User:Rainbowderp01/Chinese Fake-Out (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama World Tour... Our newlywed couples fell hard for Niagara Falls. With the teams dissolved, alliances were tested. A few tempers, too. Sierra, however, found that the honeymoon challenge was the perfect way to propose to Cody. But fake marrying our new arrival, Blaineley, didn't do Owen much good. Our favorite big buddy was sent home, thanks to Alejandro's sneaky work behind the scenes. Who will win? Who will lose? Who will be... in my hot tub?! The tub is for hosts only.

Blaineley: I'm a host. Watch. Lights, fights, and a whole world of awesome sights. Right here on Total Drama--

Chris: Okay. Out of my tub!

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[ Theme song ]

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Duncan: Hey, ex-wifey. Mm! Well, at least something good came out of our marriage. Aw, c'mon, Court. Can we stop fighting already? [confessional] Don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying the silent treatment, but it's starting to get old. With Owen gone, I lost a vote I could count on. So I figured making nice with Courtney wasn't a bad idea. [real time] [muffled grunts]

Courtney: Done. As long as you stay in there, we can't fight.

Duncan: [muffled grunting]

Blaineley: [over PA] Attention, fellow passengers. Feeling alone in the game? Looking for an ally you can call your very own? Consider joining forces with me. You won't regret it. This promise is not legally binding. Offer may be withdrawn at any time. [to Chef] Have you considered helping out a contestant?

Chef: I never mess with the game, girlie.

Blaineley: Oh, right. You got busted helping DJ last season. Shame, really. Because I have connections in the TV world. And I always thought you'd be great on your own show. Chris is just holding you back.

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Cody: She wants to throw a reception for us when we get home. She wants to get one of those cupcake cakes and spend the whole day smashing icing into each others' faces!

Alejandro: I say it's always best for a husband to indulge his wife.

Heather: Except they're not married.

Alejandro: But they are! I saw it myself.

Heather: There is no marriage certificate, no rings, no paparazzi photos.

Cody: No! That's true. That's true!

Heather: Seriously, you are about as married as Alejandro and I are.

Alejandro: Mi ángel. I know you crave Alejandro like a baked chicken cresmole sauce, but marriage? Ha, aren't you rushing things?

Heather: Ew, ew, ew, ew, ick, ick, ick.

Alejandro: Your mouth says ick, but your eyes say something else.

Heather: They say "barf".

Alejandro: I know they're married only in Sierra's fantasy, but she needs me to say I witnessed it. And therefore, she stays on our side.

Heather: There is no "our side". [confessional] If I can get Sierra off the show, I win Cody's loyalty and leave Alejandro with only Duncan. [real time] [to Cody] You and I have a similar problem.

Cody: Really? Which escaped mental patient are you married to?

Heather: All I mean is that sometimes when you're too nice to somebody, they get the wrong idea. Happens to me all the time.

Cody: Not like this! She's making baby name lists! I don't want kids! Uh, she can't make me have kids, right?

Heather: Just tell her that you will never, ever be a thing. Ultimately, it's going to be doing her a favor.

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[plane buzzing]

[Chinese music]

Chris: Ni-hao. Welcome to China, a vast country rich in history, culture, innovation, and delicious sauces. Our first challenge is torn from the pages of her rich history. In 8000000 BC, King Dim Sum led a battalion of donkey warriors down this very Great Wall.

Courtney: 8000000 BC was the Miocene Era. There were dinosaurs.

Chris: Yeah, what she said. We provided a selection of vehicles to race to our mystery destination. They're first come, first served. It's the Chinese way. Ready... set...

[phone rings theme song]

Chris: I better get this. McLean here. Yeah, I'm trying to do a show here.

Heather: Do we go or what?

Chris: Mhm, yeah.

Alejandro: Yeah, we go?

Chris: Yeah, can we do this later?

Duncan: So we go now?

Chris: Okay, fine! [to the contestants] Hey, who said you could go?! Yeah, well watch out! There's a few things I was gonna warn you about, but... forget it. [chuckles]

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Heather: Cody, let's get ready to rock the rickshaw! It is so mine!

Blaineley: I don't see a vanity plate on it, girlfriend! [confessional] I would like to send a shoutout to my personal trainer, Bunny, for making me do all those sprints. You rule! Sorry for calling you a waste of skin. You know that was just the adrenaline talking.

Heather: Stop breathing down my neck! Or get a mint already.

Blaineley: Hiiii-yah!

Heather: Ah!

Blaineley: [confessional] Also, big ups to my hand-to-hand combat instructor, Butchy. You are not a 'roid monkey, no matter what I said.

Heather: You did not just do that.

Blaineley: I'm good, right? Okay, come and get me, alliance buddy! Oops! Ha. What I mean is, if any of you would still like to be in an alliance with me, feel free to pull! I'm a true size zero, FYI.

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Alejandro and Duncan: [panting]

Alejandro: Duncan, you do know that I think of you as my bromigo.

Duncan: Yeah, so? We gonna wrestle over this or what?

Alejandro: If you want it, it's yours. I will unfortunately have to ride this skateboard.

Duncan: Later!

[bell dings]

Alejandro: [confessional] A small price to pay for Duncan's loyalty. What I forgot to mention is that I won a gold medal at the South American Skate Olympics.

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Courtney: Mine!

Heather: No, I was here first, and-- [gasps] Ow! [gasps] You can't have both of them!

Cody: Sorry. The donkey's for me. For being her sugar faced yummy-pie.

Heather: [hushed] This is your way of telling her the hard truth?

Cody: You've gotta pick your moments, you know. Heh. Giddyup. Let's go.

[pogo stick sproinging]

Heather: Ugh.

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Heather: Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Blaineley: [chuckles] Oh, they don't really look like your style.

Heather: What are you laughing at? You're not going anywhere fast.

Blaineley: Oh, I wouldn't be so sure.

Heather: Diva.

Blaineley: Thank you.

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Duncan: Nice speed there, buddy!

Alejandro: Gracias. I hope gravity is also your buddy on this incline.

Duncan: Thanks! Hope a wheel doesn't lock up and land you on your face! Whoa! Hey bro, what's that?

Chris: [through megaphone] Yo! Wanna know what else the Chinese invented?

[explosion]

Duncan: [screams]

[wheels squeaking]

Cody: It's okay, Ace. Now can you just give me a little more gas here?