User:Rainbowderp01/The Very Last Episode, Really! (Transcript)

Chris: Ahh. Morning in Muskoka. The birds chirping. The loon calling.

[loon calls]

Chris: The majestic gentle sounds of beautiful Northern Ontario.

[fart]

Chris: Welcome to the most dramatic thrilling episode yet! [blows party blower]

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Chris: It's been a long eight weeks at Camp Wawanakwa and Total Drama Island is about to come to an end.

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Chris: Today, two campers remain. By sundown, only one will be left standing.

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Chris: That camper will go home with a check for $100,000! Who will it be? Brooding, untan, alternative artist Gwen? Or the large and lovable goofball Owen? Go grab a snack, have a pee if you have to. SIt your butt down and get ready for... the dramatic final conclusion of... Total. Drama. Island!

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[ Theme song ]

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Chris: Welcome back. We asked our finalists to record their thoughts in our confessional booth before going in to the final round.

Owen: [confessional] I had a wicked time!

[flashback]

Owen: [voiceover] It was awesome.

Owen: Yeah! Who's the man?!

[flashback ends]

Gwen: [confessional] What was it like being here for eight weeks?

[flashbacks]

[splash]

[rip]

Gwen: [confessional] [voiceover] It sucked, that's what.

Gwen: Ugh!

[flashbacks end]

Chef: [confessional] You think it's easy cookin' for twenty-two ungrateful teenagers? Man, I've had better jobs in prison.

Owen: The food was awesome!

[flashback]

[chomping]

Owen: Ahh...

[flashback ends]

Chef: [confessional] At least someone's appreciative. Slavin' all day at a hot stove.

Gwen: [confessional] The food... was disgusting!

Chef: [confessional] "Less rat droppings". Does this look like a five-star restaurant to you?

Owen: [confessional] And the people were just awesome!

Gwen: [confessional] The people here... sucked. They were nothing but a bunch of backstabbing, manipulative, two-timing, fame-hungry, dimwitted, certifiably insane, really weird, psychotic, redneck, overbearing, goody-goody, know-it-all, party-obsessed jerks. [blows hair] I was lucky enough to meet five people who are actually sane.

Owen: [confessional] The one thing I'll be remembered for? Uh...

[multiple farts over flashbacks]

Owen: [confessional] I hope my great personality. [farts]

Gwen: [confessional] What will I be remembered for? My great personality! Okay, I'm done here.

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Chris: Now it's time to welcome the twenty campers who did not make it to the finals.

Owen: Hey guys! Whoohoo! Good to see ya!

Chris: Would everyone who's walked the Dock of Shame and left camp on the Boat of Losers kindly take a seat in the Peanut Gallery of Failure? The side you choose should represent who you would like to cheer on to victory in today's final competition.

Gwen: [chuckles] Nice rug.

Heather: Oh, bite me. Stop touching my hair, crazy girl. [confessional] Gwen is going down. How do I know?

[flashback]

Heather: [laughs]

Gwen: "Good luck today. Love, Trent."

[flashback ends]

Heather: [confessional] It's amazing how easy it is to tamper with baked goods! [singing] Fast acting for strong and reliable relief! Sucker!

Gwen: Why is Heather smiling like that?

Owen: Maybe she loves her new do! Or she could just be really happy for us.

Gwen: Wow. Do you ever have a bad thought about anyone?

Chris: Gwen, Owen, this is your chance to tell the Peanut Gallery of Failure what you would do with the money if you won, and why you deserve it?

Gwen: Well, I guess I'm pretty proud of getting this far. I mean, maybe if I can survive here, the rest of high school won't be so bad.

Izzy: [laughs] Oh, sorry.

Gwen: Well, I'm always good for my word, and I did promise to split my hundred grand with Owen. But that would still leave me a ton of cash. I guess I'd go traveling and then to university to study art history.

Leshawna: Whoo! Yeah, that's it! Girlfriend's got some goals!

Trent: Very cool.

Chris: Wow, that's really sweet. Boring, but sweet. Owen?

Owen: I'd throw the biggest, hugest, sickest party ever! And invite everyone here! Booyah!

[cheering]

Heather: Owen! Whoo! Whoo! Owen! [blows raspberry]

Gwen: At least not all of you are total sellouts.

Owen: Oh! Oh! And I forgot! It'll be on a yacht!

Gwen: Nice.

Chris: All right. It's time for the final challenge. The rejected Olympic relay race.

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Chris: Each of the three parts was pitched to the committee, but sadly rejected as an Olympic sport.

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Chris: First, each of you has to put on one of these.

Gwen: I think it's clear why this event wasn't accepted.

Chris: Dressed as a cow and a chicken, run to the first location and shimmy up the pole to retrieve your flag. If you don't have the flag, don't bother comin' down off that pole!

Geoff: Oh, that's gonna be tough for the big guy.

Chris: Next, you will cross a three hundred meter balance beam, suspended over a massive gorge, while carrying an eagle's egg.

Owen: Oh. Hehe. Is that all?

Chris: No. Below, your friends, the rare, but real, man-eating, fresh water sharks.

Gwen: You had to ask.

Chris: The final leg of the race is a long distance run. Returning to the finish line here. First camper to arrive wins.

Gwen: Good luck, Owen. If I had to lose to anyone here, it'd be you.

Owen: Aww, that's so nice. I hope you lose to me too.

Geoff: Yeah, go Owen! We want a party!

Owen: You're gonna get one! Woohoo!

[cheering]

Leshawna: Go Gwen! Kick his butt, girl!

Trent: You can do it, Gwen!

Eva: I don't cheer.

Trent: Come on, Gwen! You've got this!

Chris: On your marks, get set, go!

Izzy: Yay, Owen! Go Owen! Run!

Owen: Ah! [confessional] Izzy's such a great cheerleader, but dude, she scared me a little.

Gwen: [panting] If I ignore you, will you go away?

Trent: Not likely.

Gwen: [grunts] You know, just because you're rooting for me doesn't mean I have to like you.

Trent: I thought you were over the whole "me kissing Heather" thing. It wasn't my fault. She ambushed me.

Gwen: [grunts] I said I was over it, I didn't say I wanted to go out with you anymore. [groans] Why is my flagpole so slippery?

[ding]

Gwen: Well, if you're gonna stand there annoying me, make yourself useful.

[dreamy music]

Leshawna: Yo! Let's go, girl! You don't have time for daydreaming!

Gwen: That's better. Thanks.

Geoff, Izzy, and Heather: [grunting]

Owen: [grunting]

Izzy: Ugh...

Owen: Aw, man. Aw, [grunting] Oh, oh, oh! Yes! I got it, I got the flag! Haha! How do I get down?

Geoff: Slide like a fireman, dude!

[loud creaking]

[creaking echoes]

Owen: Ahh, pole burn! That hurts! Aw, crap that's bad! I have conquered Mount Pole!

Heather: That's great. But weird goth girl is getting ahead. Get your lazy butt in gear now, Owen, now!

Owen: [confessional] Okay. These chicks are all starting to scare me. Maybe I won't invite them to the party. Psych!

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