User blog:Pierzina/Total Drama Express - Chapter 1: Hit The Train Track & Don't Come Back

cast:

Avon - The Faithless Brooklyn - The Drama Queen Caitlin - The Mastermind Chloe - The Coward Cole - The Golden Boy Dan - The Gamer Nerd Diamond - The Dependant Finn - The Gamemaster Ian - The Optimist Keith - The Hard Worker Kyla - The Activist Kyle - The Contrarian Lillie - The Quirky Gal Lisa - The Actress Mikey - The Skater Dude Riley - The Hottie Vanessa - The Banjie Kid Waylon - The Vocalist

[the scene opens up on a cold and slightly unsettling night, the screen slowly fades into the inside of the train that is running on the tracks]

[aisle 1]

Ian: *looking out the window* Wow, it’s so dark outside. SuUuUSppEeeEnnnSseeFuLL! I wonder if we’ll have a murder mystery on the train, I always wanted to be in a crime drama. Ooh, I’m just so excited! *clasps hands*

Caitlin: That’d be awesome.

Ian: You really think so?

Caitlin: No, but I’m picking up strong vibes that you’re emotionally vulnerable and I shall use that to build my army of minions to CONQUER this reality tv show with full force, until I take the monetary cash prize and then have everyone bowing in front of me begging for mercy.

Ian: I have no idea what you mean, so you must be really smart! *smiles innocently*

Caitlin: *grins*

[the screen shifts to another seat, containing 4 teens]

Keith: *rummaging around* Sheesh. These seats are so uncomfortable. That’s it, I’m gonna unbuckle. *undoes his safety belt*

Vanessa: Be careful bud, I still remember that time my little sister forgot to buckle in when I was driving my ol’ Harley, and she flew straight through the window. *laughs* Good times...

Chloe: *gasps and tightens her safety belt*

Vanessa: Y’know, I really wonder what happened to her. Didn’t talk to her much after the accident. Maybe it’s ‘cause of how bad she busted her neck. *chuckles*

Chloe: *tightens it even more, to the point she can barely breathe*

Finn: *looks at Chloe uneasily* Uh, are you ok? You look like you’re about to choke.

Chloe: *barely audible* Just… keeping… myself… safe…

Vanessa: You’re gonna look like a puffer fish. *laughs* Bet you I could tighten my belt quicker AND tighter! *about to tighten her belt*

Chloe: Wha-?

Finn: Not the smartest idea… maybe I should have picked a different seat.

[screen scoots down more and focuses on 2 passengers]

Cole: *looking around before turning to Kyla* Hey, do you know where the boys restroom is?

Kyla: Um no... who needs gendered bathroom anyways.

Cole: Sheesh, tough crowd.

Kyla: Excuse me? Are you mansplaining?

Cole: What in the heck is that? *scratches head*

Kyla: *gasps* Ignorant jerk. *gets up and goes all the way to the back*

[Cole gets up as well to go look for a bathroom, and the screen follows to another pair of boardmates]

Lisa: *filing her nails* I wonder if this gig is worth the constant train rides back and forth…

Diamond: *looks at Lisa inquisitively*

Lisa: Don’t talk much do you? I’m an actress, sweetheart. This is gonna be my BIGGEST break yet. I’ve been practicing for ages. *quickly pulls out script and begins to recite lines in a deep tone* “Why yes, it is I, SUPER GAY WOMAN™ and I’m HERE (& queer) and ready to DEFEAT all injustice, with my superpower suit, my blinding pantsuit!” *awaiting applause* Um… hello? Aren’t you going to applaud me? Diamond: Oh, um, yeah… that was great... *uneasily claps*

Lisa: You don’t like it do you? Huh? Well FINE! If you don’t like it then why don’t you just say so! *teary eyed*

Diamond: N-no… sorry I’m just really shy. You’re really talented. *smiles* I could never go up on stage and do that.

Lisa: *blushes* Ahw, thank you! You’re sweet, y’know I could help you get out of your shell a bit.

Diamond: Really? That’d be super cool, I don’t have a lot of friends and-

Lisa: Yes, yes, I know. I’m a lifesaver.

[the screen changes over to a couple more passengers]

Avon: *closing eyes, trying to rest*

Lillie: *reading through a pamphlet* Hey, do you think that they have a concessions stand up in here?

Avon: *ignores her*

Lillie: Hey! You don’t have to ignore me.

Avon: *puts on sleep mask*

Lillie: *glares* Whatever, once I get to the Montreal Museum of Fine Art it’ll all be worth it!

Avon: Hate to be predictable, but I’m trying to rest and I’d appreciate it if you stopped talking.

Lillie: Fine. I’ll find someone else to talk about my passion for abstract art style with!

[the screen focuses in on another pair]

Riley: *applying blush* Ugh, I should’ve taken the plane. It’s gonna take foreeever to check into the hotel for the pageant.

Mikey: *starstruck* Wow. You’re really hot. And tall.

Riley: Uh… thank you.

Mikey: Can you sign my skateboard? *pulls out skateboard and hands it to Riley*

Riley: Listen kid, I’m a beauty queen not a celebrity.

Mikey: Ahw snap, I thought you were a model or something, my buds would’ve been so jealous. *frowns*

Riley: Hmmm… well I mean. If you insist. *signs the skateboard* I’m pretty much a model anyway... so.

[the scene switches to the last seats, carrying 4 teens]

Brooklyn: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. THIS CAN NOT BE HAPPENING, IT’S THE END OF A WORLD. A TRAVESTY. A TRAVESTY I SWEAR.

Kyle: What are you going on about now? *rolls eyes*

Brooklyn: I broke a NAIL. This is a national emergency! I can’t even pull my LUGGAGE out yet.

Waylon: *puzzled face*

Dan: It’ll be okay! Please stop screaming.

Brooklyn: R-really?

Dan: Just focus on something else. *pulls out gameguy* Do you wanna play 1v1 on Duper Brash Bro’s? *smiles*

Brooklyn: Why would you say that?! You think I’m A NERD, DON’T YOU?! *start’s wailing*

Waylon: *pats Brooklyn on the back* Now, now. You’re alright…

Brooklyn: *sniffs* Normally I’d refute you but… your voice is so calming and soothing. *wipes away snot and rubs it all over Waylon*

Waylon: *sheepishly laughs before glaring at her after she turns away* No. Problem.

Kyle: You guys don’t have to baby her y’know.

Brooklyn: Hey, when do you guys think that we’ll get off this trai-

[the wheels screech as the train begins to start moving rapidly and slowly but surely ready to stop, things start flying everywhere]

Everyone: *starts screaming, havoc ensues*

Chloe: Wh-what’s happening? What’s happening?! I SWEAR THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING!

Waylon: *nearly falling over*

Mikey: Hey! My skateboard! :(

Chris: Hello, fresh meat!

Kyla: *raises hand* Um, I’m a vegan.

Ian: Woah, who are you? Are you the conductor?

Chris: Suuuure, you can say that. *starts laughing*

Avon: I’m pretty certain we’re getting held hostage.

Chris: Actually, I’m extremely famous, reality TV show personality, Chris McLean!

Caitlin: Never heard of you.

Chris: *glares* Well, we were picked up for a brand new season of Total Drama. Unfortunately due to some… circumstances, we weren’t able to get a cast set. So I decided, hey, why not just get a bunch of weirdos from the street to play?

Finn: Wait… so what you’re getting at is that-

Brooklyn: HE’S GONNA KILL US!!

Keith: Can y’all calm the heck down? Nothing’s gonna happen to us.

Chris: *pulls out briefcase* IN this case, is $1,000,000 and you know how you can acquire it? WIN Total Drama Express!

Lisa: Sorry but I? have the role of a LIFETIME and I’m not letting some stupid GAMESHOW get in the way! I’m calling my law-

Chris: *laughs*

Diamond: *gulps* They took all of our electronics when we boarded on here…

Chris: Ex-actly. The more you guys waste the more likely a tragic death is imminent!

Cole: Yeah, he’s right. We need to get off of here. Just tell us what you want and let us go!

Chris: First, I need you all to agree, ON VIDEO, that you’re going to abide by the rules of the game.

Everyone: *reluctantly nods*

Chris: Okay, so here’s the dealio: you guys are going to be on surveillance 24/7 on the train, you’ll be split into teams of 2 and compete in a challenge, the team that loses MUST vote off one of their own and-

Dan: Can you get on with it?! We’re gonna DIE!

Ian: This is so cool, I always wanted to be on a-

Chris: STOP interrupting! Anyway, that’ll go on till you guys merge and then until only 2 people remain where they will fight it out 1 on 1 for the million.

Avon: And what if we don’t want to participate?

Chris: First of all, you lose a million dollars AND you get sent flying down the cliff this train is heading.

Riley: I beg your pardon?!

Chris: Yeah, we’re going all over the place this season to avoid the co- for drama purposes! Unfortunately, since we sort of er, raided this train, we can’t really use it, so your first challenge is to get out out of the train-- alive! *laughs*

Kyla: There is NO way this is ethical! *folds arms*

Chris: ‘Cause it isn’t. I mean, it’s your choice! *slides open the door and jumps out*

Diamond: Oh my goodness, what are we going to do?

Vanessa: *shrugs* Can’t be that bad. *jumps out the train*

Lillie: Is she CRAZY?!

Finn: There has to be some way we can do this safely…

Brooklyn: *screaming* WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!

[the train progressively screeches louder]

Keith: *stands on table* GUYS! Stop and wait, we’ll get this un-

Caitlin: *jumps out*

Keith: ...der control.

Chloe: *shivering feverishly*

Brooklyn: I’m TOO HOT AND YOUNG TO GO LIKE THIS! *starts sobbing*

Cole: Should we look for some stop button or something?

Lisa: This isn’t fair, I don’t even want to compete! I should be in Toronto right now. *starts tearing up*

Waylon: It’s going to be alright! We’re gonna survive this.

Riley: Normally I’d be panicking but your voice is surprisingly very soothing and-

Waylon: I know, my voice, I get it.

Kyla: No MAN will tell me who, what, where, why and how I do things. I got this handled!

Finn: *thinking* Hmmm… *opens up a closet that has multiple life vests* Guys! Let’s use these. They should be able to guarantee a safe landing, right?

Cole: At this point, I’ll take my chances.

Kyle: Are you stupid? That’s a horrible plan. *crosses arms*

Keith: Do you have any better ideas? Kyle: Well…

Keith: Exactly.

Riley: *grabs life vest*

Chloe: *reluctantly grabs vest*

[everyone has a vest on now]

Cole: Okay guys.. I-I… I guess we should j-jump now… um, ladies first?

Kyla: *rolls eyes and pushes him out* Me next! *jumps out*

Lisa: *sighs and jumps out*

Diamond: *reluctantly jumps*

Mikey: Guys, I can’t do it, I’m too scared and-

Riley: *hits him over the head with his skateboard, sending him flying* He’ll thank me later. *jumps out*

Ian: This is so cool, it’s just like how it is on TV! *jumps out*

Avon: Whatever. *jumps out with the vest*

Brooklyn: *jumps out* PROTECT MY FAAACEEEEE!

Dan: Don’t die don’t die don’t die don’t die! *jumps out*

Finn: Here goes nothing. *jumps out*

Keith: *shrugs and jumps out*

Waylon: *jumps out*

Kyle: When this plan works horribly, I’m going to say I told you so! *jumps out*

Chloe: *shivering* I-I can’t do it!

Lillie: Ahw, c’mon. It’ll be okay… what’s your name?

Chloe: Ch-Chloe…

Lillie: Here, we can jump together! *puts out arm*

Chloe: N-no, r-really I-

Lillie: *grabs Chloe and jumps out*

[all the contestants are scattered across the side of the train tracks]

Everyone: *out of breath and tired*

Chris: *from a helicopter* Glad you all could make it. *laughs*

Avon: So what now? We're out here in the freezing cold and there's no train in sight.

Kyle: I think we know that Captain Obvious.

Lillie: Yeah, I thought the season was supposed to be on a train?

Chris: It is: your real first challenge is to make your way to the train station and board the ACTUAL train we're using for filming, which is driven by none other than my good pal, Chef.

Riley: Um, WHAT?! But it's like, miles and miles of nothing!

Chris: Seems like a you problem! Buuuut, I will be officially splitting you guys into two teams. Team 1: Avon, Brooklyn, Cole, Diamond, Finn, Keith, Lisa Mikey, ANDDDD Riley. Production started really late so you guys need to come up with your team name NOW.

Mikey: Okay guys, our team name needs to be phat!

Chris: Sounds good, you guys will be Team Phat!

Team 1: *glares at Mikey*

Mikey: I meant the cool version, with a p.

Brooklyn: It's okay guys, my boyfriend calls me fat all the time! Nothing wrong with being thick. :)

Avon: Brilliant. [CONF: Already 10 minutes into this show, I'm suffering from 2nd hand embarassment. I was on spring break to get away from highschool, not come back into the same scenario, but I'll digress.

Chris: This means Team 2 is Caitlin, Chloe, Dan, Ian, Kyla, Kyle, Lillie, Vanessa, and Waylon! What's your team name?

Lillie: Let's be the Lillie Pads!

Vanessa: Or, we can NOT do that.

Caitlin: Let's be Team Raw.

Dan: Team #Daisy4Smash!!

Kyle: All these ideas are AWFUL.

Kyla: We should be for justice, I say we go with something fluid

Chris: Welp, any objections? No? Okay, you'll be Team Fluid. Good luck guys, I'll see you on the flipside... if you ever get there. *laughs and flies off*

[the two teams look at eachother before scurrying off seperately on their own endeavors]

Lisa: *walking with her team* So, what's our plan going to be?

Diamond: Well... whatever you guys want to do.

Riley: Why don't we just keep going on the side of the track until we see the train station?

Cole: I say we run the whole way there! I used to do mile marathons back home, heck, Coach used to make us run the track for hours in practice.

Avon: Maybe that would work for you, but I'm pretty sure most of us don't feel like throwing up our intestines afterwards.

Brooklyn: He isn't wrong, running is NOT my forte. Can't we just order pizza and get the pizza guy to take us there? [CONF: I'm a thick girl, in WEDGES. You think I'm going to walk that far? You must be silly.

Finn: We don't have any phones.

Keith: Well, for now, our plan needs to be keep on walking until we DO find something solid. There's no point in wasting our time.

Diamond: Actually, I do have a pla-

Lisa: You heard the man, let's GO! *starts running*

Diamond: *sighs and walks* [CONF: I'm usually interrupted, but it's not like I have any bright ideas anyway... I sort of just go with the flow, what's the point in talking if you don't have anything smart to say.

[the screen fades into the other team walking]

Kyla: Okay, so since I'm easily the most qualified to lead, I'll be the leader of this team! :)

Kyle: Says who?

Kyla: Says me and my Bumblr blog that has 50k followers? [CONF: Of course I'm the leader. Ask anyone, I'm the most upfront girl they know! Who else could lead better? Like honestly?

Waylon: The girl has a point. Let's see what she's got.

Caitlin: Mhm, and if she fails, we vote her off! *smiles*

Chloe: I don't like this challenge, I don't like it one bit. I want to go back. [CONF] These people are CRAZY! It's like they WANT to die or something. I'm not like that, I'm always on my feet and I prefer it that way.

Kyla: Hm... go back... GO BACK! Yes, that's what we'll do. Let's get on the OLD train and hijack it to the train station. They have to be connected, right?

Lillie: That makes sense.

Kyle: Are you forgetting that we literally jumped off of it and it probably fell off a cliff by now? [CONF: Everyone is so keen on letting that wild beast Kyla lead when it's obvious that she's 1 pill off of an overdose.

Kyla: I've made up my mind and I'm the team leader.

Ian: Ok! We sooo got this guys, we'll be the team to beat!

Dan: *frowns* Yeah... [CONF: I suppose this season I'm the *finger quotes* "nerdy one" but I don't think I'm worrying that much cause our team is sort of filled with... a lot of psychos. *shrugs*

[Team O.B.E.S.E continues on their walking until they are greeted by a light]

Finn: Hey guys, look! I think it's a gas station or something.

Keith: That's good, we need to see if they can get us a ride or something.

Cole: Let's go in and ask 'em.

Riley: *nods*

(they all enter in the gas station)

Scott​​​: *on the phone* Ugh, yes dad, I knoow. Your car is your prized posession. Don't worry. I just took the night shift to earn extra cash. Can you just shut up already?! Bleh.

Lisa: Um, are we interrupting something...

Scott: Not really. What do you guys want?

Cole: We're looking for a ride to the nearest train station.

Scott: Do I look like a taxi driver?

Diamond: No sir, but-

Keith: *exits*

Scott: If you guys aren't gonna buy anything, get out.

Riley: Pfft, you wish we'd buy something! Just help out of this crummy place.

Brooklyn: *whispers to her team* It's okay guys... *I* got this. *walks up to Scott and puts her leg up on the counter* Hey sugar baby, I knooow you've been working long, long, hours and want to go home but I really need to get my thick, juicy, thighs in a train so I can win a million dollars. Is that too much to ask? *bats eyes*

Riley: What is she doing?

Avon: *doodling in journal*

Lisa: [CONF: I don't even like boys and I could do a better job at this.]

Scott: *disgusted at Brooklyn* Get out of my gas station before I call my manager.

Keith: *honks from outside in a car* TEAM, LET'S GO!

Scott: *gasps* Hey! How did you guys get that?

[Team O.B.E.S.E jumps in the trunk of the car and drive off, leaving an infuriated Scott behind]

Scott: *phone rings, he throws it on the ground*

[some of the team members of Team Fluid are in the 1st section]

Ian: *head out the window of the train* Whoooo! *falls flat on his face, inside the train*

Vanessa: *laughing*

Chloe: *shaking back and forth* NnnnnnnnnnnnnNnNnNnNnnNNNnnN.

Lillie: Shhhh, it'll be okay. *patting Chloe* [CONF: That girl is such a scaredy cat, but who would I be if I wasn't a caretaker first and foremost? Slow and steady wins the race and right now I could use the friends.

Dan: *huddled up, playing his video game*

[a couple are currently trying to get the train starting]

Kyla: *pressing buttons* Ugh, stupid train. Work!

Kyle: It's not going to work if you don-

Caitlin: Back up guys, I got this. *smashes the control panel*

Waylon: What'd you do that for?! [CONF: That Caitlin girl is all shades of crazy. She doesn't even think before she does anything]

(the train starts moving with a quick jolt)

Kyla: Well... it's working I guess.

Waylon: Good news: we'll get there rather quick, bad news: we may also crash and die.

Caitlin: Could be worse.

[in the front of the car Team Obese is in]

Keith: *driving the car*

Cole: How'd you manage to get this?

Keith: I'm a mechanic dude. Cars are my calling. It was easy anyway, they left the keys in the car.

Cole: Niiiice man! Back in my home town, me and my buds used to always hang out in our cars and-

Keith: Drive through the neighborhood throwing eggs at the houses? *high fives Cole*

Cole: *laughs*

[the trunk of the car Team Obese is in]

Riley: Ugh it's so cold!

Avon: You wouldn't be as cold if you weren't in those tiny shorts and top.

Riley: Zip it. [CONF: Everyone always has something to say, but what they don't know is that I always get what I want. Just *clap* wait *clap* and *clap* see.

Brooklyn: OoOooOh DRAMA! I guess that's why they call it Total Drama cause it has drama. Like, a lot of drama. A total bunch of drama. *giggles* You know what I mean?

Diamond: *to Lisa* I'm sorry about your acting role.

Lisa: *in tears, sniffing* I-It's okay... m-maybe I'll get noticed by someone on this sh-show... *starts crying* Who am I kidding? This is so stupid!

Diamond: But just think about it, you could become a millionare and make your own movie!

Lisa: ...Maybe you're right. There's no going back now, I guess I just have to deal with it... UGHGGH! [CONF: *throwing things at the wall*]

Vanessa: Hey! They're gaining!

[the train and the car are neck and neck]

Kyla: Huh?

Brooklyn: *screams*

Riley: Someone! Do something!

Mikey: I GOT THIS GUYS! *throws skateboard through the window of the train*

Avon: Great job, you completed minor damage to a window. That's not going to do anything.

[inside the train]

Lillie: So Chloe, are you calmed down now?

Chloe: Sort o- *gets hit by the skateboard, knocked out*

Ian: Is she okay?! :O

Dan: Dude... she just got hit in the face.

Caitlin: Let's draw on her! *pulls out marker and grins*

Lillie: *shocked* Well...

[in the car]

Keith: We're gonna come up short if we keep on this car.

Cole: Well, shoot. What do we do?

Keith: BUT, I do have a plan. We are close enough to get on their train and we could try and get off of it first.

Cole: Sounds good... but I don't get it. How are we supposed to get on it in the first place?

Keith: *facepalm* We jump onto it from the back.

Cole: Ooooohhhhhhh. [CONF: I've never been the smartest person out there, but my family tells me I make up for it in the physical department so I usually just go with what my gut tells me.

Keith: *yelling to the back of the car* You guys need to jump on that train!

Brooklyn: ...You're kidding right? I ain't jumping nothing.

Cole: *gets on top of the car and makes his jump to the back of the train*

Riley: Well, can't really argue with that logic. I'm coming, hunk! Catch me! *jumps onto the train, but falls as Cole doesn't catch her*

Cole: Oh, sorry. Were you talking to me?

Riley: *wipes face off* -_-

Brooklyn: I'm NOT jumping!

Avon: Me either.

Diamond: *rubs shoulder insecurely*

Lisa: If I'm not going to be there for my role, we might as well do good at the challenges.

Mikey: I'm way ahead of you! *jumps onto the train*

Lisa: KEITH, get closer to the train so we have less of a distance to jump.

Keith: I can't go any closer.

Lisa: Just do it!

Keith: Okay, if you say so. *inches in closer*

Lisa: Okay guys, JUMP!

[they all jump from the car onto the the back of the train]

Brooklyn: *tired* Ugh, that was awful. I need a xanax.

Diamond: *opens the door into the train compartment*

Vanessa: And where do you think you guys are going?

Ian: I think they're trying to get into the train, but that's just me.

Lisa: Let's make this easy and you let us through. No need for unfriendly competition right?

Lillie: Was it you guys who threw the skateboard through the window?

Mikey: *blushes* Hehehe...

Cole: We aren't looking for any trouble.

Riley: And I'm not afraid of playing dirty.

Vanessa: We can tell, Go-go Girl.

Riley: *growls*

Vanessa: We aren't letting you go. We are winning this challenge FAIR and SQUARE.

Brooklyn: *throws her wedges at Vanessa*

Vanessa: Ow!

Brooklyn: I'll handle her y'all, you guys keep moving!

[Team O.B.E.S.E makes a run for it while Brooklyn fights with Vanessa]

Kyla​​​: Guys! We need to stop the train, I see Chris at the station!

Kyle: So, Caitlin, what's your bright idea now?

Caitlin: Easy! *yanks down the emergency stop chain*

[the train starts to screech as it approaches a stop, some of the cast lose their balance]

Chris: Looks like our teams are coming!

Riley: Team Obese, we gotta get off first!

Mikey: Let me get my skateboard really quick!

Avon​: Not sure you need it.

Cole: We got this, team! Just run straight off.

Vanessa: Not if I have anything to do with it!

Lisa: I thought Brooklyn got you?

Brooklyn: She makes a hard bargain. *stuffing face with candy bars*

Chloe: *wakes up* Wh-where am I?!

[the train releases an absolute halt]

Waylon: Off we go!

Kyla: *gasps* The other team! *points*

Kyle: JUST GET OFF OF THE DARN TRAIN!

[everyone begins to try and get out of the train in a hoard]

Chris: *cackling*

[they fall out in one]

Riley: MOVE IT PEOPLE!

Vanessa: GO GO GO!

Kyla: Hey, I'm the leader! *ahem* EVERYONE MOVE YOUR BUTTS NOW!

Chris: *moves to the side as they all rush to the mat*

Chloe: *shuddering*

[everyone begins to run to the mat]

Lisa: We got here first!

Vanessa: No you didn't!

Riley: I can confirm that it was in fact, MY team that got here, not yours.

Dan: I'm pretty sure that's debatable.

Chris: Well, as far as I can see, Team Obese are our-

Mikey: *runs out of the train* Hey guys! I finally got my skateboard back.

Chris: -losers!

Brooklyn: WHAT?!

Mikey: Oops, guess I ran a little bit late.

Team Fluid: *cheers*

Chris: Which means Team Phat, you'll be sending someone home!

Avon​​​: Oh boy.

Team Phat: *sighs*

Chris: But first, ALL ABOARD the TOTAL DRAMA EXPRESS!

[Chef pulls up in a rundown, obviously second rate train]

Kyla: It looks... unethical.

Chris: That's sort of the point. Get on in!

[everyone aboards the train, we fast forward in time with each team in seperate compartments and adjusted to their seats]

(the compartment for the losing team appears and is very dirty and messy)

Mikey: Guys, I know I screwed up but I swear it was only a 1 time thing! I can be useful too!

Riley: Yeah. Okay. [CONF: Mikey is annoying and awful but he's also easy to manipulate. Keeping him around does have it's benefits.]

Cole: We need to do what's best for our team so we don't lose again.

Keith: True that.

Avon: *continues drawing* We lost due to a inconvenience. We can pick off that inconvenience or risk it happening again. Though there are other inconveniences. I really don't care.

Brooklyn: Are you guys trying to vote me off?

Diamond: No-

Brooklyn: I KNEW IT! I'm getting voted off aren't I?!

Cole: No one said that.

Brooklyn: *storms off sobbing*

Lisa: She's... interesting.

Finn: One thing is for sure, these seats are awful and I don't want to be stuck here again.

Riley: Well then.

[the screen changes to the winning team who are in a much nicer compartment, with servers]

Kyla: Aaaah. I'm sooo happy that we won, it's truly what we deserved.

Kyle: Not because of anything you did.

Kyla: You talk big game for such a worthless competitor. *glares*

Vanessa: Woah, woah. We're a team guys. You're both equally useless! But as long as we keep winning, it doesn't matter. *smiles* [CONF: I'm pretty simple, I like winning! My gameplan is to take the whole million home, with these two constantly bickering it'd be torture.

Waylon: *snickers* [CONF: My team's pretty much in shambles, it's half people who are useful but really agitating and half misfits who don't do much at all. It's a miracle that we managed to win that first challenge but something tells me our lucky streak won't continue.]

(the screen moves to Caitlin, Chloe, Dan, Ian, and Lillie)

Lillie: *holding a icepack to Chloe's head* Please stop whining, you'll be alright.

Chloe: I TOLD YOU, THINGS COVERED IN BAGS SCARE ME.

Dan: Huh? Why?

Caitlin: Maybe inside there's a severed foot or something's flesh that's pressing against her wound.

Chloe: Eep! *throws the icepack, it hits Ian in the face*

Ian: Ow!

Chloe: Sorry...

Ian: No, it's fine! Really! I'm super pumped that we won the challenge, NOTHING can tear down my mood! :D

Dan: That's how I felt when I finished my first playthrough of Dextron.

Lillie: No offense but... I don't think anyone cares about your weird nerd games.

[Team Phat is seen in the last compartment of the train, which is the elimination ceremony]

Chris: Hello challenge losers! How does it feel to suck so bad so early?

(they all glare at him)

Chris: This is where you'll vote off one of your own, but first each of you will make your way to the confessional and make it CLEAR who you want to eliminate. Without further ado...

Avon: [CONF: *stamps on the picture of Mikey* No words.]

Riley: [CONF: *stamps on the picture of Brooklyn* Don't think I'll be able to stand anymore hours around a girl who can barely fit in the train seats.

Cole: [CONF: Ahw I don't know who to vote... they're all pretty bad.

Brooklyn: [CONF: They're ALL AFTER ME!!

Chris: Once I give you your ticket, that means you're still in. If you don't you're DONEZO, never to return. Like, ever. Clear?

Riley: Crystal.

Chris: Okay, Finn, Keith, Lisa, and Diamond, you all got 0 votes. *throws tickets to them*

Lisa: Awesome!

Diamond: *smiles at Lisa as she catches her ticket*

Chris: Riley, Cole, and Avon, you guys also got 0 votes! *throws them tickets*

Riley: *high fives Cole and smirks*

Chris: Which means our bottom 2 is Brooklyn and Mikey.

Brooklyn: I knew it! Y'all are trying to eliminate me! I SWEAR!!

Mikey: plsnotmeplsnotmeplsnotmeplsnotmeplsnotmeplsnotme.

Chris: ...

[intense ~dramatic~ moment to soak in the totally dramatic scene that is currently unfolding infront of our eyes]

Chris: Brooklyn. You are safe.

Mikey: Ugh seriously?! It was just 1 mistake... I swear! *sighs* Well, at least I got my skateboard... Hey, how am I gonna get back home?

Chris: Sheesh, you teens are so whiny and expect SO much from me. Just like I said before, it sounds like a YOU problem! *pushes Mikey out the train door*

Team Phat: *gasp*

Chris: He'll be fine... er, I think.

Brooklyn: You guys should be LUCKY that I stayed, I helped like, so much in that challenge!

Riley: Pfft, barely.

Chris: Save the tension for next episode, cause that's a wrap! What will happen now that one of the ever-so-lucky contestants now that 1 already left the bunch? What conflicts will develop? How much longer can I go on until this train breaks down? Find out on the next episode of TOTAL... DRAMA... EXPRESS!

authors note: hi kk i know this episode sucks and the humor is like nonexistent but the first episode is always soooo slow for me and i really wanted to get through with it rather quick so that i can focus more on the story and development elements in future episodes and trust me this is ~not~ how all episodes will be. there was a lot of things i wanted to do but i figured that it might be best to save them for later and make this mostly a introduction episode. the boot was pretty easy because the user did not really... elaborate much on their character and i figured that it'd be ideal to just get rid of them, even though they really lacked depth. most of the other characters are not shaped up yet but they definitely will by the time they're wrapped up so don't worry. i have a lot of plans for this season and i hope you guys somewhat-slightly-possibly-enjoyed the messy mediocre chapter i produced!! i promise that it'll get better lol <3 and yes there will better and more characterization in the future i SWEar. also it's 5am so if i made a mistake that's why lmaooo