User:Rainbowderp01/How Deep is Your Love (Transcript)

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race... there are plenty of fish in the sea, but none as ugly as we saw last time. Devin's eye troubles gave his team a real disadvantage that actually worked out for them in the most grotesque way possible. A three-way alliance tied the axis of evil for first place while the other three-team alliance headed underground. In the end, I had to say goodbye to my broheims, the Surfers. The word dude will never sound as sweet to my ears again. Hopefully, this week, I get to kick off a team I don't like. Stick around! It's time for... The Ridonculous Race.

[ding]

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[ Theme song ]

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Don: Welcome back to Vietnam, yesterday's chill zone and today's starting line. Only five teams remain, and the axis of evil team have an advantage in numbers and in order of departure.

Sanders: [interview] This alliance is not a friendship.

MacArthur: [interview] Got that right. It's just an agreement to work with people we hate.

Jacques: [aside] If we get a chance to eliminate the Sisters or Best Friends, we take it!

Josee: [aside] And if we get a chance to eliminate the Cadets, we make it look like an accident. "Oops. What just happened?"

Jacques: [aside] [chuckles] "I don't know what happened."

Jacques and Josee: [aside] [laughing becomes evil]

Ryan: [interview] I don't think we can trust the Ice Dancers.

Stephanie: [interview] Pfft, you don't think at all.

Ryan: [interview] You're right. I don't think at all.

Stephanie: [interview] Yeah, you don't-- what? That's not...

Ryan: [interview] Whenever my mom yells at my pop, he gets all calm and starts agreeing with her about everything until she either calms down or storms off. The man is a genius!

[buzz, buzz, ding]

Sanders: "Catch a flight to Siberia."

Don: Siberia! This massive province of Russia is home to the Siberian tiger, Siberian husky, and probably anything else prefaced with Siberian.

[crack, splash]

Don: Teams will travel to this Russian airport to find this Don box to retrieve their next tip.

Sanders: Taxi!

[tires squeal]

MacArthur: I say we go after the Sisters. It's survival of the fittest time.

Sanders: Or because they wouldn't be expecting it, we could go after the Ice Dancers. Just grab them by a little--

MacArthur: Shh. I know. But first the weaklings, then the big dogs, and then... we collect the winnings.

[buzz, ding]

Emma: Come on! We can't fall behind!

[buzz, ding]

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Emma: The axis of evil is going to target us or Devin and Carrie. We need to make sure it's Devin and Carrie.

Kitty: Aww, we made a promise.

Emma: In their taxi right now, Carrie and Devin are just discussing how to make sure we're the target. I guarantee it.

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Devin: [in mind] Come on, Devin, tell her. "I love you". It's easy. [out loud] Carrie?

Carrie: Yes?

Devin: I love you...nibrows.

Carrie: You love unibrows?

Devin: Yup. They're hot. Heh.

[cab driver kisses]

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[tires screech]

MacArthur: Move it!

Stephanie: Come on! Is the gate still open?

Sanders: Hurry! If we miss this one, the next flight isn't for eight hours!

Josee: Ha! If the other teams miss it, they're toast for sure!

Pilot: [over PA] Welcome, uhh, aboard, everyone.

Emma: Run!

Pilot: [over PA] We're going to be, um... closing the... uh... cabin doors, any uhh... second now. For the taking off.

Josee: Just close the doors already! [sighs]

Kitty: Woohoo!

Carrie: That was too close!

Josee: Ugh!

Don: [voiceover] All the teams are off. Some happier than others.

Josee: [aside] Now we're all on the same flight! And it's all because of that pilot!

Jacques: [aside] Why? Just because he, uhh... spoke, uh... ow! Ow...

Devin: Okay. We still have a fight on our hands, but if we work together with Kitty and Emma, we can do this.

Ryan: [grunts] Whoa. Sorry, Stephanie. I realize my waving to Carrie must've made you pretty uncomfortable.

[turbines power down]

Stephanie: Go go go go!

[all clamoring]

[buzz, ding]

Ryan: It says we have to...

Stephanie: I could read it myself if you' get your big fat head out of the way!

Ryan: You're right. My head really is big and fat.

Stephanie: You're just so... wait, what? Ugh!

Ryan: [hushed] Yes.

[buzz, ding]

Emma: [gasps] We have to ice yacht to the Kola Superdeep Borehole...

Sanders: In our swimsuits.

Jacques: Oh yay! I look magnifique in my swimsuit.

Devin: What's an ice yacht?

Don: Each team must take on of these ice yachts and sail due north while wearing swimsuits. That's how the Russians used to do winter sports to show how tough they were. Ooh. Ah. Ugh! Ow! Teams will find their next tip here, at the Kola Borehole, where there are oddly no soft drinks for sale. But this is where the racers will get their regular clothes back. Can I get a cream soda?

Carrie: Taxi!

[tires screech]

[montage music]

Ryan: [groans]

Sanders: Ah, MacArthur! Hurry up! I'm freezing!

MacArthur: Uh uh! Can't be cold when you look this hot. Yah!

Sanders: Ha ha, nice polka dots.

MacArthur: What? I thought they were bullet holes.

Sanders: Let's not turn this into another dune buggy race. I'm tired of being treated like your personal crash test dummy.

MacArthur: Ha! You're adorable when you talk nonsense. Let's wreck this! Ah!

[thud]

Josee: Sorry about that. It's slippery out here. [interview] The Cadets are riding our coattails too much. I think a little push into last place will help.

Jacques: [interview] [giggles] Oh, I love it when you talk evil.

MacArthur: [groans]

Sanders: Come on, get up!

MacArthur: [tongue out] My tongue is frozen to the can.

Sanders: What?

MacArthur: [tongue out] My tongue. Is frozen. To the can!

[montage music]

MacArthur: [grunting]

Carrie: Ah! Ahh!

[yeti screams]

Carrie: [screams]

[yeti screams and grunts]

Stephanie: [interview] Are you sure you two aren't related?

Ryan: Thank you!

Jacques: Josee. What are you doing?

Josee: Shh! Let's just say the Cadets can't catch a brake.

Jacques: Huh? I don't get it.

Josee: I think it's you who has a screw loose. Come on, let's get another boat. Goodbye!

Sanders: Josee, Jacques, wait! We need help!

[clunk]

Jacques: Did you hear something?

Josee: No, I did not.

Sanders: Help! Allies! I guess they couldn't hear us.