Thread:Stryzzar/@comment-26704228-20160126184617/@comment-24152851-20160127010225

Overall it's alright. We have been trying to cut down on the detail on the character plot summaries, but that's something we're doing gradually. Something I have been noticing is some sentences are a bit overly long. For instance if a sentence is broken up by four commas "In French is an Eiffel Language, Josee and Jacques smile to the camera most of the time, as they are sport heroes, thus annoying MacArthur." It's probably too long. In this case I'd take out the bit about MacArthur and have a new sentence saying "MacArthur is quite irritated by their behavior."

I don't have time right now. But I can give it a thorough grammar sweep later. I'd say this is a really good effort. Thank you for the time you put in. :)