User:Rainbowderp01/Hurl and Go Seek (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama: Pahkitew Island... Dave made sure things with he and Sky were still okay. And they weren't! [chuckles] My insane challenge put the teams in crazy, dangerous situations. We saw a side of Max that was even creepier than the side he'd been showing us. And Topher got a very important phone call from the network, saying he was taking over as the new host. Sadly for Topher, the calls were from me, and I'm a liar. Topher got the blame, the cannon went blam! Now, it's back to the game and only seven remain. Who's next to go? Just watch the show! It's time for Total. Drama. Pahkitew Island!

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[ Theme song ]

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Chris: [whispering over loudspeaker] Shh, sleepyheads. I'm here to turn your dreams into nightmares.

Sugar: [snoring]

Chris: Picture yourself on a dangerous island...

[airhorn blares]

Chris: [over loudspeaker] Sike!

Jasmine: Ow!

Shawn: Ow!

Chris: [over loudspeaker] You already are on a dangerous island! [laughs] Meeting area! Now!

Sugar: [snoring]

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Max: What is so important, it required waking us in the middle of the night?

Scarlett: Cognitive function is dependent on REM sleep.

Shawn: [yawns] Can we go back to bed now?

Chris: The reason I called you here is because... it's time to merge the teams. Consider yourself merged!

Jasmine: And that couldn't have waited until the morning?

Chris: Hey. If you guys don't want the midnight merger meal, then fine. Just go back to bed.

Sky: You've never done anything nice. Ever. What gives?

Chris: Fine. The lawyers called to say that feeding only one team every couple days is technically "starvation". So, this is a legally enforced team merger celebration dinner.

[all cheer]

Chris: It was gonna be gourmet pizzas, bison burgers, and sweet potato fries, but the silk tablecloth and the silver candelabras put us way over budget. So tonight, you'll be eating... Juggy Chunks!

All but Sugar: [gasp]

Sugar: Woohoo! Is this Thanksgiving?

Max: I've never heard of these "Juggy Chunks",

Sugar: Come on, you've seen the commercials. They got that catchy jingle, and it ends with the cartoon horse that goes "I've never won a race! But I'm still delicious! [neighs] They're gratifying!"

Shawn: How does a horse give a thumbs up?

Sugar: Cartoon horses always give a thumbs up. Otherwise, they'd get mistaken for real horses.

Chris: Okay, save some wonderful truisms for your spin-off show, Sugar.

Sugar: [gasps]

Chris: Relax, I'm kidding. Television broadcast standards could never sink that low.

Sugar: [growls] [confessional] I got great show ideas. [clears throat] A show called That's Nothing. Real people tells me their problems and I just yell, "Suck it up!" I'd watch that.

Chris: This fabulous dinner will be used as a pre-challenge. The first player of Juggy Chunks will be safe from elimination. All right, everyone. Grab some chunks.

Chef: [hushed] This stuff expired in 1976.

Chris: [hushed] Oh, it'll be fine. They're mostly meat, eggs, and mayonnaise. And I kept them somewhere very warm. Ready... set...enjoy!

[airhorn blares]

[bubbling]

Jasmine: This is repulsive!

Shawn: You can do it, Jasmine, just--

Jasmine: I don't need any help from you!

Shawn: [gulps] [confessional] I can't believe Jasmine still won't forgive me. I've been nothing but nice, and smashing her into the water with a dueling stick.

Sugar: [humming] Ah...

Sky: [gulping] [burps] [confessional] I've never eaten anything this gross. Except for that time I was singing while riding my bike and I swallowed a butterfly. Weird that something so pretty could taste that bitter.

Dave: [confessional] I don't like eating questionable food, but Shawn's right! If I wanna win Sky back, I gotta be a fierce competitor, so... yeah. Yeah! [real time] [gulping] Are you watching me, Sky? I'm an eating/winning machine! Don't let my-- ack... awesomeness... distract you.

Scarlett: [lick] [shudder] [lick] [retch]

Chris: You're never gonna get immunity like that, Scarlett.

Scarlett: [gulping] [retching]

Sugar: [humming circus music] [eating noises]

Scarlett: [confessional] Yeah. Eating challenges are not my thing.

Sugar: [confessional] Sure hope there's leftovers. [real time] Hey, I just remembered the Juggy Chunks jingle!

[Sugar]

What's made of horse meat

Smells like skunk

Comes in a jug, it's Juggy Chunks

How's your dinner? Mine's just fine

'Cause I love the taste of brine

Juggy Chunks is the perfect meal

For any celebration

Please ignore the warning

From the Food and Drug Administration

Yummy!

Sugar: Done!

Chris: Sugar wins the pre-challenge and has immunity.

Sugar: Whee!

Jasmine, Shawn, Scarlett, and Max: [groan]

Chris: Dave, Sky, you can stop now.

Dave: Done!

Sky: [gulps] Done! [confessional] To eat that entire cup and not win? Ugh! I have never been this angry before!

Dave: [confessional] [chuckles] Didn't win immunity, but I did beat Sky. This is the perfect time to rub it in a little. Oh yeah. She's gonna fall in love with me, right now! [real time] Second place to me. Boom! Totally did better than you! Ha ha. How sexy am I now? Bet you wish I was still your boyfriend.

Sky: Ugh! You were never my boyfriend, and you will never be my boyfriend, and you have no shot of beating or dating me! Got it?

Dave: Mm-hmm! Oof! [groans]

Max: Ha ha! Look at his face!

Chris: Okay... on that super awkward note, it's time to introduce our night-time challenge.