User:Rainbowderp01/So, Uh This Is My Team? (Transcript)

Chris: Welcome, Total Drama fans! Put on some clean undies. 'Cause things are about to get wild! [laughing] Yeah! Fourteen spanking fresh contestants and a totally brand new location! A Cree island in Western Canada. As you might recall, during our Heroes vs. Villains finale, someone, and I prefer to remain nameless, accidentally destroyed our old island. So, this is where we landed. No shacks, no showers, no hotels, no hot tub. The only things we managed to save were the outhouse confessional and the horrific butt smells that live inside it.

[intern gasps]

Chris: It'll be the roughingest roughing it that's ever been roughed on Total Drama. So, buckle up. This is Total. Drama. Pahkitew Island!

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[ Theme song ]

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[zeppelin flies]

[creaking]

Ella: [humming]

Sky: Want some gum?

Max: Your offer of simple confectionery will not save you from the pure evil of me! But yes, thank you. [chews quickly] Uh! [coughs] Cinnamon! There is no need for you to be that spicy!

Dave: [chuckles] That guy's a little weird...

Leonard: Experiamus! I know many spells to ward off evil.

Dave: Oh. Good?

Ella: And there's nothing that can't be made sweeter than a song! [vocalizes]

Beardo: [beatboxes] Song!

Amy: Ugh! Switch seats with me, right now.

Samey: [sighs]

Amy: [gasps] Giant!

Jasmine: Are you and I gonna have a problem?

Amy: Switch back, now!

Topher: Chris? Yo, Chris? What the... I don't get it! Chris? Chris has gotta be here somewhere. Anyone seen Chris, you seen Chris?

Sugar: Stop your fidgeting! You scuff my pageant shoes and I'll toss you out the window. You'll be squished flat in two minutes!

Scarlett: Actually, in the first fourteen seconds, he would fall 1,800 feet, but then he would reach terminal velocity and drop 176 feet per second, so if we're flying at the recommended 32,000 feet, he would hit the ground in three minutes and six seconds.

Rodney: Wow. That girl has some real brains, huh?

Shawn: Brains? Whose brains? No one is getting my brains!

[thunder cracks]

Shawn: Ah!

Chef: [over PA] Hang on! This might get hairy!

[rattling]

Sugar: Oh!

Ella: [vocalized screaming]

Chris: Hello, newbies. Ready for some fun?

Topher: [panting]

Ella: Yes!

Topher: Yes!

Chris: Huh, a couple of keeners. I'm sure a little pain and starvation will fix that. Let's get started. This aircraft stinks, and is equipped with two emergency exits. Here and at the end of the cabin. At said exits, you will find parachute packs. Only half of them contain actual parachutes. The other half contain surprises that will be utterly useless while falling from the sky.

Sky: Well, hopefully we won't need them.

Chris: Who knows? This season is full of surprises. Like this.

[explosion]

[all scream]