User:Rainbowderp01/Brain vs. Brawn: The Ultimate Showdown (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island... the final three went hunting for my old pal Larry the Human Flytrap. [chuckles] Awww. Adorable. Cameron and Zoey vowed to take each other to the finale, but major trust issues pulled them apart. In the end, Lightning won immunity, and gave Zoey the old heave hurl! Now, only two competitors remain. Lightning and Cameron in the ultimate Total Drama showdown! It's brains vs. brawn in a tooth-rattling, ego-bashing, life-threatening battle for a cash prize of one. Million. Dollars.

Chef: Ah!

Chris: [laughs] Right here, right now on the epic finale of Total. Drama. Revenge of the Island!

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[Theme song]

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Cameron: Poor Zoey. She really deserved to make it to the finale.

Lightning: But then I wouldn't get to beat your sorry butt before I take home the million. Sha-win!

Cameron: This isn't over. I may be a little delicate, but I've still got what you athletic types refer to as "game".

Lightning: Yeah? Check this game! Huh! [laughs] Lightning's got it in the sha-bag!

Cameron: Perhaps. But not if the final challenge is of an intellectual nature.

Lightning: Ha. As if. Total Drama finales are always physical. Hope you like juice, 'cause I'm gonna crush you like a grape!

Cameron: [gulps]

Lightning: [laughs]

Cameron: [confessional] Am I worried? No. Terrified? Yes. But this formerly feeble bubble boy has come a long way. If I can beat Lightning, I can do anything!

Lightning: [outside the confessional] Like a grape!

Cameron: [confessional] [groans] If, on the other hand, Lightning beats me savagely, I at least have a biologically sterile plastic bubble in which I can spend the next sixteen years growing my skin back while eating my mom's sandwiches through a straw.

Lightning: [outside the confessional] Grape!

Cameron: [confessional] Oh, mom, if you're listening, start pumping the oxygen!

Lightning: [confessional] [grunts] If I were a gentleman, I'd step aside and let the little girl win. But daddy didn't raise no gentleman. Ha! Sha-victory is mine! Ah!

[fanfare]

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[fanfare continues]

Chris: All hail mighty McLean!

Cameron: Hail McLean? What's with the ancient Roman garb?

Chris: You'll see. Slave! Bring me my mystic seeing glass!

[intern blows raspberry]

Chris: Hey! You know what? In ancient Rome, blowing a raspberry was a show of respect!

Cameron: No it wasn't.

Chris: Anywho, as a reward for making it all the way to the finale, you each get thirty seconds to speak to a loved one back home.

Cameron: No way! Mom!

Cameron's Mom: Cammy Bear! You look so different! Is that muscle tone?

Cameron: Indeed it is. I haven't puked due to exercise in weeks!

Cameron's Mom: That's great, honey! But I have bad news. Purified air costs so much. If you don't win the million, we'll have to deflate your bubble!

Cameron: Seriously?

Cameron's Mom: Love you, Cammy Bear! Don't forget to floss! And win!

Lightning: [laughs] Don't worry, Cammy Bear. You can floss after I win! If you've got any teeth left. [laughs] [gasps] It's pops!

Lightning's Dad: My boy's gonna win the whole million dollar sha-bang!

Lightning: I'll do you proud, pops!

Lightning's Dad: He's the best son an athlete could ever hope for!

Lightning: You know it, pops! Over here!

Reporter: What if Lightning doesn't win?

Lightning's Dad: Impossible! I'll bet my championship rings on it!

Lightning: What?! You're kidding, right, pops?

Lightning's Dad: He better win! 'Cause without these rings, I'm nothing. Nothing!

Lightning: Pops? Pops? No! He was kidding! He had to be!

Cameron: He sounded pretty serious to me. Ah!

Lightning: Grr!

Chris: Whoa! [chuckles] Love the fire, bro. But save it for the challenge.

Lightning: [confessional] If I lose, pops is gonna lose his rings! But I can't lose, I won't lose! I don't know how to lose! And one way or another, I am gonna make pops proud! Sha-biggity bam!

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Cameron: Where to? The haunted forest? Mount Looming Tragedy? I was quite partial to Mount Looming Tragedy.

Chris: Nah, somewhere way more dangerous. With the most painful Total Drama finale competition ever! Gentleman, behold the Chrisosseum!

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[fanfare]

[spitting]

Chris: Finalists, say what's up to your cheering sections! From the Mutant Maggots, Mike, Zoey, Anne Maria, Brick, and Jo. And the Toxic Rats, Staci, B, Sam, Dakotazoid, Dawn, and what's left of Scott.

[cheering]

Cameron: Wow, thanks guys!

Lightning: Team Lightning! Whoo!

Cameron: What happened to Scott?

Chris: Yeah, Fang had a little too much fun with him after he took the Hurl of Shame, so we got him this nifty trauma chair!