User:Rainbowderp01/I Love Ridonc & Roll (Transcript)

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race... our teams got skewered in China. And even though they say love conquers all, it seems hate s also very effective. The Daters came in first, and while it was sweet that the Rockers tried, they totally crashed. But it was a non-elimination round. So they live to fail another day! These twelve proud teams remain. Time to send one of them packing. Because this is... The Ridonculous Race.

[ding]

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[ Theme song ]

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Don: Last episode's chill zone sits atop The Great Wall of China. That makes it today's starting point. And last episodes winners are the first team to grab a tip.

Ryan: You gonna tell me what it says?

Stephanie: You gonna let me read it? [interview] We can't quit now. The prize money's like our children. We're staying together for the kids.

Ryan: [interview] I heard they're changing our name from the Daters to the Haters.

Stephanie: [interview] Hey, go for it. My hate for him won us the last round, so today, I plan to hate him even more.

Ryan: [interview] I couldn't hate her more if I tried. They might as well just give us the money right now.

Stephanie: "Fly to Oulu, Finland."

Owen and MacArthur: Finland?

Don: Finland. This European country is home to countless coffee drinkers, cell phone users, and the most saunas per capita, which is where the teams are headed. Here, at the Don box of the piping hot sauna's Apena Pilei Spa. Why suffer in the cold... when you can suffer in the heat?

Ennui: [interview] Finland is a paradise.

Crimson: [interview] They have four months of almost total darkness. And goth is mainstream.

Ennui: [interview] This guy ran for office. And won.

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Devin: Taxi!

Josee: Chauffer!

Crimson: Cab!

Spud: Taxi!

Rock: Dude, way to flag!

Spud: [interview] Rock asked me to step up my game on account of how I tank everything.

Rock: [interview] I was all, "Dude." And he was like, "But dude." so I was like, "Dude!" and he was all, "Dude..."

Spud: That's exactly how it went down.

Rock: [plays air guitar] First place, here we come!

Spud: Right on! Anyone want a lift?

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Rock: Hey! Since we gave you guys a lift, maybe we could have a... [small air guitar riff] Alliance or something, you know?

Goths and Police Cadets: No.

Spud: Woohoo, alliance! Okay team, just a heads up. I'm gullible, get distracted easy, and like, cannot say no to a dare.

MacArthur: Ha ha, good to know.

Don: [voiceover] Our teams are en route to Finland. And thanks to the power of editing, they've now arrived.

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Owen: Whoo! First one's here!

[buzz, ding]

Noah: It's an All In. "Finnish Spa Day? Teams have to sit in a dry sauna..."

Owen: Awesome!

Noah: "...fully clothed at the highest heat for ten minutes."

Owen: Heh heh. Less awesome.

Don: Each spa hut has just enough room for two teams. And the ten minute timer doesn't start until both teams have crammed inside.

Noah: "After the sauna, collect a tip from the next Don box by crossing the semi-frozen river."

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[seal sneezes]

[splash]

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Owen: Let's do this! First place!

Noah: Wait! Uh... mind if we wait, for uh, I don't know... Emma and Kitty?

Owen: Do I mind? Not in the least.

Noah: [aside] I'm making headway with Emma. The trick is to constantly be in her face. Girls love that. But I won't let it affect our race. My top priority is Emma. I mean, winning!

Owen: [aside] [laughs] Sure it is.

Rock: All right, first place! [plays air guitar]

Owen: Now we're in second place.

Noah: Relax, buddy, we'll get there.

Owen: Third place.

Noah: Still top three.

Twins, Ice Dancers, Police Cadets, and Haters: [panting]

Owen: Seventh place!

Noah: Okay, seriously, where are they?! Oh, hey. So, it's two teams per sauna. Hey, look at that, we're two teams.

Kitty: A sauna together, huh? Sounds hot.

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Kitty: So hot! How long's it been?

Emma: Ten seconds.

Noah: So, uh...

Emma: Too hot to talk.

Noah: Right. [interview] Yup. Making headway.

Owen: [interview] And all it cost us was our lead!

Kitty: [interview] What's your problem? You like Noah.

Emma: [interview] Shh! Noah doesn't know that and I don't want him finding out! I'll ask him out after we win, okay?

Kitty: [interview] [singsong] You're gonna ask out Noah.

Emma: [interview] Ugh!

Jacques: Why are ice dancing clothes so well-insulated? You know, your good luck charm thing must be broken.

Josee: Perhaps not. Our main competition are those weakling Twins. The heat will destroy them.

Jay: Uh, we heard all that.

Mickey: And we're fine, thanks.

Jay: [interview] We suffer from a rare condition called temperature dyslexia.

Mickey: [interview] We can't feel hot or cold. We get burns and frostbite a lot, but, heh, we're gonna own this challenge!

Josee and Jacques: [groan]

Don: [voiceover] As the remaining teams get cooking, some take the chance to unwind, while others take the chance to talk strategy.

Ryan: [sighs] When we get out, we should... ah, go fast.

Stephanie: Nice plan, bicep brain.

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Rock: Almost time to jet.

Spud: Uh, sweet. 'Cause this heat is getting to me. It looks like those two are melting.

Rock: Dude, relax. They're totally not-- whoa! Those two are melting!

Ennui and Crimson: [gasp]

[buzzer]

Ennui: First place!

Don: [voiceover] And they're off! Some very fast, others not so much.

Mickey: Bye! Have a nice race!

Jacques: [groans]

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Kitty: [sighs] I didn't know dry saunas had water.

Noah: Uh... it isn't water, it's Owen's sweat.

Owen: [panting] I am a sweat volcano.

Kitty: [screams]

[buzzer]

Kitty: [screaming]

Emma: Whoa!

Owen: Need cold!

Jacques: Must perservere... Greatness awaits. [grunts]

Kitty: [screaming]

Jacques: Well, that was rude! [grunts]

Ennui: There's the semi-frozen river.

Kitty: Ah!

Ennui and Crimson: Oof!

[splash]

Kitty: [shudders] S-S-So unclean.

Owen: Ah! [teeth chatter]

Emma: Whoa! That looks way too cold.

Noah: Aw, c'mon, it's not that bad.

[splash]

Noah: S-See? Ha...

Emma: Uh...

Noah: I got it! Ride Owen!

Emma: Are you sure?

Noah: Of course!

[splash]