User:Rainbowderp01/Grand Chef Auto (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island... our players went on a hunt for buried treasure. AKA, Gwen and Sam. Cameron tried to hide Mike's multiple personalities from Zoey, but spilled the beans to Scott. Way to keep a secret, Bubble Boy. Dakota got a little too cozy with toxic waste and mutated into Dakota-zoid! But after Scott used the invincibility statue, Dakota got the Hurl of Shame! Adios, mutante! Who will be the next hurl? How will we injure them beforehand? Find out the answer to these questions and more right now, right here. On Total. Drama. Revenge of the Island!

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[ Theme song ]

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[bird chirps]

[bird squeaks]

[klaxon blares]

Chris: Good morning, campers! Today, we have a very special treat!

Lightning: [gasps] Fantasy football?

Zoey: [gasps] Espressos?

Scott: Helicopter bear hunt?

Chris: Nope. It's merge day! No more Team Rat, no more Team Maggot. [grunts] From now on, it's every man, woman, and Cameron, for himself.

Jo: [confessional] The merge. Finally. All that "team" hooey was really chafing my butt. Lightning's been pretty useful, though. I might keep him around a while longer. Just to intimidate the others.

Chris: Chef! Drop it like it's hot!

Cameron, Mike, Scott, and Zoey: [scream]

[crash]

Zoey: You crushed our cabin with a block of solid concrete?

Chris: I had a bunch left over from building a monument of myself. I call it... Mount Chrismore!

[splat]

[seagulls laugh]

Chris: From now on, you'll all share one tiny, cruddy little cabin.

Zoey: But all our stuff was in there!

Chris: Yes! And because I am nice and not heartless, I'll help you get it out. One McLean brand pickax. Children's size.

Cameron: Ow!

[helicopter whirs]

Chris: Enjoy! Later, taters. [chuckles] Ouch! Chef!

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Jo: Ha! Glad that wasn't our cabin.

Lightning: Ha ha! Score one for Team Dude.

Cameron: Hey, Jo. Now that the teams are disbanded, if you want some brains to compliment your brawn, maybe we could make an arrangement.

Jo: Nice try, chicken legs, but I've already got my quarterback.

Lightning: We are going all the way to the finals! Two hundred and five, six, seven, eight, ten, uh... nine!

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Zoey: [grunts] Aw, c'mon, gimme my clothes back.

Mike: Hey, Zoey. They're probably too big, but I found an extra pair of Brick's boots if you want 'em.

Zoey: Aw, Mike, you are so sweet. Especially now that you stopped doing those crazy characters. [faints]

Mike: Gotcha!

Zoey: Wow! You're a real life saver! [confessional] I don't even know how many times Mike's saved my butt. Mike, if you're watching this, me and my butt thank you.

Scott: Ah, lookie, lookie. Multiple Mike thinks he's a lady's man. [chuckles] What a loser.

Cameron: Scott! You can't talk about Mike's Multiple Personality Disorder. He told me about that in strict aspiring doctor-patient confidentiality. Besides, he's got it under control.

Scott: Oh, does he?

Cameron: Yes. Although some are harder to contain. Every time Mike loses his shirt, Vito pops out. But, but you can't say anything. Please!

Scott: Relax, Bubbles. I ain't a squealer. That's your job.

Cameron: [confessional] I am so bad at keeping secrets.

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Chris: Challenge time! Today, it's all about grabbin' 'em and taggin' 'em. And to show you how it's done, I give you Total Drama's favorite juvenile delinquent, Duncan. Duncan owes me some camera time for skipping out on Total Drama World Tour, so I saved an extra painful challenge demo just for him.

Duncan: Eat dirt, McLean!

Chris: No, that's your job! First up, the Smash and Grab! Hidden somewhere in the Mess Hall kitchen are six keys to Chef's prized collection of vintage go-karts. Some drive like well-oiled machines. Others, not so much.

Chef: Chris! Don't let these clowns drive my karts! They're going to smash them.

Chris: Yes, and car crashes equals ratings. Demo time, Duncan! Chef, let this perp out on a day pass.

Duncan: Later, losers! [laughs]

Chris: Okay. Probably should've seen that coming.

Scott: Here's the deal. You help me win today's challenge and I won't tell Zoey the truth about all your "funny characters".

Mike: How do you know about that?

Cameron: Sorry.

Mike: [confessional] Scott. Of all the people to find out. Maybe I should just tell Zoey the truth. I mean, she's chill. She can handle multiple personalities, right? She won't just think I'm some freakish weirdo, right? Right? [deep inhale] [as Chester] Sure, and my saggy old butt will get crowned Miss Canada.

[Mike (as Chester)]

Here I am, Miss Canada!

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Chris: Players, commence smashing and/or grabbing... now!

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Mike: Okay, a key. Where would Chris hide a key?

[salt shaker shakes]

Mike: Salt! Ah!

Jo: Ready, new teammate?

Lightning: I was born ready!

Jo: No key here. Oh well. At least this challenge isn't dangerous.

Lightning: [screams]

Cameron: I bet there's a key under here. Peanuts? Hello, increased stamina!

[salt shaking]

[crunch]

Cameron: Ah!

[ceramic breaks]

Scott: Mike! Open that broom closet for me?

Mike: Do it yourself!

Scott: Oh, Zoey!