User:Rainbowderp01/Free Chili (Transcript)

​​​​​​[ Theme song ]

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[kids humming theme song]

Owen: Noah, can you read me? Over.

Noah: I read you, Owen. Over.

Owen: Hi, Noah. Whatcha doin'? Over.

Noah: Standing by the cubbies. Over.

Owen: Now what are you doing? Over.

Noah: Um... looking at you? Over.

[man speaking Spanish]

Owen: Noah, you've got burritos? [gasps] Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme!

Noah: Oof! Owen, I'm not selling burritos! Your walkie picked up a Spanish radio station or something.

[man speaking Spanish]

Owen: Do you deliver worldwide?!

Chef: Stop! Nobody move! My internal "toys from home" alarm has been triggered.

Owen: Uh, ha, wow! It's uh, we, um...

Noah: Chef! We're not allowed to bring toys from home. Have you forgotten your own rules?

Chef: [growls] I didn't forget.

Noah: Don't worry, Chef! Memory loss is quite common for old people!

Chef: [growls] I'm watching you two.

Owen: Phew. That was a close one.

Noah: Yeah. We better keep these walkies out of sight.

Owen: [panting] Oh... right. I can't hide my walkie in my pocket 'cause my mom sewed them shut to keep me from hiding candy in there. But there was candy in there when she did it! [laughs] Now when I crave candy, I just do this.

[rip]

Owen: [sucking] Mm... candy pants.

Noah: Owen, focus. Put your pants on, then hide the walkie-talkie.

Owen: I know the perfect hiding place! In my lunch box. Huh? Huh?

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Owen: [whistling]

Harold: What do you mean, you've never seen the show Ninja Cat? It's the best show ever, Jude! He's a cat and a ninja!

Jude: Ah!

[man speaking Spanish]

Jude: Whoa, dude, do you hear something?

Harold: It came from Owen's lunch box! Stand back! Let a ninja handle this! [strains]

Jude: [shudders]

Harold: Ah!

[man speaking Spanish]

Jude: What is it?

Harold: Isn't it obvious? Owen's chili dog is most definitely an alien from another planet.

Jude: [gasps] Of course! Welcome to Earth, chilied one.

Harold: Have you gone mad?! There's only one reason aliens travel to Earth! World domination!

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[hot dog monster roars]

[kids humming dramatic music]

Harold: [voiceover] Sure, it might look like food, but we're the food, Jude. We're the food!

[record scratch]

Jude: [voiceover] Hold on. Ooh, maybe it's here on a mission of peace, bro. To cure diseases like chickenpox and bath time.

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Harold: Bath time's not a disease. We need to destroy this alien before it destroys us!

Jude: No! I won't let you destroy my alien friend!

Beth: [chanting] Apples, plums, bananas, and pears. Close your eyes and fall down the stairs.

Jude: Beth! Can you help me protect the life of an innocent alien chili dog?

Beth: Jude? I have waited my entire life to hear those words! \

Jude: Really?

Beth: No. Now show me the alien! [chuckles]

[kids hum dramatic sting]

[bricks fall]

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Owen: My lunch has been stolen! Oh... so hungry... getting weak... [panting] The light... the light is calling me. [gasps]

Bridgette: We can share some of our lunches--

Owen: [chomping]

Bridgette: If... it'll... help...

Owen: Oh! Oh, thank you, Bridgette. You're a life saver. Ooh! What have we got here? [chomp] Much appreciated.

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Harold: Thanks for agreeing to help, Izzy. Saving the human race is too heavy a burden for one little kid, but two little kids equals one grown up.

Izzy: And people say math is useless. Heh.

Harold: Uh, no one says that.

Izzy: I've heard me say it.

Harold: All right, dog. There's no reason this has to get ugly. Just tell us what we wanna know and we can all go home.

[man speaking Spanish]

Harold: We're not falling for your tricks, alien! We came prepared. [confessional] The helmets will stop the alien from reading our thoughts. Plus, they make us look like real cops! The siren's pretty cool, too!

[siren blares]

Izzy: [confessional] Mine's broken, so I make the siren sounds with my face! [imitates siren]

Harold: I'll be bad cop, you be good cop.

Izzy: Yes! I love being good cop!

Harold: Tell us your evil plan, alien!

[man speaking Spanish]

Harold: Earth! Speak Earth!

Izzy: I'm gonna buy you a summer dress and take you out for lemonade!

Harold: Izzy! I said good cop, not friendly old lady!

Izzy: [whispers] Don't worry, he's not coming.

Harold: Hoh! You better start talking! Or you're getting some of this! Hi-yah! Hoowah! Yow!

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Noah: [whistling] Hm? Oh... mayday, mayday! I need help! Owen? Someone! [through walkie] I'm trapped in here!

Izzy: [gasps] The alien ate Noah? Well, your lemonade just went from a large to a small.

Harold: Noah must've thought it was just a normal chili dog and ate it! Then it ate him from the inside out!

Izzy: [imitates siren]

Harold: Spit it out! Spit it out right now!

[man speaking Spanish]

Harold: Oh yeah? Well, we'll see about that, body snatcher!

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Owen: [chomping] Guys, gotta tell your parents that granola bars are not a dessert, ugh! I could barely finish that fourth one.

Noah: There you are. Thanks for not helping me in the washroom.

Owen: You usually manage all by yourself. Hey... where's your vest?

Noah: Uh... I don't wanna talk about it.

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[beep beep]

Izzy: If this alien's like me, it'll get carsick and vomit Noah out.

Harold: Izzy, it's too late to save Noah. But not too late to... save the world!

Izzy: Uh, w-what is it, what are you looking at?

Harold: Nothing. This is what heroes do before they save the world.

Jude: [chuckles] [deepens voice] Officer Izzy!

Izzy: Hi!

Harold: Yes sir!

Jude: [deep voice] Captain wants you in his office, pronto! I'll watch the alien dude!

Harold: On our way!

Jude: Thanks, puppet. You came in pretty... handy! [chuckles]

Harold: Wait a second... policemen don't say dude. Freeze! Oof!

Izzy: Stop! Real pretend police!

Harold: [gasps] Sarge? Speak to me!

Izzy: [sighs] He was only a week away from retirement.

Harold: We need to get that alien back and find out if he's already contacted his planet to come and destroy us!

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Jude​​​​​​: He's not safe here! We gotta find a way to get him back to his planet!

Izzy: There they are! [imitates siren]

[siren blares]

Beth: Ah! The cops!

Harold: Get down here, right now!

Jude: Ah!

[splat]

[train horn blows]

Jude: Stop! Hands off that chili dog! Whoa!

[train horn blows]

Harold: Ooh, gee.

Jude: [gasps] Carry me.

Harold: Hand over the alien or prepare to battle! Hoowah! Hi-yah! Ah! [sighs]

Jude: Nuh-uh! No way!

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[stomach growls]

Owen: I'm still kinda hungry. I wish I had my chili dog.

Noah: I think it's gone for good, buddy. Not much we can do about that.

Owen: [sniffs] I smell... my chili dog! It's this way!

Noah: Okay.

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Izzy: Jude, please! Before it eats all of us the way it ate Noah!

Noah: Um... who ate Noah?

Harold and Izzy: Ah!

Harold: This is a surprising turn of events.

Izzy: Ha ha, yeah. And I don't get surprised very often. I can count on one hand the number of times I've-- whoa! Ha ha! Look how many fingers I have!

Owen: [panting] Gimme that chili dog!

Beth: Why do I get the sense you're gonna eat it?

Owen: Because... I am going to eat it!

Beth: [groaning]

Jude: [gasps] You're all monsters!

Harold: Hand it over, Jude.

Jude: No!

Beth: Whoa!

Jude: [gasps]

Bridgette: Hey, guys. What are you fighting about? Can I help? Did I interrupt something? I can come back later.

Beth: Jude! Now's our chance! Sorry, we need this.

Jude: Earth isn't safe for you, weiner dude. Fly back to your planet!

Harold: No! Bravo! There goes the human race!

Jude: Reach for the stars, space bud.

[pop]

[splatting]

Noah: Weird. Aren't even train tracks here.

Owen: My walkie-talkie chili dog!

Harold: Walkie-talkie...? Oh... is that why it was talking?

Beth: So it wasn't an alien. That makes so much more sense.

Harold: Heh. I guess evil alien hot dogs aren't real after all. Huh.

[kids hum spacely music]

[credits]