User:Rainbowderp01/Up, Up, And Away In My Pitiful Balloon (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island... The players went on a smash and grab graffiti race. Lightning and Jo's team fell apart after she used him as shark bait. Scott blackmailed Mike by threatening to tell Zoey about his multiple personalities. Finally, Mike fought back, gave his personalities a beat down, and got voted off the island. Too bad, so sad. Missed a spot. We're down to our final four competitors. And you'll never guess who's next to ride the Hurl of Shame.

[intern screams]

Chris: [chuckles] Told ya. What? Catapults are expensive. I need to get my money's worth. But someone else will be flung before the day's over. Find out who right here on Total. Drama. Revenge of the Island!

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[ Theme song ]

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Scott: [panting] [grunts] Ah! You win! Just eat me fast, okay? Huh?

[Fang shrieks]

Scott: Yeah! How's that taste? [snickers]

All but Scott: Whoa...

Scott: Ha. Look at you wusses. It's just a stupid blimp. Ow! [groaning]

Cameron: Actually, I believe it's a zeppelin. Named after Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin, who-- oof! [groans]

Chris: You're both wrong. It's the McLean Mobile Air Command Center, where I will recline in luxury while you compete in today's challenge: an aerial obstacle course!

Lightning: Lightning, taking to the skies! Sha-bam!

Chris: Uh-huh. And here to demonstrate, put your hands together for Total Drama classic contender, Heather!

Jo: Ugh.

Scott: No way!

Cameron: [groans]

Zoey: Wow. You're the Heather?

Heather: Sorry, I have this policy of not talking to losers.

Zoey: Oh, I'm not a loser. You know, unless everyone else thinks I am. Heh.

Chris: Heather will now demonstrate the aerial challenge while wearing a jetpack.

Heather: [grunts]

[jetpack takes off]

Heather: [screams] Whoa! [continues screaming] [gasps] [screams]

Chris: Everyone just be cool. There's a parachute built into it.

[thud]

[parachute deploys]

Heather: [groans]

Chris: [chuckles] Best challenge ever!

Zoey: Uh, this challenge seems kinda unsafe.

Chris: No, it's totally unsafe! [chuckles] Did I mention you'll also be attacked by flying mutant fire-breathing goats?

Cameron: What?!

Zoey: That's it! I'm out!

Chris: Okay, but before you go... you should say goodbye to this! The ultimate Total Drama prize! One. Million. Dollars! Give or take.

Zoey: Money. Removing all common sense and fear of danger.

Scott: Too bad you'll never win it. [grunts]

Zoey: Just watch me! If that's okay with you, heh. [confessional] Scott really brings out the jerk in me. Which is kind of liberating. Besides, he voted Mike off. He needs to pay!

Chris: Now, to perform your aerial feats, you'll first have to construct your very own flying machines!

Jo: Don't worry, Bubble Boy. It may be every camper for him or herself, but I have got your back. [hushed] Alliance, you and, me, agreed?

Cameron: Um...

Jo: Good! Now make my flying machine for me! And make it faster and better than yours.

Cameron: [confessional] I am a ninety-pound weakling. Okay, eighty-nine-and-a-half. With all the Scotts and Lightnings out there, sometimes I need to stay as invisible as possible. So I'll hide behind Jo. Then when it comes time to vote people off, everyone will target the serious competition like Scott or Lightning or, heh heh, Jo.

Jo: [confessional] Cam's a good kid. I'll carry him a few rounds and then I'll dump him! But first, Jockstrap's getting a ticket to the Hurl of Shame! He's got this silly "grudge" against me.

Lightning: [confessional] Yeah! Because that Jo guy kicked me right into that shark's mouth. He was tenderizing me like a T-bone! Jo's gonna pay! Hm, man, I could really go for a T-bone right about now. Anyway, I'm--

Scott: [confessional] Gonna whoop--

Zoey: [confessional] Everybody else and--

Cameron: [confessional] Take home that million--

Jo: [confessional] Dollars for myself!

Lightning: [confessional] Sha-licious.

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Chris: Welcome to your one-stop shop for flying machine parts: the dump! Revolting and reasonably priced. Each player will pick a card representing their mode of flight. Pick 'em like your nose, losers! Ugh!

Jo: A hot air balloon? Ugh, could you get more frou-frou la-dee-da?