User:Rainbowderp01/Top Dog (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Action... a surprise package from the outside world promised big things for Beth. And the cast got a taste of life in zero gravity conditions. But all was not well in the universe as Owen struggled with his new role as mischief maker. In the end, Beth ended her engagement, but won the challenge. Courtney ended the girl's alliance, but won back her independence. And Harold ended his bid for the million, but won a lamousine ride back to the real world. Will Courtney and Beth's feud hurt their chance to go the distance? Will a guilty conscience cause Owen to crack? All this and more on today's out-of-this-world episode of... Total. Drama. Action!

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[ Theme song ]

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Owen: [snoring] [farts] Huh? No pillow whipped at my head? No angry threat to stick a cork in it? [gasps] Where's Duncan?!

Duncan: [groans]

Owen: Where were you all night? An alien abduction? It was, wasn't it? You were subjected to an endless night of alien probing! Oh-ho-ho! The humanity!

Duncan: Chill, Owen. I spent the night in Courtney's trailer.

Owen: Really? What did you two do all night? Come on, come on!

Duncan: Down, boy. We talked. About relationship stuff, mostly. It's a little hazy. I'll let you know after I read this.

Owen: Dude, Courtney gave you... homework?

Duncan: [confessional] Courtney wrote me a thirty-two page letter outlining all my faults and how to correct them if we're ever gonna have a serious relationship. All of which she expects me to memorize! I think I would've preferred a night of alien probing. [real time] [yawns]

[trumpet plays]

Chris: Wake up, sleepy heads! Breakfast is served! Along with today's movie challenge. You've got ten minutes to get your sorry butts down there!

Duncan: Great. Maybe I'll get lucky and today's genre will be "guy in a coma" movie.

Owen: Did you say something? I heard "breakfast is served" and it all gets kinda hazy after that.

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Beth: Wow, Chef. These scrambled eggs actually look pretty good.

Chef: [laughs] "Scrambled eggs." [continues laughing]

Beth: So. Courtney. You and Duncan, huh?

Courtney: Yeah, it was nice to finally work things out between us. We didn't keep you up, did we?

Beth: Nah. [confessional] I totally heard every insane word. Well, almost every word. I dozed off around page nine, section three, paragraph four. Then again on page twenty-two, section eleven, paragraph eight. Heheh. Poor Duncan.

Owen: Mm, scrambled eggs!

Chef: [laughs]

Duncan: Hey, babe.

Courtney: Duncan! I thought we agreed only I would engage in the use of pet names. It's right there on page three--

Beth: Section five.

Courtney: You promised to memorize that letter verbatum.

Duncan: I-I will, I will. I-I'm just really tired right now. Aren't you?

Courtney: Don't worry. I forgive you. Just like I forgave the other 316 minor transgressions I outlined in my letter. But, I expect you to memorize that letter so it doesn't happen again!

Duncan: Anything for you bab-- Courtney!

Courtney: You may hold me now.

Duncan: Cool.

Owen: [gagging]

Beth: I know. Those two are sickening.

Owen: [choking]

Beth: Oh! You really are choking! [grunts]

Owen: [retches]

Chef: [whistles]

Owen: [sighs]

[PDA beeps]

Courtney: New message? I just need to check--

Chris: Attention, cast!

[parrot squawks]

Duncan: Dude, what's with the flying rat on your shoulder?

Chris: That's my new BFFF. Best flying friend forever. That brings us to today's movie genre. The animal buddy flick. [confessional] You try coming up with twenty-six movie genres. It was either animal buddy or guy in a coma movies. [real time] The hallmark of any good animal buddy flick is the human animal bonding. First, the human and the animal start out as enemies. Then, through many misadventures, the animal and human grow to care about each other, and become fast friends.

[crunch]

[parrot squawks]

Chris: You guys... just hang tight for a sec, 'kay? [grunting] Let go of my cloth!

[parrot squawking]

Chris: So, where were we? Right. The first animal buddy movie challenge will be to pick an animal and teach it to be just like you. That shouldn't be too hard, since you're all animals.

[ba dum tss]

Chris: The cast member whose animal most resembles them at the end, wins the challenge.

Beth: [confessional] I've always shared a bond with nature's creatures. When I was a kid, I made friends with the rats in our attic. It was like Cinderella!

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Chris: All right, cast. Time to meet your future BFFFFFs. Best furry, feathered, or finned friends forever.

[all gasp]

[bear roars]

[shark chomps]

[raccoon hisses]

[chameleon hisses]

Chris: Pick an animal and get training, you have three hours.

Courtney: I've got the shark! The shark's mine!

Beth: [grunts]

Courtney: Yes!

Beth: [confessional] Actually, it makes perfect sense. Those two are made for each other. The only difference is one would eat you alive in a heartbeat and the other's a shark.

Duncan: I'll take the chameleon. It's a tribute to my beloved reptilian friend, Scruffy.

Owen: Dude, Scruffy was a bug.

Duncan: Nobody talks about Scruffy like that! Nobody!

Owen: Ah! I'll take the bear! All they do is eat and sleep. [chuckles] We're practically related.

Beth: Guess that leaves this little guy. I've always had a soft spot for vermin. Shake a paw? [gasps] Please tell me this cute little creature has been tested for rabies.

Chris: Natch.

Beth: Aw...

Chris: [hushed, to Chef] Did we check for rabies?

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Duncan: No, no, no! I told you bright green like my mohawk! Not that wussy moss green! Come on, get it right.

Beth: Come on, boy. You can do it. Roll over! Play dead! Anything?

[raccoon snarls]

Courtney: Look. Let's not waste each other's time. I don't like you. You don't like me. But if you help me get to the finals, I'll make you a very rich shark.

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Courtney: Duncan! Hour's almost up!

Duncan: Hour for what?

Courtney: Page two, section five ring any bells? You promised to pay me a compliment once every hour.

Duncan: Oh, yeah. Right.