User:Rainbowderp01/TDWT Aftermath III: Aftermath Aftermayhem (Transcript)

[Aftermath theme]

Gwen: [screams] Ah!

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Noah: Okay, I just move and-- ow!

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Tyler: I don't think I can do this. It's a fish!

[slap]

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[ Theme song ]

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[Aftermath theme]

[applause]

Geoff: Attention, Total Drama Fanatics! Forget the Aftermath. This is Total. Drama. Aftermayhem! I'm your co-host, Geoff, and this is weird because Bridgette's supposed to meet me up here, but maybe she's gonna surprise me. Makes sense, this whole show is full of mega surprises! But first, no one's gonna get an allergic reaction to these nuts. It's the peanut gallery!

[audience cheers]

Geoff: And get this. Our own obnoxious, self-centered, roving reporter Blaineley is finally roving! Like, way far from here! Yes, Blaineley's off on a Total Drama tour to potential new franchise locations, and she's meeting with one Total Drama Super fan contest winner in each country. Stay tuned, 'cause apparently, this super fan is Blaineley obsessed! Huh, wow. Never thought I'd say that. Take it away, Bridge! Where's my tofu angel at?

Blaineley: Here's a hint. They eat a lot of red meat there.

[audience gasps]

[peanut gallery gasp]

Geoff: You? You're supposed to...

Blaineley: Well said, Geoffy boy.

Geoff: What did you do with her?

Blaineley: Oh, Geoff, how Bridgette left doesn't matter. What matters is that she did leave. And I'm officially back in my co-host seat.

Geoff: But I thought you wanted out of your contract so you could--

Blaineley: Bail on this dork train before my career is flushed down the bathroom confessional toilet of life? Hmph. Turns out if the live show runs long, I don't get paid. And if I try to leave the show for any reason other than being fired or accidentally killed on set by a falling light, I'll get sued.

Geoff: Come on... come on...

Blaineley: Nice. Almost makes me wish the producers had sent me on the tour instead of Bridgette. Almost.

Geoff: The producers sent her away? Huh? Really?

Blaineley: Okay, on with the show.

Geoff: Not so fast. As far as my producers know, you're standing by with our super fan right now in... the frigid mountains of Siberia? Siberia? Where is Siberia? We've got her on the feed? Put her up, stat!

[audience cheers]

Geoff: Aw, come on. It's all static!

Blaineley: I'm pretty sure that's a blizzard.

Geoff: You did this. But how?

Blaineley: I just took Bridgette to the airport to shoot a special report, slipped my passport and ticket into her purse, and helped her on the plane right before take off.

Geoff: Must... resist... urge to murder.

Bridgette: Geoff?!

Geoff: [gasps] Hey, baby. You okay, Bridgey Bear?

Bridgette: Bear? Is the bear back? We've already lost one intern! Ah! [scream]

[static]

[everyone gasps]

Geoff: Bridge! Bridge, Bridge, Bridge, Bridge!

Blaineley: Snap out of it! I've got a show to host!

Geoff: The show? She could be buried under ten feet of bear-infested cyber land snow right now!

Harold: Uh, more like twenty, Geoff! Sorry.

Geoff: You are a monster.

Blaineley: Meh. Been called worse.

Geoff: Bridge, if you can hear me, I will do everything in my power to get you back and get Blaineley gone!

[audience cheers]

Blaineley: For those of you just joining us, welcome to a fresh new installment of Total Drama Aftermath!

[audience cheers]

Blaineley: And speaking of stars, I'm your one and only host, Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran!

[someone coughs]

Blaineley: You're too kind. Now let's meet tonight's special guests. He's brilliant, witty, and would be the one to watch in the competition, if he weren't here! Noah!

[audience cheers]

Blaineley: Next, he's the guy who flirted with danger, AKA Courtney, even thought he's got a memory-challenged girlfriend back home. It's Tyler!

Tyler: Woohoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah, baby! Extreme! Oof! Oh!

Lindsay: Oh my gosh, Tyler!

Leshawna: Yes! I knew she'd remember his name! Five bucks, thank you.

Blaineley: And our final loser earned herself two fun new nicknames this season. "The Boyfriend Kisser" and "The New Heather". Hello, Gwen!

[audience cheers]

Blaineley: Speaking of painful truths, it's time to kick things in the biscuits with a fresh installment of, say it with me... "That's Gonna Leave a Mark"! Ugh! Would it kill you to play along with me?

[playful music]

[corgis barking]

[mechanical whirring]

[audience laughing]

Sierra: Ah!

Blaineley: It's time for me to announce our big surprise! Tonight, Total Drama Aftermath is holding the very first ever Total Drama Second Chance Challenge!

[audience cheers]

[peanut gallery cheers]

Blaineley: That's right. Our motley collection of Total Drama losers just got Total Drama lucky. 'Cause they're about to compete for a second shot at that million dollar prize! What do you say, Noah? You ready to get back on the plane?

Noah: Pfft. That flying death trap full of psychos? No way.

Blaineley: Five of you rejects are about to capture lightning in a bottle. Or in this case, peanuts in a can.

[audience cheers]

Trent: Oof! Hey! Hey. So... Duncan. Wow, didn't see that coming. Ha ha ha.

Blaineley: Fire in the hole!

Tyler: [grunts]

Harold and DJ: [grunt]

Blaineley: Most of your cans contain soft nuggets of continued floozer dunk. AKA peanuts. But five contain something very special. So crack 'em if you've got 'em.

Leshawna: Ah! A Chris in the box? Heh, that's an insult to boxes!

Blaineley: Leshawna's our first to get a second chance at the million. One down, four more Chrises to go.