User:Rainbowderp01/A Licking Time Bomb (Transcript)

[ Theme song ]

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Duncan, Noah and Owen: [laughing]

Owen: Again, again!

[toilet flushes]

Duncan, Noah, and Owen: [laughing]

Chef: Okay, what's going on in here?

Owen: We're at the casino!

[toiler flushes]

Duncan, Noah, and Owen: [laughing]

Chef: What?

Noah: My dad just got back from Atlantic City and he said it was like flushing his money down the toilet.

Chef: He's not wrong, but... is that my wallet?!

Duncan: Well, it isn't ours!

Duncan, Noah, and Owen: [laughing]

Chef: Out, out, out! I'm gonna teach you kids the value of a dollar.

Owen: Should we tell him about his car keys?

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Chef: Okay. So here's the game. You each need to create a business. You'll all be given play money to spend. If you spend more money than you make, you go broke and you're out of the game.

Cody: Chef, I'm broke.

Chef: What? How can you be broke already?

Cody: I bought these three magic beans.

Chef: Who from?

Duncan: All sales are final.

Owen: Well, I'm hitting the casino.

Chef: No, Owen. No more flushing money down the toilet.

Owen: Ugh, just when it was ready to pay out.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Chef: Come on, Cody. Let's have a look at the booths the other kids made.

Bridgette: Free compliments and hugs!

Cody: I'll take one hug please!

Chef: Aww, isn't that nice? Terrible business plan, but nice.

Cody: What kind of business is this?

Gwen: Pet funerals.

Cody: Oh, I don't have any pets. Just a little brother.

Gwen: We do those too.

Chef: Okay. Hey, let's see what Izzy's doing! What is your business, Izzy?

Izzy: For one dollar, I'll teach you to alphaburp! [chugs soda] [burping] A, B, C.

Cody: Wow!

Izzy: That's nothing! For two dollars, I'll teach you how to alphafart!

Cody: Can I have two dollars? Please, please, please?!

Chef: All right, but only if you tell me what you learn.

Jude: Get your food on a stick! Home of the Butt Burner Spicy Chicken Stick!

Chef: I'll try that chicken! Mm, looks good. Mm. What's in the sauce?

Jude: Ghost peppers.

Chef: It's hot!

Cody: [farts]

Chef: [screaming]

Izzy: [farts]

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Chef: Hey there, Noah. What's your idea?

Noah: Oh, it's not my idea, it's Owen's. I just invested in it.

Owen: How much should we charge to heat up people's pants in this oven?

[fire blasts]

Chef: Pants! Fire! Fire pants!

[fire extinguisher blows]

Noah: I never said it was a good idea.

Chef: I think you boys need a new business plan.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Owen: This is great! Selling cookies we baked using your nana's favorite recipe is a way better idea than asking people to pay us to burn their clothing!

Noah: Oh, yeah. The only thing sweeter than my nana are her cookies. Heh. Now we just need customers! Owen? Did you just lick the sprinkles off all the cookies?

Owen: Nope. [licks] Okay, that's all of them. Heh, sorry. Should we bake more?

Noah: Hm, that sounds like a lot of work. Let's just...

[sprinkles shake]

Noah: There, good as new.

Owen: Are you sure no one will know?

Noah: Only one way to find out. Hey, Leshawna! Wanna buy a cookie?

Leshawna: Sure, I'll try one.

[dramatic sting]

Leshawna: I am so mad at you two!

Noah and Owen: [gasps]

Leshawna: For not baking these delicious cookies sooner!

Noah and Owen: [sigh]

Leshawna: Guys! Cookies!

[kids cheer]

Noah: Looks like we're in business, pal.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Owen: Wow, look at all this play money! We're play rich!

Leshawna: So, when's the next batch of cookies ready, guys?

Noah: Oh, sorry, but Noah's Nana's Cookie Shop is now closed. Bye bye.

Leshawna: Too bad. They were so good, the other kids and I were ready to pay real money for them!

Noah: Yup! They'll be out any minute!

Owen: Did she say real money?

Noah: Yup! Owen, do you know what this means? If this takes off, we could live our lifelong dream of having a cookie business, together!

Owen: [gasps]

_______________________________________________________________________________________

[day dream]

Owen: It's always been a dream of mine to own a cookie factory with my best buddy!

Worker: You're just in time to add the secret ingredient, Owen!

Owen: [sniffs and licks]

Owen: [voiceover] And my favorite part is hanging out with my best buddy!

[day dream ends]

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Noah: Okay, we got away with the cookie licking last time, but keep your tongue off this batch. Got it?

Owen: Got it.

Leshawna: All right, it's cookie time!

[cha-ching]

Beth, Harold, Jude, and Leshawna: [cough]

Leshawna: These aren't the same cookies! What's going on?

Beth: [spits] What kind of scam are you pulling?

Noah: I-It's my nana's recipe! We didn't change a single thing!

[thought bubble]

Owen: Delish!

[bubble poofs]

Noah: Will you excuse me for a moment? It's your spit! You didn't lick these! It's the only difference!

Owen: [gasps] That makes sense! The inside of my mouth is always delicious! Aw, too bad. Selling cookies was fun.

Noah: What do you mean, "was"? Hm?

Owen: Noah! We can't do that! Can we do that?

Noah: Sure we can! We just have to keep the secret ingredient a secret.

Owen: Why'd you say the S word? You know I can't keep a se-se-se... gah! Yes! They're like vegetables. As soon as I have one in my mouth, I spit it out!

[thought bubble]

[fart]

Kid: Who farted?

Owen: It was me.

Woman: Ooh, I can't wait to see how this one ends.

Owen: [groans] I've seen it! He turns her into a vampire!

Woman: [grunts]

Noah: [whistles]

Owen: Noah! There's a surprise party for you! It's in here right now! And we're all waiting in here to surprise you!

Courtney: Owen!

Owen: Heh, oops.

Jude: Dude.

Beth and Izzy: Aww.

[party blower blows]

[bubble fades]

Owen: This tastes delicious... [licks] but feels borderline wrong.

Noah: Owen, it's no big deal. We're kids. Sharing spit is what we do. See for yourself.

[phone rings]

Beth: It's for you.

Bridgette: Thank you.

Owen: Mm. I still don't know.

Noah: It's just a little white lie. You heard them, they like the spit cookies better. You're doing something nice for them by not telling.

Owen: Well, I guess it's okay then.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

[montage]

Noah: [whistles]

[kids chew]

Beth, Harold, Jude, and Leshawna: Mm!

[cha-ching]

Beth, Harold, Jude, and Leshawna: Mm!

[sprinkles shake]

[cha-ching]

Beth, Harold, Jude, and Leshawna: Mm!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Leshawna: Glad the good cookies are back. So, what happened to that second batch? They were awful.

Noah: Oh, it was a silly mistake. Owen here forgot the secret ingredient.

Owen: Keh, oh, oh I did. Did, did. Oh, baby. baby cakes! Yes I do! Bing bang boom, bing bang boom! Bing bang boo-- ah! Ha ha!

Beth, Harold, Jude, and Leshawna: [chew]

Noah: Whoa, whoa, easy buddy. There, deep breaths. You okay?

Owen: I think I'm okay. I just need to tell everyone! Hey, everybody! The secret ingredient in the cookies is my--

Noah: {grunts] Time to bake up another batch of Noah's Nana's Famous Cookies!

Beth, Harold, Jude, and Leshawna: Yeah!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Noah: See? They're happy.

Owen: That's true. It's not like we're selling to grown-ups, right?

Noah: Ha ha. Grown-ups. As if.

Chef: Owen, Noah! There's a line of grown-ups around the block who wanna buy your cookies!

[dramatic sting]

Chef: And this is a random bank man with a suitcase full of cash! He wants to help you fulfill your dream of opening Owen and Noah's yummy cookie factory! Now go and whip up some more! And don't forget the secret ingredient.

Owen: Se-se-secret! Once, I pooped in a sandbox!

Noah: 'Scuse us a moment. Uh, be right back with more cookies!

Owen: I have a big fat secret!

Chef: [laughs nervously] Who hasn't pooped in a sandbox, right?

Businessman: [chuckles]

Owen: Secr-- [retches]. Sec-- [retches]

Noah: Buddy, pal, keep it together. We're just seconds away from our dream, but adults can get weird about ingesting other people's spit, so we really have to keep our secret ingredient a secret. Do you think you can do that, buddy?

Owen: But, [exhales] But the se-- [exhales] the se- [exhales]

[pop]

Noah: I know. I know. And you can tell all the secrets you want. Right after we take over the cookie industry.

Owen: [strained] Okay. I think I can make it.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Businessman: These really are tasty cookies. I'm trying to put my finger on that secret ingredient. Secret. Secret, secret, secret. Why do I keep saying the word secret? Secret, secret, secret. Secret.

Owen: Ahh! The secret ingredient is my spit!

[all spit out]

Businessman: Oh, that's really gross!

Noah: No no no no no no no no no no, Mr. Bank Man! Wait! [sighs]

Owen: I'm sorry, Noah. That was our dream and I blew it.

Noah: Aw, that's okay, buddy. I shouldn't have tried to make you keep a secret like that anyway.

Owen: And I shouldn't have sold cookies to other people that I already licked. Oh well. No real harm done.

Beth: Ahem. You two are gonna pay for making us eat spit!

Noah: Wait! [stutters] Can I just say one thing in our defense?

Leshawna: What?

Noah: Run!

Leshawna: Get them!

[credits]