User:Rainbowderp01/Bahamarama (Transcript)

Don: Previously on The Ridonculous Race... the final four hit Argentina. The Sisters got targeted, but were saved by the non-elimination bell. And Devin finally told Carrie he'd fallen in love with her, right before he fell off a mountain. Ouch. The Best Friends had to quit, but first they got to pick an eliminated team to replace them in the final four. And they chose... the Surfers, Geoff and Brody. TV's greatest bromance is back, and this time, they're in it to win it, or not! Who cares? The dudes are back! The Ice Dancers, the Police Cadets, the Sisters, the Surfers. These final four teams have battled twenty-one countries and crossed 111 time zones so far. Now the real challenge begins. From this moment on, it's a non-stop race to the finish line. Teams who slow down will get left behind. Welcome to part one of the grand finale of the most stupendous television show ever! This is... The Ridonculous Race.

[ding]

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[ Theme song ]

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Don: We're back in Argentina, where yesterday's winners are about to grab today's first travel tip.

Josee: [aside] Obviously, we're going to win. We've already taken the gold eight times.

Jacques: [aside] That's as many as the other three teams combined. It's laughable!

Josee: [aside] Who'll stop us? The Surfers? Ha!

Jacques: [aside] [laughs] The Sisters?

Josee: [aside] [laughs] The Police Cadets?

Jacques and Josee: [aside] [laughing] [stop laughing] [laugh again]

[buzz, ding]

Josee: We're going to the Bahamas.

Don: The Bahamas, known for its pirate history, stunning Caribbean beaches, and flourescent pink flamingos. Once teams land in Nassau, they'll find this Don box and their next travel tip.

Josee: To the airport!

MacArthur: Move it!

Kitty: To the airport! Please.

Emma: [interview] I can't believe we're still in the race. We're so lucky. Poor Carrie and Devin. So close, and then having to leave because of an injury? Blech.

Kitty: [interview] Yeah, an injury we caused!

Emma: [interview] Technically, but involuntary actions are free of ill-will.

Kitty: [interview] This isn't law school, Em. They were our friends. Sorry again, Devin.

Emma: [interview] Yeah. So, so sorry.

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Sanders: Ugh, itching. It's so annoying.

MacArthur: Uh-huh. And you talking about it nonstop for the past four hours isn't annoying at all!

Geoff: This rules! Come on, bro!

Brody: After we got booted in Vietnam, I was kinda bummed. I felt so empty and I filled that emptiness with burritos. So many burritos.

Geoff: But we're back! And we're gonna turn the Bahamas into the Brohamas.

Brody: Yeah! Thanks again, guys! Get well soon.

Geoff: Rest easy! If we win, we'll split the million with you.

Brody: Yeah, fifty thousand each!

Brody and Geoff: Whoo! Boom.

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[dripping]

Jacques and Josee: Hey!

Clerk: Ah!

Josee: Two tickets to Nassau! Now! Three more teams are coming and you are going to put them all on a later flight! Got it?

MacArthur: Ha ha. I guess it's true. Ice guys do finish last. Boom!

Josee: Fuh, yah! [grunting]

Jacques: We are so sick of those Cadets!

[glass breaking]

Sanders: [interview] Ah, did you see her face?

MacArthur and Sanders: [interview] [laugh]

Don: [voiceover] All four teams are on the same flight, and once it lands, every move they make will be crucial.

[sll clamoring]

[buzz, ding]

Sanders: It's an All In. "Arr matey. This way be treasure maps"?

Don: Welcome to Nassau's pirate museum. Teams must travel here by cab and search this grand display of petty theft for one of these. A Ridonculous treasure map. Once they find a map, they must travel by jet ski to the coast of Abaco Island, where they'll find this Don box for their next tip.

Geoff: There's the taxi stand!

Sanders: Hurry!

Brody: Hey, MacArthur, looking good.

MacArthur: Don't I know it? Ooh. [quietly] Wish I could say the same for him. [interview] I used to think Brody was hot sauce and cut-offs, but now? Meh.

Sanders: [interview] That is so superficial.

MacArthur: [interview] What can I say? I'm only attracted to people who are as hot as me.

Don: [voiceover] The Cadets take the lead, followed by the Surfers, Dancers, and Sisters.

Jacques: As professional athletes, we have the unique ability to stay calm under pressure.

[taxi zooms]

Josee: There go the Sisters! Now we're in last place! Would you please hurry? We're in a race! You need to go faster! Faster!

[tropical music plays loudly]

Jacques: I'm actually surprised this doesn't happen more often!

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MacArthur: I still don't get why there's a museum for fictional characters.

Sanders: What? Pirates are real.

MacArthur: Pfft, right. Tell that to my pet unicorn. Ha ha ha.

Brody: [gasps] Dude, she's got a pet unicorn!

Geoff: [aside] After we were sent home, Brody was bummed he never made a serious play for MacArthur, but now, he's got a second shot of winning her over.

Brody: [aside] And a unicorn is like a horse, but you can stack donuts on its face!

MacArthur: This should be easy.

Sanders: [gasps]

MacArthur: You gotta be kidding me!

Sanders: You search left, I'll search right!

Brody: There's a map! Wait, no logo. Here! Uh, no. Map! No, no logo.

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[tires screech]

Emma: All right, we're here. [grunts]

Kitty: Hey! You two are the worst!

Jacques: [interview] We're not the worst.

Josee: [interview] Mm-mm. We're just dedicated competitors who will stop at nothing to win and are willing to ruin the lives of anyone who gets in our way.

Josee: Ah! Not it!

Jacques: Nothing!

Josee: No!

Jacques and Josee: No! No!

Emma: We're last in, but we can still be the first out! Come on, search!

[montage music]

[rip]

Josee: [grunts]

MacArthur: [groans]

Kitty: Got one!

Emma: Yes!

Kitty: Hello, first place! In your face, Ice Dunces!

MacArthur: [laughs]

Kitty: [interview] Okay, that felt goo-ood.

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Don: [voiceover] The Sisters leap from fourth to first, and the Surfers aren't far behind.

Brody: [gasps] Mappage, bro!

Geoff: Sweet!

Sanders: Oh, come on!

Don: [voiceover] Two teams are already heading into the second challenge. Will the dancers and the Cadets be able to catch up?

[glass breaks]

Kitty: There's the island!

[buzz, ding]

Kitty: Oh no, it's a Random Botch. "Dive to survive. Whoever is holding this tip..."

Emma: Phew.

Kitty: Emma!

Emma: Sorry.

Kitty: "...must search for sunken treasure."?

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Don: In this beyond dangerous challenge, the botchers must navigate these underwater tunnels in search of gold doubloons.