User:Rainbowderp01/From Badge to Worse (Transcript)

[ Theme song ]

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Duncan: You know the rules. On the count of three, we pop the lids and breath deep. Last guy to hurl wins!

Harold: Let's do this!

Owen: Yeah!

Duncan: Time to separate the shrimps from the sharks! Ready, set...

Courtney: And you're already my friend, and you're already my friend.

Owen: Free sticker!

Courtney: And you're already my friend.

Duncan: If you say so.

Owen: Wanna play with us?

Courtney: What are you playing?

Duncan: Sniff it til you barf!

Harold: It's fun!

Courtney: Um, even if I wasn't on a mission right now, that'd still be a hard no.

Duncan: What's got you so stressed out?

Courtney: I need to earn my Make a New Friend Badge. You know, for my Wilderness Girls Badge Sash. Every achievement earned through a badge. I've gotten badges for pitching a tent, making fire, and taking out my own appendix. So far, I'm the only Wilderness Girl who's gotten that one.

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[heart rate monitor beeps]

Courtney: Safety scissors! Come on, Courtney! Be! [grunts] More! [grunts] Brave! [grunts] [pants]

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Harold and Owen: Ew!

Duncan: Okay, that is kinda cool!

Courtney: There are 325 badges in total. I have 324 of them.

Owen: Wow! That means...

Owen's Brain: Hey, you tricked me into doing mathematics!

Owen: You're almost halfway done!

Harold: So what happens when you get the last badge?

Courtney: Not if. When. And I don't know. No one's ever done it before.

Owen: Maybe you get a lifetime supply of Wilderness Girl cookies!

Duncan: Or maybe they'll give you a yacht that we can borrow and party on!

Courtney: Those are ridiculous ideas. If I had to guess, they'll probably build a massive statue of me at the Wilderness Girls World Headquarters.

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[pigeon coos]

Courtney: Ugh! Get out of here, bird! Nobody poops on me.

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Courtney: I just need to make one new friend, get them to sign this form, and I make history! So... later!

Owen: Ha ha.

Harold and Owen: Hm.

Duncan: Come on, guys! Sniff it til you barf time! Ready, set, go!

[poof]

[all retch]

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Courtney: Already my friend. Already my friend. Already my friend. Ugh, how am I gonna make a new friend if I'm already friends with everyone?

[bats squeak]

Gwen: We're not friends.

Courtney: Are you sure? This has to be legit.

Gwen: What's the name of my doll?

Courtney: Umm...

[buzzer]

Gwen: What's my favorite natural disaster?

Courtney: Tsunami?

[buzzer]

Gwen: Where did I bury my old iguana?

Courtney: Your backyard?

[buzzer]

Gwen: No.

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Leshawna: [screams] Killer lizard! [screams]

Courtney: That iguana was alive!

Gwen: I never said it was dead.

Courtney: Okay.

Gwen: So, you gonna try and make me your friend or what?

Courtney: Um... I'm, I... I-I'll think about that, and-and g-get back... to you.

Gwen: Whatever.

Courtney: There must be somebody else.

Duncan and Harold: [retching]

Owen: Ha ha ha! Winner! And still champion!

Courtney: Maybe I can be friends with something other than people.

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Courtney: Can we be friends?

[ball shakes]

[quiet buzz]

Courtney: Are you sure?

[ball shakes]

[ding]

Courtney: [sighs]

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[tree growls]

Courtney: Oh...

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Courtney: Hello, my new friend.

[phone rings]

Courtney: Hello? What? Why can't a fish be my friend? You're such sticklers for rules! Darn it. I really respect that. Well, that's it then. I guess I'm going to have to make Gwen my new friend.

[lightning strikes]

Courtney: [gulp] Ding dong! Hello? I said ding dong! Ding dong ding dong! I know you're in there, Gwen! Open your egg! Hatch!

Gwen: Looking for me?

Courtney: Ah! [pants] I've been thinking. We could be great friends.

Gwen: I don't think we'd have fun.

Courtney: What? I'm totally fun! See? That's my Party Hardy Badge. Watch this. Ain't no party like a Courtney party! That's not even proper grammar! That is how far off of the hook I can be.

Gwen: [confessional] I had a friend once. She was really cheerful. We're not friends anymore. That is all.

[party blower blows]

Gwen: [sighs] I don't know...

Courtney: Come on! Give me a try! We can play whatever you want!

Gwen: Are you sure you want to do this?

Courtney: Absolutely! I'm totally open tp new experiences with a new friend!

Gwen: Fine. But we do everything my way.

Courtney: Mm-hmm.

[dramatic sting]

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Gwen: You can't say I didn't warn her.

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Courtney: I'm sure it's worth it.

Gwen: [confessional] I know I'm gonna regret this. It could turn out to be a total disaster. Which could be fun.

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Owen: Okay, okay, battle for second place.

Duncan: Come on, Harold! One more round! I'm not gonna let this four week old curry take me down!

Harold: Ready, set, go!

[poof]

Duncan and Harold: [retching]

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Gwen: This is called Monster Toy. You take three toys...

[crash]

Gwen: Mess 'em up bad...and make an all new toy out of the parts.

Courtney: Ugh.

Gwen: Now you.

Courtney: I have to break day care property?

Gwen: Yes. And the more broken, the better.

Angel Chef: You don't have to do this Courtney.

Devil Gwen: Yes, you do. If you want that badge.

Courtney: Do it for the badge. Okay! Here goes!

Gwen: Seriously?

[smashing]

Courtney: That felt wrong. But what a rush!

Gwen: Um... no. Better, try again. Hm, surprising. Maybe we actually could be friends.

Courtney: Awesome!

Gwen: [clears throat]

Courtney: I mean... [grimly] Awesome.

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Courtney: Oh, I know what these are. I'm supposed to tell you what I see in the ink splotches so you can tell me how my brain works, right?

Gwen: No, they're worms. I put 'em between the pages and...

[book closes]

Gwen: They stay put and I don't have to use glue.

Courtney: Clever, I guess. But why do you do that?

Gwen: Can you think of a better thing to do with worms?

Courtney: Hmm...

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[sipping drink]

[sizzle]

[worm grunts]

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Courtney: Actually, no. I can't think of anything bettter to do with worms.

[book closes]

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Gwen: This is my favorite game. Go ahead, flip the switch.

Courtney: Flipping a light switch is a game?

Gwen: Are you playing together or not?

Duncan: [screams] Gwen! Courtney? Oh no! Did Gwen tell you I'm afraid of the dark? B-Because I'm not! [screams]

Courtney: Oops! My finger slipped!

Duncan: [hyperventilating] This was supposed to be our secret!

Courtney: [giggles] Who knew exposing other kids' deepest fears could be so much fun?

Gwen: Pretty good game, huh?

Courtney: Awesome game. Who else can we scare?

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Jude: [screaming] Shark attack! [grunts]

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Courtney and Gwen: [groan]

Beth: [screams] Zombies! Ah!

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Courtney and Gwen: [hiss]

Cody: [screams] [confessional] Good thing I'm still in diapers! [real time] [screams]

Courtney: I'm loving this! Who's left? Who's left?

Gwen: There's Chef. But he's kind of tricky.

Courtney: I've got lots of ideas!

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Courtney: [voiceover] We can fill his car with angry cats.

Chef: Ah!

Courtney: [voiceover] Or seal Chef in his office.

Chef: What's going on out there?

[kids cheering]

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Courtney: Or even blow up the entire building!

Gwen: Whoa. How 'bout we just do the old can prank?

Courtney: I'm good with that.

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Chef: Ooh, pretzels. Aw, it's empty.

Gwen: Good to go.

[smack]

[horse neighs]

Chef: [screams]

Courtney: [laughs]

Gwen: Ha ha. Wow. I haven't laughed that hard in like, ever.

Courtney: Are we actual friends now?

Gwen: I guess we are.

Courtney: Yes! Please sign on the dotted line!

Gwen: What is this?

Courtney: Verification for my Make a New Friend Badge.

Gwen: So all this time, you were using me?

Courtney: Um... w-well...

Gwen: Gaining my trust, tricking me?

Courtney: Um...

Gwen: Assuming that I wouldn't be furious when I found out that truth? Well played.

Courtney: Heh, thanks?

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[crowd cheers]

Courtney: So when do we unveil the statue of me? I mean, there has to be some kind of prize for being the first one to earn all the badges. A cookie? Why is... oh no!

Owen: I was right! [eating]

[credits]