User:Rainbowderp01/Darjeel With It (Transcript)

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race... our teams got down and dirty, dirty, dirty! Most teams rose to the occasion, but Sanders plummeted seven full miles thanks to MacArthur. Sanders' arm was severely broken, but her spirits weren't, so she decided to stay in the race. We're down to the final five, let's see who's gonna survive on... The Ridonculous Race.

[ding]

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[ Theme song ]

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Don: Welcome back to Siberia, where yesterday's cheaters-- ha, I mean, winners-- are collecting today's first travel tip.

[buzz, ding]

Josee: We're going to Darjeeling, India.

Don: Yes, Darjeeling, where the world's finest teas are grown, like assam, nilgiri, and several more I can't pronounce. Teams must fly to Bagdogra, India, then take taxis here to the mountains of Darjeeling to find this Don box with their next travel tip.

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[tires screech]

Kitty: Whoo, India!

MacArthur: Taxi!

Emma: Taxi! We call this one!

Kitty: Okay...

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Emma: What? We're down to the final five. Every second counts.

Don: [voiceover] It sure does. Except when all the teams are on the same flight.

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Devin: [aside] I'm gonna do it. This leg of the race, I'm gonna tell her I love her. I just hope she doesn't kick me in the kiwis. [real time] Carrie, I love you... tensils!

Carrie: Uh... cool. I'll be right back.

Devin: [sighs] Okay, this is hard. Ugh! If only Carrie can understand what I'm going through.

MacArthur: Huh. Well, that guy is oblivious.

Sanders: Ow! Ow, ow, ow!

MacArthur: Oh, sorry. I-I didn't mean to... [cries]

Sanders: [sighs] Would you please stop crying? Can we just move on?

MacArthur: [sniffs] If that's what you want, then that's what I'll do. From hereon in, what you say goes.

Sanders: Ha, you taking orders from me? That'll be the day.

MacArthur: [interview] I know what you're thinking. "MacArthur, it's the final five. You've carried your team this far, why change it up now?" Well, sometimes friendship is more important.

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[plane tires screech]

Kitty: Yeah!

Stephanie: Come on!

Jacques: Taxi!

Josee: Take us to Darjeeling!

MacArthur: Hurry!

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[tires screech]

Jacques: Haha! Still first! [laughing] Heat... too... hot...

Emma: Ugh, this humidity's bad for my hair.

Kitty: Tell me about it.

MacArthur: Whoo! So hot and sweaty, I could cook rice in my armpits. [sniffs] Whoo! That's pungent!

Sanders: Too. Much. Information.

Ryan: Gotta. Make it... Almost... first... [grunts]

[buzz, ding]

Stephanie: [panting] "Tea time"? Please let it be iced tea.

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Don: Wouldn't that be nice? But no! Each racer must strap on one of these baskets and fill it to the brim with these tea leaves. Once full, teams must bring their baskets to this local. If she approves of their haul, she'll give them their next tip.

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Stephanie: It's like... like being inside the sun.

Ryan: Just focus on the challenge. Don't think about the heat.

Stephanie: How do I not think about the heat? My skin is melting. This is impossible. I can't do it.

Ryan: Hey now. Remember last year's city marathon, when I wanted to quit? What did you say to me? Huh?

Stephanie: "One step at a time."

Ryan: Okay then. So let's do it. One leaf at a time.

Stephanie: [interview] I have been pushing myself very hard up to that point.

Ryan: [interview] Uh-huh.

Stephanie: [interview] And it was really hot.

Ryan: [interview] Uh-huh.

Stephanie: [interview[] I don't do well in heat, so...

Ryan: [interview] Uh-huh.

Stephanie: [interview] Say uh-huh again!

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Josee: The time to end the Sisters is now. Well, it was actually last round, but somebody had an accident.

Jacques: Tough break. [laughs] What? Too soon?

Josee: [interview] A broken arm is no excuse for failure. I once broke an arm, dislocated a jaw, and knocked out four teeth in the middle of a performance, and I still won. [real time] All we have to do is open the bottom of their baskets without them noticing. But we need a diversion.

MacArthur: I'm your gal. I can do fake injuries, real injuries, real injuries that were supposed to be fake, bird calls, goat calls, ox mating calls, check this out. [growls loudly]

Sanders: Ahem. I'm calling the shots, remember?

MacArthur: Fine. You do the ox mating call.

Sanders: We're not getting involved. I don't wanna get hit ith a penalty.

Jacques: But it's perfect! The Sisters don't suspect a thing!

Sanders: The answer is still no.

Josee: Well, fine! Then this round, it's every team for itself. Which means, in case you didn't figure it out, that you two are in our cross target thingies! A bullseye on the... we're coming for you two now! Get ready!

Jacques: [blows raspberry]

Sanders: [interview] Leadership is tough and you can't question your decisions.

MacArthur: [interview] That's my job.

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Stephanie: Ugh! My back is in agony. How do people do this all day?

Ryan: Are you stuck? D-Do you want help?

Stephanie: No. I can do it myself. [grunts] One... step at a time. [pants and grunts] Ugh.

Ryan: [aside] Steph has a really hard time asking for help. One time, we went out for burgers and she couldn't get the cap off the ketchup bottle. She broke a fork, a chair, and a table before she asked for help.

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Emma: Can you guys pick somewhere else?

Jacques: And where did you have in mind?

Emma: How about... anywhere but here? We know you're up to something. How naive do you think we are?

Jacques: Excuse my pardon?!

Josee: Wait. Fine, you're right. But we're not here to cheat against you. We're here to cheat with you. It's time for a new alliance. We want your help to eliminate the Haters.

Emma: And why should we believe you?

Josee: Because... when we see weakness, we attack it! And right now, you are not the weakest team here.

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Stephanie: [grunting] Oh, come on!

Emma: Okay, I believe you.

Kitty: Whoa. Steph's brain is snapped like a pencil.

Jacques: [interview] Oh! You're good!

Josee: [interview] I know. Sometimes, I even impress myself.

Kitty: Thanks, but no thanks. We have no interest in cheating.

Emma: And I'm pretty sure the Haters will take themselves out.

Kitty: But more importantly, because we're better than that.