User:Rainbowderp01/Ocean's Eight - Or Nine (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Action... we learned that war movies are brutal! At first, our contestants were flying high. But tensions soon ran deep when Grips couldn't capture the footlocker to win the challenge. Despite the inspiring leadership of Admiral Lindsay, Her Hotness. And while the Gaffers technically won that battle, you have to wonder if they lost the war because their biggest conflict is still with each other. In the end, even though Owen's jaw was wired shut, his heart was wide open as he faced a plus-sized voting tragedy. Was it time for Izzy to go? Again? Uh, yeah! That girl is a complete whackjob! You keep coming back for the explosive drama, I keep coming back for the perks. Car chase this week! And with only eight contestants left, the engines are on and the stereo is set to thump to the catchy opening theme song. It's time for some more Total. Drama. Action!

[tires squeal]

[crash]

Chris: Aw, crap!

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[ Theme song ]

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Duncan: What?

Heather: Vandal. Nerd.

Harold: [blows raspberry]

Leshawna: We have to all stop acting like babies or every one of us is going home.

Harold: [confessional] Ever since Leshawna sold us all up the river for a day at the spa, I've finally come to see that she's only looking out for herself. Of course, if I looked like that, I'd probably just look at myself all day, too. Uh, but she's a bad, selfish person! Bad! So bad...

Heather: Come on, you guys. What Leshawna did is for the best. Nobody needs a day at the spa like she does. In fact, you could write a tell-all book about her hairdo called "Weave Got Problems"

Leshawna: Nobody's gonna argue with her?

Harold: Sounds like an entertaining read.

Leshawna: I'm going back to the trailer.

Duncan: Try not to let the door hit your butt on the way out!

Heather: Door? It's a tent, idiot boy.

Duncan: Uh, it's a figure of speech?

Harold: What you should've said was, "Don't let the flap flutter y--"

Heather and Duncan: Shut up, Harold.

Leshawna: They're gonna pay. Leshawna's revenge-- Hey! [grunts]

Beth: I feel so lucky to still be here.

Owen: And I am back on track! My jaw's unwired and back in business! I can finally eat like normal people! Ha ha ha! [eats noisily]

Justin: Or like ten normal people.

Owen: [gulps] [sniffs] Sorry you guys, but there's a great smell coming from Chef's steam table and seconds are a-wasting! Aw, man, it was just steam! My sniffer must be getting rusty. Yoohoo, Cheffy-poo?! Come out, come out wherever you are! [grunting]

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[fabric ripping]

Beth: What an entrance!

Chris: Consider it a hint as to this week's movie genre!

Duncan: Is it lame-o, rock-climbing, wannabe host movies?

Chris: No. This week, we're paying tribute to the action-packed bank heist gangster caper film!

Justin: Uh, Chris? Our team is missing a player.

Heather: So is ours. But we don't care.

Chris: Owen and Leshawna are gone, people. Because rescuing them is the first part of your challenge.

Beth: [gasps]

Lindsay: [gasps]

Justin: [gasps]

Lindsay: [gasps]

Duncan: [yawns] Oh. Pardon me.

Chris: They've both been locked up in state-of-the-art safes, along with all the tools each team will need to commit a movie perfect bank robbery. Your job is to crack the safes, rescue your teammates, grab the equipment, and try to be the first ones to rob the First National Bank of Chris. Let's kick it, gangstas.

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Owen: Hello? Hello?! I can handle being ambushed and carried away by unknown thugs who keep saying, "Whoa, this dude is heavy!", but would it kill them to put a little catering in the vault?!

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Leshawna: Dig as this bank tank is, it still beats hanging with my so-called teammates. Seriously, they've been giving me major 'tude for actually playing the game. Like they would've done anything different.

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[safe knob cracking]

Heather: Let me do it!

Harold: Were you the captain of Picky Steve's Lock Picking Camp? Huh? No.

[smack]

[smack]

[smacking]

Duncan: [confessional] The H-Bombs, Harold and Heather, were so busy trying to figure out who's the wold's biggest dweeb that they totally forgot I'm an experienced criminal! Frankly, it was a little insulting.

[fighting noises]

Lindsay: Do you think it's like cracking an egg?

Beth: My boyfriend has a bad habit of cracking his knuckles. Some people say it's gross. I think it's kinda adorable. 'Cause it's him. If this safe were a giant knuckle, I'd know what to do.

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[safe knob cracking]

[foot tapping]

Harold: I need concentration and quiet! The numbers aren't talking to me.

Heather: Maybe they don't speak moron! [grunts]

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Justin: It's an expression. "Crack open". As in, we need to find the combo.

Lindsay: Oh. My junior high locker combination! It didn't change the whole three years I was in grade eight, so it must be standard! Oh, well, that's just bad school spirit!

[smack]

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Heather: The obvious way to do this is to think of combinations Chris would've come up with. What is his favorite thing in the whole world?

Duncan: Chris.

Heather: Exactly! His birthday.

Harold: [imitates buzzer]

Heather: Okay then. His measurements.

Harold: [imitates buzzer]

Heather: The barcode number on his favorite hair gel?

Harold: [imitates buzzer]

Heather: Stop doing that!

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Lindsay and Beth: [grunting]

Justin: You know, Chris, I was thinking. Super hot guys like you and me have to stick together. So why don't you tell me what the combo is? And then we can talk about guy stuff and I'll give you a shoulder rub, huh? Huh?

Chris: Justin?

Justin: Uh-huh?

Chris: You're making me kind of uncomfortable here.

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Harold: A bobby pin?!

Heather: It worked on my sister's diaries!

Harold: You're pathetic.

Heather: You're pathetic-er!

Duncan: You're both losers!

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Owen: Aw, get me out of here! I'm starving! I can't go this long without food!

Justin: Guys, I think we found the answer. But if we can somehow pipe the smell of delicious food into that safe...

Lindsay: We'll unleash the power of Owen!

Justin: Exactly, but we don't have any food, delicious or otherwise.

Beth: Don't worry. Back when I was single, I bought a bottle of Desperado, the fragrance of last resort. It attracts men with the same cutting-edge technology supermarkets use to attract customers!

Justin: Meaning?

Beth: It smells just like roast chicken. [confessional] So I'm sitting in my orthodontist's office, and Hunky McCuterson takes the seat opposite me. I grin at him, but he just thinks I'm making ouchie faces on account of the braces. Until I pull this baby out and spritz her on. Once something works that well, you don't let it out of your sight.

[sprays]

Owen: No, I've never tried plutonium. Is it spicy? [sniffs] Huh? [sniffs] Oh, sweet whipped topping! There's chicken out there! People shouldn't make me hungry! You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry! [growls] [grunting] Chicken? Hey! I don't remember you guys looking so crispy.

Lindsay: Why is he looking at us like that?

Justin: Here's our bank robbing kit.

Beth: Let's go rob a bank before Owen tries to eat us! Wow. There's something I never thought I'd say.

Lindsay: We are such good safe crackers.

Owen: Mmm, crackers.

Duncan: Great, now they're in the lead. Can you tell me why we're even trying to get Leshawna out? I don't need a bunch of stupid prop equipment to rob a bank.

Heather: Then what exactly are we waiting for?

Harold: We can't just leave Leshawna.

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