Thread:AnonymousRose94/@comment-25397397-20141106233734/@comment-24781217-20141122072134

I know, babe, I know. Sorry, I've got ten things going on in my head at once. Sometimes when I'm on here I have all the time in the world and sometimes I gotta squeeze things in. I haven't forgotten, don't worry.

Anyway, my number one thing here is the giant wall of text that it is. Remember to space things out so it doesn't seem so overwhelming.

Other than that, I think a little more effort could be put into the characterizations. You really hit some of the dialogue, but at other times the lines could be twisted into something more them. For instance, when Amy says she's seen HTF before, you could make her boast about how that means she's totally going to win. And Jasmine could use some more Australian slang (search the internet. There are references for that, I promise). If I could also suggest, maybe you could tweak Zoey's personality a little to make it truer to her stereotype. This is interesting, and I'm looking forward to seeing how this turns out. :)