! It's a desperate battle for survival on Total. Drama. Action!

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[ Theme song ]

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Beth: Only one toilet is working today?

Heather: This crazy bargain basement show doesn't even have a plunger?

Leshawna: And I had to be crazy myself to give up this primo spot. Crazy with niceness! Duncan, honey, you take it.

Duncan: Tst. Nice try, but you lied to us. And I never mess with liars.

Leshawna: Ugh. Or with mouthwash. I got one word for you, stank breath. Wintermint. Harold, baby. Would you like my spot?

Harold: Hecks yeah.

Duncan: Figures. Taking a bribe.

Harold: I don't do bribes.

Duncan: Then what's with letting Leshawna suck up to you? As far as I'm concerned, she's off the team.

Harold: Except that the team needs her. Thanks for giving me your spot, Leshawna, my valued, if somewhat untrustworthy, teammate. [screams] Owen! What are you doing?

Owen: [clenched teeth] It's not about what I'm doing, it's about what I'm not doing.

Harold: Pipes a little backed up?

Owen: [clenched teeth] Who knew a diet of blended corn beef and cheese puff shakes could stop my whole system? [strains]

[bubbling]

Owen: [clenched teeth] C'mon, c'mon! Just a nugget!

Chef: Make way, coming through!

Owen: [clenched teeth] Chef, a little privacy? I'm trying to poop-a-doop here.

Chef: Doctors orders, I've got the cure for your no-can-doo-doo right here. One part fruit, nine parts bran.

Owen: [clenched teeth] That isn't even food-esque!

Chef: Don't push, kid. They're making me serve you on account of my bad behavior.

Leshawna: Give it here. I've been starving half to death since DJ left!

[slurp]

Chef: Girl's gonna feel that.

Leshawna: My, my! Who knew liquid bran could be so tasty? [burps]

[bubbles pop]

Leshawna: Even on the return trip.

Owen: [clenched teeth] I'd say that my work here is done, but I never even got started.

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Chris: Today, we're all about war movies, so... look lively, you...

Chef: Buckets of horse doo-doo!

Chris: So, get ready for the first death-defying challenge, you...

Chef: Disgusting, slimy crustaceans!

Chris: Move it, privates! Fall in!

Everyone: Sir, yes, sir!

Duncan: [confessional] I've always wanted to be a Marine. They're rough, tough, they wear rad boots, and they say "Hoo-ah!" No clue what that means, but it just sounds so cool. Hoo-ah!

Harold: I'm so pumped! My squad in Battlefront has won ten online multiplayer gaming titles. The secret to our success? Teamwork.

Duncan: This is the real world, virtual loser. You wanna win? Sit back and let me get my Marine on. I'm the main course, the rest of you are gravy. As in, on the side.

Harold: You won't be saying that when I bust out my deadly numb-yo. No longer must we live in fear of ninja attacks. Not when I'm carrying this bad boy. I will defeat all enemies. And smite them with dishonor. Hi-yah! Aw! My nether regions!

Duncan: Harold just took a numb-yo in the numb-yos!

Heather and Leshawna: [laughing]

Duncan: What a loser!

Harold: [high-pitched] Not funny, Duncan. Ahh!

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Chris: Okay, people! Remove your blindfolds! When it comes to making a war movie, jumping out of an airplane is the most dangerous stunt there is. So naturally, it's our first challenge!

Harold and Heather: [gasp]

Owen: [gasps]

Lindsay: If we live, I was thinking I should totally be our team's admiral!

Beth: Admirals are in charge of sailors! Generals are in charge of soldiers, generally!

Lindsay: But admiral sounds cuter! So now I'd like to be called "Admiral Lindsay, Her Hotness", okay?

Justin: Beth, Lindsay! I want to propose something, but don't get excited, it's not marriage! [laughs] Uh, anywho, it's a long way from the airplane to the ground below!

Beth: Three kilometers, to be exact!

Justin: Wouldn't know, math is for ugly people. Here's the deal! I need you two to jump before me in case I need a soft place to land, okay?! Now, you girls know that I don't blink these eyelashes at just anybody! Nothing?! When were your last eye exams?!

Chris: Drop zone approaching! Form a line, it's time to partay! Stunt people undergo weeks of training before they parachute! Luckily, we're gonna skip all that and get to the good part! Jumping!

Harold: Are you sure that's a good idea?!

Chris: What's the worst that could happen?!

Owen: [clenched teeth] We die!

Chris: I know! Hilarious! Ha ha! Time to jump!

Izzy: There's only one way out this big ol' silver bird! And it's through that door! Let's dance! [grunts] C'mon, it's not that scary.

Owen: [clenched teeth] Hello? Crazy girl's pushing me off an airplane, and I don't have a parachute lesson yet.

Chris: That's okay! I just spoke to our research department! There were no parachutes in World War I!

Heather: So, what do we do for a challenge?

Chris: Simple!

Harold, Heather, and Duncan: [gasp]

Izzy: Whoo! Tell my pet rock I love her! [descending]

Chris: You're next, Private No-Can-Poop!

Owen: [gasps] [clenched teeth] For the love of everything deep-fried, don't ask me to do this!

Chris: You won't do it for me, maybe you'll do it for a corn-beef blendee! Fetch, boy!

[everyone screams]

Owen: [clenched teeth] We're alive! Whoo-hoo! Oh! It's good to be alive!

Chris: Let's roll, soldiers! Because the second part of this challenge is gonna blow your minds! And everything else withing a fifty foot radius!

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Lindsay: Are those... paint bombs?

Chris: We've divided the camp into two halves. Most creative and controlled splatter wins.

Duncan: Talk about a challenge custom-made for me! I'm all over this!

Harold: Might I suggest you consult your friendly neighborhood chem expert? Because what is an explosion other than the chemical reaction of trinitrotoluene decomposing at C7H5N3O6, 3N2 plus 5H2O plus 7CO?

Heather: Try speaking in English!

Leshawna: I think we might have to stick with Duncan, honey.

Harold: Why?

Heather: Vandal boy beats big chem nerd. It's a simple equation.

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