User blog:DramaDot/You Regatta Be Kidding Me Review

You Regatta Be Kidding Me


This scene is disturbing on many levels.

'''Hi, Dot here. Today I’m going to be continuing my All-Stars review series with Episode Eight, You Regatta Be Kidding Me. This episode was written by Ed Macdonald. We’ll see how it goes down. '''

-

'''See-ya-tomorrow Alejandro? Don’t these challenges have breaks in between them? Is it just a challenge every day? That’s not what I originally thought. Chris is once again standing on the Flush of Shame. I guess the animators got tired of putting him in the same spot. You have to wonder, if TD was a real show, how much of it would be scripted? Would they film the opening sequence? That’d be weird. Scott would actually have to get chased by Fang. The other campers wouldn’t survive for very long either. '''

'''Gwen dreams about UNICORNS? Whatever happened to her being a goth? Does everyone just have one pair of pajamas or do they have them custom made then mass produced? Courtney is attracted to Gwen’s idea of a good dream so she ditches Scott to talk more about it. I don’t think any bed is that good. I usually sleep under my bed anyways. '''

'''Rule Number One of Total Drama: don’t talk smack about your allies even if you think they aren’t listening. Cameron has stars on his pajamas. At least he’s an All-Star at SOMETHING, right? Oh well. Scott’s really mad; is this gonna impact his performance? '''

'''Cameron is freaked out by Scott’s meanness. Get used to it, dude. I didn’t really need to see a close up of Cam’s face. My eyes already hurt and we’re only two minutes in. Is Scott going to act like a villain now? The only other villainous act he’s done so far was to steal a piece from the Hippos in Evil Dread. I like him better as a derailed, comedic pain magnet. At least derailed from his ROTI self. '''

'''This Duncan plot is very forced. How could Zoey even think that was a bunny painting? She needs to get out more. I love how Duncan’s all like, “Huh, this Jeep I’m trying to sabotage is broken. Let me fix it.”'''

'''Once again, Chef says a contestant’s name and I barf inside my mouth. Did Alejandro magically materialize from Boney Island? Flashback time! Cameron suddenly idolizes everybody because he’s scared of them. Alejandro uses his Spanish charm to survive Boney Island (R.I.P. unnamed gopher with beautiful eyes). '''

'''Oh look, here comes the merge. Chris EXPLICITLY said that the teams were not merging last episode!! What?! Oh well, I guess I shouldn’t trust anything he says. Cameron saying “friendship finale 2.0” made me barf again. I’m running out of paper towels. There’s a traffic jam outside my house. I REALLY don’t want said friendship finale 2.0.'''

'''Wow, Zoey’s rambling about tarot cards again. She should be the official recap narrator since she basically summarizes the entire Total Drama franchise every single episode. How can Mal get in on a friendship finale that’s meant for two people? Goodbye Cameron, hello, Zoke finale?'''

'''We get a yucky brain scene with Mike, who’s dragging a rock behind him. I’m guessing the red wall behind him is the outer layer of his brain or the “grey matter”. In which case, Mike’s brain is very small. Hmph. That was a very random and poorly written escape from his shackles. He just grabs some flying question marks inside his head and cuts his chains off? Okay....there’s Chester now. Who is Chester selling skateboards to? Aren’t there only five-or-something-like-that people? I guess a skateboard is a legal weapon now. '''

'''We’re out of Mike’s head and an hour has passed since Chris started rambling about his socks. A hat has materialized on his head. The campers are somehow still awake.'''

'''Yes, this boat race makes me so nostalgic for, ummm...what challenge?? The campers are scared of fictional obstacles. Be glad that it’s Chef and not Chris who’s providing these obstacles. Okay, time to start the challenge. For once, there wasn’t an air horn followed by catchy music.'''

'''Alejandro teleports ahead of the others while Gwentney runs slowly so as to make proper fun of Duncan. Gwen’s confessional laugh is weird. When did she start citing memes and being so mean? She really IS a Villain now. '''

'''Mal breaks some more stuff. Zoey’s head disappears and I scream with excitement, only for it to reappear and make me sad again. '''



'''I wish Zoey and Cameron were left behind on the docks without a boat. Chris said that some of the boats weren’t seaworthy--did he know that Mal was gonna break them or was that an unnecessary step from the antagonist? '''

'''So now we have Alejandro on a boat, Gwentney on another, Mal by his lonesome self, and the others (Duncan, Zoey, Scott, and Cameron) on a raft together. Who’s gonna win individual immunity for the first time? '''

'''Chef clearly has enough room in his hot air balloon for several baskets of coconuts. Okay, what’s up with Courtney and Gwen? They’re Katie/Sadie-level creepy now. '''

“Thanks, Gwen, I almost got my hair wet!”

Since when do you care about your hair?

'“I would NEVER let that happen. Your hair is fantastic!”'

'''Whatever you say, Gwen. '''

'“No, yours is! What’s your secret?”'

Courtney is not the fangirl type.

“I double-condition.”

'''Gwen washes her hair now? Okay. In supposedly “satisfying” viewers with a Courtney/Gwen friendship, the writers have turned it into a creepy compliment-fest. Chris is right. It IS boring and incredibly OOC.'''

'''Hey, did anybody realize until NOW that Alejandro is Spanish? Huh, just a thought. I mean, he only speaks in Spanish every other line. '''

'''CAMERON, DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO KILL SCOTT. When did you get to be so mean and unlikeable? Duncan says edgy and Zoey just watches silently, as she should. '''

'''Chris, if the campers survived four seasons of your abuse, they can survive Coconut Alley. Though really, coconuts can be deadly. Somewhere around 150 people die coconut-related deaths per year. The contestants should be scared.'''

'''Scott on the Heroes’ team? As if. Cameron is horrible. Every single contestant except for Jo, Scott, and LIndsay, has had mood whiplash at some point. '''

'''Duncan’s going to blow up Chris’ cottage--no, mansion--no, PLAYA DES LOSERS. Either this is a poorly written plot point disguised as a gag or this is a gag disguised as poor writing. Guess it really is a NOSTALGIA BOMB, hahaha. '''

'''What’s Zoey doing? Is Mal really still in the lead? Wow, that’s really dumb. So much for an independent, retro girl. Zoey just put herself in danger to see if her Mikey-poo would save her. This is messed up and also doesn’t make any sense. Isn’t she supposed to be the magical superhero who doesn’t need a guy?? Wow.'''

'''I really didn’t need to hear Mal’s impression of a boat engine. '''

Seriously.

'''Barbara Mamabolo saying “so romantic” makes me wanna barf. What happened to Duncan? He was wading towards the shore opposite PDL last we saw him. Guess he has to cross the river before blowing it up first.'''

“How gullible is this girl?”

'''I feel you, Mal. Gwent(remember that ship?)ney’s motor starts working again so Courtney doesn’t have to go King Kong on the boat. Huh, the animators remembered to put the Flush of Shame at the docks. '''

'''Who manufactured these engine motors? They should go out of business. Alejandro’s hair flies in two different directions because I don’t know why, and his boat stops right before the finish line. Just row it over the line, dude! '''

'''Why does Zoey want to help Cameron? All he’s doing is holding the stick upright. The correct term should be “help Scott” because Scott’s the one who’s GONNA DIE if Cameron lets go. But of course, since this is all Friendship Finale 2.0. Time, it has to be Cameron. Time for Mal to make more engine noises as he pretends not to hear Zoey. Gwentney moves into second place...I think.'''

'''Yes, Cameron, you’re absolutely right! Fang would’ve only chewed on Scott for about a minute because THAT’S HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE TO RIP HIM UP INTO PIECES AND DEVOUR HIS BLOODY REMAINS. Geez. '''

'''Courtney makes bad puns on Alejandro’s name and it looks like Gwentney’s gonna win. But Alejandro finally gets out of his boat and sticks his nose across the finish line, winning the race. Good for you, buddy. Where is Duncan? BOOM! Explosion time. '''

“It was a mansion!”

'''IT WASN’T A COTTAGE. IT WASN’T A MANSION. IT WAS PLAYA DES LOSERS FROM SEASON ONE!!! Seriously, get it right! This is the second time that a piece of Chris’ major property’s been blown up by a contestant. First the Jumbo Jet and now his “cottage”. I don’t think insurance is gonna pay for that.'''

'''Chref is beautiful. <3'''

'''It’s voting time! But first...Duncan goes to jail? It’s a real jail for Duncan? Oh well, guess I should’ve seen some sort of punishment coming. Bye bye, buddy! I’m gonna miss you, but not your “heroic” plot developments!'''

“Aww, snugglemuffins!”

'''Yup. The votes are tallied and...it’s unanimous for Cameron? Mal rigged the votes. Basic Straining vibes, anyone? '''

'''GO HOME, CAMERON. PLEASE. Ed MacDonald writes in a non-elimination so Cameron the Hippo can be saved. Yuck. At least they provided some sort of reason for the non-elimination.'''

'''Overall, this episode wasn’t too bad. The Playa Des Losers thing was annoying and sad. Zoey godplayed and balanced on a pole. Mal keeps flexing his nonexistent muscles as we get more garbage in his brain. Cameron escaped elimination. But other than that, it was a pretty good episode. Man, the credits roll so fast. I can’t keep up with them.'''

'''That’s it for now. Tune in Thursday (or Friday) for my All-Stars review of Episode Nine, Zeek and Ye Shall Find! 100th episode celebration, yay! '''