User:Rainbowderp01/This Is The Pits! (Transcript)

Chris: Last episode was crammed full of monkey, and monkey crammed full. And although Team Kinosewak got trapped, it was Team Maskwak who lost a player. All because Ella -- sweet, sweet Ella-- went against my wishes and sang her own swan song. Hey, beat it! Ella's gone. I shot her.

[animals gasp]

Chris: From a cannon. Off the island. Thank you. Anyway, what were we doing? Oh, right. Eight players remain. Who will stay and who gets blasted away? Find out right here, right now on Total. Drama. Pahkitew Island!

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[ Theme song ]

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Jasmine: [yawns]

[clunk]

Max: [muttering] Eh? Must your giant feet be so noisy? I was having the most delightful dream.

Jasmine: Was it you being blasted out of a cannon for costing us the last challenge? That was my dream.

Max: No, I was being carried by many minions like an Egyptian king.

Jasmine: Looks like your servants are still with you.

Max: [screaming] Ants! Bah! Foul vermin! [gasps] Ew! Disgusting! Sidekick! Clean my bed at once! Where is that lazy fool? Sidekick!

Scarlett: [groans] [confessional] I. Need. Him. Gone. When people realize how dense he is, they'll know I made all his gadgets. [real time] [gasps]

Max: [evil chuckle] Feel the heat of my death ray! [evil laugh] Ah! My bed! The ants have started a fire somehow!

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Dave: Sky... will you be my jungle queen?

Sky: What?!

Dave: I said, want some berries? They're clean.

Sky: Oh. Thanks. [confessional] Okay, I kinda flirt with Dave sometimes. And I dreamt about him. And my tummy fills with butterflies when he's around, but that doesn't mean I have a crush on him. I can't. I'm not looking for romance. He gets it.

Dave: [confessional] Sky's acting weird, and I'm no dummy. I get it. It's 'cause I haven't kissed her yet! I just want our first kiss to be perfect, you know? [real time] [chewing]

Sugar: Them two bein' lovey-dovey means one thing. An alliance! We gotta keep 'em apart, or else it's game over for one of us.

Shawn: Probably you.

Sugar: Or, we could form an alliance of our own.

Shawn: [confessional] There's no nice way to say this. I'd rather be eaten by a zombie!

Dave: Uh, you got a little something there. No, no, please. Allow me.

Sugar: [gasps] I got it! [lick]

Dave: [confessional] Note to self: Never kiss Sky's left cheek.

Sugar: [confessional] Ain't gonna be no lovey-dovey alliances happening while I'm around. I'm like the opposite of one of them match-making fairy godmothers. Whatever that would be. Some sort of unicorn, I guess.

Sky: Well, there goes my appetite.

Sugar: So you don't mind if I eat these? [eating noisily]

[airhorn blares]

Chris: [over loudspeaker] Calling all contestants! It's time to get rolling! [chuckles] Uh, that'll make sense in a minute.

Sugar: [burps]

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Chris: Listen up, everyone. Today's challenge is simple.

[all sigh]

Chris: Simple and deadly.

[all groan]

Chris: You'll all be racing across the island in turbo orbs! Each team will cram into one turbo orb and run like a hamster in a wheel. First team to the other side of the island wins immunity.

Topher: Both teams are sure to have a ball.

Chris: Just get in the orb, Topher.

Topher: Hey! Watch the hair!

Sky: Stop pushing!

Sugar: I'm not pushin'! I'm shovin'!

Jasmine: [shuddering]

Chris: Jasmine? Hello? You still on Australian time? [chuckles] I actually have no idea if that's ahead of us or behind us, but you get the joke.

Jasmine: Okay. Just gonna get inside that small, cramped, confined ball, no way out. Let's do this. [shuddering]

Chris: That's the spirit!

Jasmine: Okay, so I might be claustrophobic.

Shawn: It's sad when a person lets a single irrational fear control their whole lives.

Jasmine: I'm okay. Just have a teeny issue with confined spaces. No biggie. [shuddering]

Chris: Uh-huh. You know what else is a confined space? A cannon.

Jasmine: [shuddering]

Chris: Okay, bad cop didn't work. Time for good cop. Jas, I didn't know you had this phobia. Now that I do, I realize this challenge is harder for you than anyone else and that's unfair. Chef, toss her in!

Jasmine: [gasps] Ah! Ow!

Dave: Uh, we can't see out of these.

Chris: Oh no.

Dave: Ow.

Chris: You might feel a slight drop! Ready! Set! Go!

[all scream]

Chris: Ha ha ha!

[all grunting]

Sky: [groans]

Dave: Ow! I mean, hi. [confessional] Score! Near death experiences always make girls wanna kiss!

Sugar: [groaning] Breakfast berries want out. [vomits] Mm-mm! When all you eats is berries, you pretty much just barf jam.

Dave: [screams and cries]

[creak]

Jasmine: Oh, look. We're at the bottom of a deep, dark cave. How 'bout that?

Topher: Ha! Host fail! I'd like to see Chris narrate us out of this one.

Chris: What was that, Topher? So, your real challenge is getting out of this cave.

Scarlett: Why bother with the bogus challenge?

Chris: If I had said I wanted to cram you into giant balls and drop you 140 feet into a cave, you all would've moaned and whined. This was easier!

Shawn: True.

Chris: Moving on, there are two bags of supplies somewhere behind you.

Max: Let's see... rope, climbing accessories, night vision goggles... ugh, useless!