User:Rainbowderp01/Evil Dread (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama... I welcomed the all-stars to the newly decontaminated island. Then, it was heroes vs. villains diving into shark-infested waters in search of the one key that would unlock the door to the all-new McLean spa hotel for winners only. Thanks to Scott's cowardly fear of sharks, we learned that inside every robot beats the heart of a Spaniard. In this case, Alejandro. And while Alejandro might not hold the key to Heather's heart anymore, he did hold the key to the spa hotel and victory for the Villainous Vultures! And the Heroic Hamsters bid farewell to Lindsay, via our newest and most humilating commode of transportation. The Flush of Shame! Who will be next to pop through the pooper? Find out right now on Total. Drama. All-Stars!

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[ Theme song ]

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Mike: [as Chester] There's a storm a-comin', dagnabbit! [deep inhale] [as Svetlana] I'm scared! After all these years, he's going to return! [deep inhale] [as Vito] Ay, yo, how we gonna stop this Goomba? [deep inhale] [as Manitoba] Hush it, mates. Mike is wakin' up! [as himself] Huh? Eh, what's that? You guys say something?

Cameron: [snoring]

Sam: [snoring] Meh.

[mosquito slurps]

Sam: [groans]

[mosquito sloshing]

[camera snap]

Courtney: Ah! What the heck?!

Zoey: Courtney? What's wrong?

Courtney: What's wrong is that we're sharing a cabin with a super-fan with a bad case of crazy!

Sierra: [chuckles] Hey, Courtney! I've updated the sleeping section of your picture gallery on my fan site! Whee! [confessional] I hate to break Chris' rules about smuggling in special items like my cell phone, but I have to keep my TD blogs current! Zoey's even sweeter than she is on TV. Courtney is even Courtney-er than ever! It's better this way. Last time, I had a teensy bit of a problem with internet withdrawal. Without this link to Cody-Wody, I'd probably lose my mind! [real time] Oh, internet, Never leave me!

Chef: Room service, suckas!

Zoey, Courtney, and Sierra: Ah!

Courtney: What's wrong with you?!

Chef: Here's breakfast! [chuckles]

Sierra: Thank you, Chef.

Courtney: We've got to win the next challenge and get into that spa hotel.

Sierra: [munching] True love sure does build an appetite! [eating]

Scott: Oh, I am diggin' this. I can't wait to be a millionaire. I woke up at 5 AM this morning to watch the releasing of the doves, and I'm just gonna say it. It was beautiful. [blows nose]

Duncan: Yeah, this is the life. And if we keep winning challenges, we can live like kings all season! To villainy!

[clink]

Gwen: Yeah. Unh, villainy.

Duncan: 'Sup with you, doll face?

Gwen: Wha? Oh! Uh... nothing. Just uh, you know, uh, wondering how Lightning's doing on Boney Island?

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[lightning strikes]

[whack]

Lightning: Ha ha, fish! You've been struck by Lightning!

[bird squawks]

Lightning: Oh no, you don't! [grunting] Whoo! [gulp]

[rumble]

Lightning: Sha-dang. This fishy is swimmin' back upstream. [vomits]

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Jo: I just hope Lightning doesn't find the invincibility statue. If we don't vote him off soon, he'll be too strong for us to beat him later.

Scott: So maybe we should do it right away. Throw the next challenge.

Jo: Pfft, and give up all this? No way!

Scott: True 'nough! This is sweet! You know what I slept on last night? A pillow filled with feathers! Back on the farm, it's a burlap sack filled with small animals. You ever had a pillow bite your face?

Jo: I'd like to enjoy my breakfast now. And that will require you to stop talking.

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Heather: Quit hogging the masseuse.

Alejandro: [sighs] I'm sure her hands are magical. If only I could feel them.

Heather: Seriously? Your legs are still asleep?

Alejandro: I don't know if they'll ever wake up! I was squashed into that robot suit for an entire year, which you'd have known if you'd ever texted!

Heather: It's not like you ever texted me. Are you getting your eyebrows waxed? Wow.

Alejandro: They call it manscaping because it is very manly. And I didn't text you because I was trapped in a robot suit!

Heather: Well, [scoffs] Whatever.

Alejandro: [screams]

Heather: [confessional] Puh-lease. This "my legs don't work" thing is obviously bogus. He just wants sympathy. But news flash, I am not falling for him! It! Not falling for it.

Alejandro: [confessional] I've never found Heather to be more radiant. Her glossy locks, her perma-frown, the way the hair on her upper lip catches the light when she yells at me. Keep in mind, I was in a robot suit for a year.

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Chris: [over loudspeaker] Attention, campers! It's challenge time! Get your heinies down to the beach pronto!

Heather: Shall I fetch the baby carriage? Show-off!

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Chris: Ooh, somebody's invisible. Ha ha, harsh. TV couples. Is it ever a good idea?

[boat honks]

Scott: Any luck finding the invincibility statue?

Lightning: No need. I am an invincibility statue.

Alejandro: [confessional] He is so arrogant. I might understand it if he had this face, but he does not have this face.

Lightning: [confessional] Arrogant? Be fair now. Look at me. Sha-yeah!

Chris: Bonjour, mais campers. Some of you may recall our season three Parisian "find and build a sculpture" debacle.