User:Rainbowderp01/Know It All (Transcript)

[ Theme song ]

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[kids hum theme]

Courtney: Morning, Chef.

Chef: Good morning, Courtney!

Courtney: [confessional] Know what my favorite thing is about coming here? The structure. I know it's kind of a weird thing for a kid to love, but what can I say? Rules are kinda my jam. [real time] Backpack placed at a perfect angle to prevent milk spillage, check! Take off my outdoor shoes, check! Take my indoor shoes from my cub-- ah! Ah!

[rats squeaking]

Courtney: [sighs] Guys, can you please remember not to leave food in your cubbies? It's supposed to go in the compost bin in the kitchen.

Owen: Compost? I thought that was a snack bucket.

Courtney: [sighs] These were my favorite indoor shoes. [gasps]

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Courtney: [gasps] The last chapter of my book is gone. Now I'll never know how it ends!

Harold: Sorry, Courtney! We were making papier-mâché and we ran out of paper.

Jude: Yeah! But we also made some most excellent goldfish. Check it out!

Courtney: Guys, you destroyed a classic piece of literature. [confessional] Ever feel like you're the only one following the rules and everyone else is just running around breaking them?

[pop]

Courtney: [confessional] Izzy! My hair!

[splat]

Courtney: [confessional] Ew!

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Courtney: [gasps] Hey! Noah, you know flying paper airplanes isn't allowed.

Noah: Aw...

[splatting]

Courtney: Hey, my clothes! Duncan, why are you doing that?

Duncan: I'm making homemade tomato sauce! The messy way!

Courtney: Chef! Duncan got me all dirty squishing tomatoes!

Chef: Duncan! Stop wasting vegetables!

Courtney: Tomatoes aren't actually a vegetable. They're a fruit.

Chef: What? That can't be true, that can't be true! Alexia, are tomatoes a fruit?

[beep beep]

Alexia: Tomatoes are a fruit. Everybody knows that.

Chef: No!

Courtney: [confessional] I don't really care if people break the rules, but when they're rule-breaking messes up my world, I start to get cheesed!

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[hammer pounds]

Jude: What's that?

Courtney: It's a list of rules.

Jude: That's a lot of rules, brah.

Courtney: Rules are important, Jude. Rules keep things neat and tidy. Rules are what keep little kids from getting run over and having their indoor shoes eaten by rats!

[crumble]

Courtney: Where is Chef? This should be his job!

Computer Voice: Incorrect. Tomato is a fruit.

Chef: [growls] You ain't even saying it right. To-mah-to.

Computer Voice: Is a cucumber a, vegetable? Press one. Fruit? Press two. Animal? Press three.

Chef: Pfft, vegetable. One.

Computer Voice: Incorrect. Cucumber is a fruit.

Chef: Has my whole life been a lie?

[glass breaks]

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Duncan: You know what your problem is, Courtney?

Courtney: I have a problem?

Duncan: Yes! You're always telling us what to do and what the rules are! You are a bossy pants!

Courtney: [gasps] No, I'm not!

Duncan: Come on! You couldn't go a single day without correcting someone.

Courtney: Could so!

Duncan: Okay then. How 'bout a little bet? If you can go the rest of the day without telling anyone what to do, we'll let you be the boss of us for the rest of the week!

Owen: Wait! What if she makes us stop eating glue?

Courtney: Owen, you shouldn't be eating glue.

Owen: But, I love glue!

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[daydream]

Owen: I'll have the glue, s'il vous plaît.

Waiter: But of course.

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Owen: [drooling]

Jude: Or what if she makes me stop saying "dude", dude? I couldn't do that. Dude! See?

Duncan: Relax. If/when Courtney fails, she cleans all our cubbies.

[monster laughs]

Courtney: [whimpers]

Duncan: What's the matter? Chicken?

Courtney: Never! You are so going down! [chuckles]

Jude: I don't know about this, brah.

Duncan: Guys, don't sweat it. It's Courtney. We're gonna be fine.

Jude: But Courtney's smart.

Harold: And she hates losing!

Duncan: And that's why we need to break her down slowly. Start with a few small oopsies, then hit her with a couple of wuh-ohs! And cap it off with a, "Ah! What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it!" [laughs] It's a piece of cake! Who's with me?!

Beth, Harold, Jude, and Noah: Whoo!

Beth: Clean cubbies, here we come!

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Courtney: [humming]

Duncan: [hushed] Follow my lead. [out loud] Ooh! What have we here?

Courtney: Chef's busy in his office, so he asked me to make the pizza!

Duncan: Great, we'll help. You know what this really needs? Sardines.

Courtney: Uh, sure. Some people like those.

Jude: Good call. You know what goes well with those? Candy corn and gummy bears!

Courtney: Yum.

Jude: Maple syrup! Nice. Ha ha.

Duncan: And, it wouldn't be pizza without mayonnaise, which I think has been left out all night. But, it's probably fine.

Courtney: [retches] I have something to do!

Duncan: Ha! This is gonna be easier than I thought!

Courtney: [confessional] [vomits] Yuck! Wow, they really wanna crack me. They're gonna have to do more than sardines and expired mayo.

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Noah: Is this easel taken?

Courtney: Nope. All yours.

Noah: Wow, this is awesome. It's like lines don't even matter! Painting outside the lines is surprisingly satisfying! I just wish I had a bigger brush.

Courtney: [twitching]

Duncan: Try this, buddy.

Courtney: [whining]

Noah: Ho ho ho, this is way faster!

Courtney: I... y-you... [whines]

Duncan: This isn't bothering you, is it, Courtney?

Courtney: Nope.

Duncan: Then how about this?

Courtney: [whimpering] [hyperventilates]

Duncan: Oh, it's in the bag.

Noah: Just a matter of time.

Courtney: [hyperventilating]

[toilet flushes]

Beth: Whoa, let me tell you, lactose intolerance is for realsies, and that toilet deserves a holiday.

Courtney: Hey! Um, don't you wanna do something else before you leave? Maybe with soap? And water... eh?

Beth: Not that I can think of. Is there something specific you wanna tell me to do?

Courtney: [whines]

[germs clamor]

Courtney: [whining] Nope! Ew! [vomits] Oh, I think I'm starting to lose it! [reflection] Get a grip! [herself] Ah! [reflection] We both know what they're trying to do. We can't let them wear us down! So, keep it together! [herself] How can I when I'm talking to a mirror! Courtney, ah! Stay, ah! Strong! Ah!

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Beth: Courtney's super close to breaking.

Duncan: Sounds like she's ready for the big finale. Nice work, Beth. Up top! How'd you get her so wound up?

Beth: Did a doody. Didn't wash my hands.

Duncan: Okay.

Jude: Ew, dude.

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Don: Cucumber seeds are on the inside. Scientifically speaking, that makes it a fruit.

Chef: [gasps] [confessional] I feel like my entire world view is messed up. Up is down. Left is right. Good is evil! Who am I?!

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Harold: I still think this is a bad idea. Setting off fireworks inside is really dangerous!

Duncan: Exactly! This idea is so crazy bad, there's no way Courtney won't stop us!

Courtney: [whines] Are those fireworks? Inside the building?

Duncan: Yep. And we can't think of a single reason why we shouldn't push this thingy down and light 'em up. Inside.

Courtney: [confessional] They're trying to break me, but I won't break. It's just a bluff. No one would be that irresponsible.

[twitch]

Courtney: [confessional] Right? [real time] You know what? I can't think of a single reason you shouldn't push it down either.

Duncan: Maybe you should do it then.

Courtney: I would love to.

Duncan: I'm waiting.

Courtney: Oh, I will do it.

Duncan: Sure, of course you will.

Courtney: I can't wait to do it!

Duncan: Then do it already!

Courtney: I'm gonna!

Duncan: Fine!

Courtney: Good!

Duncan: Great!

Courtney: Done!

Courtney and Duncan: [scream]

Duncan: What did you do?!

Courtney: I thought you'd stop me!

Duncan: I never stop people from doing dumb things!

Courtney: Don't blame me, you dared me not to! You know I always rise to a challenge!

Harold: It's gonna blow! Run!

Chef: Cucumbers are a fruit!

[all screaming]

Chef: It's nothing to be scared of.I made peace with it, you can too!

[explosion]

Owen: It's beautiful.

Chef: I guess the world just isn't ready for the truth about fruits and vegetables.

Duncan: Wow. I can't believe you did that.

Courtney: I know. I went all day without telling anyone how to do anything. I win. Ha! I win! Officer, they're supposed to be tighter.

Duncan: [laughs]

Courtney: Aw, crud!

[credits]