User:Rainbowderp01/I See London... (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama World Tour... we had some mechanical difficulties and ended up in hot water, Jamaica style. [Jamacian accent] No problem. [normal] Except for Izzy, whose squished brain was a major problem, and led to our first elimination by injury. Stranded and short on gas money, we were forced to improvise. And DJ was forced to admit he was a big ol' loser. So long, Team Victory. But thanks to a rocking telethon that raised a tank load of cash from our viewers, hey, thanks for that, eh, we're ready to get back in the air! [sips drink] Oh man, that's refreshing.

[glass breaks]

Chris: Vacation's over. It's time for some more Total. Drama.

[Chris]

World Tour!

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[ Theme song ]

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Heather: Why are we in loser class? We won last time. Or didn't lose anyway.

Sierra: Chris said he needed first class today for a secret special guest. And what Chris needs...

Heather: Chris takes. From us.

Gwen: Ah! Sunburn! Ow! [blowing] Ah.

Courtney: Oops. Sorry. How do you end up with sunburn on just one hand?

Gwen: Ah. I don't know!

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Gwen: [snoring]

Cody: Make sure you get the bikini in the shot.

Tyler: Say cheese, bro!

Gwen: Huh? [snorts]

[creak]

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Courtney: Here. Soak your hand in this.

Gwen: What is it?

Courtney: It'll cool the burn. It's a special mix of green tea and bird guano.

Gwen: Ah... wait, guano? Isn't that...

Heather: A nicey-nice name for poop.

Gwen: Ew! Ow!

Courtney: Poop that's full of healing ingredients. I learned how to make it a CIT first aid weekend. It's gross, but it helps, right?

Gwen: Ugh. Yes. Well, thanks for being nice-ish.

Heather: Bonding over poop juice? Ugh. Is there anyone sane left around here? That would be a no.

Sierra: Tweeter update. Gwen's hand smells like Jamaican bird doodie, Cody is still cute, uh... sixty-seven characters. Okay. Seventy-three left. What else can I say?

Noah: [imitating Sierra] Considering buying myself a life on Fredslist, but having trouble deciding because they are al such a major improvement!

Owen: [muffled laugh]

Noah: Dude, gross.

Owen: Did I get some of my nose milkshake on you? Sorry. It's the only think that really cools off a snoot full of Jamaican Scotch Bonnet peppers. [gulps] [wheezing] Hot. Hot. Hot. Milk! [gulping]

Noah: [imitating Sierra] Must learn how to make nose shakes like Owen. That'll impress Cody!

Owen: [giggles] Ow!

Tyler: Ow! Weak!

Noah: [laughs]

Owen: [confessional] Aw, my little buddy Noah is like, the funniest guy I know, so making him laugh is awesome. It's like getting an A plus in hilarity. I want to top his honor roll! Did that sound creepy?

Noah and Owen: [laughing]

Owen: Check it out, I'll shoot a pepper out whichever nostril you pick. I mean, juice!

Noah: Yeah, 'cause one nose shake a day isn't enough.

Owen: Aw, but I'm out of milk.

Noah: Hey, Courtney, how much of that poop juice have you got left?

Owen: [laughing]

Alejandro: Excuse me, gentleman. I have to be... anywhere but here. [confessional] A nose shake? [sighs] How many more episodes are there?

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Chris: He's half-animal. He'll take them out like a lion preying on a pack of chubby asthmatic gazelles.

Chef: But what if he "takes them out" takes them out?

Chris: Legal says we're clear, and imagine the ratings. That dip will score major hits online!

[creak]

Alejandro: [gasps]

Chris: Did you hear something?

Alejandro: [gasps] [screams]

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Chris: [over PA] Attention, helpless competitors, we've been denied permission to land, so you're gonna have to jump!

[contestants complaining]

Chris: [over PA] And Chef may have miscounted parachutes.

Chef: Uh, I'm a cook. Not a mathematician.

Chris: [over PA] So you might wanna light a pepper under your butts and grab one before they're gone!

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Tyler: Yeah, woohoo!

Noah: [sighs] Life, why do you hate me so?

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Noah and Owen: [screaming]

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[My Country Tis of Thee plays]

Sierra: Ooh, London! Did you know Queen Mary II got engaged when she was only fifteen?

Cody: Ha ha. Cool. Can I have my hand back please?

Tyler: It's dre-- oof! Oh...

[ding ding]

Noah and Owen: [screaming] Oh!

Owen: Well, that wasn't so bad, was it, Noah?

Noah: Eh...

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Heather: Wait. Where's Alejandro?

Chris: Yes. Where is he? The answer in a sec. But first, gun it, Chef!

[tires squeal]

Chris: [through microphone] London. Home to loads of wicked stuff. Big Ben, The London Eye, the sandwich stuffed with french fries known as the Chip Buddy.

Owen: Yes, please!

Chris: [through microphone] London's also home to Scotland Yard, the world's biggest crime busting outfit. But there was one case even Scotland Yard couldn't crack. Jack the Ripper.

Heather, Gwen, and Courtney: [gasp]

Chris: The whacko serial killer who terrorized Victorian London. Today, you'll be tracking that bad boy down. But be careful. Jack's also hunting you. That's why Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot is now short-handed.

Owen: What?! The Ripper got Al? Not Al!

Chris: Next stop, Tower of London!

Heather: Do you think he's okay? Um, because wow, big advantage for us. Yay!

Gwen: Yeah. Also, can I just say I know tons about The Ripper. I did a speech on him in grade six.

Courtney: Wow, that's unexpectedly useful of you.

Gwen: The librarian said my fascination was morbid and occasionally offensive.

Heather: Should we look for Alejandro? I mean, you know, just in case this is all some kind of dirty scheme of his or--

Courtney: Let them look. Get this, my grade six speech? The Tower of London.

Gwen: Wow. We're like a nerdette dream team.

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Chris: Your challenge is to follow a series of clues to the tower complex, all the way to The Ripper's secret lair. Bag the criminal mastermind before he gets you, and you win. Your first clue will be found during the changing of the guard. And when I say change, I mean, change the guards. Your clue is hidden in his uniform.