User:Rainbowderp01/I Triple Dog Dare You! (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Island... Yours truly was off MC'ing a swanky awards show. SO Chef took over as host. And man, was he brutal to the campers. Not only did he dump them in the middle of the woods to fend for themselves, but he left them alone with scary dude Sasquatchanakwa! They ran helter, they ran skelter. They ran into a crowded bat cave. Massive mistake, I might add. Ultimately, the girls admitted defeat, so the guys shared their loot, but the girls outfoxed them and walked off with everything, including their dignity, proving once again that hot chicks trump gullible guys every time. In the end, it was bad boy Duncan who took the Walk of Shame, leaving three glutton-for-punishment campers heading into our most exciting challenge yet! Don't believe me? Then I triple dog dare you to watch this episode of Total. Drama. Island!

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[ Theme song ]

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[feedback]

Chris: [over loudspeaker] Campers! Welcome to the semifinals! Today, we reward our challengers with an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast. That's right, genuine food bi-products served with fresh ingredients relatively close to their expiration dates.

[splat]

[scrape]

Gwen: [confessional] So I actually made it to the final three. Just goes to show you how far a bad attitude can get you.

Heather: [confessional] Whatever. I knew I'd make it to the end. Big shocker. I just can't believe weird goth girl made it.

Owen: [confessional] I wanted to believe it! I dreamt it could be true! And now the day is finally here! All-you-can-eat pancakes! Yes!

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Owen: [singsong] We're getting pancakes! We're getting pancakes! Ooh. Don't be shy, dude. Four words. All. You. Can. Eat. You got the pancakes, I got the stomach. [chuckles] Tee 'em up! Oh, yeah! Now you're talking, baby! Hahaha.

Gwen: [confessional] Yeah, the money would be awesome. But you know what would be sweeter? Making sure Heather loses.

Heather: [confessional] Luckily, I'm up against the freak show and fatty ginormous. So they may as well just give me the check, I mean come on. I think we all know who's gonna win.

Owen: [confessional] Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes!

Gwen: [confessional] If I win, I'm gonna buy Camp Wawanakwa so I can burn it down and turn it into a graveyard!

Owen: [confessional] Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes! Haha.

Heather: [confessional] When I win, I'm thinking of my own spin-off series. ''The World According to Heather. ''

Owen: [confessional] I'd never win. But if I did, I'd start every day with pancakes! 'Cause they're like little mini sunshines filled with yummy fun.

Gwen: [confessional] Personally, I've had enough drama here to last a lifetime, I mean... Owen's okay, but eight weeks of Heather was about as much fun as a mouth full of impacted molars.

Heather: [confessional] Sure, eight weeks with these losers is cause for insanity, but at least the mother ship knows where Gwen is now so they can retrieve her. And Greenpeace can bag and tag Owen as the hazardous waste that he is.

Owen: [confessional] But all the all-you-can-eat pancakes in the world wouldn't be special without friends to share them. [sighs]

Heather: [confessional] Sure, Owen's dumb luck has won a few challenges, but it's his ability not to be disgusted by anything edible that worries me.

Owen: [confessional] You ever notice how much a toilet seat looks like a pancake? [chuckles] [lick]

Heather: [confessional] And lazy! Ugh. Sloths could take a cue from Slowen!

Owen: [confessional] [laughs] I should probably spit this out. [snores]

Heather: [confessional] Thankfully, Gwen has no strength. She's just a low-rent gutter punk with dragon breath and ugly hair.

Gwen: [confessional] Heather's strength is obviously her bottomless pit of mean. I'm banking on her massive ego to be her downfall.

Owen: [confessional] [snores]

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Chris: Campers. Welcome to the semifinals. The producers ran out of insane ways of torturing you, so... they asked the ousted campers for ideas. Turns out they had a lot. They provided us with the sickest, most twisted and insane dares imaginable in TDI's version of... Spin the Bottle! Starting with... Izzy! Trent! Cody! Justin! Noah! Leshawna! Lindsay! Beth! Tyler! Harold! DJ! Geoff! Bridgette! Duncan! Courtney! Eva! Katie and Sadie. And the home-schooled, misogynistic country boy, Ezekiel. Put 'em all together, and we've got a high stakes game of... I Triple Dog Dare You!

Heather: What is this, grade five? Why don't we just do seven minutes of heaven in a skanky basement closet?

Owen: Yeah! Good call! Let's do it! Ow!

Chris: Each player will take turns spinning the bottle. The camper you land on determines the dare you'll perform. You can take the dare yourself and win a get-out-of-dare-freebie or inflict the dare on a fellow camper in hopes of booting them out.

Heather: And if we refused to do the dare?

Chris: Oh. Not a good option. Anyone who chickens out of their dare will be sent directly to the Dock of Shame, board the Boat of Losers. Do not go to bonfire. Do not collect marshmallow. And do not get to win $100,000.

Gwen: [confessional] Wow. A sudden death elimination? Good one.

Chris: Okay. Who's ready to humiliate themselves first?

Gwen: Oh, what the heck. Let's get this over with.

[bottle spins]

Chris: [confessional] Okay. So here's the deal. Chef and I have a little side bet going. Whoever pukes first has to pony up a hundred bucks. [real time] Okay. Let's get this party started! Duncan's dare. "Lick Owen's armpit."

[dramatic stings]

Chris: Gwen, you can perform the dare yourself, or dare one of your competitors to do it. [chuckles] Either way, someone's licking some armpit in the next minute.

Gwen: I triple dog dare Heather.

[flies buzz]

Owen: You could imagine that you're licking an ice cream cone.

Heather: Shut up, Owen!

Owen: Minus the BO.

Heather: I'm warning you!

Owen: Oh, and the pit hair.

Heather: [gags]

Chris: Oh, man! That was so sick! I nearly puked! Nearly.

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