User:Rainbowderp01/Lord of the Ring Toss (Transcript)

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race... our teams were full of beans. Who knew so many people hated beans? Emma told Noah they could get back together once the race was over. Total bull... is what happened next. But Dwayne and Junior really connected, then took several connecting flights home after being eliminated. Only eight teams remain, so things are bound to get fierce, starting right now on... The Ridonculous Race.

[ding]

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[ Theme song ]

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Don: We're back in Southern Alberta. And yesterday's winners are grabbing today's first tip.

Brody: [interview] Ha ha, winning two in a row is awesome, but we're not counting our chickens before the cart.

Geoff: [interview] Truth, yo.

Brody: [interview] But only one team can win, so... I hope it's us!

Geoff: [interview] Whoa. I was totally thinking the same thing, just not out loud.

[buzz, ding]

Geoff: Cool! We're flying to the Arctic Circle!

Brody: Awesome! Circles are my favorite shape, dude!

Don: The Arctic Circle, home to the world's harshest climate, whitest animals, and favorite storybook characters. Teams must fly here by Cessna, two teams per flight, to get their next tip. And they'll be chilled to the bone to find out there's another boomerang in play. Find this attached to your tip, and you can make another team repeat the first challenge. Just our way of adding some, "Oh, that's cold." to the cold.

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Brody: Good luck guys! Yeah!

Geoff: Yeah! Rock it!

Stephanie: What was that? [aside] Second doesn't win a million bucks. We've only been first once because you keep dragging us down!

Ryan: [aside] Me? You're the one that wouldn't eat any beans.

Stephanie: [aside] Whoa, whoa! Look who's playing the blame game!

[plane buzzes]

[buzz, ding]

Carrie: Hi, guys. What's up?

Ennui: Hey.

Carrie: [interview] You know, the Goths really kicked butt in Alberta. Think we should try to form an alliance with them?

Devin: [interview] Alliances are just invitations to get stabbed in the back. You can never really know anyone. As soon as you think you do, wham! They rip your heart from your chest and they eat it.

Carrie: [interview] Okay, so... is that a no?

Crimson: [interview] You were so friendly with the Besties. You practically smiled.

Ennui: [interview] They're survivors, like us. I felt a kinship.

Crimson: [interview] Do we try to form an alliance?

Ennui and Crimson: [interview] No.

[plane buzzes]

[buzz, ding]

Kitty: Hey!

MacArthur: I don't like the way that Kitty girl acts.

Sanders: Nice?

MacArthur: Yeah. [interview] Nice is for participation ribbons, not million dollar prizes. Do they wanna win or not?

Don: [voiceover] All teams are now headed for the heart of the Arctic Circle, where the ice is nearly as thick as the tension between our teams.

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Owen: These tiny planes are safe, right, buddy?

Josee: I read somewhere that 86% of small planes crash.

Owen: [gasps]

Josee: [interview] When you're a professional ice dancer, you either learn how to play mind games, or you learn how to say, "I used to be an ice dancer."

Don: [voiceover] Plane number one carrying the Surfers and Daters has made it to the Arctic Circle.

[buzz, ding]

Brody: Oh, it's a Botch or Watch! I rode the bull in Alberta, so this one is you!

Geoff: "Find a ring somewhere hidden in the snow and toss one onto a narwhal. Ah, narwhal, ha.

Brody: So what's a narwhal?

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Don: In this Botch or Watch, botchers must find a hoop somewhere hidden around this location and successfully toss it onto the tusk of a narwhal. Like so!

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Don: Once they finish the task, teams must ride one of these snowmobiles east until they find the next Don box. This is the last chance for teams to use the boomerange to send one team back to repeat the challenge.

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[buzz, ding]

Stephanie: Yes! [interview] This is incredible. A boomerang is literally a game changer. You could vault yourself into first place if you play it right. And the team you use it on is practically guaranteed to go home!

Ryan: [interview] As long as we have it, we're the most powerful team in the game!

Stephanie: [interview] Uh, thank you, Captain Obvious.

Ryan: [interview] Okay. You know what? No. No. No, no. No no no no no no no. [real time] [gasps] Got one! Oops!

Stephanie: Ugh, we're gonna be here all day if you throw like that.

Ryan: It was my first try.

Brody: Woohoohoo! Awesome searching dude! You the man! Uh... you the man too.

Geoff: [aside] This is horrible. I can't even find a ring.

Brody: [aside] No worries, compadre. Ha ha. I mean, usually I'm the one letting us down. This is a nice change.

Geoff: [aside] That's true. Ha, I guess I'm pulling a Brody! Ha ha ha!

[ring clinks]

Ryan: Yes! I put us into first place!

Stephanie: Can we go now, or do you wanna stay and build a statue of yourself? [interview] Everytime Ryan finally manages to do something right, the whole world has to drop everything so we can all celebrate his major achievement.

Ryan: [interview] You know what? You're a joy vampire. You, [inhales] suck the joy right out of everything! If I had a time machine, I'd go back to our first date and slap myself.

Geoff: I found a ring!

[splash]

Brody: Whoa, dude. Wait until you see a water unicorn.

Geoff: Oh, right, right. Oh. Sorry.

Don: [voiceover] As the Haters move on and Geoff struggles, more teams arrive to collect their tips.

[buzz, ding]

Carrie: I got this one, homie.

Devin: Whatever. [sighs]

Ennui: [interview] When did Devin get so... cool?

Carrie: [aside] It's a good thing I'm doing this Botch or Watch. I think Devin's reached stage four of breaking up with Shelley. Rock bottom. Yeah. Stage four.

[intense music montage]

[splashing]

Carrie: [gasps]

Brody and Geoff: Whoa!

Ennui: [interview] Okay. That was pure luck. But we don't have to tell them that.

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[snowmobile zooms]

Stephanie: Ugh. Pull over and let me do this. You drive like an old lady.

Ryan: Can you please stop insulting everything I do?

Stephanie: [mocking] "Can you please stop insulting everything I do?"

Ryan: Real mature.

Stephanie: [mocking] "Real mature."

Ryan: [mocking] "Pull over, and let me drive."