User:Rainbowderp01/Ice Ice Baby (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island... we learned that although our campers are here to win, they're all losers in one way or another. Really, really big losers. It was a psychological butt-kicking that quickly turned literal, then comical, the hysterical! [chuckles] But in the end, Dakota got the biggest boot of all. Bye-bye! I love my job. Stay tuned as more things blow up, more contestants throw up, and some even try to hook up. Right here on Total. Drama. Revenge of the Island!

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[ Theme song ]

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[rat squeaks]

Sam: [gags] Now I know why gruel rhymes with cruel. Oh, sorry, man.

[clunk]

Sam: [confessional] [chuckles] Wimp. I grew up on a dirt farm, I can always chomp on a clod if I get the munchies. [chewing]

[teeth shatter]

[spraying]

Cameron: [coughing]

Anne Maria: Sorry, short stuff. On the upside, now your lungs are waterproof.

Cameron: [gags] Wow, thanks.

Brick and Jo: [eating noisily]

Brick: [chokes]

Jo: Easy, jarhead. Don't wet your panties!

Mike: I like waffles too. Ow! [deep inhale] [as Chester] Darn kids! Back in my day, we ate with our hands like decent folk!

Zoey: [laughs] You're hilarious. Unless you're not joking. But you are, right? [nervous chuckle]

Mike: [confessional] Okay, okay. I admit it, I... I have Multiple Personality Disorder. I try to control them, but they never listen to me. [real time] [deep exhale]

Jo: Lose the old man impression. It offends my sense of victory. But your Russian gymnast Svetlana, how do you summon such strength and precision?

Mike: [as himself] I, uh, rehearse a lot in front of my mirror. Da! [chuckles]

Lightning: There's gotta be some protein in here somewhere. [chokes]

Dawn: Don't worry. I'll save you!

Lightning: [coughs] Whoo! That was a close one! Phew! Thanks, creepy girl.

Dawn: Hm? For what? [to beetle] You're safe now, little one.

[beetle purrs]

[rat squeaks]

Cameron: Look! A cute little Apodemus sylvaticus!

[all scream]

[crashing]

Mike: [screams] Oh!

Chris: [over loudspeaker] Attention, players! Please head directly to the looming tragedy that is Mt. Looming Tragedy! Your race begins... now!

[airhorn blares]

Jo: Maggots, ho!

Sam: [panting]

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[all panting]

Sam: Did we win?

Cameron: [groans] [vomits]

Jo: If we were hamsters, I would've eaten you by now.

[whistle]

Chris: Okay, mutant food. On with the challenge. Part one is an uphill battle. You have to climb all the way up to that cliff. First team to reach the top gets advantage in part two. You can climb with your hands or use whatever you find in the pile. Don't worry. This junkyard doesn't have a dog. It has a giant mutant beetle!

[beetle hisses]

Dawn, Zoey, and Mike: [gasp]

Chris: [chuckles] Big guy's a bit of a hoarder. His estate is full of useful crud and disgusting crud.

[beetle hisses]

[crash]

Chris: That is, if you can get near it.

[horn blows]

Chris: It is on!

Jo: Let's hustle, maggots! Double time!

Cameron: [grunts] Shirt so heavy. Socks weighing me down. [grunts]

Zoey: You can do it, Cam! Focus! [screams] Oh, thanks.

Mike: Anytime.

Jo: Move it, Maggots! Parents made me a climbing wall playpen.

Brick: Impressive! I conquered the rock at a sergeant junior boot camp. Dislocated my hip getting my obstacle course badge. Check this out. [grunts]

Jo: Nice. And when did you learn to dislocate your arm?

Brick: Just now.

Lightning: Sha-zoom! Sha-booey! Sha--

Scott: Sha-ut your mouth for once!

Jo: Get ready to lose to a girl again!

Lightning: What girl? Who's he talking about?

Chris: And would the lady be participating?

Anne Maria: Oh, pfft! Have you seen my nails? These are why I drive with my feet!

Dawn: [grunting]

Sam: And I'm officially done. Goodnight, everybody.

Dawn: Sam, wait! I sense B has a plan.

Sam: Eh, cool. I hope it involves not climbing.

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Lightning: Sha-whoops.

Zoey: [gasps]

Mike: Ah!

Mike and Zoey: [scream]

Cameron: [screams] [grunts]

Anne Maria: Don't touch the hair!

[fire roars]

Sam:Aw, come on! Fire too? Seriously?

Dawn: We must distract his tortured soul!

[fire roaring]

Sam: Toss it over! I've got Funkman 3 at home, and high score! [chuckles]

[flute plays badly]

[beetle hisses]

Sam: Ah! The console makes better music!

[dragging]