User:Rainbowderp01/The EX-Files (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama World Tour... Greece. Hey, it was ruined before we got there. Here we learned that Alejandro may not be perfect, unless perfection means being super klutzy. And Tyler spilled the beans about Duncan and Gwen's kiss. Thoughts? Ka-boom! [laughs] I had no idea Cody had such a killer right hook. In the end, the Amazons won, but... no one went home. So everyone can marinade in awkward soup for at least one more challenge. Who's gonna get knocked out of orbit this week? Get ready to believe, right here on Total. Drama...

[Chris]

World Tour!

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[ Theme song ]

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Courtney: [mumbles] Pummel Duncan... [sighs] Pummel Gwen... [sighs] Wash socks. [cries]

[Sierra]

The cradle will fall

And down will come Gwen!

Sierra: Ruh! [confessional] Gwen and Duncan? Hm, duh. But boyfriend stealing's wrong! [whispers] She's gone.

Heather: What a beautiful day it is. Mm, what is that delicious smell? Oh, I know. It's... [confessional] Tension! And it has nothing to do with me. I have never felt so safe. Thanks, Gwen.

Courtney: [confessional] [screams] Gwen is going down! I can't believe I ever trusted that sun-fearing, emo-loving liar! [pants] Well, at least I broke up with Duncan on my terms. Ha, it was totally empowering.

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Courtney: [crying] You stupid jerk face! [mumbled crying]

Duncan: Look, I'm sorry. [grunts]

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Courtney: [confessional] At least I still have my... pride. [cries]

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Tyler: I'm serious. The guy's a jerk with a capital G. I'd never cheat on my Lindsay the way he hurt Courtney. He deserved two kicks to the--

Owen: [clears throat] Permission to speak freely? You know, athlete to athlete.

Tyler: What happened to your medal?

Owen: Huh? Oh. Well, I ate the chocolate. So good. Then refilled it with peanuts, ate those. Refilled it with foam-packing peanuts, ate those, puked up a painful white cloud and didn't refill it. Ha ha. Jock talk aside, the way I see it, Duncan is a double gold medalist in the Total Drama Babe Olympics.

Tyler: There's a Babe Olympics?

Owen: Well, Duncan is the only guy in TV history to score two hotties.

Tyler: Courtney and Gwen? Punk's got mojo.

Alejandro: [confessional] Problem. Duncan is a strong player. Solution? Courtney is volatile. She'll throw the Amazons off their game, and Duncan off his game too. All she needs is a little push.

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[beeping]

[electrical zap]

Chris: Huh. Plane could use a tune-up.

Chef: Mhm.

Chris: Attention potential crash victims, please remain calm. [over PA] Our autopilot is testing some equipment. Snacks in the common area if you don't believe me and want a last meal.

Owen: You call these snacks? We're all gonna die! [eats and cries]

Duncan: Looking especially pasty this morning.

Gwen: That means so much coming from a cyclops.

Courtney: Ugh!

Alejandro: Unbelievable. Forgive me, I'm simply offended on your behalf. Perhaps a little payback is in order. How would Duncan like it if you flirted with someone?

Tyler: Aw, man.

Courtney: [confessional] Duncan will lose it! It's basic break up math. The more mad Duncan gets, the more jealous he looks. The cruddier Gwen feels, the more vindicated I am. It's perfect!

Tyler: Must. Leave. Beautiful. Corpse.

Courtney: Tyler is super cute.

Tyler: [grunts] Oh no!

Courtney: Ah! Ha ha ha. Wow, you're so fit and strong, Tyler.

[all gasp]

Owen: [farts] The darkness as my witness, that was not me.

[all scream]

Owen: [screaming]

Alejandro: Three, two, one, and you're back. [snap]

Owen: We landed already? Huh. I'm so over my flying thing.

Duncan: Looks like I owe you five bucks.

Alejandro: My uncle Julio is a hypnotist. Manipulating runs in the family. And that wasn't the... only post-hypnotic suggestion I gave Owen.

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Chris: Everyone, welcome to the coolest, extra-terrestrial-est place in the world! Area 52!

Gwen: 52? Area 51 is where all the cool alien stuff is.

Duncan: The show's so broke, we have to fake an area now?

Chris: Nope. This really is Area 52. And that's Area 51 right there. We're just outside the border. Well, all of us except Duncan.

Duncan: [electrical grunt]

Gwen: Duncan!

Chris: Thanks for the laser show, colonel.

Duncan: [grunt]

Chris: It's good to have friends in Area 51 places.

Courtney: [laughs loudly]

Duncan: [coughs] [confessional] Flirting with Tyler? I knew she hated me, but I had no idea she hated me that much. Wow.

Chris: Listen up, space cases. The 5-1 is the most tightly protected military base in the world. Which is why tonight's challenge is gonna be so much fun. For me. Part one, break into Area 51 without getting shot, gassed, plasma rayed, or otherwise killed. The place is guarded with elite black-off soldiers, so if anyone does get all... exploded, their untimely but hilarious demise will be blamed on a freak weather balloon accident. Part two, each team must find a genuine functioning alien artifact inside Area 51's infamous black box warehouse. The place is full of broken alien junk. You need to find something alien that still works. But, be careful. The warehouse is loaded with booby traps. Part three, the winning team must bring their working artifact back to Area 52 intact.