User:Rainbowderp01/Jamaica Me Sweat (Transcript)

Chris: Previously on Total Drama... Newfoundland showed us a whale of a time. Literally. FYI, we did not set this up in advance. Man's got a gift. For injuring animals. Anywho, DJ was bummed to be the last Team Victory man standing, but this time around, he just couldn't lose because Alejandro and Heather were messing with him every step of the way. 'Kay, that's twisted. In the end, DJ and Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot tied for first and the Amazons were spared because it was a reward challenge of the lobster kind. Hm-hm. Fiber. Eleven players are still fighting for a million clams. Who's gonna leaver the fold? And who's reggae gold?

[smack]

Chris: Find out now on Total. Drama.

[Chris]

World Tour!

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[ Theme song ]

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Alejandro: [sighs]

Tyler: Winning really is everything.

Noah: Says the guy who Frenched a cod.

DJ: And PS, it was a tie. [confessional] Ever since I won in Newfoundland, I've started to feel like I could win this whole thing thanks to my lucky charm, Irene. Can you believe she lifted my curse? I know, it's amazing. As long as she's okay, I'm golden.

Alejandro: [confessional] Irene. I didn't expect DJ to bond with my handiwork, but the symbol I painted on her is holding up well. And his confidence is blooming, which is tragic and delicious.

Owen: [slurp] [burp]

Noah: Ugh, it's a facial, not a fruit plate.

Owen: [chuckles] Noah, don't you see? It's both.

Izzy: Owen! These chairs are spring loaded! Watch this! Whoo!

Owen: Oh! Why is it always the kiwis?!

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Heather: Economy can kiss my aching butt. Ugh. I bet Alejandro's in there right now making DJ feel welcome. That jerk.

Courtney: By the time we win our way back into first, the whole place is going to smell like dude.

Gwen: I'll take dude over leaks any day.

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Owen: I've made up my mind. I'm gonna break up with Izzy once and for all.

Noah: Finally.

Owen: I still like her, but she's so--

Noah: Nutty? As a ten ton bag of pecans smothered in peanut butter encased in a cashew the size of China?

Izzy: [gnawing] Tastes like shoe polish. Ha ha ha. [gnawing]

Owen: Aw, she's happy.

Alejandro: Uh, DJ is the only remaining member of Team Victory, but we're prepared to welcome him as a full-time member of our team if you allow it.

Chris: Looking for a numbers advantage over Team Amazon, eh? No dice.

Alejandro: What if DJ chooses to swap teams? Like Sierra and Izzy did in Egypt?

Chris: No more swaps and that's final.

DJ: It's okay. The teams are probably gonna merge soon anyway.

Chris: Wrong. Convo over. Chris out.

DJ: It's okay. I'll survive. My curse is gone thanks to Irene. I even won the last challenge.

Tyler: Uh, tied.

DJ: Exactly! If we keep it up, we might make it all the way to the finale together.

Alejandro: I would love to see that!

DJ: [confessional] Would've been nice to have some teammates again. But at least with Alejandro, I've got an ally who's reliable, dependable, and totally trustworthy.

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[engine stalls]

Chris: Um, are we out of gas?

Chef: Yeah. 'Cause you spent all our gas money.

Chris: Ahem. [over PA] Attention, passengers... [screams]

Heather: [screams]

Owen: We're all gonna die!

DJ: Tell mama I love her!

Owen: Izzy, we need to talk.

Izzy: Ooh. You'll have to catch me first! Last one out's a rotten egg! Ha ha ha. [screams]

Owen: [screams] Oh, wha? I'm okay? [laughs] I'm okay-- oh! Great dobs of Chutney, that smarts.

Izzy: Perfect landing. Not even a scratch. Ah!

[crash]

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Chris: Two airports on an island the size of a Post-It stamp and he misses both. But somehow, it's my fault.

Chef: You blew our money for the season on Chris World.

Courtney: Chris, Owen and Izzy need help!

Owen: [confessional] Ah, no biggie. Just a concussion. Can you parents my phone and worry them not to tell Santa?

[drip]

[thud]

[ambulance sirens]

Chris: Izzy and Owen are gonna be fine. Thanks to travel insurance, help is on the way in six to thirty-eight hours.

Gwen: What about the rest of us?

Chris: Well, we're out of gas, plane's busted, and we're broke. But the show must go on. We can't waste any of this footage! Think of the hits we'll get on ClipTube!

Tyler: Where are we?

Chris: Jamaica, mon. We were supposed to land in Ochos Rios, but since somebody forgot how to glide, we'll have to do the challenges here instead. And fast. Before whoever owns this dump shows up and asks for a location fee.

Noah: Didn't you guys budget for the whole season?

Chris: Some things cost more than expected. Airplane-ready hot tubs don't grow on trees, you know.

Heather: You must have an emergency fund!

Chris: Spent it on our last fuel-up.

Noah: Which went so well.

Chris: Grab your board shorts and meet me at the waterfall.

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Owen: [grunting] Oh, Izzy! No! It's all my fault! I wanted to break up with her and the plane broke her up! It's like I made it happen with my mind!

Izzy: Owen, I've devised a mathematical formula for infinite time travel.

Owen: Oh, this is so worse than I thought!

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Noah: [laughing] Pretty blouse.

Chris: It's a dashiki, mon.

DJ: [chuckles] Yeah, a woman's dashiki.

Chris: What?

Courtney: Can we get to the challenge please?

Chris: I like to call our first challenge "The Treasure Hunt of Death". We were supposed to do this at Dunn's River Falls, but this far more dangerous waterfall will have to do.

DJ: So, it's another water challenge?

Chris: 'Fraid so. Wanna say a few prayers?

DJ: No need. I came prepared.

[life vest inflates]

DJ: [confessional] After nearly drowning in Newfoundland, wearing a life jacket full time just makes sense. Right, teammate?

Chris: Your challenge begins with a dive off beautiful Wherever We Are Falls into the lagoon down below.

Noah: Which is full of what, sharks?

Chris: Nope.

[everyone sighs]

Chris: Electric eels and sharks.

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Chris: Players must tag team dive into infested waters for as long as you can hold your breath to search the lagoon floor for pirate treasure.