User:Rainbowderp01/Masters of Disasters (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Action... The world's toughest Chef used spoons to bring out DJ's killer instinct.

Chef: This is not about right or wrong, son. It's about you and me, winning that cool mil.

Chris: It was no thanks to DJ that Duncan and Heather had the bejeebies scared out of them. Victory seemed within reach, as DJ won the scream-off. Lindsay surprised everyone by taking charge, earning the respect of her teammates.

Lindsay: Beth is going to be our serial killer and that is that!

Chris: Just as the Killer Grips were about to cut someone loose, DJ's conscience, A.K.A. Mama DJ, got the best of him. DJ called himself out as a cheater, hopped into the lamousine, and rode off into the sunset. How will the contestants survive without DJ's gourmet cooking? Was it coriander or tarragon he used in that casserole? Discover all that and more in another thrilling and filling episode of Total. Drama. Action!

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[ Theme song ]

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[cockroaches chattering]

Harold: [chomps] Ugh! [coughs] I really miss DJ's cooking. It was as awesome as this is completely grossitating.

Beth: I wish my boyfriend was here. He's such a great cook!

Heather: Boyfriend? I don't remember any talk of a boyfriend.

Beth: Oh, yeah. I have a boyfriend. I love my boyfriend. What? Didn't I mention my boyfriend before?

Leshawna: You sure do like that word, "boyfriend". When did you two meet?

Beth: We met between TV seasons.

Lindsay: Wasn't that only like, two days?

Beth: Mm-hmm. We met at the orthodontist. He was getting his braces off at the same time as me. At first, I wasn't into him. But after the braces came off, look out! Such a cutie.

Lindsay, Justin, and Owen: [snickering]

Izzy: [confessional] Okay. I bought a lot of junk off late night infomercials, but I ain't buyin' that!

Heather: So, you have a boyfriend, huh? Prove it.

Beth: Sure! I can tell you everything about him. He's six feet tall, has light brown hair, blue eyes, size ten shoe. Thirty-two pant with a thirty-four inch inseam.

Justin: Wait a second. Those stats are all written on the back of his picture. I know a comp card when I see one, because I'm a... professional male model.

[camera click]

Beth: Yeah, well... maybe he's a model too. Ever thought of that?

Duncan: No. No one ever thought of that.

Leshawna: You've been chasing after a boyfriend all this time, with a honey back home?

Beth: Sure, my boyfriend's a model, but he's still just a guy. Justin is a super-model! I can't help myself! Now that my braces are off, it's a whole new dating world.

Harold: Bendy straws! These are just like the ones they had at the hospital where I had my kidneys switched.

Owen: Huh?

Harold: I was born with a rare kidney condition. My left kidney was where the right one should be.

Leshawna: You had a surgical kidney swap?

Harold: That's right. I'm a rare case.

Heather: Hm. You're a rare case, all right.

Harold: Whatever. I'm loading up.

Owen: [eating noisily]

Heather: I think Owen's taste buds packed up and moved to France years ago.

Lindsay: I wish I had this disgusting slop around last time I was trying to stick to my diet.

Harold: [clears throat] This haute cuisine is obviously too complex for our unsophisticated taste buds, right?

Owen: [chewing] I give it five stars!

Chef: I hate suck-ups.

Chris: Not to worry, folks. You won't be hanging on to your lunch for much longer. [chuckles]

Duncan: And exactly what torture have you concocted for us today?

Chris: Oh, nothing. Just that your day will be total disaster. Get it? It's a disaster movie theme! You know? Like in disaster flicks?

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Chris: People running for their lives from volcanoes, earthquakes, asteroids, tidal waves.

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Chris: The more disastrous, the better.

Lindsay: [confessional] My hair is already a total disaster! It's been three weeks since I've had a trim! Split ends city! How much worse could it get?

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Chris: Your first challenge is... the earthquake of inevitable pain! Each team has to run the course, challenging your dexterity, maneuverability, and other mad monkey skills.

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Chris: First team to the top wins! Best out of two earns today's reward.

Beth: Ooh! My boyfriend had a summer job cleaning up after earthquakes and land slides!

Izzy: Haha. Nope, still not buying it. But I did cave and buy the electronic salad spinner. [imitates spinner] [laughs] Whoo!

Chris: Enough with the chitty chat. Take your marks...

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Leshawna: [panting]

Heather: This'll be a cinch.

Beth: I can't wait to swing on the monkey bars.

Chris: And... action!

[airhorn blows]

Izzy: How easy is this?

Chris: Are you ready to rock?! [laughs]

[mechanical whirring]

Izzy: If you break it, you buy it! [laughs]

Duncan: Oh!

Chef: Perfect time to get rid of some old junk. Heh heh...

Harold: Ow, my right kidney!

[multiple crashes]

[squeak squeak]

[squeak]

Justin: Ah! My precious cheek bones...

[mechanical hiss]

Beth: Ugh. Finally, a break.

Chris: Aftershock! [laughs]

[rumbling]

Owen: [screams] Oh, haha... urk... [vomits] My delicious lunch lost forever!

Chris: Oh, yeah. That reminds me. It's lava time!

[whirring]

Chef: Tomato soup?! That was supposed to be for supper.

Chris: Hoo-wee! Is it getting hot in here? How 'bout a cool, refreshing hail storm?!

[honk honk]

Chris: Golf ball-sized hail is bad. But hail-sized golf balls are even worse! [laughs]

[pew pew!]

Chris: I got one!

Chef: Don't get cocky, kid.

[contestants grunting and groaning]

Justin: No! Not the face! [confessional] I give up. There's no way I'll get that skin care line endorsement now. oh, not so silky smooth...

Chris: After-aftershock!

[rumbling]

Lindsay: [screams] Whoa!

Justin: [gasps]

Owen: [gasps]

Justin: {grunts] I can't breathe.

Owen: I'm still carrying a little holiday weight.

Beth: My boyfriend was part of a rescue team that saved people stuck in avalanches. He used to say--

Justin: Beth? We need actual advice from real-life living people!

Beth: [grunts]

Owen: [strained] Hurry, they're getting a lead!

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