User blog:MrMatt2001/"Hurl and Go Seek" Review



Welcome back to another review. Today, we're gonna find out if it's physically possible for me to care even less about Sky and Dave's relationship than I already do.

After a standard recap, we see Chris waking the contestants up. Wait, why are Jasmine and Shawn in the same tree? Like, I know that Shawn likes Jasmine but you're going a little too far here bud. "Meeting area! Now!" How do they know what meeting area he's talking about? They have a different one every episode. Also, why does nobody except Samey wear PJs?

"Cognative function is dependent on REM sleep!" Y U SO SMRT

So Chris merges the teams. "Fine, if you guys don't want the midnight merger meal, go back to bed!" I love alliteration. Wait, so Chris only feeds one team per challenge? Didn't they, like, have a mess hall in TDI/A/WT for that exact reason? WTF dude.

Ew, Juggy Chunks are almost as gross as Sugar. Jesus Jasmine is tall. Shawn's hat doesn't even reach the top of her head. "How does a horse give a thumbs up?" I like you. "Save some wonderful truisms for your spinoff show Sugar." OH GOD NO PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING JESUS IF THIS IS REAL I MIGHT KILL MYSELF. "Relax I'm kidding." Oh thank God.

It turns out the Juggy Chunks are a prechallenge. "This stuff expired in 1976!" Oh hey Chef. Forgot you existed since you haven't HAD A LINE IN LIKE FOREVER I MEAN GOD. I like Jasmine's expression as she looks at the Juggy Chunks. "I've never eaten anything this gross! Except that time when I was singing while riding my bike and I swallowed a butterfly." I know something you've eaten that's grosser than this. Dave's Juggy Chunk, if you know what I mean. Just kidding, Dave would never be that lucky. BUTTERFLY KILLER!! YOU'LL GET THE GAS!!

"Yeah, eating challenges are not my thing." Mine neither girl. Unless they're lasagna involved. Eww, Sugar singing. Kill me. Then Sugar wins. Kill me some more. Dave tries to hit on Sky some more. EWW HE SAID THE WORD SEXY EWW THATS GROSS!

"You have no chance of beating or dating me!" I hope not, because beating someone is illegal AYOOO

"HAW HAW! Look at his face!" Max just made me like him even more than I already do.

So our next challenge is Hide and Go Seek. Really? Were the writers seriously that dried up with ideas? "I thought maybe hearing Sky say you had no chance, none, like zero, never gonna happen, would've depressed you." YASSS CHRISSS. I also like that he leans on Dave's head.

The challenge begins. "Ah, love. So stupid." Okay, that is one of my favorite lines of the series. Eww, Sugar's onscreen. "You are starting to freak me out." Only now? I just realized that Jasmine has the same boots as Ezekiel, but smaller. Oh, I'm sorry, USED TO HAVE. Jasmine, I like you, but you are being too much of a beach to Shawn. OH MY GOURD DAVE CAN'T YOU HAVE ONE FREAKING SECOND OF SCREENTIME WITHOUT BISHING AND SHOUTING FOR SKY?! LIKE EVEN YOUR FIRST FUDGING LINE WAS ABOUT TRYING TO LOOK MACHO TO SKY JESUS GOD KID JUST GET IN THE CANNON ALREADY, IT'S ALREADY BLATANTLY OBVIOUS YOU'RE GOING HOME, NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING BUT WHY DO YOU KEEP DRAGGING IT OUT?!

I could make a buttsex joke here with Sky saying "but" so much, but hey, that's below me. And behind her. AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ew Sky's skin is the color of her shirt grody

After we come back from commercial, Max says the word "wonky" a lot. Isn't that a british term? Is Max's stomach rumbling or is it mine? I'm actually not sure since I had a big lunch. Max hits Sugar with a shoe and that makes me like him even more. Sugar tags Dave and Team I Don't Care expands. Ew now Scarlett's skin is the color of her shirt. Scarlett makes me like her some more, and she argues with Max. "Evil sits on the grass when evil wants to sit on the grass!" #MaxforPresident2016

So Max breaks the tree and it turns out everything on the island is electronic. DAVE NO WHY ARE YOU RUINING THOSE INNOCENT BIRDS' RELATIONSHIP! "My head is pounding!" I'd like to pound you AYOOOOOOO (I know, they're getting old).

Max has another great line and it starts raining. We get a pretty creative setup for Shawn to prove himself, where everybody (except Jasmine) basically turns into a zombie. I'm not surprised that Shawn has trouble lifting Jasmine since she's like 20,000,000 feet tall like JESUS

Why is everyone in this series so awesome at climbing? Even Sugar, with her fatness, is pretty good at it. So, Shawn sacrifices himself for Jasmine, who wins the challenge.

At elimination, SHOCKER JOCKER DAVE GETS VOTED OUT and I thank God. Can I have an anti-Dave button? Shawn and Jasmine have a pretty cute interaction. All of a sudden, the island gets all wonky, because Max threw up on the control panel, and we fade out on a fun line from Chris.

This episode was really not that hot. There were funny lines aplenty but god were Sky and Dave's interactions boring. Like Jesus, did Dave have ANY development outside of Sky? His only purpose this season was - Okay, I'll get into this in my analysis of the season.

Final Score: 5.5/10

 *  Pros:  Chris, Shawn, Jasmine, Max, Scarlett, Funny Lines, Shawn-Jasmine Interactions, Max-Scarlett Interactions
 *  Cons:  Dave, Sky, Sugar, Dave-Sky Interactions
 *  McLean-Brand Chris Head: Chris (Funny Lines, Good Interactions)
 *  Cannon of Shame:  Dave (Do I Even Really Need to Say It?)