User blog:DramaDot/Saving Private Leechball Review

Saving Private Leechball


'''Welcome to the third review of Total Drama All Stars. I can’t believe we’re only on Episode Three, Saving Private Leechball! Well you asked for a review (or you didn’t), so I will deliver. Hoping that this episode is more organized than Evil Dread. I'm posting this early since I need some time to work on Episodes 4 and 5 over the weekend. Comment below if you have any questions or feedback!'''

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'''Okay, recap time! Chris doesn’t know his grammar. I’m pretty sure that “villained” isn’t a word. We see Sierra doing some Cameron-lifting for her workout on the pedestal (seriously, what is it with these contestants and being super-strong?) while Courtney cheers in the background. Please don’t show me Lightning’s elimination; I’m still recovering. I’m glad that the Flush of Shame is actually on the dock at the end of the recap. At least they aren’t reusing animation backgrounds there.'''

'''We’re in the Villains’ male cabin with Alejandro and Duncan when Scott dies. He doesn’t strike me as a complainer, since he’s, Y’KNOW, A FARMER. Farmers obviously aren’t complainers. Man, this show gets more stereotyped each second. Scott also has a big chin. Alejandro has a zip-up sleeping bag? I have one of those. Marry me, Al. <3 Also, we KNOW you were stuck in the robot suit for a year. It’s not like fans watch one episode, wait a century, then watch the next one. We need an episode recap, not a season content one.'''

'''Meanwhile, in the girl’s cabin, Gwen is going bonkers over bunking with the Bickersons. That sounds like a sitcom (and a tongue twister). Tom McGillis, your attention please! Heather actually changed into her pajamas...wow. So did Gwen, for that matter, but she isn’t a Villain at heart, so she doesn’t count. '''

'''Wow, the butler spoke for what seems like the first time to me. Poor owl. He never gets any lines, tying with Chef for most underrated character.'''

'''In the Spa Hotel, Sierra acts like a dog and tucks in her “Cody-bear”. I wonder how Cody feels about this. Nobody cares except me, which is really sad because Cody’s a pretty nice character. He deserves better than Sierra. Why is Courtney wearing giant, cork earplugs? It’s not like the owl’s gonna start rocking out to Nickelback. '''

Cut to the boys’ section of the Spa Hotel, which looks so much different than the girls’.



'''Now you feel guilty for Sam? HOURS after he’s left for Boney Island? How droll, Cameron. How very droll.'''

“I can’t bear it!” 

'''Was that a bear pun, Sam? Wow, the humor is top notch this season, hands down.'''

'''Deep in the dark of night, oh cool, this new Mal persona emerges. After watching Cameron sleep for a moment, he tiptoes over to Sam’s bag and...breaks his GameGuy? Sam’s gonna be mad...interesting. Mal changes back to Mike, and instead of doing what the honest guy would do, which is to wake everyone up and apologize, he stuffs it back into the bag and hides!! Such bravery and niceness, Mike. Also, your pajamas are the color of bananas. '''

'''At breakfast, Cameron marvels at an egg while Mike waves his bacon around in the air like a mature teenager/young adult would do. WHY DOES EVERYONE LIVE OFF ORANGE JUICE?!! The other Heroes decide to prank Courtney by putting all their food into their pockets for some reason. Or maybe they’re just storing up. I don’t know. Man, that butler moves fast. '''

Heather and JoJo both kiss up to Gwen, who just acts confused.

'''“I know they’re both trying to play me, and I love it! For once, I’ve actually got a little power around here! Go Team Gwen!!”'''

'''You’ve got power, Gwen? Power to do what, mope over being a Villain? '''

'''The love triangle goes again on its own, going down the only road it’s ever known! Which is a road to destruction. Duncan’s blanking Courtney? What a strategy. Gwen falls behind Duncan and is attacked by Alejandro.'''

'''“If you were my girlfriend, I wouldn’t let anyone gaze at you lest they spoil your ethereal beauty. Just something to consider.”'''

'''I thought you were going to stick to monogamy, Al? Oh wait, you never did. I love Gwen’s face as he leaves. Alejandro crosses his fingers in the confessional to represent Heather and Jo hugging, because that’s what they do all the time. I feel like Scott just randomly disappeared since it feels like forever since I last saw him on screen, oh wait, it wasn’t. '''

'''Sam returns from B.I. with his shirt all ripped up like James Bond in a shredder. I can’t think of an accurate comparison for this situation. I’m sorry. I failed. The Ham-sters smuggled Sam some breakfast, well, except for Courtney. RIP Courtney...again.'''

WHERE’S BRICK?

'''So we’re using leeches instead of paintballs. I don’t think the officers who let Chris out of parole knew anything about him. Now Heather’s a complainer, oh goody. '''

'''Heroic Hamsters get a one minute head start while Heather and Grandma Josephine reminisce about the ol’ days. Was I the only one who thought Alejandro was pointing at Heather’s legs when he said, “We may not need to worry”? '''

'''The Heroes run through the 794th forest on the island while Courtney plans to kill off her teammates. Yeah Mike, you just realized that Courtney isn’t as heroic and chummy as you are? Mike swallows his own snot, which causes Mal to emerge. His new voice is crazy awesome!'''



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'''ZOEY JUST FLEW UP A TREE. I’M NOT JOKING. This isn’t funny, it’s just creepy. Please get some help, girl. For reference, let’s say that Courtney’s about 5’6” tall. Zoey flew about 2 ½ Courtneys, so thats means that Zoey jumped about 13 ¾ feet high on her first jump. She also jumped about 22 feet forward from her original position. The average human can jump about 10 feet forward with a RUNNING START. I’m scared for the Heroes. What have they gotten themselves into? '''

'''Back to the Villains. Great idea, Gwen. Why did Alejandro have to scream “GO VULTURES” at the top of his lungs? Stealthy much?'''

'''Duncan’s stating the obvious here. Yes, my friend, Jo, Heather, and ALL-EE-HAND-ROW are making a play for Gwen. Are you jealous?'''

'''RIP Intern; you will be missed by me and me alone. Chris just has to add a weird chuckle to the end of every single sadistic comment. '''

'''Commercial break is over. Courtney whines about her life while Sierra drops Sam into the dust. Cameron and Sierra bond over “nerd” stuff. I can’t believe that Sierra’s a nerd. She might know a lot about Total Drama, but that doesn’t necessarily classify her as a nerd. Since when is she strategizing against the other team? '''

'''Seriously? A Cameron-Sierra romance? She imagines him as Cody, which is just sad and wrong. I hope that this won’t develop further. '''

'''Mike freaks out and rips his shirt off in the confessional. I’m surprised they didn’t censor that ONE WORD for the ULTRA DELICATE KIDS, like they do for other HORRIBLE words like suck. It’s sad that Mike can’t access his other personalities now that this other guy, Mal, is in control. The other personalities are more wholesome than Mike as a person. '''

'''Grandma Josephine goes trigger happy with the cannon and kills Scott for like the 5th time this season. RIP Scott...the best of the best. The Heroes get two points as Zoey swoops in with a leech to break up the Aleheajo love fest.'''

“But Zoey only hit Alejandro!”

'''You must be mistaken, Duncan. For one, Chris counted when Jo hit Scott as a point for the Hippogriffs. Second, Zoey didn’t hit ALL-A-HAYN-DROO, she hit Alejandro. You know, the guy that got you eliminated last season. '''

'''Heather gets a leech in her hair. Did Chris actually say that hit contestants couldn’t play anymore? Is there anything stopping Heather from avenging herself? I don’t remember. They don’t do the challenges like they used to.'''

'''Gwen and Duncan go off alone and Duncan upsets Gwen with a dumb remark about her Courtney-bashing. Not cool, man. When did you get to be so lame this season? Okay, not so lame. To combat my previous statement, Duncan dives in front of Gwen to protect her from Cameron’s leech attack, sacrificing himself in the process. Gwen pegs Cameron and Sierra, then crouches down to hear Duncan’s dying wishes. A leech hits her on the head instead. Guess Duncan’s dying wish is for Gwen to be even paler, lol. These hidden jokes are just sad.'''

'''JoJo is the last woman standing. She’s wandered into the cave where Courtney and Sam are playing GoFish or something. '''

'''“Some team. I’m stronger than Old Heather, Alehandwalker, Count Gwenula, Stunkcan, and Shark Bait combined!”'''

'''Wow, that’s harsh. So Jo goes in and Courtney attempts to attack her. She fails badly and hides in front of Sam to protect herself from the leeches. Poor Sam…'''

'''Zoey materializes behind Jo and the two duel each other. Jo throws a capsule of leeches at her, but Zoey, being the magical superhero that she is, dodges all of them, grabs one in mid-air, fits it into her slingshot, and hits Jo on the forehead. Victory for the Hamsters!'''

'''Okay, I’ve got to stop for two seconds here. One, two. Zoey is really freaking me out this season, along with Mike. I really liked them in Revenge and wanted them to go far, but so far, they’re...um ...not my favorites. It’s clear that they’re the writers’ favorites, though. I’m kind of wishing for a pre-merge elimination for both of them, but with Zoey’s new, random superpowers and Mike’s new personality, I seriously doubt that. '''

'''The Villains head to the Campfire Ceremony. There are three buckets of leeches randomly scattered across the ground, but in the next shot, there’s only one. Hmmm…'''

'''So Cameron volunteers for exile on Boney Island to get away from Sierra while Sam mopes over his GameGuy and Mike has a seizure. Heather and Jo are in the Bottom Two for both being individual pains. Like, cramping pain level pains. You know what I mean. Chris flicks marshmallows at Alejandro and they bounce off his forehead. '''

Jo '''is eliminated and unleashes the fury on her teammates. But what’s more interesting is the team swap between Duncan and Courtney!! Seriously?!'''

I could see Courtney being a Villain, since her being a Hero in the first place was lame...but Duncan? A Heroic Whatever? Do the writers even care anymore? All he did was SAVE GWEN; YOU CAN BE A VILLAIN AND STILL LOVE SOMEONE!! TAKE ALEJANDRO AND HEATHER!!!!!!!! You’re going to switch him over because of ONE, SEMI-HEROIC THING that he did, ignoring THREE SEASONS of past villainy in the process? WHAT?!?!

Okay, I’m done ranting. Blah blah blah, Gwen attacks Courtney again, blah blah blah, Jo is flushed like a true All-Star. 

'''I’m also done with the episode. Tune in next time for Episode Four, Food Fright! Maybe there will be an Owen cameo, though I doubt it since Brick never appeared. Maybe they forgot to let him out of his crate.   Comment your opinions below and thanks for reading!'''