User:Rainbowderp01/The Princess Pride (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Action... Just when the case thought they were safe, I swung in to surprise -- I mean... antagonize them. Cast were forced to show their creative sides while showing off their backsides as they made superhero costumes out of spandex. And some other junk. [laughs] Nice tights! Of course, they were foiled by the diabolical Pythonicus, super evil alter ego of the villainous Chef. In a fight against evil, the cast proved they could be heroes. And also, ''losers! ''In the end, the most diabolical of them all was Duncan and Courtney, who conspired to have Harold vote off his luscious Leshawna. Will Super-Harold recover from betraying his homegirl? Will Duncan and Courtney ever hook up? Maybe you'll find out right now. Maybe you won't. On another totally dramatic episode of... Total. Drama. Action!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

[ Theme song ]

_______________________________________________________________________________________

[splatting]

Duncan: Ten more seconds! Biggest burrito wins! Think I'd make a good reality show host?

Courtney: 'Scuse me? I'm strategizing.

Duncan: Ooh.

Courtney: If you'd strategize, maybe you could manage something more articulate.

Duncan: Maybe you could blah blah blah--

Harold: Time's up, co-competitors!

Duncan: Hey Linds, what do you got?

Lindsay: Look! Beth and I are BFF!

Lindsay and Beth: Burrito friends forever!

Duncan: Did you belt your burrito?

Beth: It's a custom friendship bracelet I made. To join our two burritos for always and ever.

Duncan: Weird, disturbing, but big... ish. It qualifies. Geekwad, you manage to make yours any bigger?

Harold: I give you the Luscious Leshawna.

Lindsay and Beth: Aww, that's so sweet!

Justin: Sweet? Check out the guns on these beans. Nothing. You feel nothing?

Beth: Not a tingle.

Lindsay: Not even an ingle.

Justin: Man, this scratched schnoz has destroyed my looks and my life. Why?

Duncan: Harold, your pathetic portrayal of puppy love makes me wanna hurl, but you did make the biggest burrito, so you win.

Justin: This isn't right, I demand a second neutral opinion.

Courtney: Please. I'm not coming anywhere near the infected.

Justin: Who's infected? Is there a rash? I can't afford a rash!

Courtney: You all have reality-show-itis. A disease which causes people to turn everyday tasks into crazy challenges. Thus losing focus on the real competition, which I refuse to do.

Justin: [confessional] When my good looks went, so did my winning edge. But Courtney's still managing to kick butt, and she's not nearly as good looking as I am! Okay, as I ''was. ''[real time] You know, you're the only one taking the game seriously. I just wish I knew how you did it all. It's so inspirational.

Courtney: Just being me! I'm glad to help.

Justin: You can help more if you tell me your secrets. Like, how do you even get through life with all your deformities?

Courtney: My what?! I don't have any deformities!

Justin: So your answer is denial? Okay.

[trumpet blows]

Chef: Hear ye and rise for Sir Chris!

Harold: Sir? Someone needs an ego check.

Beth: Ooh! That's a glass slipper! Which means today's challenge is a fairy tale movie! [gasps] My favorite!

Chris: Beth, dude. If you ever steal my intro again, I'll have to personally boot you off the show.

Lindsay: You can't boot Beth. Oh wait, he can. 'Cause it's a glass boot.

Chris: And the foot that fits determines the princess for today's... fairy tale movie challenge. The rest of you compete for the honor of rescuing the fair princess.

Beth: I wanna be the princess!

Chris: I said the fair princess. And what we think is fair is that the candidates be the ladies who won last time. Courtney and Lindsay.

Beth: [confessional] They're totally typecasting me as the ugly stepsister. But now that my braces are off, I'm absolutely princess material!

Lindsay: Are you sure that's the right one? It's tiny, like a kid's boot.

Beth: Ooh! Ooh! I wear kid's size four!

Chris: What can I say? Princesses are supposed to have dainty feet.

Lindsay: [sighs] Can I do this privately?

Justin: It's just a foot. I think we've all seen those before.

Courtney: Get on with it, Lindsay!

Lindsay: [grunting]

[pop]

Duncan: Haha, lookit boys! We found Bigfoot! [laughing]

Justin: What is that?

Harold: Wow...

Beth: [nervously] I hear glass shoes have a lot of stretch.

Lindsay: Really?

Beth: Um, no.

Chris: I feel like I'm trying to ram a T-Rex into a smart car and make him buckle up. Welp, if getting it on your big toe counted, you'd have won.

Lindsay: [sighs]

Courtney: I am so going to take this.

Chris: I don't know. Doesn't look like it's gonna fit.

Courtney: [grunting]

Harold: I hope that's safety glass.

Courtney: Come on, come on, come on!

Chris: Listen, Courtney. We can go to a different selection method if--

Courtney: No! I'm gonna... [grunts] Yes!

Chris: Let's get this over with before she loses a foot, and I lose another lawsuit. Chef?

Chef: I dub thee Princess Courtney.

Duncan, Harold, and Justin: [coughing]

Courtney: Eat my pixie dust, commoners!

Justin: Oh! [confessional] I have become the beast instead of the beauty. A prince turned into a frog! Did Courtney do that on purpose? No, no. She's not evil, she's just feisty. I like feisty, I like it a lot.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Chris: It's story time with Uncle Chris.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Chris: Once upon a time, five brave knights went on a quest to rescue a princess from her ivory tower. But it wasn't gonna be easy. First, the knights had to get past... my very good friend, the terrible toothless troll and his Badbreaks Bridge.

[all gulp]

Chris: To get past the terrible toothless troll, the knights had to wear disguises. There was the frog prince and the ugly stepsister. Sleeping beauty and one of her seven dwarves. And Little Red Riding Hood.

Duncan: Eh, can we at least make it Red Riding Hoodlum?

Chris: No dice, dude. That's what it says in the script. [to intern] Good work, kid. And so the ugly stepsister approached the terrible troll.

Beth: But I can't see!

Chris: Oh yeah, for this challenge, each knight is blind.

[all complaining]

Chris: Nowhere in this story does it say, "the cowardly knights complain". So get it together, Steppy, and get crossing.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Beth: Could this be any suckier? Ow! Ow, apparently it could be! Ow! Ow! Ooh!

Chris: Oh, also, those are wicked witch's apples, so they're poisonous and rotten. You might wanna watch--

Beth: [screams] Oof! Ow! Ah! Ugh!

Justin, Harold, and Duncan: Ooh...

Chris: See, Beth is just not fairytale heroine material.

Beth: [gagging] [confessional] Hey, how do you know if you have a concussion? Is seeing double a bad sign?

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Chris: Next, the eighth dwarf.