User:Rainbowderp01/2008: A Space Owen (Transcript)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Action... In a world they didn't create, two honorable warriors and two irrepressible foes battled for kung fu supremacy. No mountain was too high, no obi sash too tight. In the end, Harold won the reward, but Courtney had an even bigger victory winning Beth over. But it's gonna take more than a puny alliance to survive this week on Total. Drama. Action!

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[ Theme song ]

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[rat sniffs]

[spacely music plays loudly]

[contestants clammoring]

Duncan: [groans] Aw, my back. Ah, what's with the mattresses? Are they filled with rocks or something?

Harold: [confessional] Maybe I filled Duncan's mattress with rocks. And maybe I didn't. But yeah. Heh. I totally did.

[music continues]

Owen and Duncan: [grunting]

Courtney: Can you believe these guys, Beth? What a bunch of neanderthals.

Beth: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Chris: Good morning, cast! Or should I say, good middle of the night. Hope you're all well-rested and ready to boldly go where very few men and even fewer ladies have gone before.

Harold: Wait a sec. I could've sworn we already did caveman movies.

Chris: We did, Harold, but we had to reuse the costumes since my astronomical salary accounts for oh, roughly ninety-seven percent of the show's budget.

Owen: Ugh, dude, it's the middle of the night! And I was having the best dream about a bottomless deep dish pizza!

Chris: Sorry, Owen. While today's movie genre may start at the dawn of time, it quickly moves up, up, and away!

Beth: Oh! I get it now! We're doing outer space movies!

Courtney: What was your first clue, genius?

Beth: [confessional] I think splitting of from the guys and forming a girl alliance with Courtney is really paying off. I mean, you heard her, right? She called me a genius. [real time] Ooh, this is so exciting! I love sci-fi!

Courtney: Don't you get enough science fiction with that imaginary boyfriend of yours? What's his fake name again? Brainy?

Beth: It's Brady. And he's totally real!

Chris: Listen up, space cases. You'll soon be facing some out-of-this-world challenges, but first... I have a very special surprise for you. Each of you has received one special item sent to you from the outside world. Which by now, must feel like a distant planet.

Owen: Ooh, what'd I get?! [chuckles] What'd I get?! A Citizen of the School Year trophy?

Courtney: Let me see that! "Awarded to the most trusting, caring, honest student who always puts others before himself."

Owen: [choked up, high-pitched] 'Scuse me. [cries]

Duncan: What's his problem?

Courtney: More importantly, why didn't I get one of these?

Owen: [confessional] Ever since Chris brought me back to cause mischief and stir up trouble for cash, I feel like I'm living a lie. Well, because I am! Sabotaging my friends makes me feel so dirty. But my family needs the money! [farts] Anxiety gas.

Beth: [gasps] It's from Brady!

Courtney: As if.

Harold: My nunchakus! Awesome!

Courtney: [gasps]

Duncan: What is that?

Courtney: Just... I need a minute. [confessional] When I was head of the school debating team, my partner walked out on me during the biggest debate of the year because she felt I wasn't being a "team player". I went on to win it without her! Take that, Brittany Reed! This photo is a reminder. If you want something done right, you do it yourself!

Duncan: Scruffy! Ha!

Harold: Dude, that's one small dog.

Duncan: It's not a dog, it's a tarantula. Aww! I wuv you, Scruffy. [kissing noises] Yes, I do.

Harold: Aren't tarantulas like, the fourth most deadly spider in the world?

Duncan: They're only dangerous when they're startled by loud noises.

Beth: No way! [screams]

Harold: [screams] Get it off, get it off, get it off!

Duncan: Scruffy, no! Bad killer spider!

Harold: Ah, ah!

Duncan: [kissing noises]

Harold: Ow, ow! Oof! Whoa...

Beth: Look, everyone! Brady gave me a promise ring. Can you believe it?!

Duncan: Nope.

Courtney: Not even remotely.

Duncan: Wait, is that a candy ring?

Owen: Did somebody say candy?

Harold: I thought your boyfriend was a model. Aren't like, models rich?

Beth: Brady says it's a sweet ring for his sweet lady.

Courtney: Looks more like a breakup ring to me.

Beth: [confessional] If it was lime green, then maybe Courtney would have a point. But this is cherry, and everyone knows that cherry is the flavor of love! [lick]

Chris: All right, gang. Time to blast off to the great unknown! Everyone knows a good outer space movie has three things in common. One, the zero gravity is always a trip. Two, the G-forces are killer! And three, everything is recycled in space, including number one and number two.

Courtney: Gross.

Owen: Ew...

Harold: Cool.

Chris: Which brings us to our first challenge. I'll meet you at the thrill ride set in ten minutes.

Courtney: Huh?

Duncan, Owen, and Harold: What?

Owen: Did he say... thrill ride?

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Chris: The way to achieve zero gravity is to fly a jet on a parabolic course with large vertical climbs and even larger vertical drops. But with the price of jet fuel today, we're gonna simulate the effect on this makeshift space shuttle, which will hit the optimum speed needed to keep you all in a perpetual state of zero gravity.

Owen: Um... have I mentioned my fear of heights and falling and floating in mid-air and heights that could result in falling?

Courtney: Is that thing even up to code?

Chris: Your first outer space challenge will be to spend the rest of the night on the shuttle sleeping in zero gravity conditions.

Duncan: That doesn't sound so tough.

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Chris: [over PA] Y'all might wanna hold on to something bolted down, 'cause... we're almost ready to launch!

Owen: Yes!

Courtney: He said "launch", not "lunch".

Owen: Aw...

Chris: [over PA] In five, four, three, two, one. Blast off!

[all scream]

Owen: Please don't let me die, please don't let me die. Please don't let... me... huh? This is... awesome! Hah.

Chris: All right, astronauts, it's gonna be a long night. Better get some sleep. If you can! [chuckles]

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