User blog:Usitgz/Total Drama ON A TRAIN! Episode 3: Journey with the Pests

Translated from original airing on CCTV-4 (Sorry for any translation errors)

Extra Thanks to Alpha, Attackin, G&CFan, and Wreaker for their continued interest in the season giving me the confidence to keep writing!

Episode
Chris is standing in front of the wreckage of the Total Drama tours Canada Express, while Chef is collecting pieces of wreckage in the background.

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Train Wreck… 12 brand-new victims took a one-way taxi ride to a remote train station in the hopes of winning one million dollars! Some of them got along like chum and sharks, while others were going at each other’s throats with lots and lots of metaphorical daggers. We took a tour around the Total Drama tours Canada Express, and met Conductor Sickle. Just as the contestants started getting comfy in their new living quarters, someone *Chris winks* placed a giant boulder in the train tracks, and our inexperienced engineer crashed this not-so magnificent machine right into it. Fortunately, no one was injured… except for Conductor Sickle. Let’s honor his memory by keeping our eyes glued to this episode of Total! Drama! Train Wreck!

[THEME SONG V2]

Pre Challenge
''The episode starts off on the snowy hillside not long after the previous one ended. The cast has had some time to overcome the initial shock of what’s transpired.''

Sophia: There’s no way this is legal! I read through my contract thoroughly, and it said there should be no actual chance of any of the contestants or paid staff dying!

Chris: Way to break the illusion of danger, well… it’s not really an illusion anymore! This is a highly illegal coup staged by yours truly, so your former contracts are null and void.

Carter: Does that mean we’re no longer in a competition? Cause if there’s no more money on the li-

Ryan: And if I’m not mistaken, we can leave if we want to. Right… please?

Chris: Both of you are so, so wrong! The game is still going on strong. *Lisa groans* You can’t leave, and even if you could the closest blip of civilization is about 200 kilometers away.

Jake: That’s not too far. I’ve hiked that distance in a day.

Chris: I forgot to mention that this part of the country is full of mountains, landmines, and plenty of deadly creatures.

Ellis: Umm… what kind of deadly creatures? And did you say landmines?!?

Chris: That is something you definitely don’t want to find out. Dude, I thought you were a fan of this show! Landmines are almost as much of a staple to this show as me and Chef are!

Ellis: *scratches the back of his neck, while Lisa notices something off about him* Right.

Joshua: So, what’s next? I’m ready for anything!

Chris: I’m glad you asked! It’s time for your first challenge!

Hope: What kind of challenge? Can we make snow carvings? Or are we going to be making sculptures out of what’s left of the train? Or maybe… painting it! That’d be fun! We just gotta avoid where uhh.. you know happened. Heh. *Hope cheerful expression quickly turns downcast*

Chris: Do you seriously think I would pass up the opportunity to make you guys do something physically demanding or painful for some arts and crafts!? No one wants to watch that, especially me! *Hope sighs defeated*

Gracie: A challenge? Right now!? *Chris nods yes enthusiastically* But Chris, we haven’t had enough time to recuperate from the traumatic experiences we all just went through! Can we at least have the night to calm down and talk things through with each other?

Chris: Are you really that lazy? You guys had the entire train ride here to do that boring stuff that won’t get us higher ratings. *Gracie gives him a look of pure disgust* Not that ratings are going to be as important this season. Hehe.

Kayla: And what exactly do you mean by that?

Chris: Let’s just say the Chinese government offered me way more money and way more control than Total Drama, Inc. was ever going to.

Sophia: Why would the Chinese government want to fund YOU of all people? I hardly see how that benefits them in any way, shape, or form.

Carter: Adding on to that, I didn’t think anyone from China had even heard of Total Drama.

Ellis: Actually…. erm… Total Drama does have somewhat of a cult following in China.

Carter: I find that hard to believe.

Ellis: Well, over there it is called Zong Xiju, and it’s quite different from our version. It has a much higher focus on the contestants’ sufferings, and less on the competition. There’s even a yearly convention where fans cosplay as the characters and reenact some of the more iconic injuries that happened to that character.

Jake: That does not sound good for us.

Chris: But it is more than great for me! As expected from our Total Drama super fan, you are completely correct about all of that totally useless trivia. Congrats, you earned back some fan cred, but you immediately lost it due to answering a question directed at me. Rude, dude, seriously.

Ellis: Total Drama super fan… right. That’s me!

Ellis gives two thumbs up, and chuckles awkwardly. Carter eyes him suspiciously.

Chris: Moving on… Welcome to Zong SeeJew WahTwo SheShe *Ellis cringes* or as you simpletons might understand it: Total Drama Train Wreck! This season, we’ll be honoring the magnificent nation of China with plenty of challenges inspired by Chinese culture! You should be right at home, eh, Yu-soo-ke?

Yusuke: How dare you accuse me of being one of them! Just when I think you can’t possibly have even less honor, you prove me wrong. I am a proud warrior of Japan, not one of those-

Chris: Okay, okay, enough! Learn to take a chill pill, bro. This show is going to be on at prime time, right before the news, so this is Total Drama’s best shot to become mainstream in China! Therefore, we can’t say anything bad about the wonderful people of China, or I’ll stop earning the big Juans from the Chinese government *Ellis cringes even harder*.

Joshua: Didn’t you say something about a challenge? You still haven’t told us anything about what it is and how I’m going to crush it!

Chris: I was getting to that! Today, your first challenge is going to be inspired by the classic Chinese tale of “Journey from the South”! This story follows the monk Zenyoda, as he travels with his mystical bodyguards; Toad Hog the Man-Frog-Pig Hybrid, Grindhard the Perverted Tree Demon, and Sintown the King of the Apes to deliver some holy metallic balls to a faraway temple for cleansing.

Gracie: That doesn’t sound correct. At all.

Ellis: Yeah… it’s not.

Chris: *ignoring Gracie and Ellis* So, for your first challenge you are going to have to find each team’s holy metallic ball and gather supplies for a long journey from what remains of the Total Drama tours Canada Express to an undisclosed for now location. First team back with their ball gets an advantage in the next challenge, and whoever discovers the ball gets to be their team’s Zenyoda and therefore the de-facto leader for the rest of the challenge. There is one ball in both the first-class compartment and the loser’s trolley. Oh, and don’t take longer than 10 minutes or you’ll suffer a penalty. Ready, set, GO!

Challenge #1
''The Beavers sprint back into first-class, while the Geese group up outside of the loser trolley. Chris walks over to Chef, who is still collapsed on the ground. Chris bends down and starts patting Chef on the back.''

Chris: There, there, buddy. It’s going to be alright.

[GEESE HUDDLE]

Gracie: Looks like we don’t have a choice, we’ve got to do this challenge. Alright, team meeting! Now that we’re all here, Yusuke, did you find anything useful out while spying on the other team earlier?

Yusuke: I have learned three things. 1: They are currently targeting Lisa, the poet. 2: The one that goes by Jake is the only one who isn’t in agreement with the plan. 3: Their self-proclaimed biggest weakness is an inadequacy of bowel management.

Kayla: Wow. You guys actually got some decent info on the other team. I’m mildly impressed.

Salem: Yes. Now how can we exploit them?

Hope: Oh. I know! First, we grab my painting from inside the loser trolley! Next, we douse it in something that smells very good, like fruity perfume! Umm… Gracie! Do you have any?

Gracie: Why would you think that I have any of that kind of perfume?

Hope: Erm… Right! Does anyone else have some?

''Salem’s hand reaches into his hoodie from the neck hole and pulls out a bottle of apple-scented perfume. He then hands it to Hope. Ryan is lost in thought, while Kayla, Gracie, and Yusuke looked puzzled by this. ''

Salem: What? My forbearers always told me that an apple never fails to lure those seeking more.

Kayla, Gracie, and Yusuke are even more puzzled by this.

Hope: Uh… Okay! That makes sense. Anyways, we’ll lace the painting in laxatives. Finally, we’ll give them the painting, and since no one can refuse the gift of a true artist, they’ll surely accept it. Then, when they try to taste it. WHAM! They’re stuck on the toilet instead of doing the challenge! *Hope smiles confidently, assured of her stupendous plan* 

Gracie: I can count at least three things wrong with that plan. 1: We don’t have any way of getting laxatives. 2: Why would anyone want to taste a painting? 3: Your painting was completely destroyed by the train wreck.

Hope: *The smiles drains into a look of desperation* WHAT? I’m coming for you, my baby!

Hope dashes into the loser trolley before anyone else can even react.

Kayla: We’ve been wasting time talking here for way too da** long. We’ve got a challenge we’re supposed to be doing!

Gracie: Right. *Thinks for a second* Okay, we need someone to go to the Conf Cab to-

Ryan: If it’s no bother, I’ll do it… please! *Ryan rushes into the Conf Cab before anyone else can respond* *CONF* (Thanks to Yusaku, a couple of gaps have been filled.  Now, I just have to think of what to do with them.)

Gracie: Yusuke! Can you go to first-class, and snag some water?

''Yusuke nods, then disappears in a flash of black as the emergency exit to first-class quickly opens and closes. ''

Gracie: Alright! Let’s find that ball!

''Gracie leads the charge, as Kayla and Salem follow her into the loser’s trolley. ''

[FIRST-CLASS]

''The Boring Beavers are standing in a circle right next to the emergency exit. ''

Sophia: Here’s the plan, team! Jake and I will go from room to room collecting water bottles and checking the fridge for balls, then go to the Conf Cab to get some food. Joshua and Ellis, you two seem chummy, so you can check all of the compartments on the left side. That leaves Carter and Lisa to check all of the compartments on the right side. Alright! Let’s go!

''Sophia grabs Jake by the sleeve and drags him into the nearest compartment while Lisa glares at her. ''

Lisa: *CONF* (If that w**** thinks she can steal the one I adore, she better have a plan in store cause I’ll be the one settling the score.)

Carter: *CONF V2* (*fist pulls* Extravagant. Sophia has graced upon me the perfect opportunity to bury even more dirt over Lisa’s grave.)

''Joshua and Ellis high-five, then started walking into Carter’s former compartment until... ''

Lisa: Hey umm…. Joshua!

Joshua: *Joshua turns around to face Lisa, and Ellis soon follows suit* Hey Lisa! *Lisa awkwardly looks back and forth between Joshua and Ellis scratching her ear nervously* Erm… what’s up?

Lisa: Could we switch partners? I’m sure Carter would much rather be with you rather than me.

Carter: *shakes his hands side to side in a “no thank you” manner* No, no, Lisa, I’m fine staying with you. *Lisa starts scratching her other ear with her other hand, while looking exclusively at Ellis*

Joshua: Well, if that’s the case, then I don’t see any reason why we should switch. *Ellis lifts his hand to his ear, and dread appears across his face quickly before fading away at an equally quick rate*

Ellis: No, let’s switch! I err… think I’ll be able to focus better with Lisa as my partner.

Joshua: You sure, bud?

Ellis quickly nods then skits over to Lisa and pushes Carter towards Joshua. Carter grunts, then begrudgingly follows Joshua into his former compartment.

Carter: *CONF V2* (*wipes his hand down his face in frustration* Rats! Lisa wiggled out of clutches before I even had the chance to talk to her. The non-verbal communication between those two was certainly peculiar. Maybe they’re secretly in cahoots… I’ll need to look into that later…)

Ellis rapidly shoves Lisa into Joshua’s former compartment, and they start searching through the room.

Lisa: So… why’d you take them out? I thought they looked pretty stout.

Ellis: I’d…. rather not talk about it. Can you keep it a secret? I don’t think anyone else noticed.

Lisa thinks to herself while looking for the ball in the compartment’s microwave.

Lisa: Yeah, I suppose so. But, you’ve gotta promise me that you’ll tell me… eventually. Hey, maybe the reason will inspire me to write a really cool poem about it. *flashes a short smile*

Ellis: *giggles timidly* It’s a promise. I bet that would be one very interesting poem…

''Carter and Joshua have moved on to Sophia’s compartment after coming up empty handed in Carter’s compartment. Carter looks completely dead on the inside while searching under the bed and listening to Joshua.''

Joshua: … You know what I’m saying? I’m not too sure why she said no. I mean, I have the looks, the strength, and the mi… game sense. I’ve got all she could’ve ever wanted.

Carter: *comes out from under the bed with the biggest, most sincere smile on his face* Yeah, that makes no sense at all, I totally feel you, dude.

Joshua: Right? *Joshua opens the microwave, and a wide smile cracks across his face* I think I found it!

Carter: Really? Let me see it!

''Joshua pulls out a dodgeball from the microwave with a smiley face painted on it with golden paint and holds it triumphantly in front of Carter. A black streak quickly darts across outside the door.''

Joshua: It really doesn’t look like much of a holy metallic ball to me. What do you think?

Carter: Knowing Chris… I wouldn’t put it past him. I’ll go gather the rest of our team, while you take that to Chris.

Joshua: No way! Chris said we had to do it as a team, so we’ll all go to Chris as a team!

Carter: Fine. You go get Ellis and Lisa, I’ll get Sophia and Jake. We’ll meet in front of the emergency exit of first-class *CONF V2* (*stomps his feet in anger* Double Rats! Not only did I have to suffer through more of Joshua’s relentlessly boring stories, I also had to go along with his dumb plan. Today has been nothing short of dismal.)

[CONF CAB]

Sophia and Jake walk in both wearing a backpack full of water bottles and carrying an empty backpack in their hands.

Sophia: *CONF* (Jake and Carter are the only useful people on this team, so if I can get Jake to work with me to eliminate Lisa, the three of us can team up to eliminate Joshua and Ellis easily. My plan right now is to keep Jake and Lisa separated for as long as possible. This much exposure to my vibrant personality, and this much distance from Lisa’s vile aura should make Jake coming around to my side easier than winning the race for class president.) Wow. I’m impressed, yet curious as to why you brought so many empty backpacks with you.

Jake: Well, you never know when the call to explore will reach your ears, and you also never know when someone will want to join you!

Sophia: Well, in that case, I’m glad you’re on my team. This challenge seems to be right in your corner.

''Jake shrugs before they start filling their empty backpacks with Chef’s gruel from the food bar. A black blur passes behind them entering from first-class and exiting through the door to the loser trolley, as Jake picks up a can of Chef Hatchet’s Twice-a-roo and shows it to Sophia.''

Jake: Do you think we should pack any of this?

Sophia: Waging by Chris’ previous comments on the product, I’d judge it as a risk not worth taking.

''Jake nods and puts the can back, before a loud bang comes from inside the confessional behind them. Sophia jumps, but quickly composes herself. They turn around to try and identify the source of the sound.''

Sophia: What do you think that was?

Jake: Hmm… I don’t know. Maybe it’s someone from the other team?

Sophia: Like who?

Jake: Ryan? I recall him taking an awfully long time in the bathroom when we came here as a group.

Ryan: *CONF* (*From the perspective of the floor, Ryan rubs his head as a welt starts to grow on it* Ow. Not the first time I’ve dropped one of these on my head, hopefully no one heard it… *Ryan takes his PDA out of his shorts and views it* Looks like it still works. Whelp, I’ve just got to figure out how I am going to hide this thing…

Carter bursts through the door from first-class with a genuine smile spread unnaturally across his face.

Carter: Sophia! Jake! We’ve got to go! Joshua thinks he’s found the ball, and we’re going to meet in first-class. C’mon, let’s go!

Jake and Sophia finished packing their bags and expediently follow Carter back into first-class.

[LOSER TROLLEY]

''Gracie, Kayla, and Salem enter. Hope is sitting in the center of the trolley in the W-position, crying, and clutching the remains of her painting. Kayla finally has time to take in the new look of their surroundings.''

Kayla: Who was the genius that thought of painting LOSER TROLLEY in our team colors?

''Gracie and Salem look over to Hope. ''

Gracie: I still stand behind her idea! It was a good way to build solidarity between us. Well, most of us, since SOMEONE refused to participate.

Kayla: *Gives Gracie the ol’ pfft hand motion* Whatever. At least I didn’t curse the team….

Gracie: Curse? Yeah, right. Those don’t exist.

Salem: I wouldn’t say that so hastily… Anyways, we don’t have time to fight. Weren’t you just complaining about us talking instead of doing the challenge, Kayla?

Kayla’s face starts burning red, but before she can comment…

Gracie: You’re right. We covered all of the areas we decorated pretty well last night, so there shouldn’t be a ball in any of those places. That leaves your room and Yusuke and Ryan’s room. I’ll go comfort Hope while you guys each get a room. Okay? Go!

''Gracie strides over to Hope. Kayla turns to Salem, with an even darker shade of red filling her face.''

Kayla: I’ll search MY room! I’d NEVER share a room with the likes of you. *She slams the door behind her after she crosses the threshold of her compartment*

Salem: *Chuckles* Touchy. Well, I guess that gives me no choice in the matter… *He walks into Yusuke and Ryan’s former compartment*

Hope is trying to puzzle together the remains of an upside-down clown that has been decapitated, de-legged, vertically bisected, and missing various pieces here and there.

Hope: You’ll be alright. I’ll fix you… I know I can! Yeah! Somehow…

Gracie: *Puts her hand on Hope’s back* Hey. It’s okay. I’m sure you’ll make plenty more paintings, some even better than this one!

Hope: But… this is supposed to be a centerpiece of the museum my future grandkids are going to open up for me as a present when they ship me off to a retirement home. It’s historic! Just imagine: Hope Holmes’s first painting from her earth-shattering victory of Total. Drama. Train Wreck. *She half-heartedly kisses her finger tips as she pops open her hand* Mwah Perfection. Too bad that perfection isn’t possible any more…

Gracie: Maybe I said that wrong… What I meant to say was that you can… revamp it! Throw in some new elements and make it even better!

Hope: I don’t think that that’s even possible…. What’s the point if it’s just going to get destroyed, again?

Gracie: No, that’s wrong! I know you can and will do it!

Hope: *Regaining a small amount of confidence* Maybe I can…

Gracie: *Hugs Hope tightly from the side* Great!

Hope: *Immediately melts into Gracie’s embrace* Yeah. You’re right.

Salem: *Watching from the already-searched compartment* Disgusting.

Simultaneously, Yusuke enters from the Conf Cab holding an armful of water bottles and Kayla opens the door to her compartment with a completely different demeanor from when she entered it.

Kayla: Looky what I found! *She holds up a bouncy ball covered in silver paint*

Yusuke: We must hurry! The other team has already found their ball, but they are regrouping before going to Chris. We have a very narrow opportunity to beat them, so we must take it.

''Yusuke quickly retrieves the in-tact team flag from the wall and creates a make-shift bag out of it to store the water. Kayla, Salem and Yusuke then start heading towards the exit, but before they can exit...''

Gracie: What about Ryan!? Chris said we had to arrive as a team!

Kayla: You heard the ninja! We don’t have time to get him! This is the only way we can win this challenge! *She exits through the emergency exit*

Gracie sighs, then follows them out with Hope, clutching the remnants of her painting, in tow...

[BACK OUTSIDE]

Chef: …and the nightmares, man, they just never stop. Whenever I see something that grotesque they immediately come back, even stronger! What’s a man supposed to do?

Chris: PTSD is a serious issue, dude. If you or a loved one are suffering from adverse effects of this plight, please visit a doctor, preferably one of the many highly trained and highly professional doctors you may find at your local Chinese clinic.

Chef: Did you seriously just do a PSA instead of talking to me like a normal person? *Chris winks and gives Chef a big thumbs-up* Man, that’s a low blow, even for you.

Chris shrugs, as a team stops right next to him.

Chris: Gross Geese! Looks like you guys made it here first. *Notices Kayla’s ball* And you have found your ball, although… it looks like you guys are missing a member.

The Boring Beavers arrive just as Chris is finishing his line.

Joshua: See? I told you’d guys that grouping up was the right decision!

Chris: Not so fast! Even though they’re missing a member, they still win the challenge.

Joshua: What? That’s not fair! You said we had to arrive as a team!

Chris: Ehh…. I don’t care. Team can mean whatever I want it to mean. So, the Gross Geese win the first challenge!

''The Geese cheer, while The Beavers groan in disappointment. Carter glares at Joshua with sheer contempt.''

Chris: As the winning team, here’s your reward! *Chris throws Kayla an extremely detailed map of the area, a compass, and a lighter*

Kayla: Sick!

Chris: Beavers! You get some less awesome rewards. *Chris throws Joshua a crudely drawn map, a stick, and a worn matchbox with a single match inside it*

Joshua: Aww, man.

Chris: Since Joshua and Kayla were the two who discovered their team’s holy metallic balls, they are their respective team’s Zenyoda. They will not be permitted to walk, period, and I’ll have cutting-edge, high-quality, state-of-the-art, Chinese-built drones focused on each team at all times. If either of them walk, your team will lose the challenge immediately. No questions.

Joshua: How am I supposed to carry my team to victory if I’m not even allowed walk?

Chris: You certainly won’t be carrying anyone in this challenge, buster. Your job will be to keep the ball safe, pick the rest of your teammates’ roles, and lead your team to victory. The rest of the team will be comprised of the 3 bodyguards and 2 donkeys. The bodyguards don’t do much, as for the donkeys well… let’s just say they’ll be carrying their team’s burden; i.e. YOU. The only way you can move is if a donkey carries you, and no one else is allowed to. Got it? Good.

Joshua: Alright! I’ll choose Ellis to be one of my donkeys cause I trust that as a fellow athlete he can carry me, and….

Carter and Sophia are standing behind Jake on opposite sides viciously pointing at him, while Lisa gazes at them with a “Seriously?” Look on her face.

Joshua: Jake!

Carter and Sophia high-five silently, as Lisa rolls her eyes.

Chris: Before you pick, Kayla, since it’s been over 10 minutes, you’ll only have to pick 1 donkey because a certain slowpoke on your team has already become a mandatory volunteer. Speaking of which…

Ryan races over to the Geese with his PhoneShack® Certified Technician Lab Coat wrapped around his head in the style of a turban.

Ryan: Sorry I’m late. What did I miss?

Chris: Your team won, but as a price for you being late, you’re a donkey!

Ryan: What does that mean?

Chris: Your team will fill you in later, dude. What’s with the headpiece? We don’t want to get taken off the Chinese air waves due to cultural appropriation now, do we?

Ryan: Umm… I am honoring my heritage! I am 1/45th erm… Indian! And… it is a holy day today, so I can’t take this off!

Chris: *shrugs* Works for me.

Gracie: *whispers to Ryan* Where’d you put the food? Please don’t tell me you put it in your err… hat.

Ryan: *confused* Uhh… What food?

Gracie is dumbfounded, as Kayla is debating who to choose as the last donkey.

Yusuke: *kneeling down before Kayla* I offer you now a path of mutual redemption! To help fulfill my life debt, let me carry you to wherever our destination may be.

Kayla: Ehh… you’ve been pretty helpful, recently, so I’ll do you a solid. Salem! You can be the last donkey!

Yusuke: *shocked and appalled* You spit once more upon the holy shrine of the Ninjutsu Way! My lenience for ignorance will only last for so long before a switch in who owes whom a life debt occurs.

Kayla: Yeah, yeah. Cool story, Yo-sake.

Chris: What a silly little ninja. Let’s all laugh at the stupid way Yu-soo-ke talks.

''Chris starts laughing forcefully, with only Salem quietly chuckling along. Yusuke is charging up with unbridled anger as white beams of energy start emanating from his body. Before he can unleash his force, a hand grabs his right arm, and he turns his head to face the source…''

Gracie: Hey. It’s alright. Calm down. You can get back at them the right way. Being violent right now won’t solve anything.

As they stare into each other’s eyes, Yusuke slowly calms down, and after fully cooling off gives Gracie a nod of respect.

Chris: *Wipes a tear from his eye* Whew, that felt way too good. Now that your roles have been sorted out, let’s get to the challenge! Your task for today is to follow your map to the highest peak in all of Saskatchewan, Last Mountain! First team to arrive with their holy metallic ball in tow gets immunity, while the losers get to choose someone to be the first person eliminated on Total Drama Train Wreck. Exciting! Also, I may or may not have been lying about the bodyguards not really doing much. Let’s just say that my previous description of the area was not a lie. And lastly, the donkeys have a mandatory uniform! *Chris tosses the donkeys a headband with donkey ears and a tail*

Salem: *Unamused* Must we wear this?

Chris: Yes! Just like the walking rule for the Zenyodas, you automatically lose the challenge if you take it off.

''Salem begrudgingly puts it on. Ellis and Jake do as well. Ryan struggles to put the headband around his head due to the cloth wrapped around it, and instead opts to place it around his chin.''

Chris: Alright! Looks like everything is set! See you freaks at the top of Last Mountain! Oh, and here’s some extra motivation to make sure you kiddos don’t loiter around here for too long.

''Chris grabs onto a helicopter’s ladder as it descends and begins scaling it, while Chef flies them out of sight into the darkness of the night sky. Not long afterwards, a large explosion resounds as what remained of the Total Drama tours Canada Express is blown to smithereens. ''

Carter: *CONF V2* (Was that train packed with explosives the whole time?)

Challenge #2
''Nearly unfazed by this, Kayla quickly gets her bearings from the compass and promptly pockets it. Next, she uses the lighter to get a clearer view of the map. She motions to Salem and Ryan, who pick her up with minor difficulty. In the background, they head out westward bound with Yusuke and Gracie following closely behind, while Hope brings up the rear. The Beavers are too busy arguing to notice this, however.''

Sophia: Like I said, I should have been the one to present Chris with our ball. I’m a much better leader and way easier to carry compared to Joshua.

Jake: It’s not that big of a deal. Me and Ellis can carry him, easy, right?

Ellis: *slightly unsure* Right!

Lisa: And it isn’t like Chris wouldn’t have known. That train was full of cameras.

''Carter is fascinated by the burning wreckage of the train and watches intently as the flames slowly burn out. Joshua, on the other hand, has shrunk into the ground shaking. Lisa is the first to notice this and elbows Jake, while pointing to Joshua. After a couple of seconds, things finally click and Jake sneaks over to Joshua to help him get up.''

Sophia: *ignores Lisa* Well, as team leader, I’ve come up with a brilliant plan! Let’s just follow the other team to the mountain, and when we get to the mountain, we’ll run past them with our superior physical prowess.

Ellis: *looking behind Sophia* Uhh… I don’t see the other team anywhere.

Sophia: *turns around* What? Impossible! Scribe! You were supposed to be watching them to make sure they didn’t sneak off!

Lisa: *so over Sophia’s s**t* You never told me that. You lying rat. Plus, we’d have been more aware, if you’d learn how to share.

Sophia: *gasps* How could you say such hurtful, untrue things about me! I knew you’d do nothing but lie and never be pleasant to talk to.

Ellis is unsure of how to diffuse the situation.

Lisa: And you still continue lying! You’re even worse than I thought!

Carter: *sighs to himself, then turns around to face Sophia and Lisa with a HUGE grin* Ladies, ladies. Now’s not the time to be fighting. We’re supposed to be doing a challenge, and we’re already way behind the other team. Let’s hurry up and begin this trek!

Sophia and Lisa slowly cool off, staving off apologies for a later time, probably never.

Joshua: Hey Ellis, buddy! I think Jake is going to need some help lifting me!

Ellis: *rushes over* Oh! Sorry!

''Jake gives a thumbs-up to Ellis while winking to Lisa, who returns the wink. Sophia is busy narrowly scrutinizing Carter, who is looking back at her shrugging.''



Joshua: I’m at a complete loss with this map. Is anyone good at cartography?

Jake: I’m decent at it. *Joshua hands Jake the map and after a couple of tense minutes, Jake thinks he has figured it out* This M looks like a pair of mountains, but the X is placed over one that looks like it has a body of water on it. So, we’ve got to go the mountain that has some flow of water. Also, these triangles with lines underneath them may be trees, and this O has got to be us! Does anyone see any trees nearby?

The Beavers look around, until… 

Joshua: I think I see some over there!

Carter: Well, it’s better than nothing. Let’s go check it out!

''Joshua tucks the dodgeball into a supplies backpack and straps it on, while Ellis and Jake pick him up and start trudging towards the forest. Lisa follows closely behind, also wearing a backpack. Carter and Sophia lag a fair distance behind, strategizing with each other while their backpacks stay tightly tied to their backs. ''

[IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS]

''Salem and Ryan carry Kayla over their shoulders with Salem in the lead. Kayla continues directing them westward following her compass. Surprisingly, they have built up a sizeable gap between themselves and Yusuke/Gracie/Hope. But with that blistering pace comes consequences…''

Ryan: *starting to slow down* May we take a break, please? You’re surprisingly heavier than your appearance let’s on.

Kayla: Not yet, we’ve still got a while before we get to the edge of the woods. *flashes her lighter in front of Ryan’s face* You should consider yourself lucky that I’m not sure whether to consider that a compliment or an insult.

Ryan: Erm… sorry? I probably wouldn’t have said that if I wasn’t so hungry. I would have never guessed that we would be fasting for so long on this show. I believe I haven’t eaten anything in almost 20 hours… *stomach grumbles*

Salem: *sneers* Really? I can operate at peak condition without sustenance for much longer than that. *notices Kayla and Ryan’s silence of disbelief* Joshing! Actually… I am getting quite the appetite, as well.

Kayla: It’s been hard work directing you 2 idiots around. It would’ve been nice if we brought some grub with us *bonks Ryan on the head, hitting something unusually hard* or if I could walk. Me and my big bro used to go hunting together. I’m sure I could snag us a rabbit or maybe a fox, at the very least.

''Inspiration spreads across Salem’s face while Kayla discreetly rubs her hand. Unexpectedly, a squirrel falls out of a nearby tree and lands on top of Ryan’s turban between Kayla’s legs, startling her. She soon notices that the squirrel’s neck is broken in an unnatural manner. Before she can communicate this to the other two, another squirrel lands right next to it.''

Kayla: Err… why would a squirrel fall out of a tree?

Ryan: Because it was dead?

Kayla: Actually… yes. But why would another squirrel fall out of a tree?

Ryan: Because it was stapled to the first?

Kayla: *Inspects the squirrel* No, it looks like this one is also dead.

Ryan: Sorry, but that’s not how the joke is supposed to go. You were supposed to say-

Kayla: *yet another squirrel falls on top of Kayla’s lap* Again!? Seriously?! Stop! We’re setting up camp here! Enough is enough! I’ve had it with these dead squirrels falling out of these lame trees!

[A LITTLE FURTHER BACK]

Gracie: …that’s when I finally caught Ronald in the act! I knew those weeks of spying on him closing the store would pay off! It felt so satisfying to see my boss send him packing! He was nothing but a dirty, low-life thief!

Yusuke: *impressed* You certainly have the potential of a fledgling shinobi. If you ever venture to my homeland, make sure you make a stop at the Fuhma dojo in Hanamura. I would be honored to hone your skills and teach you all of the glorious intricacies of the Ninjutsu Way!

Gracie: *laughs* Just because I pulled off one feat of espionage doesn’t mean I’d ever want to become a ninja. If I ever do go to Japan, though, your dojo would definitely be one of the top places on my list of stops. Maybe learning a thing or 2 from a shinobi wouldn’t be too b-

Yusuke covers her mouth and pulls them behind the opposite side of the tree they were walking past.

Yusuke: *whispering in Gracie’s ear* We must be quiet. For the one called Hope has been following and watching us quietly, a most peculiar act from one that usually rambles without filter. She has stopped, so we shall hide and see how she reacts.

''Gracie nods, slightly unsure. They wait for a couple of slow seconds until….''

Hope: *running past the tree* GRACIE! GRACIE! Where’d you go!?! I found a LEAF IN THE SNOW! Do you think it would go good with my clown?!?

''Gracie gives Yusuke the “Were you seriously afraid of Hope?” look and runs after Hope. Yusuke kicks himself mentally as he follows after her.''

Gracie: Hope! I’m right behind you! Let me see!

Hope: *she turns around with an innocent smile and presents Gracie with a very rotten leaf* I saw you step on it! Would it be okay if I incorporated it onto my clown?

Gracie: Are you asking me for permission? I’m sure you have a better artistic vision than me.

Hope: Is that a yes?!

Gracie: *Uncomfortable* Yes?

Hope: Yay! *she begins to unload the scraps of her painting from her apron* Where should it go?

Gracie: Uhh….?

Yusuke: *appears in between them* Don’t answer that question! I knew something was off about her! Her actions suggest the potential interference of a yokai!

Gracie: Uhh…………...? A yokai? Seriously? Aren’t those like ghosts? Those don’t exist.

Hope: Gracie! Tell the annoying ninja to get off my clown!

Yusuke: A-Ha! This painting must have been the home to a yokai before it was destroyed in that most unfortunate train wreck! It must have latched on to the first person who made contact with it! We must separate the two!

''Yusuke begins picking up scraps of the painting and throwing them to the chilling wind, while Hope weakly hits him feigning to stop him. Gracie is stunned by the absurdity of the situation.''

Gracie: *CONF V2* (Is everyone around me going insane?)

Hope: Stop hurting my clown, you jerk! Gracie! Make him stop! *stops hitting him and starts balling her eyes out instead*

Gracie: BOTH OF YOU STOP!

Hope: Okay.

''Hope stops crying instantly and sits at attention. Yusuke subsequently stops throwing the pieces of her painting, eyeing her suspiciously. He then turns to Gracie who has a look of concern plastered across her face, which Yusuke soon mirrors.''

Gracie: Right… Let’s hurry, we’ve lost a lot of time to the rest of our team, and we don’t want to get lost in these woods!

Yusuke nods in agreement, then points out their teammates’ footprints in the snow, and he leads Gracie and a Hope that follows complacently in Gracie’s footsteps towards the rest of their team.

[NOT TOO FAR FROM THE WOODS]

''Jake leads the Beavers, carrying Joshua’s legs while Ellis carries him by the shoulders. Lisa is directly behind them with Carter and Sophia not too far behind. ''

Joshua: *Studying the stick* What do you guys think the point of this is? Kindling?

Ellis: Well, we got it in place of a compass, but I’m not sure how those two items are comparable.

Jake: Hmm… since Last Mountain appears to have some source of water, maybe it’s a divining rod? I had to use one, once, to find my way to the lake nearby the next base camp while trekking in unfamiliar territory without a map while on an adventure with my Uncle Francis.

Lisa: So, it’s like a compass that points to water? We’re completely surrounded by snow, so it’s useless. Figures Chris would give us something this worthless.

Jake: Actually, it’s only supposed to point to sources of ground water, so the snow shouldn’t interfere with it.

Lisa: *Embarrassed* Oh, right.

Jake: Don’t sweat it. Those things are like a pseudo-science, anyways. The stars were a much more useful navigation tool then that divining rod could’ve ever been.

Lisa ''blushes, but smiles in appreciation. The forerunning 4 of the Boring Beavers finally reach the woods, as Sophia and Carter finish strategizing, nod to each other, and start closing in on the others.''

Jake: The forest doesn’t look that big according to this map, so I think it might be safer to go around the woods instead of through them. Since we don’t have a compass or clear sight of the stars, we could get lost. And as soon as we see a pair of mountains, we start heading for them. Does that sound like a plan?

Joshua: Sounds like a good idea to me!

Ellis: But which way should we go around?

Jake: Not that this is an 100% accurate map, but it looks like the left is slightly shorter, so it’s worth a shot!

''Jake, Joshua, and Ellis head left following the edge of the forest. Before Lisa can follow them, Sophia pops up in front of her. ''

Sophia: Lisa! Sorry about earlier. I sincerely didn’t mean anything that I said about you back there. I suppose I’ve just been spending too much time around Jake…

Lisa: What does Jake have anything to do with those blatant lies you said about me in front of everyone?

Sophia: *surprised* You mean… you don’t know? The only reason I believed in those in hindsight obvious lies was because Jake was the one who told me! Almost every time you weren’t with us he wouldn’t shut up about how useless and terrible he thinks you are. I’m utterly ashamed that I trusted in him without confirming it myself.

Lisa: *skeptical* Why should I believe you? So far, you haven’t even had the curtesy to treat me like a human.

Sophia: I already told you that I was sorry. I deeply regret treating you like that just from Jake’s hearsay. I can’t reiterate enough how much of a horrendous mistake that was. After how you reacted earlier, I’ve been rethinking what Jake said about you and talking it over with Carter. *Carter pops in next to Sophia, smiling and waving to Lisa kindly* We want to work with you and protect you from Jake’s treachery and deceit.

Lisa: *unsettled* But… Jake is always so nice to me. Why would he treat me so nice if he actually hated my guts?

Carter: I know it’s a lot to process, but I believe he’s operating by the old reality TV adage of “keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer.” I’m sorry. I was hoping against hope that he was going to be nice… like me, but after seeing through his lies I don’t think that’s actually the case, as sad as that is to find out.

Sophia: I’ve tried getting through to Joshua and Ellis, but they won’t listen to logic when it comes to Jake, perfectly falling for his act. The three of us just have to stick together, rock solid if we’re going to have any chance of dethroning Jake. Carter and I will pretend to be jelling with those three and keeping them content. Then the next time we lose, we’ll strike out Jake when he least expects it!

''Carter nods his head in agreement, and Lisa soon follows suit shakily. ''

Lisa: *CONF V2* (My knight! Blackened! Corrupted! Out-joust! Dethroned! Far cry-eth the bells of sad, sad sorrow. For more than one has lost their life and more than one has lost their heart. *breathes in deeply, then completely loses her composure* I have all of the reasons in the world to doubt Sophia, but Carter seems like such a trustworthy guy! I don’t even think he has the capacity to lie!)

Sophia: So… Apology accepted? *reaches out her hand for a handshake*

Lisa: Yeah. *shakes Sophia hand* I guess I owe you an apology, as well.

Sophia: Don’t you worry, I forgive you.

Carter: *huge enthusiastic smile* It’s great to see you two work it out! Now, let’s make sure we don’t get left behind by the rest of the team!

''The three Beaver bodyguards start following their deceptive donkeys and miserable monk from a safe distance. ''

[IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS]

''Yusuke, Gracie, and Hope have at long last caught up to the rest of their team. Kayla and Salem are lying next to a firepit roasting squirrels. Ryan, meanwhile, is failing miserably at making a shelter.''

Kayla: Figures you guys would show up just as we were finishing cooking. Ma and Salem, here were just ab-

Ryan: What took you guys so long? My hands were made to tinker on technology, not to be used for menial tasks like digging pits or stacking sticks.

Gracie: Sorry… Hope’s been acting weird, and Yusuke and her kinda got into a fight.

Hope: *tugging on Gracie’s left arm from behind* I didn’t do anything wrong… did I?

Gracie: *concerned * No? At least, I don’t think so.

Yusuke: *bows slightly* I apologize for jumping to conclusions and delaying our arrival! This unnatural occurrence was probably not due to the medaling of a yokai!

Salem: A yokai?! Those worthless gremlins don’t hold anywhere close to the amount of power required to affect a person this drastically.

Kayla: Would you guys shut up about yo-kayaydays! You guys obviously watch way too much Carruto!

Ryan: Actually, contrary to popular belief, yokais never actually appear i-

Kayla: *starting to get up* I said SHUT UP! Are all of you guys f***** weebs?!?

Gracie: Alright. Let’s calm down, everyone. Kayla, please don’t stand up, we don’t want to lose the challenge for something stupid like that! And guys, can we please stop talking about err… those things.

Ryan: Do you by any chance mean yokai?

Gracie: *facepalms* Yes, that’s what I meant.

Kayla: *thinks for a second, then relaxes* Ehh… I guess you have a point. That would be a really lame way to lose a challenge. Ay, Yo-sake! Mind tossing me some wawa, I’ve been talking way too much tonight.

''Yusuke is confused by this. ''

Gracie: *points to his flag bag* I think she meant water.

Ryan: If that’s the case, I’d enjoy some as well. Please?

''Yusuke eyes twinkle in understanding as he tosses Kayla and Ryan a water bottle with deadly accuracy. ''

Yusuke: *holding out a water bottle* Salem! Would you also like to quench your thirst with this wawa?

Salem: No. It appears our nourishment is ready to be consumed. May we gather around this pit of flames and enjoy its offerings as a team!

''Gracie, Hope, and Yusuke walk over to the pit and sit down opposite of Kayla and Salem. Ryan rushes over and tries to pick up a shred of squirrel, but Kayla swats his hand away. ''

Kayla: Hold on, bucko! Where I come from the leader always tells a story before we eat. *she takes a long drink of water, aahs, then wipes her mouth* And if I’m not mistaken, I’ve been appointed this team’s leader.

Ryan: Do we really have to do this? How many times do I have to tell you I’m hungry before I’m allowed to eat?

Kayla: H*** yeah, either we’re doing this or I’m walking! *Ryan sighs, then takes a seat next to Kayla* So, if you guys didn’t know, I live not too far from this area.

Gracie: Of course none of us know, you’ve hardly ever talked to any of us.

Kayla: *Ignores Gracie* There is a local legend about this forest and the nearby mountain range. What if I told you that in these woods and under these mountains lurks a creature so terrifying, so deadly, and so efficient that no one has ever made contact with one and lived to talk about it?

Yusuke: *pointing upwards with his finger* I’d say that isn’t that much of a surprise since our most dishonorable host has informed us that deadly creatures roam the local area.

Kayla: *Ignores Yusuke* Well, remember to always keep your ears perked for this! *hisses* For that is the last sound you’ll here if you happen to cross paths with the notorious Western Saskatchewan Mountain Cobra! Next thing you know their fangs will sink into you and pump you full of toxins that kill you instantly. *mimics fangs with her fingers and “bites” into Ryan*

Hope: *screams in fear, then buries herself into Gracie* You’ll protect me, right?

Gracie: Yes?

Salem: *golf claps* What a happy and uplifting story to get our souls in the mood to feast well!

Ryan: Snakes? In the middle of winter? *sarcastic* Makes sense to me. *CONF* (*zoomed in way too close* I would have never signed up for this show if this season didn’t take place in the winter. Let’s just say one of the plethora of reasons the outdoors and me don’t agree are reptiles.)

Kayla: You say that now, but don’t come haunting me if you happen to cross paths with one. *she picks up a squirrel for dramatic effect and bites into it, before immediately spitting it out* Ugh…. What the s***!? This squirrel tastes like dirt!

''The rest of the Geese take cautious bites out of their squirrels. Only Salem seems to enjoy them and eats well over half of the meat. After taking a bite and disliking it, Hope refuses to eat anymore, until Gracie urges her to do so. The rest of the Geese force down a couple of bites for nourishment.''

Gracie: *queasy* Well, it could be worse, right?

[BEAVER CAMP]

''With camp set up, and the mountains in sight: The Beavers’ spirits are high. They chomp down on reheated gruel and toast each other with their water bottles. Lisa sits by herself scribbling in her journal, and occasionally looking up to watch the others party, disgusted.''

Jake: Who knew someone could make Chef’s gruel taste so good! Either the contestants in previous seasons were over-reacting or you’re an amazing cook!

Joshua: You should’ve seen me in Home-Ec class in freshman year! I could turn anything that tasted bad into something that tasted adequate!

Ellis: Even sauerkraut? *gags*

Joshua: Even that!

[IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS]

''After a couple of hours of uneasy rest upon a poorly made tent of sticks and flag patched together by Yusuke and Gracie, the Geese awaken from their slumber. Soon, they realize a member of their ranks is missing in action.''

Kayla: How many times is this guy going to disappear on us?!

Gracie: I’m sure there is a reason he left camp. Maybe there are some clues around?

''The Geese minus one search around their make-shift campsite. Yusuke eventually sees some strange marks in the snow and dashes over to investigate. He motions for the others to come over.''

Yusuke: *inspecting a row of thin lines wiggled into the snow* Maybe this has something to do with our teammate’s untimely dissipation!

Gracie: What do you think they could mean?

''Yusuke shrugs. Kayla is soon carried over to the scene, and she makes quick work of deciphering the wiggles. ''

Kayla: These markings in the snow are none other than the tracks of the one and only Western Saskatchewan Mountain Cobra! They’ve probably bit him and dragged him to their lair beneath the mountain to cook him, then devour him! Welp, it looks like he’s not going to be coming back us.

''Hope gasps overdramatically before cowering behind Gracie. ''

Yusuke: *rebuttal showdowns* This machination of yours to defy all logical thought with imaginary snakes ends now! Snakes don’t cook! At least… I’ve never heard of them doing so!

Kayla: *casually annoyed* At least they’re real unlike your kooky Japanese ghosts. *smirks* And, it’s not like there’s any other indication of where he’s gone.

''Yusuke looks over optimistically to a disappointed Gracie for an alternative answer. ''

Gracie: She’s got a point.

Yusuke: I swear on my honor as a shinobi, that if this is just an elaborate setup to make it appear that your story is true, you will suffer more than a reversed life-debt.

Kayla: *in sheer disbelief* How exactly was I supposed to set this up? *gestures to herself and her ass* I’m not going to throw this challenge over something stupid like that. *points to the drone hovering nearby*

Yusuke quickly realizes the err in his thought process with shock, then immediately bows down before Kayla.

Yusuke: Forgive me for I have made a most disrespectful threat on false pretenses.

Kayla: *waves him off* Nope.

''Gracie steps in between them to separate them before the situation overboils. Yusuke’s eye twitches in anger as he tries to restrain himself''.

Gracie: Enough fighting guys! We’ve got to rescue him, then get to the top of that mountain!

Kayla: Do you really think we can save him?

Gracie: We’ve at least got to give it a try!

Kayla: Ehh… even if he’s dead, it would be pretty cool to track down their den.

Gracie and Yusuke start following the tracks until they soon realize that no one else is coming.

Salem: I’m not lugging her to those bothersome snakes’ lair. We don’t have enough time to save that pitiful wretch. There’s no way we’ll beat the other team if we do. We didn’t need him in the last challenge, and we don’t need him now.

Kayla: Hmm… I guess you’re not completely useless after all. That’s some rock-solid thinking. Yo-sake! You could learn a thing or two from this guy! *Yusuke glares at her*

Gracie: This is a life-or-death situation! This is more important than the challeng-

Before Gracie can finish her sentence, Salem has already started running off in the direction Kayla is pointing.

Kayla: See you guys at the top of the mountain! Don’t take too long!

The duo is soon out of sight.

Gracie: *frustrated* I knew that guy was no good. Even Kayla was totally onboard with rescuing him, until that… fiend opened his mouth. C’mon Hope, let’s go save Ryan.

''Hope immediately stops cowering and follows directly behind Gracie. Yusuke gives a quick look around camp, grabs some supplies, then chases after them.''

[SNOWY CLEARING]

''The Beavers have made a decent headway from their camp to the mountains. Lisa lags a sizeable distance behind the other 5; looking for inspiration. The others chat amongst themselves. ''

Jake: …And that’s where the saying of “cutting the mustard” originates from.

Sophia: Fascinating! I’d absolutely love to hear more stories of your travels in the American Southeast, and how the locals… tick exactly.

Jake: I really don’t think that I’d be the best person to learn about that kind of stuff from. I mean I’m-

''Jake stops dead in his tracks causing the rest of the Beavers to pile up behind him, ultimately resulting in a disinterested Carter tripping over Sophia. As Carter falls, the contents of his backpack spill out in a forward arc past the rest of his teammates. As the farthest forward piece of gruel makes contact with the ground, a decently sized explosion is created grabbing all of the Beavers attention. ''

Ellis: *drops Joshua in surprise* What the heck was that!?!

''Ellis dropping Joshua makes Jake lose balance and fall backwards onto Joshua. Jake’s right elbow makes direct contact with Joshua’s right temple instantly knocking Joshua unconscious. ''

Sophia: Didn’t Chris say something about landmines?

Jake: *gets up tentatively, rubbing his elbow* Yeah, he did.

Ellis: *realizes what he accidently caused* Wo de muqin! Are you guys okay?

Jake: I’m fine. *looks over to Joshua* On the other hand, I’m not quite sure about him.

Ellis: Hey Joshua! *he bends down and shakes him, then after not receiving a response he notices that Joshua is still breathing* Looks like he’s only knocked out, thankfully.

Jake: That’s a relief.

Sophia: *analyzing Jake* How did you know to stop?

Jake: To tell the truth, I didn’t. *puts his left hand on the back of his neck in slight embarrassment* One of my boots came untied. *Jake lifts up his left leg to show her the untied boot, then bends down to tie it*

''Sophia is dumbstruck by this and ponders to herself on what it means. Carter, meanwhile, is still lying face first in the snow seething from being seemingly forgotten by the rest of his teammates. Lisa finally catches up to the rest of the team, notices Carter and helps him get back up.''

Lisa: Are you alright? What caused that explosion?

Carter: *barely forcing a smile* I’m just peachy. As for the explosion, let’s just say landmine plus gruel equals boom.

Lisa: Right…

''Jake and Ellis are struggling to pick up Joshua’s body. ''

Ellis: I don’t think this is going to work. Anyone else have an idea?

Sophia: *snaps her fingers, as everything comes together* Carter, Lisa, and I will lead the way. We’ll throw the leftover contents from our backpacks and Joshua’s backpack in front of us to clear the way, and make sure no one steps on any landmines. *Points to Jake and Ellis* you 2 follow in our footsteps and drag the dead weight. *Ellis raises a finger to counter* No questions. Let’s go.

''Ellis sighs, then puts his finger down. Lisa eyes Joshua unsettled, but ignores her desire to ask what happened to him and lines up next to Sophia. Carter bends down and takes Joshua’s backpack, he opens it and pulls out the holy metallic ball. A devious thought crosses his mind, but he buries it and the ball into Joshua’s polo. He then catches up to Sophia and Lisa, as they begin to enact Sophia’s plan.''

[UPON THE MOUNTAIN]

''Salem carries Kayla in his arms as he begins scaling the not-so steep mountain. Since leaving the rest of their team behind, Salem has silently been listening to Kayla’s directions, biding his time…''

Salem: Pardon the interruption, but I simply must compliment you on your keen sense of direction.

Kayla: Heh, you’re not doing a half-bad job carrying me by yourself. Plus, it’s much more bearable without that other numbskull’s complaints.

Salem: I concur. Say…  I’ve been meaning to tell you, but the rest of our team doesn’t appear to like you.

Kayla: No duh. They aren’t even trying to hide it.

Salem: Well, personally, I do like you. I see a great potential in you. I believe it is in both of our best interests to team up and form some form of a pact…

Kayla: *slightly annoyed* Like an alliance? No. I don’t do alliances.

Salem: Well, if you want to play hard, then so will I. *Salem drops Kayla, walks a few steps forward, then turns around menacingly* Let’s see how well you scale this mountain, alone, and just how much our teammates appreciate it.

Kayla: *cracking a slight smile* You know what? That move took some big cojones. I’ll join your little alliance, but don’t expect me to do anything for you.

Salem: Of course. *Salem walks back, picks up Kayla, and begins re-scaling the mountain again *

Kayla: *CONF V2* (Look, I know I’m chafing my teammates’ thighs raw, but Salem is practically chafing their crotches off. The longer I keep him around, the longer the target stays off of my back.)

[OUTSIDE OF THE DEN]

Gracie, Hope, and Yusuke have successfully followed the trail in the snow to a cave on the opposite side of the mountain.

Gracie: Let’s not waste any time. Yusuke, can you scout out the cave and find Ryan?

''Yusuke nods tepidly, then dashes timidly into the cave. After a couple of seconds, Yusuke reappears in front of the other two. ''

Yusuke: Ryan appears to still be alive. Although, he is completely constricted by snakes.

Gracie: That… does not sound good. Anyone have any ideas?

Yusuke: As a matter of fact, I do! *Unfurls his flag bag and reveals about half of the sticks used to make the shelter and some leaves* I happen to know a very powerful Ninjutsu! With it, I can switch a person with an inanimate object of roughly the same size. To do this, however, I need to channel a large amount of my chakra, and an appropriate inanimate substitute of Ryan. I shall now commence the channeling! I leave it up to you two to construct the substitute with these materials within the 5 minutes it will take for me to channel. *Yusuke sits down and begins meditating*

Gracie: Alright! Let’s do this, Hope! You plot out the substitute, and I’ll help you build it.

Hope: Um… how do I do that, Gracie?

Gracie: *annoyed* I have no idea! You’re the artist, aren’t you?

Hope: No, I’m not! I can’t do anything like that!

Gracie: Yes, you can! I saw you create that painting when I first met you!

Hope: No, no, never! You’re not who I thought you were! You’re just a meanie like that ninja! *she starts running away from Gracie, crying*

Gracie: *chases after Hope, then tackles her, pinning Hope to the ground face-to-face who continues to cry* We don’t have time for this! Ryan’s life is on the line! *Hope cries louder* Ughh…. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? *slaps Hope across the face, then realizes what she did* Oh… sorry!

Hope: *Hope stops crying as soon as the slap registers, blinks quickly, touches the mark on her face, then looks at her hand* No, don’t be. I needed that.

Gracie: *concerned* What was that?

Hope: I… don’t want to talk about it. Just… don’t hug me, again… ever.

''Gracie nods in understanding, gets up, then offers a hand to help Hope up. Hope wearily takes her hand and uses it to get off the ground and begins plotting out the substitute. Somehow, they manage to finish building it in time, while a thick cloud of awkwardness lingers in the air. Yusuke finally finishes channeling, then proceeds to flick his finger before the substitute disappears and Ryan appears in its place. '  ''

Ryan: *Looks around startled, realizes his freedom, sighs in relief, then gets up* I suppose I owe all of you a thank you.

Hope: *Cheerful* Don’t worry about it! *Gracie is taken back by Hope’s mood shift* Who wouldn’t help out a teammate in need?

Ryan: Kayla and Salem, apparently.

Hope: Oh… I guess you’re right…

Yusuke: I would never consider either of those two worthy of being a who!

Ryan and Hope try to decipher what Yusuke just said, while Gracie thought of other things...

Gracie: Then, why don’t we do something about them? There’s something wrong with this team, and I firmly believe Salem is the issue. The next time we lose, the four of us could take him out, easy. Who’s on board?

''Yusuke nods instantly in agreement, Hope soon gives a thumbs up, then Ryan nods trying to mimic Yusuke. ''

Ryan: Now that that’s settled, may we leave in haste before those snakes realize I’m gone? *CONF* (*brushing himself off* Not the first time I’ve had snakes kidnap me in my sleep, drag me into their den, and hug me for an extended period of time; but hopefully it will be the last. Now I just have get the monkey of me going home tonight off my back. *shutters* And I have plenty of experience getting monkeys off my back.)

''Ryan speeds away from the den, as the others chase after him, optimistic that they’ll find the tracks of Salem. Not long into their pursuit, they begin to hear explosions occurring at random intervals... ''

[BASE OF THE MOUNTAIN]

''The Boring Beavers have nearly reached the mountain. Carter tosses the last thing he had to throw in front of him, Joshua’s backpack. It triggers a land mine as yet another explosion echoes.''

Carter: *stops* Hey Sophia! I don’t have anything else to throw! Do you or Lisa have something?

Sophia: I’m almost out, so I can’t help you.

Lisa: Yeah, same here.

Carter: Brilliant. *sidesteps into Lisa’s footsteps directly in front of Jake and Ellis lugging Joshua*

Joshua: *consciousness seeps back, as his hand shoots up to his temple rubbing it* Ugh… what happened? Where are we? And why is there a dodgeball in my shirt?

Ellis: Jake’s elbow accidently knocked you unconscious.

Jake: We’re practically at the base of Last Mountain.

Carter: And I didn’t want to lose your holy metallic ball.

Joshua: Oh. Guess I missed a lot. *chuckles deeply* Is that it?

Carter: Lots and lots of minesweeping.

Joshua: Minesweeping? As in landmines?! *panic sweeps across his face* Is everyone okay? No one’s hurt, right?

Jake: Yeah, Sophia actually had a pretty killer plan that has kept us save so far.

Joshua breathes a sigh of relief, as further up Sophia small talks a rather unamused Lisa while minesweeping.

Sophia: …and that is how you perform a bump pass.

Lisa: Cool.

Sophia: Now, spiking on the other hand is something…. *Lisa elbows Sophia* What was that for?

Lisa points to four figures running along the side of the mountain.

Lisa: Could that be… the other tea-

Sophia: Yes, it appears to be. Good job, scribe. *winks overdramatically to Lisa, then turns around to face the rest of the team* Listen, team! I have discovered that the other team is over there! *gestures to the four figures approaching rapidly* We have to beat them to the top of the mountain!

Ellis: What about the landmines?

Sophia: There hasn’t been any going off for a while, so it’s a risk were going to have to take if we want to win this challenge!

Ellis: *sighs* Right…

Sophia: Now, Carter, you lead the team and I will take up the rear to make sure the other team stays behind us!

Carter: Why me?

Sophia: No time for questions! Get going, Carter!

Carter: *grumbles to himself before fixing his image* I’m on it!

''Carter scampers past Sophia and Lisa, then begins bounding up the mountain. Lisa follows after Carter, with the Jake/Ellis/Joshua conglomerate not too far behind. By the time Sophia begins pursuing after them, a full-on sprinting Ryan has almost caught up to her with Yusuke, Gracie, and Hope not far behind.''

[TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN]

''Chris and Chef stand in front of a wooden archway that reads “Welcome to Last Resort!”. An intern is sloppily hammering a wooden sign with the words “Chris McLean’s” in between to and Last. ''

Chef: *tapping his foot impatiently* How much longer are we goin’ to wait for them? If this keeps up I’m going to miss my soaps. And you won’t want to find out what I’m like if I miss my soaps.

Chris: Relax. *watches his watch* They’re almost here, dude.

''As the minutes tick by, Chef’s tapping becomes more frequent and loud as Chris’s perspiration noticeably increases in frequency parallel to Chef’s intensity. Finally, Chris sighs in relief as someone finally reaches them.''

Chris: Geese. You don’t know how relieved I am to see you.

Kayla: Yeah, yeah. *pulls out the bouncy ball from where she was storing it and presents it to Chris* Now, just tell us that we won immunity.

Chris: Woah, woah. Slow down, you’re missing like 4 members of your team! That’s half your team! There’s no way that’s enough to win the challenge!

Kayla: You’ve gotta be kidding me! We won the first challenge missing a teammate.

Chris: Sorry, girly, but you’re playing the game by my rules. And my rules are just that, my rules! There’s hardly any consistency to them and that’s what makes for great TV.

Salem: *Under his breath* And scrumptious lawsuits.

Chris: Now, as a reward for arriving here first, you guys get to wait for the rest of your team or the other team to arrive here first.

Kayla: *Deadpan* Yipee.

''A long wait ensues. Chef runs out of patience and sneaks off to find a TV. Kayla and Salem bounce their Holy Metallic Ball between themselves to force some form of entertainment. Chris stands almost statuesque with his signature smile plastered across his face as time passes by. Eventually, the other contestants start arriving.''

Yusuke: *Appears between Kayla and Salem in time to catch the ball* How dare you two risk losing our chance at victory by playing fetch!

Kayla: Dude, it’s not that big of a deal. You seriously need to learn how to chill.

Yusuke: I am more than chilled by the bitter winter breeze that blows at the top of this mountain.

Kayla: *chuckles* Looks like you have way more to learn than just that.

Chris: Yu-soo-ke! Welcome to the top of the mountain! You’re lucky number 3!

Yusuke: No thanks to these two nukenins.

''Kayla sticks her tongue out in disgust. Two more contestants soon arrive at the top of the mountain. ''

Chris: Beavers! Thanks for finally making this a competition!

Carter: *panting* Yeah… no problem….

Lisa: That was terrible… How could anyone think that is… somewhat bearable…

Chris: Wow! Even when you’re exhausted, your poems are still as lame as ever!

Lisa glares at Chris as another contestant reaches the summit.

Hope: *caroms, then stops in front of her team and curtseys* Ta-Da!

Salem: Huh… superb to see you back.

Hope: *giggles* I wasn’t gone for that long!

''Salem sizes up Hope, twisting his beard, enraptured in thought. Before Chris can interject Sophia’s voice resounds over the mountain yelling motivations at her teammates. Soon, two contestants come into sight.''

Gracie: *dragging a face-down Ryan as he slowly crawls* C’mon, almost there!

Sophia and her donkeys plus their payload cross the horizon as they close in on Gracie and Ryan.

Sophia: Pick up the pace, guys! We can do this!

With a last desperate push, Gracie collapses herself and Ryan in the midst of their team.

Hope: *cheers* Woohoo! We won!

After the last four Beavers reach their destination, Jake and Ellis drop Joshua gently, then promptly collapse due to exhaustion.

Sophia:  No, we couldn’t have lost!

Chris: Let’s not jump to conclusions! We still have to make sure you guys followed the rules! Let’s see… do both teams have their Holy Metallic Balls?

Yusuke procures the bouncy ball from his sleeve, as Joshua holds up the dodgeball.

Chris: Alright looks like both teams check out on that. Now, donkeys! Do all of you still have your ears attached?

''Salem points to his head, while Ellis and Jake sit up and do the same. Ryan touches his ears and gives a thumbs up. ''

Kayla: Yo dumba**, he’s talking about your donkey ears!

Ryan: *lifts his head up from the snow* Huh? *feels around his chin, only to feel his skin* Oh no.

Chris: Well, looks like it’s settled! The Boring Beavers officially win this challenge!

Post Challenge
All of the Boring Beavers cheer weakly through their exhaustion, spar Joshua who gets up and forces his teammates into a group hug.

Joshua: No need to thank me, guys! You’re welcome!

Carter: Don’t worry, I was never planning to.

Ryan shrugs meekly as Kayla, Salem, Yusuke, and Hope look upon him with disappointment.

Chris: Not only do they win immunity, they also win another huge reward! Here, catch! *tosses each contestant a map* Welcome to Chris McLean’s Last Resort atop scenic Last Mountain!



Gracie: Isn’t that name a bit too on the nose?

Chris: No, it’s not. Anyways… for winning the challenge, the Boring Beavers get the luxurious cabins 6 & 7 which can fit 3 people each, while the Gross Geese get the crummy cabins 4 & 5 which can each fit 2 people.

Sophia: *looking at her map* So what exactly happens to the extra people? Do they get put in one of the other cabins?

Chris: No way! Cabin 8 has been transformed into Chef’s new kitchen and living area, while cabins 1, 2, and 3 are, well, going to be used for something very special, right Chef? *after a period of silence, he looks around for Chef, frustrated* Has anyone seen Chef?

Kayla: He snuck off a while ago. I can’t believe it took you so long to notice. Pretty pathetic if ya ask me.

Chris: No, I’m not! The unlucky victims that don’t get to stay in their team’s cabins will have to fend for themselves! And with her attitude, Kayla has already volunteered for the Geese girls. Now, I just need 1 Beaver boy and 1 Geese guy to do the same.

Kayla: Whatever, it isn’t like I would’ve wanted to bunk with these girly-girls anyways. *points offhandedly in Hope and Gracie’s general direction*

Gracie: *offended* Excuse me?

Kayla: You heard me, princess.

Gracie: Princess? Really? You haven’t even bothered to attempt to talk to me, yet you have the gall to label me something so completely wrong. Pretty pathetic if you ask me.

''Kayla raises her hand dismissively, then cringes it back to her side, flustered. Gracie smirks in her perceived victory.''

Chris: AHEM! I’m still waiting for some volunteers, people.

Jake: Well, if no else is going to volunteer, then-

Ellis: NO! I’ll do it. Don’t the rest of you guys worry.

Jake: You sure, I mean, I’ve got plenty of experience roughing it, so-

Ellis: I’m positive. *Jake shrugs nonchalantly, while Lisa ponders*

Chris: Alright! Now one of you guys need to step up to the plate.

''Chris points with his hostly swagger towards the Gross Geese males. Ryan is busily fingering through his PDA. Yusuke and Salem stare down each other with a tinge of hostility, waiting for the first one to budge.''

Salem: Fine. I’ll do it.

Chris: Sad to see you all come to an agreement. The tiebreaker challenge I had planned in case you guys couldn’t decide looked mighty painful. Anywho, Gross Geese you guys have a date with me at the campfire. Meet me there at the crack of night. Don’t be late! Until then, feel free to explore the resort. Just don’t come by bothering me or Chef. I’ll be in the office, so don’t come in. See you lot later!

''Chris crosses the archway and leaves the campers to their own devices. The campers immediately spread out and begin exploring the resort.''

[BASKETBALL COURT]

Kayla and Salem are scouting the area for a suitable place for sleep.

Salem: What about the chicken cage? Surely if those mere poultry can survive the cold in there, we can too.

Kayla: Yeah, no. I’ve got a much better idea… but… I kinda don’t want to share it with you.

Salem: And why is that?

Kayla: Because someone is doing a p*** poor job of stalking us. *turns around* You can come out of that bush!

After a couple of seconds Ellis pops out from behind the bush with a look of embarrassment across his face as he walks up to Kayla and Salem.

Ellis: Sorry, I just couldn’t find a good place to erm… nest? Then I saw you guys pass and thought that maybe you’d be able to find a good spot. So, I decided to follow you two, but I figured that you guys wouldn’t want me to bother you so I kept my distance. Uhh… sorry.

Kayla: *thinks to herself* Well, you know what… as long as you respect me enough not to bother me, I’ll let you come along.

Ellis: *excited* Really?

Kayla: Sure. *points with conviction at Ellis* Just don’t do anything funny or you’ll regret it!

Ellis: *nervous* Don’t worry, I won’t!

Ryan: *CONF* (*tinkering with the camera while his PhoneShack'® Certified Technician Lab Coat is messily splayed across the table behind him* Figures the new confessional would be the last place I looked. “Fish Cleaning House,” Ugh… what a repugnant place…)

[REC ROOM]

''The door bursts open revealing a dusty room with old arcade machines covering half of the wall and even older bookshelves covering the other half. A couple of decrepit couches are scattered throughout the inside of the room along with a foosball table, an air hockey machine, and a pool table. Kayla, Ellis, and lastly Salem step into the room. Although, Salem stops at the threshold.''

Kayla: See, I told you busting that lock wouldn’t be so hard!

Ellis: Yeah, that was surprisingly easy. Almost too easy.

Salem: *bows out* I regret to inform you, but I happen to make extremely loud noises when I sleep, so I must find somewhere else to rest. Farewell. *leaves the rec room as the door slams violently behind him*

Kayla: *plops down on the nicest looking couch* Finally! I’ve been waiting for that guy to leave me alone since we got to this lame resort. I was kinda looking forward to kicking him out of here. Maybe I should re-enact it with you.

Ellis: *sits down on the couch furthest from Kayla* No, it’s fine. I’ll just keep to myself, and… read a book!

''Ellis gets up and starts looking through the bookshelves, hopeful that he’ll find a book that interests him. Kayla, meanwhile lays down and relaxes.''

[OUTSIDE OF THE REC ROOM]

''Salem backs out of the Rec Room as the door slams in front of him. He looks over towards the lake and spots Ryan exiting the Fish Cleaning House missing something.''

Salem: Oh my! Someone isn’t living up to their holy day obligations!

''Ryan looks fearfully over towards Salem, pats his head, then rushes back into the confessional. A minute or so later Ryan walks back out of the confessional with his lab coat wrapped around his head once more and bumps right into Salem. ''

Ryan: Don’t tell anyone… please.

Salem: *leans in on Ryan* That’s going to cost you. A secret for a secret sounds fair to me. So, if you know anything useful, please share.

Ryan: *backing into the confessional door* Gracieistryingtogetyouout.

Salem: *backs off of Ryan* Good to know.

Salem walks off as Ryan crumples to the floor.

[CAMPFIRE]

''The Geese arrive at the campfire. On the lakeside, Chris is standing behind a barrel. There are six lawn chairs arranged around the opposite side of the pit. ''

Chris: Gross Geese! Welcome to the elimination ceremony! You guys sure stunk it up at the challenge, haha! At this ceremony, if you are safe, I’ll throw a piece of the remains of the Total Drama tours Canada Express at you. The person that does not receive some shrapnel must board the Sled of Losers and take a ride across Last Lake…

Salem: A sled! What a letdown! After a drop, a catapult, a toilet, a cannon, a rocket, a drop again, a better catapult, a rollercoaster, and another cannon; I would have never fathomed the next stage of evolution would be a measly sled.

Gracie: What are you talking about? Over half of those elimination methods didn’t even happen.

Salem: Of course, I was merely testing your attention span. *Salem winks slyly to the camera, while Gracie looks at him suspiciously*

Chris: Ahem! Back to the one everyone is tuning in for!

Hope: *She raises her hand and starts waving it* Me!

Chris: No. Me, obviously. Anyways… we’re on a budget here! China isn’t made of money! And if you expect this to be run-of-the-mill sled, you’re in for a rude awakening, dude! This is the Sled of Losers! You’ll be tied to it, given a parachute, then winded up by Chef’s makeshift slingshot, *Chris points the Geese to Chef who waves to them while leaning against a tree with an enormous rubber band tied tightly to it and another nearby tree* launched across Last Lake at over 100 kilometers per hour, and finally plunge over the Waterfall of Shame.

''Ryan, Hope, Yusuke, and Kayla are shocked by this revelation. Kayla, Ryan, and Yusuke quickly regain their composure, however. Salem smiles proudly, mildly impressed, while Gracie glares daggers at him.''

Ryan: Erm…. This has been tested, right?

Chris: Of course, it has! Do you think I’d really be that irresponsible with your safety? You guys know all of you contestants are very close to my heart, but… that’d mean you guys are close to something that doesn’t exist! Haha! It’ll be tested in about… 2 minutes.

Kayla: *sarcastically* Great.

Chris: Alright! Now that all of you know what happens when you lose, let’s get this episode wrap up with a ba-bang! The first piece of scrap metal goes to… Hope!

Hope: *catches the piece with her apron* Ooo! Awesome! This will be a great centerpiece to my next masterpiece!

Chris: Yeah, no one cares. Anyways… here’s one for Kayla, and, surprisingly, Yu-soo-ke!

Kayla watches uninterested as the piece flies over her head, while Yusuke looks unamused as he catches his and pockets it.

Chris: The rest of you have been very naughty! All of you have received at least one vote. Ryan; you failed at nearly every aspect of the challenge, Salem; you’ve been rubbing some people the wrong way, and Gracie; I’m not quite sure what you did, but you must’ve done something. Sadly, only one of you miscreants can be eliminated, and that person is…

''Gracie smiles confidently while glancing over to an unusually calm Salem. Ryan is hunched over and pulling his “turban” over his eyes with his hands.''

Chris: Gracie!

Gracie: Hahaha. Good joke, Chris. We’re all laughing. *Hope forces a laugh on que, until she realizes no one else is laughing* I mean, if this isn’t a joke, you would’ve thrown out the shrapnel by now!

Chris: Dang, you caught me.

Chris: Just kidding! Congratulations! You got the most votes! And you win the grand prize of a one-way trip off of this mountain! *as he says this he throws Ryan and Salem their pieces* Maybe I waited just in case you made yourself look like a dunce. And you totally did!

''Salem smiles intensely as his piece disintegrates before it makes contact with him. Ryan uncovers his face just in time to narrowly dodge his shrapnel, which gets stuck in the back of his lawn chair.''

Gracie: *her smile quickly fades into a look of sheer devastation* Wha… what? There’s no way it should’ve have happened like this… no. I… I can’t be the first one out… It’s just not right. H-how? *pauses in thought* Ryan?

Ryan: *sheepishly* Sorry…

Gracie: How could you? I thought you were a good person. I saved your life. Those snakes would have killed you if I didn’t go out of my way to rescue you. How… how? W…why?

''Ryan looks away, too uncomfortable to even glance at Gracie. Chef closes in on a numbed Gracie, but before he can grab her, a black flash appears in between them.''

Yusuke: Stop! Gracie can’t go! She’s the soul of this team! If she goes, we’ll all go down. I can’t believe all of you lack the discipline and foresight to see something so obvious. *Yusuke holds his heart with his right hand* The only way I can restore this team’s honor is to make my own sacrifice. I qui-

Gracie: STOP! *With a renewed vigor, Gracie stands up, turns Yusuke around, and grabs his hands* I was voted off fair and square. My time in this game is done, but you’re still in, Yusuke. You can be the new soul of this team. You can rid the forces of darkness corrupting this team and be a beacon of justice. I know you’ll lead this team to victory! I believe in you. You’ve proved to me that you’re more than capable. Here! *Gracie plucks the lily out of her hair, and hands it to Yusuke* I’ll be rooting for you!

''Gracie walks with Chef towards the sled, while Yusuke stares at the lily in his hand, stunned. Hope is completely enamored by the two, Ryan is looking down in shame, Kayla rolls her eyes, and Salem bursts out in an uncontrollable fit of laughter.''

Salem: Dark corruption!? A team’s soul!? Justice!? This is a simple reality TV competition, not some epic struggle between what’s right and wrong. You’re simply a fool if you believe any of this nonsense.

Gracie: *Turns around to face Salem before she reaches the sled* This may be a TV show, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t pay for your misdeeds. Karma will eventually catch up to you, and I’ll certainly enjoy watching it.

Salem: We’ll see. For all we know, you may not even survive this sled ride.

''Gracie and Salem exchange fierce, prideful, confident smiles as Chef straps Gracie to the sled and pulls her back. Yusuke nods in appreciation to her and Hope cries profusely while waving goodbye erratically. Chef releases the tension and launches her across the frozen lake and over the waterfall of shame.''

Chris: Looks like that test was a success! Make sure you keep your eyes peeled for the next installment of Total! Drama! Train Wreck!

Votes
Gracie (3) –

Salem: Goodbye and good riddance.

Kayla: Who’s pathetic, now?

Ryan: Nothing personal. Purely strategic. I’d rather be number 3 over number 4. Sorry.

Salem (2) –

Gracie: With you out of the picture, I’ll lead this team down the right path.

Yusuke: Your underhanded trickery will not go unpunished!

Ryan (1) –

Hope: Since there should be 3 votes going onto Salem, I might as well vote for Ryan. So, if he doesn’t vote with us, he’ll be the one going home! I’m not overthinking this, right? Right! Plus, I can’t vote for Salem! He gave me this perfume! *pulls out the perfume, sprays it, smells it, then sighs comfortably* Yeah! I’m definitely doing the right thing!

Audition Tape
{Insert Gracie's audition tape here} (RIP my creativity X.x)

2 failed attempts at an audition tape. T_T

A teen in a McCluckle’s uniform stands in front of the camera in the back of the break room.

Ronald: Yo, Tommy! Are you recording, dude!?

The camera nods.

Ronald: The name’s Ron and I’m going to be big one day! Once I get out of this town, out of this job, and into the real world every will know the name of Ronald McTowel! And Total Drama is merely the first step! You see, I’ve got guile, I’ve got street smarts, I can fool anyone! I mean, I’m supposed to be working right now, and no one’s even noticed I’m gone!

Gracie storms in.

Gracie: Ronald! What do you think you’re doing!? How are we supposed to take orders if you’re not at the register! Get back out there!

Ronald: *Yips* Yeah, right away, Gracie.

''Ronald rushes out of the room and back to the register. Gracie notices the camera.''

Gracie: Tommy!

Gracie is livestreaming her play through of Above Average Attorney 7.

Gracie: Get this. So, today, two jerks at work decided to sneak back into the break room instead of doing their jobs. You’ll never guess what they were doing when I found them! They were auditioning for Total Drama of all things. I watched the tape once before handing it over to my manager, and you wouldn’t believe how cringey they were. Confiscating their camcorder, might have actually been doing them a favor…

Gracie reads some of the chat.

Gracie: Really guys? There’s no way they would accept me. Fine. Just don’t LUL too much.

Gracie clears her throat, pauses the game, then looks straight into the camera.

Gracie: Hi! Gracie here! And just because I take care of my looks doesn’t mean that’s all there is to me. Actually, it’s far from that. Don’t underestimate me, or you’ll be the one looking like a fool in the end. I believe that everyone gets what they deserve. Good will always triumph over evil because that’s just how the world works. I know I’ll do whatever it takes to help the good and root out the evil, no matter the cost. That’s why I’m going to be a lawyer. Not just any lawyer, the most truthful and the most just. And I will never represent anyone I don’t believe. Just like Gryphon Left!

Gracie gets back to the game.

Gracie: You guys are crazy. I seriously doubt I’m going to get accepted. In fact, that was probably more

Author's Notes
Why was Gracie eliminated first? She was the contestant I was having the most difficulty writing when I was planning out the season. I thought it would be completely unexpected to eliminate her first, and then I developed the idea into the elimination ceremony. After have a set plan for her, it made writing for her a lot more enjoyable and she actually became one of the easiest to write for. I actually thought of another plot line that could have worked for her, but I thought her elimination was too impactful to change up. So, IF (That's a big if since it took me over 3 months to write this episode..) there is ever a returnee season, she is a shoe-in.

I've also tentatively switched 9th and 10th place, and 3rd and one of the finalists. So placements aren't exactly concrete, but there isn't much wiggle room.

I'm truly sorry for taking over 3 months to write this. It's disgusting. I can't believe I let you all down so badly. Hopefully this episode wasn't too much a beast to consume.

Polls
Who do you think is going to take the second sled ride? Carter Ellis Hope Jake Joshua Kayla Lisa Ryan Salem Sophia Yusuke Last Episode's Results - Ryan 7 Lisa/Salem 2 Everyone Else 0 Who is the character that needs to be improved on the most? Carter Ellis Hope Jake Joshua Kayla Lisa Ryan Salem Sophia Yusuke Last Episode's Results - Hope/Yusuke 2 Everyone Else 1 Lisa/Ryan 0

Thoughts on Last Resort? Yay Nay Last Episode's Results - ON A TRAIN! 11 Train Wreck 1