User blog:DramaDot/Heroes vs Villains Review

Heroes vs Villains


'''Hi, my name is DramaDot (or just Dot), and I'm new to this wiki. You probably just noticed that I existed, so expect a little burst of activity as I try to sort my profile out. '''

'''Welcome to the first of a series of painful reviews of one of the weirdest and most controversial seasons--Total Drama All-Stars. I’ll be reviewing ever individual episode of the show, starting with this one: Heroes vs Villains. To make things simpler, let’s assume that I’m watching for the first time. I've actually written most of these reviews already but I'll spread them out to one a week (once every Monday) to avoid spamming. '''

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'''Okay, so we get a very creepy jail scene where Chef is walking through prison and maybe freaking out internally. I thought Chef would take this better since he’s a hardened soldier or whatever, but he seems pretty bug-eyed to me. Guess the police really do acknowledge Wawanawkwa’s existence sometimes, since we have the escaped killer back in prison. '''

'''Chris gets his own cell? I wouldn’t wanna share a cell with him. He apparently made Chef 2.0 out of a cashew and somehow managed to etch facial details on him. They get Sharpies in prison?? He also uses...bugs...yuck. Duncan is a bit of a roach though. His cell is bigger than my room. '''

'''All of a sudden, thanks to the magical contract, we’re back at Camp Wawanakwa. I hope they don’t do anything too bad to it this season.'''

'''We’re introduced to the contestants...blah blah blah...too many Revenge of the Island contestants...but seriously. You’re gonna split this cast down the middle with characters like Cameron and Zoey? At least Zoey will get some character development this season that doesn’t center around--'''

“MIIIIIIIKE!!!!!!”

'''Ooookay...as I was saying, some contestants don’t deserve to be here. Why are Sierra and Owen mega-cannonball-into-the-water people? Some things I just don’t understand. Did Sierra’s voice change or am I just damaged from hearing Jo’s heavenly voice from last season?? Maybe it was a side-effect of surviving a plane explosion.'''

'''Heather clearly didn’t watch the ending of World Tour, or maybe she just tried hard to forget about Alejandro’s existence. At least Lindsay’s there for her.'''

“You’re gonna pay for my dry cleaning!”

'''SINCE WHEN DO YOU DRY CLEAN YOUR CLOTHES, COURTNEY??!! You only change outfits every eight months anyways!! '''

'''Alright, I’m done with the intros. Alejandro--I mean the robot--has really weird wheels. They’re disconnected from the rest of his body. Wow, this new cabin looks really cool. Why did the contestants wait until Chris had stopped talking to suddenly start cheering? '''

'''Yes, Duncan, Gwen’s gonna be all super sulky. Deal with it or be Mr. McQuittypants like you were last season. I won’t miss you at all. Why is Heather so upset about a robot that she was cuddling with in Revenge? Has she finally discovered the powers of facial recognition?'''

'''Chris tells Scott (y’know, the farmer?) that the communication chip for the robot isn’t working. I have a feeling that he messed with it on purpose. I just realized that Chris pretty much smiles all the time, except when his breakfast isn’t on time. It’s kind of creepy. Again, I wouldn’t want to share a prison cell with him.'''

'We have some walking through a forest that definitely hasn’t been reused before, because that’d just be silly, right''? Stereotypical villain fighting happens, then we have evil laugh pictured above. I can’t believe Gwen is trying to defend herself against such legends as Heather, Queen of Mean, and Duncan, Screenhog Supreme! ''What a concept! '

'''Sierra’s whole life revolves around Cody. Her hair grew back really fast considering it’s only been a year. So did Heather’s (in World Tour and in All-Stars), but Sierra is like a champ at hair-growing. She’s probably lost her hair more than once so maybe it just grows back fast now? I don’t know, seems unrealistic to me. I’ve been growing my hair out for almost three years and I swear it’s like five inches shorter than when I started…'''

'''We get to the top of the cliff (minus Duchess Jo and Queen Lindsay) and Courtney and Lightning both dive to look for the spa key. I find it kind of sad that the writer’s have dumbed Lindsay down so much that she can’t push the baby carriage. I mean, come on, can’t she push a shopping cart at the mall?! '''

'''Jo tries to intimidate everybody who hops into the Jo-mobile, including Lightning and Duncan, or as she calls him, Dud-can. He laughs at the joke, which seems kind of weird to me.'''

'''“Wow! Someone who finally appreciates my killer zingers!”'''

'''Don’t get too excited, Grandma Josephine. He’s already in a very delicate and meaningful relationship with Gwen, who just turned 937 today. Jocan will fly like a bird and then sink like a stone.'''

'''What happened to Courtney’s hair when she tried to get out of the Heroes carriage? It like spontaneously disappeared. I think that’s what’s happening to my hair.'''

'''Mike and Gwen dive next and Mike gets into a sticky situation with Fang and a couple of other sharks. While Gwen flounders helplessly in the water, Zoey completely ignores her, magically finds a sling, and pegs Fang on the nose three times, from 1000 feet away, with perfect accuracy! Man, she’s like a superhero! '''

'''Gwen survives and gets in the carriage. Why does Jo run backwards instead of just parking the carriage backwards in the first place? It would save a lot of time.'''

“Hmmm...so that’s why it felt so lumpy!”  

'''Yeah Sierra, okay. Whatever you say.'''

'''Heather with wet hair is 100x the goddess Heather with normal hair is. Sam shouldn’t be on this cast. Yes you can, Lindsay! Win it for Tyler!'''

'''Time for Zoey to jump. She looks really mad when she gets in the carriage. You’re right, Mike, she doesn’t need luck to jump, she’s a superhero! '''

'''I would like to take a moment to comment on how “highly illogical” (as Cameron the Obvious puts it) this challenge is. If the drop was really “1000 feet”, which is isn’t (I mean take a look at that picture), the contestants would hit the water like it was cement and turn into contestant pancakes! That’s really why Chris went to jail. '''



'''That’s a really weird looking cliff. Look at how close it is to the beach. If a contestant somehow wasn’t flattened against the water, they would immediately be dashed to pieces by rocks in the shallows. '''

'''Back to the game. Scott doesn’t want to jump, for good reasons. That’s a pretty convenient rock that suddenly appeared for him to cling to. Robot gets sha-struck by Lightning and falls off the cliff. Uh-oh indeed! I love how Heather is completely ignoring the fact that Grandma Josephine’s having a heart attack right next to her. So...'''

'''...Alejandro is born anew! '''

'''Can I take another moment to comment on how weird Alejandro’s facial hair is? That’s a whole year’s worth of beardliness? Geez, I have more facial hair than he does and I’m a girl. '''

'''That reaction panel is really cool, but obviously a show-off of the fact that All-Stars is in HD. Let’s see...Duncan’s shocked that Ael-ee-hand-row is back...Scott’s squinting up into the sun (wasn’t he on the cliff looking down at Alejandro a moment ago?)...Courtney’s holding up her hand...Cameron’s picking lice out of his hair...Mike looks confused/maybe a little traumatized...and of course Heather is freaking out.'''



'''We get a confessional from the man himself, who has changed a lot since we last saw him. His legs look unnaturally long here ewwwwwwww, his stubble is actually grey, his hair looks like mine, and the stripes on his bracelets have changed for like the 100th time. I’m not even going to talk much about his new voice, since it seems fine to me except that it’s NOT SPANISH OR HANDSOME; well, RIP Alejandro’s voice! '''

“Wakey-wakey!”

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

'''Alejandro grabs a key and reveals that his legs are dead, but it doesn’t matter because Grandma Josephine comes sailing in to save the day with her baby carriage! Zoey finally finishes trying out her key just as Alejandro comes swooping in. The Jalapeño quote made me smile. We get some Spanish from not-Spanish Alejandro (why does he say finally when the door opens if it’s only the first time that he’s tried a key?) and the Vultures win. Chris sails in on his awesome jetpack and announces that the Heroes are going to the Campfire Ceremony to vote someone out.'''

'''The new peanut gallery is a cool idea. Courtney is sitting all by her lonesome self, so Gwen the Villain comes over and offers her flowers. Turns out, Courtney is allergic to flowers. Such continuity!'''

'''We have a sad voting montage where Lindsay forgets how to use a pen. It’s pretty clear that she’s going to be voted out here, but that doesn’t make it any better.'''

'''The Flush of Shame is really gross. The Heroes all deserve to be dunked in toilet water though. So long, Queen Lindsay! I’ll miss you so much! '''

'''So that’s it for my first review. Tune in next week as I review Episode Two: Evil Dread! Do you agree or disagree with my points? Let me know! Also, since I'm here, please post on my message wall if you know how to add in userboxes to profile pages. Thank you!'''