User:Rainbowderp01/Million Dollar Babies (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Action... our caveman movie challenges made some people look good and other people look better. Bald Heather was obsessed with getting hair by any means necessary. And Duncan fell for Courtney. Again. As their reward, the Grips won a mammoth rack of mastodon ribs, which, due to an unsaid accident, may be preserved for future paleontologists instead. Will Heather keep her hair? Will Courtney survive the ire of her teammates? And what will become of her and Duncan? Find out the answers right now on Total. Drama. Action!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

[ Theme song ]

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Harold: [snoring]

[trumpet plays]

Harold: I can't take the shelling anymore, sarge! I just can't take it! [cries]

Duncan: Harold, if you added trumpets to your snoring, it's definitely time for you to die.

Justin: That's it, I'm moving to Canada. 'Cept I'm already there.

Courtney: Hey! That's my PDA! Ooh!

[twirling]

Beth: Huh? [gasps] I'm so sorry! I must've started sleep-twirling again!

Leshawna: Did she say "sleep-twirling"?

Courtney: That PDA is my legal right in this game. Touch it again, Beth, and prepare to be served!

[trumpet plays poorly]

[drum beats]

Chris: Morning, sports fans! Who's ready to put up a good offense?

Chef: Spaghetti here! Get your piping hot spaghetti here!

[splatting]

Harold: Whoa, whoa! That was a spitball!

Chris: That was breakfast.

Lindsay: Pasta for breaky?

Chris: It's called carbo-loading, contestants! Today, you're all going to give two hundred percent in our exciting sports movie challenge!

Harold: You are aware that two hundred percent is a mathematical impossibility?

Chris: Suck that 'ghetti back, you lovable underdogs destined to come back from certain failure. We've got a training run.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

[contestants panting]

Chris: That all you got, sports fans?! Man up! It's time for more action!

Leshawna: Three cups of spaghetti follows by a 3K jog? All I'm ready for is a nap. W-What is this? Plastic lawn?

Chris: AstroTurf. Hello? It's a set. Today's competition is gonna require sweat, guts, heart, and sweat.

Heather: You said sweat twice.

Chris: Because it's not just your sweat you'll be dealing with. There's Chef's sweat, too! 'Cause you'll be pushing him the length of the field!

Chef: [grunting]

Chris: And he just ate a huge jar of jalapeño peppers, so he's spraying like a gym class shower.

Justin: We gotta push spiced up Chef like he's a football dummy?

Chef: Don't call me a dummy!

Heather: Um, I am not swapping sweat with an oversized jalapeño.

Leshawna: You're taking it for the team. Now get your skinny behind out there and push that dummy!

Chef: What'd I say about the dummy thing?

Heather: You can do this one without me.

Duncan: Gotta side with Leshawna on this one. You're doing it.

Leshawna: [confessional] "Side with Leshawna"? [gasps] Are they finally coming around? That'd be like rolling up Christmas, Kwanzaa, Easter, Canada Day, and BOGO day at the shoe store all into one! Sweet, sweet forgiveness!

[whistle blows]

Screaming Gaffers: [grunting]

Chef: That all you got?! I can push better than that on my day off!

Leshawna: Don't you talk smack to me! [grunts]

Chef: [grunts]

Leshawna: Sorry, dummy. Guess I came to play hardball.

Chef: [groans]

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Killer Grips: [panting]

Beth: These are so not normal tires.

Lindsay: My feet keep getting stuck!

Chris: Aw, really? I'm sorry. Wait 'til they get a load of the mousetraps!

Killer Grips: Ow! Oh!

Chris: Snap to it, losers!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

[everyone panting and groaning]

Courtney: I have never seen our school football team doing this!

Chris: You're right. But we had some mud and barbed wire left over from the war movie and it just seemed fun to me. Is it?

[everyone groans]

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Duncan: That truly bit.

Courtney: Who won anyway?

Chris: Let's see. Uh, three, carry the five. Nobody!

Everyone: Huh?

Chris: It was just to establish who's playing who for the real contest to follow. We're running four sporto contests with competitors seeded according to these results.

Lindsay: Seeded? There's a gardening challenge? [confessional] Okay, so he meant like sport seeding. I knew that. But if there was a gardening challenge, I would seriously kick butt. I mean, nobody can even touch my tomatoes!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

[microphone feedback]

Chris: [through microphone] In the right corner, ner, ner, ner, from the Killer Grips, ips, ips, ips, the blonde bombshell, the lye, the Lollapalooza! The Blue-Eyed Bruiser! Lindsay!

[cheering]

Chris: And in the left corner, ner, ner, ner from the Screaming Gaffers, ers, ers, ers, the deluted dork, the lightweight loser, the not-neat numbskull!

Harold: Sounds like you're up.

Chris: Harold!

[cheering]

Harold: Me? Why me?

Chris: Because you and Lindsay came in last in the football drills. Loser versus loser. We're gonna build to the top two players.

Harold: Glove me. But these are marshmallow.

Chris: Props. So you don't hurt those pretty actor faces. And, in true boxer movie tradition, you'll be fighting in... [slow motion] Slow motion...

[cheering]

[bell rings]

Harold: [deeper voice] You're... going... down.

Lindsay: Wha! Take that!

Harold: [deep groan]

Leshawna: How does he do that?

Duncan: Eh, he has a lot of experience getting hit.

Harold: Whah...

Lindsay: [chomp] Mm.

Courtney: Oh, don't eat it! Block it!

Beth: Courtney, your--

Courtney: Play dirtier!

Duncan: [giggles]

Courtney: What?!

Duncan: I like when you talk like that.

Beth: [hushed] My boyfriend is gonna be so surprised to hear from me! What is... oh, my glory!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

[bell rings]

Chris: Round two, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Duncan: Ew, ew, ew is more like it.

Chef: Ah, y'all are just jealous.

Harold: [grunting]

Leshawna: Let's go, Harold, baby! You've got the moves, you've got the grooves!

Harold: Why, thanks, Leshawna. It's nice to-- Oh!

Chris: One. Two. Three.

Leshawna: Get up, Harold!

Chris: [quickly] Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. And the winner is, is, is, is... Harold and the Screaming Gaffers!

Leshawna, Heather, and Duncan: [cheering]

Lindsay: Huh? But I knocked him out!

Chris: He scored a bunch of extra points for doing such great slow-motion. And I had to dock you for biting. Very unsportsmanlike, Miss Tyson.

Lindsay: This was fixed! Ref's going down!

Justin: Easy there, tiger.

Lindsay: [grunts]

_______________________________________________________________________________________