User:Rainbowderp01/Planes, Trains, and Hot Air Mobiles (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama World Tour... Alberta! It'll blow you away! How could this happen?! Well first, Sierra exploded when Alejandro called Cody a two-timer. So, she took it out on Heather and boom! Someone got stuck in a hole. Luckily for Heather, Alejandro felt a tremor in his tiny black heart and saved her. But... his heart imploded when he found out Heather voted for him. Dude so would have been a goner. Except Sierra demolished my plane! Did I mention we've got no ride now? Hm? Because Sierra blew it up! [hyperventilates] Our final three are jetting to Hawaii... without a jet. So get set for some other kind of race to the million! Right here on Total. Drama. World Tour!

[creak, thud]

Chris: Ouch!

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[ Theme song ]

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Chris: The hot tub with my name spelled out in Italian tiles, gone. My monogrammed sneakers, gone. My custom calibrated stubble trimmer, gone.

Alejandro: So... shall we continue the game?

Heather: Yeah. I second that, totally.

Chris: As usual, you two are thinking of nothing but yourselves.

Cody: [grunts] Can we get some help over here?

Chris: What about the bigger humanitarian crisis? How am I supposed to keep this face fresh without my hyperbolic chamber?

Cody: [grunts]

Sierra: Oh, Cody. I've had dreams like this! Except in most of them, you wear a mounty hat and a loincloth. [growls seductively]

Cody: Did you land on your head?

Sierra: No, silly! I'm fine! I'm fanastic! Except for my, you know, left wrist, right earlobe, scalp, and both ankles.

Cody: [groaning]

Sierra: Which are, uh, kinda throbbing with every step we take. Ow! Ow!

Cody and Sierra: Whoa, oof!

Heather: [confessional] Now that Sierra's out of the game, it would be nice to earn points with Cody. But really, I have to help. I've been where she is. Crazy or not, no girl should ever have to be bald on national TV.

[wheels squeaking]

Heather: Here. Maybe these will help.

Sierra: Does it look okay?

Heather: Gorgeous.

Chris: Hey! My emergency kit! We're saved! Ha ha! That's right, kids. Get ready for surf, sun, and beauties in grass skirts. We're going to a-Hawaii!

Alejandro, Heather, and Cody: [cheering]

Chris: I know. Best host ever. Never doubt me.

Alejandro: Uh, is that a two-seater?

Chris: Yep. Chef flies, I supervise.

Alejandro: And we?

Chris: Will be competing to get to the big island first using only your wits and whatever you find out here.

Cody: But we're in the middle of nowhere!

Chris: True. So, check these fancy-dancy GPS's I'm generously giving you.

[beeping]

Heather: "Middle of Nowhere, Alberta." Well, they work.

Chris: Set 'em for Tijuana Beach. It's right on the Mexican border. Now move it! Go, go, go!

Sierra: Wait! What about me?!

Chris: Make like you took the Drop of Shame and figure it out yourself!

Sierra: [confessional] Okay, mom? I know how hard it is to end a crush, but he's a total jerkface! When I come home, the Chris McLean museum/guest room better be destroyed!

Chris: Don't worry! You're all totally gonna make it!

Cody: If Heather could find something useful in there, maybe I can too.

Sierra: You can do it! Can I come watch? I'm not busy.

Cody: Okay...

Sierra: [squeals]

Heather: And this must be the part where you ask me to join forces.

Alejandro: Why would I do that?

Heather: Because we're the final two, right? It was like a pact. You wanted--

Alejandro: I know what you did.

Heather: Um, could you be a bit more specific? I've done a lot. [gasps]

Alejandro: You voted for me! Oh, prepare for the full force of Hurricane Alejandro. Next stop, Hawaii. And I sincerely hope you don't make it.

Heather: Oh, like you wouldn't do the same!

Alejandro: [confessional] Heather has a way of making my focus slip, like a too-small speedo. [shudders] This race is my redemption. As long as I travel alone, she can't distract me with her clever words or her distrustful eyes! Or the way she tucks her hair behind those cute little earlobes. Gah! Focus! [real time] Focus!

Heather: You better focus, 'cause it is on! I am gonna smoke you for breakfast!

Alejandro: Bring it!

Heather: [over walkie talkie] Blah blah blah. [normal] Guess what? I can just turn you off.

Alejandro: [over walkie talkie] Of course you can. You're an expert at turning people off.

Heather: Ugh! Much better. Without Evil-jandro around to distract me, I am going straight to Millionaire City, population: me. Okay, now how do I get there?

Cody: A zodiac! Ugh. Bicycle? Eh, unicycle? Eh. None of this crud is gonna get me to Hawaii.

Sierra: Seat belt, meal tray, parachute.

Cody: Sierra, you're a genius.

Sierra: [grunts] Really?

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Alejandro: [grunts] If you wanna find a thief, follow his money. If you wanna find Chris, follow the evil beasts he loves to throw into the challenges. Tijuana Beach, here we come.

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Heather: Ah! Oof! Ugh. What kind of idiot leaves train tracks in the middle of nowhere? Trains! Yes!

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Alejandro: Attention competitors! I am currently travelling south at ninety kilometers per hour. So, you may as well give up.

[kiss]

Alejandro: [grunt] Wha! On an unrelated note... help!

[horn honks]

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Chris: Heather's ahead, but stalled. And the Yeti's new boyfriend is quickly catching up! But Cody can't seem to get his butt in gear.

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Cody: I just moderate the flow of fuel and the balloon goes up or down.

Sierra: But you need a basket. Oh, if there was any grass, I'd weave you one.

Cody: All I really need is some kind of chair, but with arms.

Sierra: Take my chair. So what if I perish here?