User:Rainbowderp01/A Blast from the Past (Transcript)

Chris: On the last episode of Total Drama... it was a battle of Truth or Scare, judged by Clucky the Poultry Polygraph, where the competitors had to tell the truth or complete a scary-slash-disgusting challenge. Failure meant this would happen. Looked like something might be uh, brewing between Sky and Dave. Ha ha! But in the end, it was Rodney's chicken taunting and sausage fingers that lost it for Team Kinosewak, and got him voted off. Who's next to let their team down in a hilarious and hurty way? Find out now, on Total. Drama. Pahkitew Island!

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[ Theme song ]

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[water bubbling]

[sea monster growls]

[animals chatter]

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Shawn: [sighs] [confessional] She's cool and she's accepting of my lifelong mission to keep my brain from being eaten by the undead. Oh, great! Ding, ding! Full points! But falling for her means I gotta protect her brain and mine! Ha, that's a deal-breaker.

[sea monster growls]

Shawn: [confessional] Z-Zombies! I'm outta here, man!

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[bird chirps]

Sky: And I guess that's why I decided I wanted to become an Olympian. Sometimes, you just gotta go for it. Right?

Dave: Uh, right. I was listening. [confessional] I wanna tell Sky how I feel. She's all I can think about. I just hope I don't do that thing I always do.

Sky: My older sister is my role model. She almost made it onto the Candian Olympic team for rhythmic gymnastics.

Dave: Is that even a real sport? I always thought it was a half-time show thing. It's just ribbons and music and useless running around. Looks so silly and-- uh-oh. [confessional] Yup. It's happening.

Sky: How dare you say that about--

Dave: Wait. I always say dumb things just before I tell a girl I like her. Not that I'm always telling girls I like them. Just cute ones. Ugh! Still doing it. [inhale, exhale] I like you. What I wanna know is, do you like me too?

Sky: [confessional] Who stares at a girl and says "I like you"? That's not how it works. You're supposed to write it on a note and give it to a friend of the person you like. Then she tries to pass it to the girl, gets caught by the teacher, and the teacher reads it out loud into class. Everybody knows that! [sighs] Plus, getting into a relationship wtith someone who will eventually be competition makes no sense. [real time] [loud burp] Sorry, that happens when I'm--

Dave: Nervous! I know. So, was that belch a yes or a no?

Sky: It was an "I like you too" burp, but--

Dave: Don't wanna hear the but! Let's just see where things go. Okay?

Sky: But Dave--

Chris: [over loudspeaker] Wakey, wakey, campers. Everyone gather down by the lake!

Sugar: [yawns and stretches]

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Ella: Sugar, can I talk to you for a sec?

Sugar: You can talk to me, but I ain't gotta listen.

Ella: Um, I'm not allowed to sing, so I wrote you a friendship poem. [confessional] And what's a poem but an unsung song? [real time] [clears throat] "Sugar sweetens many things, like cake and candy and--"

Sugar: Here's a poem to stick in your earholes. Roses are red, manure is brown, get out of my face!

Ella: [sighs]

Sky: You know, they say the meanest people are the ones who have a hard time believing in themselves.

Ella: [gasps] She needs my support! Thank you, Sky!

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Max: Professor Abomination? Too soft. Doctor Repugnance. Too smelly. Little Mister Dreadulocks. Me likey.

Scarlett: Working on the new name?

Max: Yes, I've already got my catchphrase. Time to evil! But I still require a sinister moniker.

Scarlett: They all sound so good. How will you decide?

Max: Tsk, silly girl. One doesn't pick an evil name, the evil name picks you. [grunts] Ow!

Topher: Wow.

[harp music]

Chris: [stilted speech] Okay, that's enough. Kill the effects, Chef.

Topher: Chris, you look... different today.

Chris: Just my natural youth shining through.

Topher: No. No, you did something. Oxygen sleep chamber?

Chris: No.

Topher: Hydrocloric acid peel?

Chris: Nope?

Topher: Elastin protein tablets? Antioxidant firming serum?

Chris: No and uh-uh.

Sugar: Is this the challenge? We gotta make up kooky words? Kip-mump-poi-doo-pa-day. Googlumundoo-boo-ma!

Ella: Great job, Sugar! My turn. Uh, cat! Oh, you're so much better at this than I am!

[airhorn blares]

Chris: [through megaphone] Silence!

[snapping]

Topher: [confessional] Slowtox, that's it! Chris' forehead has less lines than an extra in a movie set. Wait, this is bad. A younger looking Chris means I might never get a shot as host.

Chris: [through megaphone] Today, we will be laughing as you risk your lives in the smash, splash, 1-2-3, X-Dash. Players have to cross the beams, grab a dueling stick from the end of the dock, bring it back to yours, and place it on your board. Two dueling sticks make an X. Three X's wins the challenge.

Max: I have a diabolical scheme for--

Chris: Anyone who messed with the other team's sticks will result in them losing the challenge.

Max: Nevermind.

Chris: Only one member per team may cross at a time. If you land in the drink, that turn gets you no points. So, use that dueling stick to swat, trip, or bat your opponent into the water. This will be awesome to see.

Samey: What is your fascination with seeing us hurt each other?

Jasmine: [clears throat] [hushed] Less Samey, more Amy.

Samey: If anyone gets my hair wet, they're dead!

Dave: Any particular order we go in?

Chris: You decide your own order, but each team member must go at least once.

Sky: Um, where's Shawn?

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Shawn: [confessional] I should've woken Jasmine, but waking her would've alerted the zombie horde and put us all both in danger. Well, mostly me, but her too! Self preservation comes first. I'm ready. I've trained for this. [real time] You wanna fool the dead? You gotta smell like the dead. Oh yeah. My brain is working just fine!

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Chris: He's probably lost in the woods. You know how this island can get. Confusing. Go find him, would ya?

Jasmine: I hope he's okay.