Thread:Stryzzar/@comment-1037137-20150313055759/@comment-24152851-20150314055559

Okay, I've had a read through, here's my thoughts. Thanks for being patient.

Firstly, I'll say it's one of your best inquiries to the writers I've seen. Although still a few thing I can point out.

I'm really glad you've taken on board that suggestion of being less harsh. Although, ... heh, for the first paragraph, I think you were a tad too gentle. Perhaps switch "questions" for "issues", and maybe "trying to understand" for "concerned with".

Also, quite a minor thing, for the "Additionally, we had the focus on the new romance between Scott and Courtney." paragraph, the word "invested got used 3 times in the space of two sentences. You don't have to do this, but I would merge the second "invested" sentence with the first.

There are a few parts which are bit repetitive. I don't think "There was almost no indication that these were not serious plots for almost the whole season" is needed, as it just paraphrases the last line of the previous paragraph. And for the bit afterwards "and there were a fair amount of people who liked the development/redemption that these characters were getting through these events.", that can just be slipped into the previous paragraph.

The first paragraph addressing Sundae Muddy Sundae is very well written. Just saying.

While the second paragraph is also very concise and hones the point through, that's where it might get a bit overwhelming. I think a lot of it would be more suitable for a follow up argument. For now, maybe get rid of the last bit: "After all of that investment and all the stock put into that through the course of the season, and after having gotten a considerable amount of people following it closely in the hopes of an ideal outcome, there was virtually no way that this sudden turn of events wasn't going to be subject to a negative response once it took place." as it seems to reiterate the first bit of the paragraph.

Overall though, well done. Very well written, and virtually nothing in there that would scare someone off.