User blog:DramaDot/Evil Dread Review

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'I can’t really find a picture that sums up this episode since it’s all over the place. Watching Alejandro crush the crab into crabby dust with his shovel is one of the most satisfying things of all time.'

'''Hi! I'm Dot, and welcome to the second review of Total Drama All Stars. I lied in my last review and said I was going to post these every week. That was a lie, since I just realized how active this wiki is. I will post every three days or so.T oday, I’m reviewing Episode Two, Evil Dread. '''

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'''Time for our first recap. Sierra’s cannonball still freaks me out. I just noticed that when all the characters are standing on the beach, they’re acting like they’ve just survived a shipwreck. I’m pretty sure that all they had to do was swim to shore. But then again, they always overreact. Why did Chris pause after saying “one key”? Dramatic voice acting? ''Pop through the pooper? ''Did he really just say that? Oh boy. I miss Chef--he’s the best character on the whole show except the radiant goddess that is Heather. I guess the writers felt like they weren’t making us feel bad enough, so they had him just stand there, doing nothing except smiling creepily.'''

'''We get a mangled version of the theme song with the contestants fighting each other on boats. I cried when I saw Duncan and Gwen teaming up against Courtney. This show isn’t good for my mental health. I can’t whistle, so when I sing the theme song in the shower I just screech the names of the fallen contestants (Izzy, Chef, Dave, etc) at the top of my lungs instead of whistling. Doesn’t make me feel any better though.'''

'''We cut to the Heroic Hippo-Hamsters (the guys’ cabin) and see Mike’s other personalities freaking out over something returning. Gasp, maybe it’ll be Chef’s lines! I know he had them at some point in the show. Ewww, that bug is really gross. Also really strong. How’d it break that window? Shouldn’t Sam get sick from having so much blood sucked out of him? I have so many questions, so like most things, I’m just going to ignore them. '''

'''In the girls’ cabin, Sierra takes photos of Courtney sleeping and adds them to her “sleeping” gallery. Her phone looks really outdated to me. I don’t know how Sierra’s gotten photos of all--you know what, never mind.'''

'''The campers get slop thrown on them (fun!) by Chef, who’s acting really weird and horror movie-ish. I smelled the ​​​Shining reference coming from .9 miles away. Sierra eating is gross; it’s like she’s a human vacuum. Thankfully, we cut away from this gross fest. '''

“Oh I am digging this!”

'''I’m glad you’re digging the Spa Hotel, Scott, because I am not. Why is no one at breakfast except for Scott and Gwen? I guess the Aleheather reunion is taking up precious time, Jo and Duncan are racing each other (Revenge of the Island much?), and Lightning’s still on Boney Island. Wait, they have a releasing of the doves on Camp Wawanakwa?? I miss you, butler. Someday you’ll be a star; just you wait!!'''

'''We cut to B.I. with Lightning, where he hits a fish with a stick. That’s quite the skill and hand-eye coordination! If only you could fish the invincibility idol out of the water…'''

'''I take back the skills thing. He eats the fish whole and promptly vomits it. I guess he’s having fun then…'''

'''Cut back to the Villains. Jo and Duncan both magically materialize at the table. Jo has quite the appetite to eat all those steaks. Has anyone on Total Drama ever heard of water?? What’s up with all the orange juice?! Gwen’s really sad that she’s a villain. Well, too bad. '''

'''We change scenes yet again and focus on Aleheather. When did Al change into his Speedo? Heather’s just casually stalk-watching him get a massage. RIP Intern…'''

'''Heather’s really skeptical of her boyfriend. Ewww, Alejandro has tape on his eyebrows. Guess he had time to shave, fix up his soul patch, and change into a Speedo, but not enough time to eat breakfast. We know you were stuck in the robot for an entire year; this is like the second or third time you’ve told us that. Heather’s not an idiot, as shown by her million dollar win over you last time she competed. Too bad she didn’t actually get the money (sad face). Wow, Heather’s harsh. Ripping off the tape things? Oh well.'''

'''“He just wants sympathy, but news flash! I am not falling for him. It! Not falling for it!”'''

'''Awww, that’s sweet. It’s obvious that the writers are going to bring back Alejandro and Heather, since it’d be annoying to turn their relationship into a conflict after we fans got a taste of the fabulousness that was Aleheather. Speaking of Heather, she has hair on her upper lip?? I’m not even going to start on that. '''

'''YES, ALEJANDRO, WE WILL KEEP THAT IN MIND. SHEESH. Why do you always have to narrate what you’re saying with useless actions?'''

'''Okay, so enough about that. I talk way too much for my own good. Chris calls the campers to the challenge. Alejandro looks like he’s dreaming about Heather; the skin around his eyebrows surprisingly isn’t red from the tape being ripped off.'''

'''Uhhhhhhhh, okay. Alejandro’s going to walk on his hands. Hopefully this isn’t permanent. '''

'''We cut to the beach, where the teams are standing on colored pedestals in front of Chris’ booth. Gwen completely blanks Duncan on her way past him. I guess she’s too busy being sad to acknowledge her boyfriend’s existence. When did Alejandro have time to change clothes? Did someone help him? '''

'''Lightning returns from Boney Island and does a mega flip fifty feet into the air, landing perfectly on the Villain pedestal. What is it with TD contestants and insane jumping skills?'''

'''“Arrogant? Be fair now. Look at me! Sha-yeaaah!”'''

'''I lol’d at that. Lightning is sha-beautiful. I didn’t like him in Revenge all that much (more than Cameron at least), but he’s really growing on me. Wow, the writers actually put some continuity in and had Sam be all blood-deprived and stuff. I feel bad for him. The moats collapse and the crabs are revealed! This challenge is kind of pitiful. Digging up statue pieces? Where’s the Drama?!'''

“It’s called Total Drama, not Total Friendship!”  

'''That’s perfect, Courtney. I wish they’d make a Total Friendship season. Then all of the unnaturally superpowered contestants could compete at being the nicest to each other! I just wish Chef would get some lines.'''

'''JoJo and Heather are fighting over leadership. It’ll be interesting to see how this relationship pans out in future episodes. Heather saying “Right team?” is kind of weird.'''

'''Yes Cameron, touch the blinking, red light! Isn’t he the nerdy guy on this team? Shouldn’t he know not to touch clothing mines? Lol, Chef’s underwear. Chef wears a fedora? That’s weird. '''

'''Wow, Cameron really is a Villain. He just made Mike turn into Manitoba without the former’s consent! Manitoba is weirdly superpowered as well. Why can’t Mike just go hide in the brain basement? '''

'''Zoey makes weird, grunting, piggy sounds when she digs, which attracts Manitoba. Ewww, that pickup line. Manitoba’s a total sexist. '''

'''Back to the Villains. Josephine and Heather are still fighting instead of digging. The way Alejandro is sitting while digging is basically criss-cross applesauce. That requires slight muscle contraction in the legs. If Heather would actually look at him, she’d know he was faking it. '''

'''Heather finds a piece by being angry. <3'''

'''Nuff said. '''

'''Why is Chris trying to speak French and wearing a beret? This isn’t a French challenge.'''

'''Chris pulls it to break. An hour passes and nothing happens. Cameron falls into a hole. Chef magically appears next to Chris but doesn’t say anything. Cameron falls into another hole, blah blah. This challenge is pretty dull. It’s not “inspired” by anything, no matter what Chris says. I nearly shrieked when Cameron ran away from Scott. For a bubble boy, he sure recovered quickly after being launched 60 feet into the air. Why is it that everybody can run really fast?? '''

'''Scott finds a piece for the Villains. Hurry this challenge up already! RIP Courtney. So many fallen ones.'''

'''Another sexist move from Manitoba. RIP Courtney again. The Villains are on a roll and Sam finally finds a piece for the Heroic Whatevers.'''



Nuts?

'''“Yup, she’s a loyal one. Mike knows how to pick ‘em.” '''

'''Pick what, Manitoba? His boogers? Also, Zoey rejecting you isn’t called “being loyal”. It’s called “self defense”. Wow, Scott’s really good at finding pieces for the Heroes. It only took him three pokes! The first villainous act from the Villains other than being annoying, which I’m not counting as evil.'''

'''Okay, so Scott gets scared of bees and whacks Manitoba in the face with a shovel. '''



'Look at gorgeous you! Sexy beast! '

'''We get a...brain scene from Mike? What? All his personalities are playing cards and acting weird. Mike has a picture of himself in his brain. Self-centered much? Manitoba says that the Malevolent One is coming, whoever that is. Mike’s picture burns up and...who? What? Where? When? Why? How???'''

'''This new persona has Jaws-esque music, which automatically makes him cool. I’m excited to see how this will impact the game. '''

'''“Huh. Weird. I can’t find Manitoba!”'''

'''SILLY MIKE. YOU DON’T FIND MANITOBA. MANITOBA FINDS YOU!!! '''

'''Cut to the Villainous Vultures. Heather has finally started digging when she sees Alejandro find a piece. One of his legs twitches and she thinks she’s caught him in the act of cheating. Nope, it’s just a crab. Crabby much, Heather? Hehe, the puns! Alejandro has tiny feet. '''

'''“Cha cha cha! Surpriiiiise!!”'''

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

'''Okay, so Alejandro is faking it. He has good pain control. '''

'''Back to the Heroic Hippos. I thought Sierra had died or maybe wandered off into the forest, but nope, she was just digging really deep. Annick Obonsawin (Sierra’s voice actress) must be tired of saying Cody in 70% of her lines. Sierra discus-throws Cameron onto the pedestal and he counts the pieces. How did the Heroes get 6 out of 7? '''

'''YAY CHEF ACTUALLY SPOKE FOR ONCE... Everyone laughs at Sam when he gets stung, which is kind of sad and mean. Wow, such potty humor. Wow. Sam has his first (and probably last) confessional, where he ponders the meaning of his life.'''

'''Lightning miscounted? How dare he?? I’m sick of the Heroes. I need more Villain time. They didn’t visit Big Ben in World Tour. '''

'''HOW DOES ZOEY THROW THE TORCH ONTO THE STATUE?? HER “EPIC” SUPERPOWERS??'''

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

'''Okay, so the Heroes successfully build the Statue of Liberty. Since Lightning miscounted, I’m guessing that he’s going home. That’s just sad. '''

'''Sam volunteers for Boney Island, but Silent Chef doesn’t want fodder that speaks more lines than him, so he interrupts. Gwen tries to kill Courtney with a trash bag and fails. '''

'''We have a weird, random moment of evilness from Mike’s new personality, whose name is apparently Mal. Mal’s better than the Malevolent One, which is too much for me to type. Lightning and Jo are both on the chopping block, aka the bottom two. Why would they send Jo home? It’s obviously going to be Lightning, and once again, I’m right. '''

'''RIP Lightning. I have a feeling that this is going to a season of many character deaths.'''

'''That’s it for Evil Dread. Tune in next time for my review of the third episode, Saving Private Leechball. I’m hoping for a Brick cameo, especially since Grandma Josephine’s still here!'''