User:Rainbowderp01/Alien Resurr-eggtion (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Action... Fourteen teenagers. One engaging host. A dilapidated film lot. And a whole lot of coin. Ka-ching! Oh, and did I mention a remote controlled monster? [chuckles] I love this show. Some fared better than others. Owen ran for his life, but didn't make it very far. Until he chowed down on fake food props and scored the reward, first pick of the cast trailers. Shockingly, Owen picked the wrong one. The girl's hope of victory were crushed, along with their new digs. Who will be one step closer to the million bucks? Find out on another thrilling episode of Total. Drama. Action!

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[ Theme song ]

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Duncan: Keep the line movin', lovebirds.

Bridgette and Geoff: [moaning]

DJ: More eggs and bacon for me. Keep it comin', Chef.

Chef: [growls]

Duncan: Forgot how hungry I got last year eating on Chris' wrecked schedule.

Gwen: I know! Got to the point where I'd kill for Chef's disgusting food. No offense, Chef.

Chef: None taken.

Duncan: You can have my burnt toast, big mouth.

Gwen: Judging from that gut, I thought you'd be all over the extra carbs.

Duncan: [chuckles] Nice.

Trent: You can have my toast, Gwen.

Gwen: Thanks, but I can't take enemy toast.

Trent: Enemies? We're not enemies.

Duncan: In this game, we're all enemies.

Trent: Except for me and Gwen. I'll always have her back, no matter what.

Gwen: Right back at you, babe.

Duncan: I'll remind you two of that when the money's being divvied up.

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Lindsay: That is so wrong.

Beth: So wrong.

Izzy: In battle, we put ketchup on everything. Covers the taste of mortar.

Lindsay: My new nail polish is mortar. Isn't it hot?

Beth: Gray is so totally your color.

Owen: Ugh. No eggs and bacon for me, Chef. I'll just have this [retches] Nice bowl of... prunes.

Chef: [gasps]

Heather and DJ: [gasp]

Izzy: [gasps]

Harold: [gasps]

Owen: What? [confessional] My, uh, plumbing's been clogged ever since I ate all those fake food props. Pressure buildup's been killing me! [grunts] Aw... c'mon, colon. Don't fail me now! [farts] Oh, I hear bells!

Chris: Welcome to day two of Total. Drama. Action!

Duncan: Are you gonna do that every time?

Chris: Yes. Yes, I will.

Duncan: All right then.

Chris: Today's movie genre: Aliens! Our unpaid interns have been hard at work figuring out what makes an alien movie successful. Chef?

Chef: You got three basic rules. Aliens wanna take over the world and start making lots of baby aliens, people fight back, then the military's called in. Yo, Chris! Where's my paycheck at?!

Chris: It's in the mail. Today's challenge, find an alien egg and return to home base before Mama Alien finds you. The two fastest get to pick the teams this season.

Duncan: Sorry, losers, but no one knows alien movies the way I do. The more obscure, the better.

Gwen: "I'm gonna blend up those no-good aliens, and have them for breakfast!"

Duncan: Dude, Alien Chunks is my favorite alien movie of all time!

Gwen: Me too! I've seen it twenty-seven times!

Duncan: Fifty-three.

Gwen: You'll be tough to beat. But I have my lucky charm. [confessional] I love the scene in Alien Chunks where the turn the aliens into fruity blended drinks. I even have the necklace.

Trent: I like that movie where the aliens take over the government. "Take me to your leader."

Duncan: Oh, dude, you are so going down.

Trent: It was a good movie! Right... Gwen?

Gwen: Uh, okay. This is kinda awkward.

DJ: Yo, Chris! You got some laser-shooting monster playing Mama Alien?

Chris: Not quite.

[suit squeaks]

Chris: You call that slime? Makeup! More slime over here!

[slime oozes]

Chef: I hate my life.

Chris: Here are your GPS devices, complete with maps of the film lot. Find the alien eggs, but be careful. 'Cause today, you're all on Chef's menu.

Chef: [chuckles]

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[GPS beeping]

Izzy: Hey, follow me! I know aliens! Uh-huh. I've been abducted loads of times. There's a tracking device in my neck, see?

Harold: Does it hurt?

Izzy: Only when I hiccup. [hiccups] Ow.

Leshawna: [shudders] Can you feel that? It's like there's something in there cold as ice, with no soul

Chris: Thanks. [chuckles] Now take that!

Izzy, Harold, and Owen: [scream]

Leshawna: [confessional] I have already told that skinny little tadpole that things between us aren't meant to be. Guess he can't get over the lusciousness that is Leshawna.

Harold: [confessional] I'm pretty sure Leshawna isn't over me yet. I see the way she looks at me. Like she's un-pantsing me with her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes. Like chocolate almond-- ooh!

[GPS beeping]

Heather: How come we're the only dots on the screen? Where's Chef?

Justin: How did you get in our group?

Heather: There are no groups yet. Plus, there is only one way we can go.

Beth: [confessional] Even though Heather can be really mean, that doesn't mean we should be mean back, right? Buddha says, "You can lead a sheep to water, but you can't make it nice."

Lindsay: [confessional] That is so deep!

[suction noises]

Gwen: Shh!

Owen: [farts] Aww, yes! First one! [chuckles] Smell it. Sorry.

[noises continue]

Trent: What is that?

Beth: Ever since I got my braces off, I don't make that sound anymore!

Leshawna: Chris! Is that you?

Chris: I get blamed for everything.

Duncan: It must be Chef. You wanna run or you wanna kick some alien butt?

Gwen: Let's kick some alien butt!

Trent: [clears throat]

Gwen: Trent? Any thoughts?

Trent: Yeah, let's... kick some alien butt!

Harold: So, who wants to go first?

Leshawna: Uh, please, please, after you.

DJ: After you. I insist.

Owen: Don't worry, Izzy. I'll protect you. Wha, oh!

Izzy: Heh. It's Kaleidoscope. E-Scope for short.

Owen: Yes, sir, E-Scope, sir!

DJ: Okay. Let's do this. Mama! If you're listening, you can have my limited edition Raptor's draft cards! They're worth some serious coin!

Beth: I didn't suffer through eight years of braces, headgear, saliva spittle and the ridicule of my peers so I could hide from life!

Leshawna: You go, girl!

Beth: Watch out, alien Chef, 'cause here comes Beth! Oh! It's just Bridgette and Geoff!

Duncan: Oh, nice. Don't you two ever get sick of sucking face?

Geoff and Bridgette: [kissing]

Owen: I'm guessing that's a no.

Gwen: Enough messing around. We've got alien eggs to capture. [confessional] I wasn't worried about Chef. Alien costume or not. I mean, I did place second last year, I know exactly what I'm doing.

[GPS beeping]

Gwen: [real time] Good thing we're all lined up in a row, huh?

Trent: Yeah. Ready for Chef to pick us off one at a time.

Gwen: We're really gotta work on our strategizing.

GPS: Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!

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