User:Rainbowderp01/Suckers Punched (Transcript)

Chris: Last week on Total Drama All-Stars... the campers were treated to a day in the fun zone, where anything can happen, except fun. Heather found the invincibility statue. Too bad someone else found it after her. And Sierra a new, uh... "pet". In the end, the heroes got the victory. And Alejandro was headed for the Flush of Shame until he pulled off the biggest surprise of the night. Way to play possum, Captain Secret Legs. Will the heroes hold their lead? Can the villains live up to their name? Will my breakfast get here before lunch?! Find out right now on Total. Drama. All-Stars!

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[ Theme song ]

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[piano playing]

[zap]

Sierra: [gasps] Cody Jrs.! Who let you out of your crib?! Oh, ow, ah! Codys! [confessional] Now that I'm responsible for these little guys, or girl, or one guy, one girl, I don't have time to be in a relationship. I just hope Camdy doesn't take it too hard. What's that, Cody Jr.?

[rat vomits]

Sierra: [confessional] Ew.

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Cameron: Is toast supposed to be green?

Scott: Mawaw calls this Penicillin Puree! Never had a cold in my life!

Gwen: [retches]

Scott: Well, well, wakey wakey, legs a-fakey.

Alejandro: It truly is a miracle my legs woke up. Now they can be put to good use for our team.

Courtney: After today, there won't be any teams.

Alejandro: What are you talking about?

Courtney: There are only nine players left. We have to merge soon. And after what you did to Heather, good luck finding an ally, Al.

Alejandro: I would prefer it if you did not call me that name. [confessional] Last night, I dreamt about my older, smarter, better-looking brother José. Ugh. He always calls me Al, and I hate it! More than mutant fire beetles and conditioners that don't detangle!

Scott: What's wrong with the name Al? My sister's named Al. Short for Albertha. She's the county hog-caller. Soo-wee! Soo-wee!

[hog squeals]

Scott: Ow!

Chris: [over loudspeaker] Good soon-to-be-painful morning, everyone! Head to the Chrisoseum pronto! Today's challenge isn't gonna hurt itself!

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Sierra: Eh... ow! That's enough, you two! Ah, ah!

Duncan: Hey, we need to talk. It's about Mike.

Zoey: What about him? Wait, are you trying to form an alliance with me while he's in exile?

Duncan: What? No! Look, I knew I knew the guy from somewhere, but couldn't place it until I heard him whistle!

Zoey: I am so not following you.

Duncan: When I was in juvy, so was Mike!

Zoey: [laughs] Oh. You're serious? Mike was in juvy?

Duncan: Yeah, only back then, his name was Mal. And I think he liked being locked up, he caused trouble just for the fun of it.

Zoey: So why hasn't Mike recognized you?

Duncan: Probably because I steered clear of him. But think about it. Guy with Multiple Personality Disorder breaks Cam's glasses. He probably broke my knife too, and Sam's game guy, and Sierra's smartphone.

Zoey: Which is so out-of-character for Mike.

Duncan: But it's so in-character for Mal.

Zoey: Hm. Thanks for telling me. You're so thoughtful and considerate.

Duncan: No, I'm not! It's just, there's only room for one bad boy on this island, and that's me!

[intern screams]

Sierra: Codys! Leave that intern's face alone!

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Chef: Mike! Time to head back! [screams]

[animals panic]

Chef: Ah! Oh...

[crack]

Chef: Ah!

Mal: [chuckles] Hey, Chef.

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[Mike's mind]

Mike: [grunting] Hello?! Somebody answer me! [gasps] You!

Mal: [chuckles] At your disservice.

Mike: But I got rid of you, after juvy!

Mal: Silly Mike. I was just laying low, conserving my energy. Waiting for my moment. And it worked. Now I'm in charge.

Mike: Those are innocent people you're messing with, you have to stop!

Mal: Stop? Oh, no no no no no no no. I'm just getting started.

Mike: No! No, no, wait, come back!

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Chris: Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa Colosseum!

Scott: A boxing ring?

Cameron: Boxing? [confessional] This is the last will of I, Cameron Corduroy Wilkins.

Chris: Looking rough, Chef. Have a run-in with a big bad baby squirrel over on Boney Island, hm?

Chef: That kid ain't right.

Mal: [as Mike] Man, are you a sight for sore eyes.

Chris: Greetings, playas. The recipe for today's disaster is a hearty helping of season one's no pain, no gain challenge, with a pinch of phobia factor for extra zing.

Courtney: Not hungry.

Chris: Get ready to sink your soon-to-be missing teeth into the wheel of misfortune. The rules are simple. Spin the wheel, and go a full two minutes with whatever the wheel lands on. Win the match, and earn your team a point. Fights will be judged impartially by Chef and myself. First team to win three battles is the champ.

Sierra: But who's gonna watch the Codys while I fight?

Chris: No one, if they value their lives. Now, let's get ready to pummel!

Mal: [as Mike] Uh, uh, hang on! Where are the rewards you promised Zoey?

Chris: [sighs] I was hoping you'd forgotten about that. But, for being MVP in the last challenge, you don't have to box, and the heroes get a point.

Sierra: Woohoo!

Mal: [as Mike] All right!

Sierra: Hot stuff!

Zoey: Thanks!

Chris: Since the villains lost yesterday, they go first. Who's rumble ready?

Scott: Me, I'll go!

[wheel spins]

Chris: Say hello to your foe, Fang!

Scott: Huh? [screams]

Courtney: Hello? Scott? Scott!

Chris: Come on, bro. Move it or lose it!

Duncan: Oh, I think that's already happened.

Scott: [slow motion grunting] [regular grunting] Ah!