User blog:Usitgz/Total Drama ON A TRAIN! Episode 1: No Train, No Game - Part 1

Chris is standing in front of a remote train station

Chris: It’s been a long, long 7 years since the last time you lucky viewers have seen me on the screen! Total Drama is back, baby! This season we’re on an even tighter budget, as we journey across this majestic country with 12 brand new competitors ON A TRAIN! Strap in, grab some McLean Brand Popper Snacks, put on your 3D glasses, and don’t operate machinery within 24 hours of watching this episode of Total! Drama! ON A TRAIN!

[THEME SONG]

Chris: I’m standing in front of an abandoned train station in the Middle of Nowhere, Alberta, Canada! The contestants are on their way via taxi cabs, and should be arriving here shortly. We’ve told them we’ve dredged up Camp Wawanawkwa, and that the season is going to be taking place there, so they should be in for a surprise. Haha.

The first taxi stops in front of Chris and drops off a thin girl wearing a beret before driving off.

Chris: Meet our first contestant… Lisa! She’s an award-winning poet *whispers to the camera* (or something lame like that.) What’s up!?

Lisa: Nice to meet you, Chris. Your hosting is adequate. This place smells like p***.

Chris: … wow. That was a pretty lame poem. How long did it take you to come up with that?

Lisa: 10 seconds. I’m setting the bar low for someone who doesn’t have the capacity to appreciate my past and future rhymical masterpieces.

Chris: Harsh. Anyways… *points to a bright blue mat in front of the train* stand on that and wait for the others to come.

Lisa reluctantly walks over to the mat and stands on it.

Chris: And here comes our next contestant!

Another taxi parks, and a quick black flash escapes the taxi before it speeds off.

Chris: Huh. I don’t remember having an empty taxi on the list of scheduled arrivals. Oh well, here come the next one!

A taxi parks, and a guy in a red sweatshirt steps out.

Chris: Welcome Jake!

Jake: Hey Chris. Are we taking a train to the dock? I can’t wait to explore the places on the island that weren’t shown on the show.

Chris: Hate to burst your bubble, dude, but we’re going to be riding this train all the way to the million! Now march on down to that mat! *points to Lisa*

Jake: Aww, man. *walks over towards Lisa* Pleasure to meet you, the name’s Jake! *offers her a handshake*

Lisa: Yeah, I heard Chris. Anyways… N-n-nice to meet you too, I’m Lisa. *awkwardly reciprocates his handshake*

The next taxi drives in, and a girl in a purple blazer struts out.

Sophia: Chris McLean! An unexpected location, how… expected of you. *notices Jake and Lisa* Fellow Competitors! The name is Sophia, and I can’t wait to meet you all! *walks over to Jake and Lisa, and shakes their hands forcefully, while smiling with force*

Chris: Thanks for stealing my thunder!

Yet another taxi drives by, dropping off a girl with strawberry blonde hair.

Chris: This is Kayla!

Kayla: *looking around* Yeah, that’s me. Uhh… why’s there a person on top of the roof?

As Chris turns around to look, a black flash disappears from the roof and Yusuke appears kneeling in front of Kayla.

Yusuke: I have failed as a shinobi. In accordance to the Ninjutsu Way, I offer my life for you to take.

Kayla: *chuckles* That’s not happening. *walks over to the mat on the opposite side of the other contestants*

Yusuke: You mock my honor! You shall pay for your disrespect of the Ninjutsu Way!

Chris: Contestants, this is Yu-soo-ke! Not quite sure how he got here, but he certainly is a sneaky little ninja.

Sophia: Hi Yu-soo-ke! I’m Sophia!

Yusuke glares furiously at Chris, then Sophia. He disappears, then reappears in the middle of the mat in a meditative posture.

Yusuke: *chanting* Ignorance shall not becometh anger.

Chris: Hahaha. What a weirdo.

During the commotion, another taxi had dropped off a competitor wearing a yellow business suit with no undershirt.

Carter: Om my gosh! It’s Chris McLean! Thanks for accepting me!

Chris: Carter! My dude! How could the producers deny such a nice contestant on such a sweet season?

Carter: Beats me. *walks over towards Lisa, Jake, and Sophia* Hello guys!

Sophia: Pleasure to meet you, the name’s Sophia. *shakes his hand forcefully*

Jake:  And I’m Jake. *waves kindly*

Lisa stares off, looking the other way.

Chris: Uhh… enough of this getting to know each other crap, this is a competition, not an episode of Acquaintances.

The next taxi appears, and a pale contestant slinks out of the vehicle.

Chris: Meet our resident techie, Ryan!

Ryan:  Hi Chris. *walks right past Chris and stands in front of the blue mat* Salutations fellow competitors of Total Drama.

''Ryan bows slightly. Carter, Jake, and Sophia pause their conversation to greet him. Ryan then moves in between Kayla and Yusuke, studying Sophia, Carter, and Jake as they talk to each other''.

Kayla: Hey, dude. *weakly elbows Ryan*

Ryan ignores her and continues to watch Sophia, Carter, and Jake.

Chris: *disappointed, to himself* Why doesn’t anyone wanna talk to me?

''A taxi speeds by the train station, and a boy with burning red eyes rolls out. As he picks himself up, the taxi he departed explodes.''

Chris: Woah, dude! *ducks as shrapnel flies by him, then repositions as he brushes off his clothes* That… was… awesome! Contestants! This is Salem, and I’m not quite sure how to describe him.

Salem: Allow me. I am… completely normal, with nothing whatsoever out of the ordinary.

Ryan: What about your red eyes?

Kayla: Or your pointed ears?

Jake: Or even that large scar running over half of your face? There’s gotta be a cool story behind that!

Salem: … Those aren’t normal over here? Where I’m from everyone has them.

Sophia: May I ask where you are from?

Salem: New Jersey.

Carter: *shrugs* Makes sense to me.

Salem: *walks over towards Yusuke* What a nice chair! *to himself* I wonder why no one is using it.

Salem tries to sit on Yusuke, but Yusuke breaks his meditation in time to teleport into a battle stance in front of Salem, whiles Salem falls due to the movement of his “chair.”

Salem: I didn’t expect chairs to move in this region of the world. *gets up and prepares to defend himself*

Yusuke: A chair? You mistook me for a piece of furniture? Do you have no honor? Prepare to die, you worthless genin.

Salem: You think you can challenge me? Don’t make me laugh!

Chris: Timeout! I’m loving the drama, guys, but our next contestant has arrived! Meet Gracie!

A woman in a coral cardigan steps out from behind Chris, and waves pleasantly to everyone.

Gracie: Uhm… I hate to interrupt you guys, but uh… hi!

Yusuke: *relaxes from his fighting stance* Greetings! It is against my Way to fight with such a fair maiden as a witness. *Sophia glares at him* Allow me to assist you, dandy lady.

''As Yusuke prepares to teleport towards Gracie, Salem trips him with his powers. Only Gracie and Sophia notice as everyone else’s attention is on Gracie. Yusuke teleports into a faceplant at Gracie’s feet. ''

Chris: Haha! That’s gonna leave a mark!

Gracie glares at Salem, picks up Yusuke, carries him back to the mat, and lays him down on against the back wall next to Kayla.

Yusuke: *weakly* Arigato. I owe you my dignity.

Gracie: Just don’t call me a fair maiden or a dandy lady, ever again, and I’ll consider you forgiven.

Yusuke: U-understood.

Another taxi arrives and a contestant in a loose blue suit emerges.

Chris: Ellis! I’ve been waiting for you, dude! Those audition videos were insane! I’m just glad we got that acceptance letter out to you before you did something completely insane.

Ellis: Yeah… uh… me too.

Chris: You’ve got to show the other competitors your insane quadruple backflip. When I saw that, I knew there was no way the producers would decline you!

Ellis: I’d… rather not show off.

Chris: Modesty? That’s pretty lame, bro. Anyways, say hello to Ellis, fellow competitors.

Chris pushes Ellis in front of the other contestants.

Sophia: Hi Ellis! I’m Sophia. I’m looking forward to competing against you. *Offers a handshake*

Ellis: Likewise! *strongly shakes her hand, shocking her*

Carter: You have an even nicer suit than mine!

Ellis: I wouldn’t say that. Yours is better, for sure.

''After introducing himself to Jake, Ryan, Gracie, and Salem. He walks over to the far side next to Lisa.''

Lisa: Nice piercings.

Ellis: *embarrassed* Oh, thanks.

Chris: Yes, yes, we’ve all met Ellis. Our next contestant has been waiting here for a while. Here’s Hope!

Chris steps aside expecting Hope to be behind him, but she’s nowhere to be found.

Kayla: Where is she?

Salem: Yes, where is your hope?

Hope: *steps out from behind Chris* Ta-Da! I’ve created yet another beautiful painting.

Chris: Uhh… what are you talking about?

Hope turns Chris ''around revealing a painting of an upside sad clown holding a chocolate cake painted across the entirety of Chris’s backside. The chocolate cake is positioned in a rather unfortunate position. Carter, Jake, Kayla, Gracie, and Ellis start giggling.''

Hope: *curtsies* Thank you, thank you.

Sophia: It’s not that funny, guys. Chris, you should probably change your clothes.

Kayla: Way to ruin the fun.

Chris: Seriously? Ughh… that’s so much work. Makeup!

Chris snaps his fingers and a couple of interns cover him in a curtain, then a few seconds later drop it revealing Chris in a brand-new outfit.

Hope: *grabs an intern* My painting! My precious painting! What have you done with my poor baby?!

''The intern pushes Chris’ old clothes into her hands, then runs off in fear. Hope cradles her painting like a newborn while walking onto the mat, then sits down in-between Salem and Ryan.''

Chris: Man, the producers must hate me to leave me with this unruly lot of vict- competitors. *The final taxi arrives, and an athletic guy in a polo swaggers out* Speaking of which, here is our last one!

Joshua: Name’s Joshua Michael Jenkins, but you can call me Joshua. *Joshua flexes* As you can see, I’m pretty stacked. You’ll definitely want me on your team.

Ellis: Oh, cool another athlete! I’m Ellis, what’s your sport?

Joshua: Basketball is my main, but I also dabble in soccer, football, baseball, and shot put. You, my dude? *Joshua runs up to the mat, and hi-fives Ellis*

Ellis: Ku… uh… Boxing! Yeah, boxing. I’m a middleweight. Top of my school, a champion.

Joshua: Boxing you say? That’s cool. Have you lost some weight? Cause you kinda look like a featherweight to me. *Ellis doesn’t respond* I’m just messing with you, man.

''Joshua laughs heartily and gives Ellis a friendly slap on the back. Ellis awkwardly laughs along.''

Chris: Alright Now that everyone is on the mat, it’s time to tell you guys your teams! The people on the left side, Joshua, Ellis, Lisa, Jake, Sophia, and Carter you guys are the Boring Beavers!

Chris throws them an orange flag with a beaver on it, and Jake catches it.

Jake: Boring Beavers? Who comes up with these names?

Chris: Blame production, not me. Anyways, the rest of you, Salem, Hope, Ryan, Gracie, Yusuke, and Kayla you will be forever known as the Gross Geese.

Chris throws them a purple flag with a goose on it, and Gracie snags it.

Gracie: I don’t know what team name is worse.

Ryan: So, uh… how are we getting to the island?

Chris: Patience, young ones. For you shall soon learn just what this season has in store next time on Total! Drama! ON A TRAIN!