User:Rainbowderp01/Bjorken Telephone (Transcript)

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race, our teams got chummy with sharks. Some more than others. Once they finished making castles in the sand, it was a boat race from the Mediterranean to the coast of Iceland. It looked like last place belonged to our Surfer Dudes, but it was the Geniuses who choked on their own massive brains and got eliminated. Who will choke on their brains this week? Ha, there's zero chance of it being me. Ready to kick it? Good. 'Cause it's time for... The Ridonculous Race.

[ding]

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[ Theme song ]

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Don: Welcome back to Iceland, where today's starting line is yesterday's chill zone. [shudders] And chill it is. My walnuts are frozen solid. The first team to depart will be the Ice Dancers. Go!

[buzz, ding]

Josee: Take a bus to the geyser field of Geysirskil and locate the Don Box!

Don: The geysers of Geysirskil are part of an active volcano field tucked under a skimpy twenty centimeter layer of selicious center. Whatever that is. Sounds dangerous though.

Josee: [interview] Coming in first has given us a taste for gold! We hope to be at the top of the podium from here on.

Jacques: [interview] And I love the taste of gold in the morning! [real time] Hurry! Come on, where's our bus? We're gonna lose out lead!

Josee and Jacques: Huh?!

Stephanie: Hi.

Jacques: Don't even think about getting on the bus before us!

MacArthur: You can't stop me from thinking it. Get out of my head!

Jacques: Oh yeah?

MacArthur: Yeah!

[horn honks]

[tires squeal]

Noah: Uh, guys? The bus?

[all cheer]

Noah: Us first!

Don: Our first teams head off as another team gets psyched up.

Chet and Lorenzo: [grunting]

Don: But for some, the fear and panic is clearly visible on their faces. I said the fear and panic. Fear and panic! Fear and panic!

Mickey: Spider!

Don: Better.

Mickey: Spider! [interview] And I'm only mildly afraid of spiders. You should see me around a werewolf. [real time] [screaming]

[squish]

[spider groans]

[buzz, ding]

Laurie: [interview] I'm super optimistic about our chances right now.

Miles: [interview] I know! We're proving you can race without hurting anyone or anything.

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[tires squeal]

Sanders: There's the Don box!

[buzz, ding]

Sanders: It's an All In. "Broken Icelandic Telephone"?

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Don: For this all in, teams need to hold down the button on this speaker box to hear me say "Please give me my next travel tip" in Icelandic, with perfect pronunciation. [on speaker] Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending. [himself] Then they must run across the geothermal field of hot springs, and repeat the sentence to this Icelandic local. Ugh! Sweet sister of ducks, what are you wearing?

[swan honks]

Don: Say the sentence right, and you get the next tip. Say it wrong, and you have to go all the way back to hear the sentence again.

MacArthur: Open your ears, here it comes!

Don: [on speaker] Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending.

MacArthur: Move it!

Junior: Press it again.

Dwayne: No need, kiddo. Let's hustle! [interview] My mind is a steel trap. Once I know something, it's...

Junior: [interview] Really? When's my birthday?

Dwayne: [interview] Summertime?

Junior: [interview] October.

Don: Six more teams head for the geyser field, leaving only three that have yet to begin the race.

[geysers spray]

Dwayne and Junior: Whoa!

Dwayne: Just follow my lead, son. [interview] All we have to do is time it right and we will be talking to that beautiful swan lady. [chuckles] Oh, d-did I say beautiful? I-I mean she was wearing a... beautiful swan. Heh, honey I miss you. Mwah! [real time] Now!

Dwayne and Junior: [screaming]

Don: [on speaker] ...travel ábending.

Owen: Wontons, rice, uh, garlic shrimp, house noodles, and eggrolls please.

[tires squeal]

Noah: No time, let's move!

Don: [voiceover] Bus number two has arrived as our last three teams have departed.

Geoff: [interview] Starting out last place is tough, especially 'cause Brody's so messed up. Guy got a few too many shocks from that speedboat.

[electrical zap]

Geoff: [interview] But I can do all the heavy lifting. It's too early to give up and go home. Surfers don't quit. Right, dude?

[electrical zap]

Josee: Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending. "Take the helicopter to Skaftafell National Park and find the next Don box!"

Don: [voiceover] The Ice Dancers have the lead, but now they'll have to wait. The helicopter will only depart once six teams are aboard.

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Devin: [shivering] Heh, this reminds me of, um, last winter when Shelly locked me out of the car for buying her the wrong kind of tea.

Carrie: [aside] He got frost bite and nearly lost three toes over a tea? He deserves better than that. A rabid goat deserves better than that.

[geysers rushing]

Owen: Ah, ah! I'm stuck! Tell my parents I lived a good life! Woohoo! [laughing] Whoa! [muffled screaming]

Dwayne: Uh, Vinsamlegast gefðu mér, uh... pfft, ginkel travel, psh, scoobity-doop-doop.

[smack]

Dwayne: Heh heh, you gotta admit, your language is pretty darn ridiculous. [interview] I cannot be expected to memorize something I only heard once.

Junior: [interview] What? You've got to be kidding me!

Laurie: Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending. Yay. Thanks. [interview] I had to get it right. I didn't wanna be culturally insensitive.

Miles: [interview] Yeah, that's how wars start.

Laurie: [interview] And war is bad.

MacArthur: [grunts]

Sanders: [grunts] [screams] Oof. I'm okay. Just let me ge-- wha!

Jen: [screaming]

[camera cracks]

Jen: [interview] Geysers are hot water. This top is cold wash only. No one told me there would be real danger!

Dwayne: Hurry!

Rock: Almost there, bud. You can do it!

Jay and Mickey: [sigh]

Jay: [interview] Saltwater helps Mickey's eczema. Sometimes it gets so bad, his knees look like armadillos.

[armadillo blows raspberry]

Ennui: Are you finished?

Taylor: No. Mom trashed the Icelandic talking, so I made her go back by herself.

Crimson: Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending.