User:Rainbowderp01/Riot on Set (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Action... Fourteen teenagers, one spooky film lot, and a whole bunch of alien eggs. In a world where an army chef wore an alien costume, only the strong could survive. Finally, two lovers shared a heroic victory. But now, they'll be forced to endure a tragic separation. And so it was that another pair of lovers were the subject of a vote-off for the ages. But Geoff and Bridgette's love was so strong, no amount of heckling could ever break their timeless bond. Enough already with the love! This week, we're gonna bring the pain! Haha. Well, if I have anything to say about it. And I do, by the way. So brace yourselves for some deliciously painful Total. Drama. Action!

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[ Theme song ]

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DJ, Owen, Duncan, and Harold: [snoring]

Chris: Hey, keep it moving!

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[girls snoring]

Izzy: [growling in sleep]

[air horn blares]

Gwen: Dah!

Chris: [through megaphone] All crew on set! Call time is four a.m.! [normal] I love this thing.

Beth: [confessional] At first, I thought he was talking to the crew crew, not us. I was really hoping they'd replace Chris the creep with a nice host this time around! Is that mean? [gasps] Sorry.

Leshawna: I can't believe I'm doing another season of this show.

[harp plays]

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Harold: This continuing sadistic wake up call is messing with the natural rhythms of my mind clock. My mojo will be destroyed.

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Chris: You're on a film set now, and you're gonna learn that show biz is not all red carpets and pool parties. Today you're gonna get schooled on how tough on-set production life can be.

Gwen: Whatever. I can deal. I once had a summer job at a petting zoo. It's so adorable. Everybody feeding the adorable goats their adorable cabbages. But somebody, i.e. me, had to shovel up the less adorable end of the digestive process.

Chris: Well, speaking of number two, it's time to pick your teammates and then try to stick it to the team your boyfriend chooses.

Trent: We're not gonna get all competitive and nasty, are we?

Gwen: Absolutely not. We learned from last season, right?

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Chris: Okay, let's get this bloodbath started. You're gonna choose schoolyard style. Boy, girl, boy, girl. Ladies first. Since we have no ladies here, Gwen.

Gwen: [sighs] I dunno. Duncan?

Trent: [gasps] [confessional] I can't believe she just went ahead and chose Duncan! I mean, they're kind of alike. And now she wants to be on the same team? What am I supposed to make of that? You think you know a person! [real time] I choose the beautiful Lindsay!

Lindsay: Yay!

Gwen: [confessional] "The beautiful"? What, was Trent trying to tick me off by picking Lindsay like that? You think you know a person. [real time] Because I like to keep things cool, I pick Leshawna.

Leshawna: The girls are back in town!

Lindsay: [gasps] You know what would be so great? If you picked Tyler!

Trent: Tyler's not in the game anymore.

Lindsay: Seriously? Bummer.

Trent: I choose Justin.

Gwen: Oh. Pick all the good looking contestants. That'll get you far.

Trent: It will in show biz.

Gwen: [growls] DJ.

Trent: Beth.

Leshawna: Remember, keep your enemies closer.

Gwen: No. Really? You don't mean... Fine. We choose Heather.

Heather: Really? [confessional] It's about time someone realized who's the most valuable player here. I mean, seriously, people.

Harold: Hyah, hi-yah!

Trent: [confessional] How do you choose between flakier and flakiest. At least Owen got farther in the last game, that's worth something. Dude, I don't know. I had to pick someone. [real time] I choose Owen.

Owen: Woohoo!

Harold: Uh, hello? Don't wicked skills count for anything? I mean, who else here went to film camp and is fully trained as a junior cinematographer with a thorough knowledge of lighting filters, film stop--

Gwen: I pick Harold. If for no other reason but to shut him up.

Harold: Wise choice.

Gwen: There were no other guys left.

Harold: Still.

Trent: Um, I guess Izzy is on my team then. Izzy?

Izzy: [whistles]

Lindsay: She likes to be called Kaleidoscope.

Trent: {sighs] Oh, right. E-Scope?

Izzy: Here! Haha, hi.

Chris: Gwen, I christen your team, The Screaming Gaffers. Trent, you're the Killer Grips.

Beth: Grip? I-I don't wanna be a grip.

Heather: Please. It's not like being called a gaffer is something to brag about. It sounds like something that has rabies.

[glass breaks]

Crew Member: I'm sick and tired of getting no respect around here!

[thud]

[sizzle]

Chris: Okay, since we're running late now and don't seem to have anymore um... whatever those... two... crew... dudes... did, we better get going. Your challenge? For each team to set up a film set!

Leshawna: [chuckles] We'll be scarfing flapjacks by seven.

Chris: Oh, will you? As location manager, I want your sets to go... there!

Gwen: You just love doing this to us.

Chris: Yes. Yes, I do. Chef! [through walkie talkie] Clear for traffic up there?! [through megaphone] Lights!