User:Rainbowderp01/Not So Happy Campers - Part 1 (Transcript)

Chris: Yo! We're comin' at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario! I'm your host, Chris McLean. Dropping season one of the hottest new reality show on television right now! Here's the deal. Twenty-two campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp. They'll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgement of their fellow campers. Every three days, one team will wither win a reward or watch one of their team members walk down the Dock of Shame, take a ride on the loser boat, [laughs] and leave Total Drama Island for good. Their fate will be decided here At the dramatic campfire ceremony, where each week, all but one camper will receive a marshmallow. In the end, only one will be left standing and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame and a small fortune, which let's face it, they'll probably blow in a week. To survive, they'll have to battle... Black flies, grizzly bears...

[bear growls]

Chris: Disgusting camp food...

Grub: Hey now.

Chris: And each other. Every moment will be caught on one of the hundreds of cameras situated all over the camp. Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here, right now, on Total. Drama. Island!

[Theme Song]

Chris: Welcome back to Total Drama Island. All right. It's time to meet our first eleven campers. We told them they'd all be staying at this five-star resort, so if they seem a little T.O.'d, that's probably why. Beth, what's up?

Beth: It's so credulous to meet you! Wow. You're much shorter in real life.

Chris: Uh... Thanks. DJ!

DJ: Yo! Chris McLean! How's it goin'? Hey, you sure you got the right place here? Where's the hot tub at?

Chris: Yo, dawg. This is it, Camp Wawanakwa!

DJ: Hmm. Looked a lot different on the application form...

Chris: Hey, Gwen.

Gwen: You mean we're staying here?

Chris: No, you're staying here. My crib is an airstream with A.C. that-a-way.

Gwen: I did not sign up for this.

Chris: Actually, you did.

[paper rips]

Chris: The great thing about lawyers is, they make lots of copies.

Gwen: I am not staying here.

Chris: Cool. I hope you can swim, though. Because you're ride just left.

[boat horn honks]

Gwen: Jerk.

[party music]

Geoff: Chris McLean! Sup, man? Honor to meet you, man!

Chris: The Geoffster! Welcome to the island, man.

Geoff: Thanks, man.

Gwen: They say "man" one more time, I'm gonna puke.

Chris: Everybody, this is Lindsay.

[sultry music plays]

Chris: [aside] Not too shabby...

Lindsay: Hi. Hey, you look so familiar.

Chris: I'm Chris McLean. The host? Of the show?

Lindsay: Oh, that's where I know you from.

Chris: Uh... Yeah.

[ominous sting plays]

Chris: Heather.

Beth: Hi! [spitting] Looks like we're your new friends for the next eight weeks!

[punk music plays]

Chris: Duncan, dude.

Duncan: I don't like... Surprises.

Chris: Yeah, your parole officer warned me about that, man. He also told me to give him a holler anytime and have you return to juvy.

Duncan: [inhales] Okay then. [to Heather] Meet you by the campfire, gorgeous.

Heather: Drop dead, you skeeze. I'm calling my parents, you cannot make me stay here.

[boat horn honks]

Chris: Ladies and gentlemen, Tyler!

[whoosh, crash]

Beth, DJ, and Gwen: [groaning]

[splash]

Heather: Ugh! My shoes!

Chris: Wicked wipeout, man!

[ding]

Chris: [snickers, then laughs]

Harold: [heavy breathing]

Chris: Welcome to camp, Harold.

Beth: What's he looking at?

Harold: So you mean this show is at a crappy summer camp and not on some big stage or something?

Chris: You got it.

Harold: Yes! That is so much more favorable to my skills.

Chris: [winces] Contestant number nine Is Trent.

Trent: Hey, good to meet you, man. Saw you on that figure skating show, nice work.

Chris: Hey, thanks man. I knew I rocked that show.

Beth: I saw that. One of the guys dropped his partner on her head. Though they got immunity that week.

Harold: Lucky! I hope I get dropped on my head.

Lindsay: Me too!

Trent: So this is it?

[water dripping]

Trent: All righty then.

[squeaking, pop]

[guitar sting]

Bridgette: Hey. What's up?

Chris: All right! Our surfer chick, Bridgette Is here.

Duncan: [scoffs] Nice board. This ain't Malibu, honey.

Bridgette: I thought we were going to be on a beach.

Chris: We are!

[wave crashes, seagull cries]

Bridgette: [sighs] Great.

Chris: All right! That makes--

[bonk]

Chris: Ow! Darn it! That hurt!

Bridgette: Hey guys.

Geoff: Hey! I'm Geoff.

Bridgette: What's up?

Harold: Dang! Watch the board, man!

Beth: Hi, I'm Beth!

Bridgette: Hey.

Heather: Okay, we've all met surfer girl. Can we get on with the show, please?

Duncan: Someone miss their double cappuccino machiatto this morning?

Heather: Get bent.

Chris: Our... [grunts] next camper is Noah.

Noah: You got my memo about my life-threatening allergies?

Chris: Sure someone did.

Noah: Good. Is this where we're staying?

Duncan: No, it's your mother's house. And we're throwing a party!

Noah: Cute. Nice piercings, original. Do them yourself?

Duncan: Yeah. You want one?

Noah: [scoffs, talking oddly] No thanks, can I have my lip back please? [normal] Thanks.

LeShawna: What's up, y'all? LeShawna's in the house!

Harold: [gasps]

LeShawna: Yo, baby! Hey, how you doin'? How's it goin'? Feel free to quit now and save yourselves the trouble, 'cause I came to win! [to DJ] Oh, what's up, my brother? Gimme some sugar, baby!

Harold: I've never seen a girl like you in real life before.

LeShawna: Excuse me?

Harold: You're real big. And loud.

LeShawna: What did you say to me?! Oh no, you didn't! You have not seen anything yet! I'll show you big, baby! [grunting]

Harold: [exhaling]

[Asian music plays]

LeShawna: Oh yeah, you want some of this? Well, come on then!

Chris: All right campers. Settle down.

[ding]

Chris: Ladies! Sadie, Katie, welcome to your new home for eight weeks.

[flies buzzing]

Katie: Oh my gosh. Sadie look, it's a summer camp.

Sadie: Okay, I've always wanted to go to summer camp! Eeee!

Chris: Ezekiel! What's up, man?

Ezekiel: I think I see a bird.

Trent: [chuckles]

Chris: Okay. Look dude, I know you don't get out much, been homeschooled your whole life, raised by freaky prairie people. Just don't say much and try not to get kicked off too early, okay?

Ezekiel: Yes, sir.

Gwen: That's just... Wow.

Chris: Cody. The Codester. The Codemeister!

Cody: Dude, psyched to be here, man. I see the ladies have already arrived. All right.

[jazzy music plays]

LeShawna: Save it, short stuff.

Chris: Eva. Nice. Glad you could make it.

[clang]

Cody: Ow! Whats in there? Dumbbells?

Eva: Yes.

Duncan: She's all yours, man.

Owen: Woohoo! Chris! What's happenin'?! [laughs] This is awesome! Woohoo!

Chris: Owen! Welcome!

Owen: Awesome to be here, man! Yeah! Man, this is just so...

Gwen: Awesome?

Owen: Yes! Awesome! Whoooo! [to Chris] Are you gonna be on my team?

Gwen: Oh, I sure hope so.

Owen: [opera-like] Whooooo!

Chris: You about finished?

Owen: Sorry, dude. I'm just so psyched!

Chris: Cool. And here comes Courtney.

Courtney: Thank you. Hi. You must be the other contestants. It's really nice to meet you all.

Owen: Hows it goin'? I'm Owen!

Courtney: Nice to meet you, Ooohhhh, wow.

[dreamy music plays]

Sadie: [faints]

Chris: This is Justin. Welcome to Total Drama Island.

Justin: Thanks, Chris. This is great.

Chris: Just so you know, we picked you based entirely on your looks.

Justin: I can deal with that.

Owen: I like your pants!

Justin: Thanks, man.

Owen: 'Cause they look like they're all... Worn out. [laughs] Did you buy them like that?

Justin: Uh no, just had them for a while.

Owen: Oh. Cool. [to himself] Stupid.

Chris: Hey, everyone. Izzy!

Izzy: Hi, Chris! Hi! Hi! Whoa! [thunk, splash]

Tyler: Ooh! That was bad. [laughs]

Courtney: Guys. She could be seriously hurt.

Izzy: That felt... So... Good! Except hitting my chin. This is summer camp? That is so cool. Do you have paper maché here? Are we having lunch soon?

Owen: That is a good call!

Chris: First things first! We need a group photo for the promos. Everyone on the end of the dock! Okay! One, two, three. Oops. Okay, forgot the lens cap! Okay, hold that pose! One! Tw-- oh. No wait. Card's full. Hang on.

LeShawna: Come on man, my face is startin' to freeze!

Chris: Got it. Okay, everyone say "Wawanakwa!"

Campers: Wawanakwa! [screaming]

Chris: Okay guys. Dry off and meet at the campfire out in ten!