Thread:Chewy57/@comment-27447405-20160807022506

Hi Duncan, I have created a list pointing out all your flaws you need to change in order for us to have a healthy, non-co-dependent relationship:


 * If you feel like pulling yet another prank where you ask the waiter to fill my dessert after dinner with green jelly behind my back while I am in the ladies restroom, expect a kick to the kiwis.
 * On every date you and I go on, you are to bring me flowers and chocolates, as well as pay for the entire meal.
 * If Harold shows up and interrupts, beat him up. But if Lindsay-iot shows up, leave her to me.
 * If you fail to pay for the entire bill, I refuse to pitch in so I will be forced to contact my lawyers from my PDA and sue the owner in retaliation.
 * If you do not pronounce the "t" in "often" and pronounce it as ofen expect a kick to the kiwis because I cannot stand it when people say ofen like a neanderthal.
 * You are to give me a minimum of five compliments during our date, failure to do so will result in a kick to the kiwis.

There's a bunch more but I will read the full list on our date tonight (which you are to pick me up in one hour sharp, failure to arrive on time will result in a kick to the kiwis). If you have a problem with any of these requirements, you know where the door is.

~Love, Courtney 