User:Rainbowderp01/Beach Blanket Bogus (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Action... He was a boy. She was a girl. And last week on Total Drama Action, a shocking team redistribution pitted them against one another. Our heroine made a fundamental romantic comedy error. Picking Duncan first and leaving her boyfriend Trent feeling kinda ouchie. Meanwhile, two men made an illegal alliance. And Duncan's mad thespian skills trumped Izzy's... well, madness. It was all too much for Chef's tender heart, and Izzy -- uh, Kaleidoscope -- was clearly a bit too nutso. Even for this show. Will Duncan break up Gwen and Trent's barely-there relationship? Will the new locks keep Owen out of the craft truck? Will my nonfat vanilla soy latte ever get here? All the answers, uh... answered right now in another tear-jerking episode of... Total. Drama. Action!

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[ Theme song ]

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Heather: Now I know how starlets stay thin.

Harold: Wish Chef'd let me in the kitchen. I got me some mad culinary skills.

Heather: Do you mind? I was talking to my slop.

Justin: [sipping]

Lindsay: Justin, look. I brought you bacon.

Beth: And I brought you facon. Tofu's good for your heart.

Lindsay: Pig's good for his hair!

Beth: Holy crap, I love his hair!

Justin: Ladies, please. I accept both your offerings. Join me for breakfast?

Lindsay and Beth: [laugh]

Justin: Aren't you eating?

Lindsay: When you can gorge on your essence to bo hunk, who needs food?

[ding]

Beth: [snorts and gasps] [confessional] If only making friends with a guy as gorgeous as Justin was as easy as making these bracelets. [snorts and gasps]

Duncan: [laughing] Ahh, sorry about the morning as-salt!

[smack]

Gwen: Third grade called. You're due back in class.

Trent: Real mature. Don't you know it's bad luck to spill salt?

Heather: [screams]

Trent: Nothing a little pepper won't fix. Aw!

Heather: [sneezes repeatedly] [screams]

Duncan: [laughs] Uh, you still gonna finish those eggs, bro?

Trent: Are you nuts? Now I only have eight pieces left!

Duncan: Am I nuts? Dude, you are officially capital W weird.

Gwen: Which is good, because I happen to really like weird. There. Now you've got seven pieces. Which is an odd number again. Isn't that kinda better?

Trent: Abso-Gwen-ly.

Chris: [blows whistle] Hang on to your coconuts, players! We're going back to the beach!

Owen: Woohoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo!

Chris: Ever seen one of those 1950's surfer movies where the kids get up to neato fun before the big bonfire Twist-a-thon? And the bully kicks the sand castle in the nerdy guy's face?

Heather: [sneezes]

Duncan: Uh, no, grandpa, we haven't.

Chris: Well, get ready to recreate one, junior. Two challenges followed by a tiebreaker, if necessary. So grab your swimsuits!

Chef: If the sand castle thing goes down, make sure you're the kicker, not the kickee.

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[air conditioner blows]

Lindsay: [shudders] When did you guys move the beach to Antarctica?

Chris: As some of you can see, we're actually in the shooting studio.

Duncan: And the AC's cranked because?

Chris: All the cameras and lights get so hot, they could melt Chef's heart. And the network told my agents sweaty isn't a good look for me. Your challenge? Hang ten this deck into the big blue without swallowing tail in the soup.

Leshawna: What did you just ask me to do?

Trent: He means whoever stays on the surfboard longest, wins.

Chris: Exactamundo, groovy cats. So, who's going first?

[shivering]

[cricket chirps]

[air blows]

Chris: The team that wins will get a half hour head start on the next challenge, and given tonight's reward, you should be fighting harder than Justin's abs over who gets first shot.

Harold: Speaking of rock hard abs, have you ever seen my ten-pack? [grunts]

[squirt]

[shing]

Harold: Oh! Ow!

Chris: We have a volunteer.

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Harold: Mad surfing skills activate!

Chris: And please welcome the return of some season one fan favorites! The sharks!

Harold: [shrieks] [confessional] I'm very protective of my buttocks. The provide me with the low center of gravity that is my many mad skills. You could say they're my hugest asset. Check it! I can juggle my Magic Steve's Magical Trading Cards! [real time] My booty and I are out!

Leshawna: Your booty has an opinion?

Heather: That's a big job for such a saggy, sad little thing.

Harold: I'll have you know that this is a selfless act! My lady fans couldn't handle the loss of this perfect behind!

Heather: And by lady fans, he means his mother.

Harold: Hey sharks, look! Bacon and facon!

Owen: Breakfast should last all day, no?

Harold: Whoa! Oof!

Chris: Ooh! Way to stick the dismount, bro.

Heather and Duncan: [laugh] Oh!

Trent: Aww...

Beth: Friendship bracelet?

Trent: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Ahh. Much better.

Beth: Did you ever notice Trent's a little weird?

Lindsay: Did you say Tyler's here? [gasps] That's amazing!

Beth: Okay, Linds. Tyler is not in the game anymore.

Lindsay: Oh, right. I must have a dental block about the whole thing.

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Lindsay: [gasps] Whoa, whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh!

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[rip]

Chef: The body's a beautiful thing, you don't need a suit!

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Owen: Oh, whoa! Ahh!

[splash]

Owen: Oh, man. Oh, crud. Sorry, shark dudes. Really, I'm so sorry.

Chris: [blows whistle] Break time! Union rules!

Heather: Finally.

Chris: I don't mean you, shark bait.

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[shark sipping]

Gwen: No sharks equals no problem.

[beach music]

[mechanical whirring]

Chris: I love this game!

Gwen: Ah! Ahh! Sky rat! Get it out! Get it out!

[splash]

Lindsay: Yay! Go Justin!

Beth: Yeah, go!

Lindsay: Copycat.

Beth: Tanorexic. [gasps] Sorry! Friendship bracelet?

[dreamy music]

Chris: So perfect. Almost makes me believe in the inherent goodness of the human race. Almost.

Beth: Justin! [confessional] I wanted to tell him he looked like a surfing god! Instead, I said... [real time] your face! Watch your beautiful face!

Justin: What?! Oh, oh!

Shark: Ooh!

Beth: Oh my gosh, Justin. Are you oka--

Chris: Love's a beautiful thing.

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Chris: Finally, we have Duncan! Try nt to get your piercings wet.

Lindsay: Oh, my head...

Duncan: You gotta be kidding me.

Lindsay: Ah, oh!

[squeak]

Chris: And with that, Duncan secures victory for the Screaming Gaffers.

Duncan: Gnarly.

Gwen, Leshawna, DJ, and Harold: [cheering]

Owen: Man, Gwen's team is unstoppable!

Trent: Try unstable! A ticking time bomb of betrayal. We have to stop them.

Owen: With what? A freight train? Toot toot!

Trent: Five, six, seven, eight, nine.

Owen: Ex-squeeze me?

Trent: Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

Owen: Uh, your secret weapon's being weird?

Trent: If being weird brings us good luck, then yeah, I'm weird. Besides, Gwen likes weird.

Chris: If you at home like weird, you'll love what's coming up next!

Trent: I'm telling you. Sometimes, being weird is cool.

Chris: Delusional. So sad.

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