User:Rainbowderp01/Bigger! Badder! Brutal-er! (Transcript)

Chris: We've been to the movies. We've been around the world. And this season, we're going right back where it all began. At Camp Wawanakwa! I'm Chris McLean! And as you can see, things have changed since we've been away.

[crack]

Chris: And by "changed", I mean gotten really, really dangerous.

[creature screeches]

Chris: [chuckles] Good stuff. But the rules of the game remain the same. A handful of unsuspecting teens will bunk with complete strangers, air their dirty laundry in our outhouse confessional, and compete in life-threatening challenges all over the island and risk being voted off. Last one standing wins one. Million. Dollars! Speaking of our cast, here they come now!

[party music]

[record scratch]

Owen: No!

Chris: [chuckles] No. Not them. This season, we've got all new players fighting for the million. And here they come now. For real. Meet Jo!

Jo: Stay out of my way if you value your kiwis.

Chris: Scott!

Scott: Right back at ya.

Chris: Zoey and Mike!

Zoey: Can you believe we're here?

Mike: Yeah. It's... beautiful.

Chris: Lightning!

Zoey: Ah!

Lightning: Hello, gorgeous! Mwah!

Chris: Brick!

Zoey: Ah!

Brick: Brick McArthur, reporting for duty!

Chris: B and Dawn.

Dawn: Your aura is exceptionally purplish-green. Oh, it suits you, though.

Chris: Dakota!

Dakota: Hey there! [giggles] Dakota here, and I'm here to--

Chris: Anne Maria!

Anne Maria: Oh yeah, three more coats oughtta do it.

Dakota: Hey, whoa! Who said you could pan away?

Anne Maria: Don't push me, blondie!

Dakota: Ah!

Chris: Staci!

Staci: My grandma Millie invented suntans. Yeah. Before her, people smeared themselves with clay. [coughs]

Chris: Cameron!

Cameron: Fresh air! A real lake! Birds! Whoa!

Chris: And Sam.

Cameron: Wha!

[video game music]

Sam: Oh, yeah! Grenade launcher upgrade. Heh. Now we're cooking.

Chris: Yep. It's our roughest, toughest most explosive season ever!

[explosion]

[all scream]

Chris: Right here on Total. Drama. Revenge of the Island!

_________________________________________________________________________________________

[ Theme song ]

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Cameron: Ah! [grunts] Is this what pain tastes like? [grunts] I mean... [groans]

Anne Maria: Chris is so gettin' a beat down for this!

Jo: [panting] Out of the way! High athlete coming through!

Sam: Hey!

Cameron: [gagging] Help!