User:Rainbowderp01/A Million Ways to Lose a Million Dollars (Transcript)

Don: Previously on part one of the Ridonculous Race grand finale, our final four teams found maps and searched for underwater treasure. A challenge that for Josee and Kitty seemed impossible to finish. It was another photo finish at the carpet, but the Sisters came in last and were cut from the race. And there was no rest for the weary as the race raced right on. Who's got what it takes to win? Find out right here, right now, on the explosive grand finale of... The Ridonculous Race.

[ding]

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[ Theme song ]

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Don: Welcome back to the Bahamas. Our finale three teams have recieved their final travel tips, taken water taxis, and have boarded the same plane for one final flight... to New York City, nature's playground for capitalist wolves and jazz-handed Broadway stars alike. It's home to 8.4 million people, and 16.4 million rats. When teams arrive here at JFK airport, they must find this Don box and collect their next tip. The final three teams have boarded the same plane for one final flight. It really is anyone's game.

Geoff: [aside] Could we win? At this point, I don't see why not.

Brody: [aside] Ha ha, we definitely have luck on our side. We were lucky to get back in the race at all. And to make it to the finale? Double lucky.

MacArthur: [aside] That's right. The Police Cadets made it all the way to the big, bad finale. So look out! We're the ultimate superhero and sidekick duo.

Sanders: [aside] Seriously?

MacArthur: [aside] Um... you're the superhero.

Sanders: [aside] Oh. Okay then.

MacArthur: [aside] And I'm the lovable, funny sidekick that's just as good at everything. And maybe a little stronger.

Josee: [aside] If the other teams think they've got a chance, they're kidding themselves.

Jacques: [aside] And the joke is on them.

Jacques and Josee: [aside] [laugh]

Josee: [aside] We're the best. Always have been. Today is no different. We're going to win!

Don: [voiceover] The teams have arrived. Who will take the first tip and the early lead?

Geoff: Hurry up, dude!

Josee: Ah!

MacArthur: Hustle!

[buzz, ding]

Geoff: It's an All In. "Who's ready to face the traffic?"

Don: For this All In, teams must take on of these Ridonculous taxi cabs and drive themselves all the way here... to the Empire State Building. One they arrive, teams will have to climb a measly eighty-six flights of stairs to reach... this observation deck, and collect their next tip, attached to these suitcases, moving one step closer to the final chill zone and the million dollar prize.

Sanders: "Fun fact: Last team to arrive is pretty much doomed. Good luck."

Brody: The taxis!

Jacques: Go, go, go! Fit! Fit!

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Josee: Hurry up, we're in last place!

Jacques: You think I don't know that? Which way do we go?

Josee: Keep going straight! But faster. So much faster!

[engine revs]

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Brody: Aww, this is so cool! The Umpire State Building is where that huge gorilla went bonkers back in the day.

Geoff: Whoa, dude, you are such a history buff.

Brody: History is super important. 'Cause without it, we'd all be like, "Have we met?" forever!

Geoff: Whoa. Just... whoa.

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[horns honking]

MacArthur: Take the next right!

[zoom]

Sanders: Hold on to something! [interview] Do we want to win? Yes. Do we need to win? Also yes. [real time] Yeah!

[tires screech]

MacArthur: Nice driving!

Sanders: I learned from the master!

MacArthur: Darn right you did. Take the next right!

Sanders: First place, here we co--

Josee: [laughs]

Sanders: Ah! The Ice Dancers!

MacArthur: After them!

[engine revs]

Josee: [blows raspberry]

Jacques: Ew!

Josee: Oh, grow up.

Jacques: Ah, look! Up ahead! There are the Surfers!

Josee: And we're the sharks! [laughs]

[tires squeal]

Brody: Halfway there, bro. Just keep going straight and-- [grunts]

Jacques and Josee: [laughing] Do it again! Do it again!

[engine revs]

[tires squealing]

Brody: Whoa!

Brody and Geoff: Whoa-oa-oa-oa!

Jacques: [interview] Just because we're in a competition doesn't mean we can't enjoy ourselves, eh?

Don: [voiceover] The Ice Dancers take first! And the Surfers are about to take out most of 81st and 3rd.

[crash]

Brody: [retches and swallows] Ugh. Gnarly. Are you okay?

Geoff: [groans] Yeah, I'm okay. But our taxi's toast.

Brody: Aw, man. Now what?

Geoff: Ah! Subway entrance! What do you say?

Brody: I say book it.

Geoff: Yeah!

Brody: Woohoohoohoo!

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Josee: Did you see the look on their faces? Priceless!

Jacques: Ah! Hang on!

[tires squeal]

[horns honking]

Josee: What's going on? Why is everyone stopped?

Jacques: Oh no, Josee. We're in... a New York City traffic jam!

Josee: [screams]

Driver: Hey, get over yourself and honk like a normal person.

[horns honking]

MacArthur: Oh, come on! Move it! Move it!

Sanders: At least if we're stuck in traffic, so are the other teams.

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Geoff: It's way cleaner than I expected.

Brody: I know, dude. I'm starting to think we won't even get mugged.

Conductor: Next stop, Empire State Building.

Brody and Geoff: Boom.

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Sanders: This is ridiculous!

MacArthur: I got it! [imitate siren] It's not working.

Sanders: Keep going!

MacArthur and Sanders: [imitate siren]

MacArthur: It's working!

Sanders: [interview] I've done a lot of things in this race that I never thought I'd do, and impersonating a police siren tops the list.

MacArthur: [interview] You nailed that siren sound! Pitch perfect.

Sanders: [interview] I've been practicing. Just in case. [imitates siren]

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Geoff: There's the Umpire State Building!

Brody: Oh, nice! Oh, watch out for falling gorilla poop.

Don: [voiceover] The Surfers are first to arrive at the Empire State Building. But they may not have the place to themselves for long.

MacArthur and Sanders: [imitating sirens]

Jacques: Finally! Here come the cops to arrest all these terrible drivers.

Josee: [gasps] The Cadets?! Quick, follow them!

MacArthur: Yeah! Nailed it!

[smack]

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Brody: Whoo, made it!

Geoff: Three briefcases! We must be the first team here!

Brody: We rule!

Geoff: "Take this briefcase to the mid-point chill zone in Central Park!"

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Don: You heard the man! Teams must race here to this mid-point chill zone and hand me their tip to move on to the next challenge. If they're the last team to arrive, they're done. Cut from the race. Man, whoever that happens to is going to lose it. We're gonna need extra cameras to catch that extra footage.