User:Rainbowderp01/New Beijinging (Transcript)

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race... we struck emotional gold in Dubai. Carrie gave up on the game of love, the ex-Daters tried giving each other the silent treatment, which is a refreshing change from when they were psycho-ing out loud. And Kelly finally gave Taylor a timeout, which cost them the race. But hey, a healthy relationship with your daughter's worth a million bucks. Not! And last but not least, a new alliance was born. Is it more than just an alliance? Your guess is as good as mine. But mine matters more because I'm on TV. This is... The Ridonculous Race!

[ding]

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[ Theme song ]

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Don: All right. It's time to say "bye-bye" to Dubai. Sisters, you're up first. Ready? Go!

[buzz, ding]

Kitty: "Find your next tip at the world famous Bird's Nest Stadium." Never heard of it.

Don: Well, it's right here in Beijing, China! Home to twenty-five million people. Oddly enough, we'll see none of them.

[buzz, ding]

Don: [voiceover] The first eight teams grab their travel tips, taxis, and tickets...

Owen: Hey!

Don: [voiceover] ...and get seats on the first flight to Beijing. The stragglers on flight two have an extra hour to talk strategy.

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Devin: [snoring]

Carrie: Watching Devin sleep is so awesome. He sometimes mumbles the sweetest things.

Devin: [snoring] Rainbow zebras took my wallet...

Carrie: Heh, I said sometimes. Ha ha.

Rock: [gasps] Hey, Carrie. Since Dev's snoozing, I gotta know. You gonna make a move on that?

Carrie: What? Oh. Well, Devin and I are friends.

Rock: I know, but... this opportunity isn't gonna last forever.

Carrie: [gasps] That's what I keep thinking! The whole reason I entered this race was to show him we had a connection! Something special.

Rock: [aside] Agh! I just wanted the peanuts!

Carrie: [aside] Oh, why didn't I just tell him I love him in Hawaii? Oh, man! I'm gonna be alone forever! [cries] But... when I force myself to face it, I'd rather let him have a life with Shelley than not be in my life at all.

Devin: [snoring] Oh, good. You're okay. I had a dream that you and I lived in a treehouse and it caught fire and--

Carrie: Just you and me? Living together?

Devin: Yeah, well, uh, I was a three-headed tiger and you were a monkey in a tuxedo, but it was you. Heh, weird. [snoring]

Carrie: We lived together. [squeals]

Rock: I know our strategy was slow and steady, but...

Spud: Isn't our strategy to party on?!

Rock: [imitates buzzer] No! But we need a new strategy anyways. So--

Spud: How about, "Party on harder!"?

Rock: Spud! We gotta go faster! Like, [imitates gun]

Spud: Okay. I'll tell the pilot.

Rock: No! Spud, I meant-- aw, man. [aside] I'm starting to think, like, maybe there's such thing as too easygoing. I gotta find a way to motivate this guy!

Dwayne: Uh, we could've been on the first plane, but someone had to go potty at the airport. And that someone hasn't been eating enough vegetables, so that someone had trouble with--

Junior: Stop making it sound like it was me! It was him!

Dwayne: [chuckles nervously] Heh...

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Don: [voiceover] Flight number one has reached Beijing. And the teams are being shuttled to their next destination.

Kitty: Thanks again for letting us take the win yesterday.

Owen: [laughs] No problem!

Emma: Just don't expect us to return the favor. We have an alliance, but it's still a competition.

Noah: [interview] Yep. She's awesome.

Owen: [interview] [laughs] Ooh. [singsong] Noah and Emma sitting in a tree. K-I-S-- Ow!

Kitty: [interview] You like him, admit it.

Emma: [interview] Noah? Pfft! I do not like him!

Kitty: [interview] Why not? 'Cause he's weird looking?

Emma: [interview] He's not weird looking! He's totally hot.

Kitty: [interview] So it's because he's boring?

Emma: [interview] Noah is not boring! He's got a great twisted sense of humor, fun sarcastic streak, a cool, moody exterior, and his butt is like two perfect apples suspended in midair!

Kitty: [interview] [laughs]

Emma: [interview] [gasps] Oh no. I like him.

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Kitty; Found the Don box!

[dinging]

Kitty: It's an All In!

Emma: "Fly over the Bird's Nest stadium and tandem jump through the donut hole to recieve your next tip."?

Owen: Donuts? Woohoo!

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[propellor buzzes]

Owen: That's the donut? Disappointed! [interview] When are we gonna have another eating challenge? I'm so hungry, I could eat a house made of donuts! With chocolate shingles and a white pretzel fence. [sighs]

Noah: [interview] [sighs] [real time] So uh, so I guess they have our backs. Ugh...

Emma: Yep, that was horrible. [hushed, to Kitty] That was actually really adorable.

Josee: [kissing] I need all the luck this Hawaiian lava rock can bring me. [interview] Yesterday, we came in fourth! We shouldn't be down in the dirt with the losers!

Jacques: [interview] [giggles]

Josee: [interview] We should tower above them like the goddesses we are! Did that sound egotistical?

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[buzz]

Kitty: Jump time! You ready?

Noah: Hey, how hard can it be?

Sisters and Reality TV Pros: [screaming]

Noah and Owen: Whoa! Oof!

Kitty and Emma: Ah!

[gong sounds]

[plane buzzes]

Brody: Yippee!

Josee: Over there! Over there!

Jacques: I know, Josee, it's just not-- ah! Ah...

Josee: [interview] That's Jacques for you, always trailing behind. But still, he's an asset to the team.

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Emma: Okay, this time, less screaming, more steering!

Kitty: I'll see what I can do, but no guarantees.

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[tires screech]

Carrie: Come on!

Dwayne: Hurry!

Rock: Spud! Hey, Spud! Tsktsktsk! Want a choco-oinky?

[box shakes]

Spud: [sniffs] [pants like a dog]

Rock: [aside] New strategy. Spud loves choco-oinkies. He'd do anything for one.

Spud: [aside] Chocolate covered pork rind-y goodness!

Rock: [aside] So I cleaned out the airport vending machine. This'll make him pssh up the pace!

[chomp]

Rock: [aside] [screams]

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[buzz, ding]

Geoff: Ah, it's another All In.

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Don: An All In with a twist. To recieve their next tip from this vendor, one team member must assemble and deep fry a skewer of Beijing street food.